Salvation
by SunnseanicArts
Summary: When they find Connor MacManus in an abandoned church Daryl Dixon knows that this guy is going to be a pain in his ass. Or is he? The beginning of a love/hate friendship. Covers entire season 2 of the Walking Dead, but with Connor in it. language. zombies. Character death.
1. The Lonely Saint

**Edit 15th October 2012**

This is the fifth time I've edited this fic. My English got a bit better since the day I started writing this. I'm constantly trying to improve grammar and style.  
>I've also added some stuff that goes along with the prequel (Retribution) because I figured that Connor would have to remember it!<br>And I've also included a couple of deleted scenes from the season 2 box set.

**A** **couple of annotations:**

- I am German. English+accents= not perfect  
>- there are some mistakes and grammar might be wrong sometimes, I think you can still read it.<br>- I do know that some stuff might be out of character and pointless but like I said, I ain't perfect.  
>- This is my very first fic<br>- takes place during season 2 of Walking Dead (2.1-2.13!) so spoilers if you haven't seen the episodes yet.  
>- it was inspired by a fic called "Lost" which I loved, but it was so short that I decided to make it a whole lot longer.<br>- feel free to tell me what you liked or what you didn't like! I love reviews!

cover art by the awesome julie9rides (tumblr)

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 1 - The Lonely Saint

* * *

><p>They found him in a church. The irony. As if someone was mocking them. Reminding them of their silly society that was long since gone. Prayers, believing in gods no one had ever seen. <em>No wonder most of them idiots are dead. <em>Daryl's parents had made it pretty clear that there was no such thing as god. Right from the very beginning. He'd been raised to survive a cold winter without any of that luxury nonsense. He'd grown up outside. Field work and hunting was all he had ever known. _Look who's still alive. _He hardly saw a priest or saint anywhere now.

They ran for the church when the bells started ringing. Maybe there was someone alive ringing them, they thought, maybe even Sophia ringing them herself. Maybe she was hiding in there, somewhere, waiting for them to rescue her. Daryl really wanted to find that little girl. When they kicked the door open they were greeted by the awful stench of rotting flesh. There were corpses lying on the ground with flies circling them and slowly tearing them apart.

The men gasped when they saw someone kneeling in front of the altar. All three of them pointed their hatches and knives at his head as they tiptoed and snuck up on him, hoping to strike him dead before he noticed them. When they got closer they realized that something seemed..._wrong_. He still wasn't moving. He wasn't groaning or smelling like all the other walkers. Shane was just about to strike him down when Rick grabbed his hand to stop him. It was then when Daryl heard it too. There weren't any groans or moans like they were used to hear from the geeks. They could hear a prayer. That man was alive and _praying._

Now that Daryl took a closer look at him he noticed that, although the man was covered in blood, his jeans and pea coat weren't torn at all. His clothes were dirty and worn out, but they didn't look like someone had been trying to tear him to shreds. The man was kneeling in front of the altar with his head down, his shoulder long hair covering his face and making it impossible to see it. Rick approached the man carefully, glanced at Shane and Daryl and nodded. He placed his hand on the man's shoulder and shook him gently. It seemed to startle the man because he jumped up, grabbed Rick's hand and knocked him down at once. Both Daryl and Shane reacted instantly and grabbed the man to get him off Rick.

"Easy tiger!" Shane muttered and Rick grabbed his hat, which had fallen off his head.

"Calm down! We're not gonna hurt you! I'm Rick, this is Shane and Daryl. Just calm down. We saw you sitting here and assumed you're a walker."

"I ain't one of them things. Now, lemme go will ye?" he answered with a thick Irish accent and tried to shake Shane and Daryl off.

The three men looked at him, now that they were able to see his face. Apart from his tangled ash blonde hair a beard was covering most of his face, which looked haggard and worn out. The man looked like he hadn't taken any care of his appear-ance and body in days, maybe even weeks. Shane glanced at Rick, who looked back and nodded. Shane let the Irishman go. He fell back down and gasped.

"What's a potato eating leprechaun doing here? They let anyone in these days? Scared off the geeks with yah terrible accent?" Daryl murmured angrily and backed off.

He was pissed because Sophia wasn't there and because he had almost shot a survivor in the head. It was then when the guy turned around and stared at Daryl, his face turning pale. This made Daryl feel uncomfortable. He didn't like the Irish guy. He looked like a nutter with all his dirty clothes and kneeling in a church, praying, with those things outside and no backup, all on his own, he most certainly was some nutjob. And nutjobs always meant trouble.  
>Apocalypse or not.<p>

"Murph?" the man whispered and continued to stare at Daryl.

"What did y'call me?" the hunter growled and stared back.

The Irishman jumped up and ran for Daryl all of a sudden. The hunter frowned and tried to stay out of his reach.  
>When the guy was just about to come too close Daryl punched him in the face. The man grunted and fell to the ground.<br>He didn't move any more. Daryl had knocked him out completely.

"Daryl!" Rick shouted and ran for the man.

Shane looked at his friend who knelt next to the Irishman. The policeman looked at Daryl then, scratched his nose and shook his head with a smirk.

"What? I ain't gonna let a nutjob come anywhere near me!" Daryl spat.

"He's not a nutjob! He's a living man, outnumbered, and you just punched him in the face!"

"Yeah, I'm gonna punch you next if yah won't stop ya deputy shit!" Daryl turned around to walk away.

"The girl ain't here. Let's leave. We haven't got time to look after another nutjob."

"Whoa" he heard Shane say and Rick called after him.

"Daryl!"

"What?!" he yelled because he could no longer control his anger, annoyance and frustration.

When he looked back at Rick and Shane he saw them kneeling next to the Irishman. They were holding a wallet and a spare piece of paper.

"You better come back here and explain this." Rick said and Daryl growled.

"What? I told yah! The guy annoyed the crap outta me so I shut him up!"

"We ain't talking about this buddy" Shane said and pointed at the piece of paper.

Daryl came back to them grabbed the paper angrily. It was a picture of some men in a bar. The Irishman was there, grinning like an idiot and toasting the photographer. He looked very different in this picture. His hair was shorter and spiky, and there was no beard hiding his face. The Irishman looked like he had once taken great care of himself, maybe even styled his hair and trimmed his beard. Daryl looked down at the man who was lying to his feet now, a pitiable, dirty shadow of his former self. When the hunter looked back at the picture he widened his eyes in surprise. The most shocking thing about the picture was the guy who was standing next to the blonde, with one arm wrapped around the Irish guy's waist. He looked _exactly _like Daryl.

"Wanna explain it to us? Look, if it's one of your old buddies you had a fight with... that's fine, but at least tell us the truth" Shane said and Daryl looked up.

"In this world that we're living in, old stories don't matter any more Daryl. Friend or foe, every living person is a blessing these days..." Rick joined in.

The hunter frowned.

"What are ya talkin bout. This ain't me! I've never seen this clown in my life!"

Shane snorted.

"So what, you got a secret twin or double?"

"I haven't got time for this bullshit. We came here to find that little girl, not a freakin filthy leprechaun" Daryl spat, kicked one of the benches and stomped out of the church.

* * *

><p>Connor woke up with a splitting headache. His left temple pounded heavily. Not in the way he was used to from endless amounts of alcohol and hangovers, but a really bad headache. The fact that he was starving, weak and tired didn't do him any good either. As soon as he remembered where he was and what had happened he jumped up abruptly. He felt hands grabbing his arms and shoulders.<p>

"Murph!" he yelled and tried to fight them.

"Easy! You were unconscious!" he heard someone say and recognized it as the voice of the man with the sheriff's hat.

"No, I've seen 'im, now where's he? Murphy!"

"There's no one here who's called Murphy. Just me, Rick, Daryl and a few other survivors" the other man said and Connor looked up and snorted.

"What are ye talking bout, af course he's here, I've seen him!"

"Who are you?" the guy called Rick asked and Connor tried to sit up.

"Connor. Now where te hell's m'brother."

"You mean the guy from the photograph? We don't know. You were here all alone."

Connor got up slowly and rubbed his temple.

"Right.."

They helped him to the nearest bench and he sat down. The Irishman buried his head in his hands and groaned softly.

"So are you all on your own? Or have you been with group but got left behind or something, buddy?" the man called Shane asked.

Connor shook his head gently.

"Just me."

"And how come you come all the way from Ireland?"

The Irishman looked up and gave him an annoyed frown.

"Came 'ere ten years ago. Used ta live in Boston til fuckin armageddon."

"What is it now? We haven't got much time you morons. Stop petting the leprechaun and move!" they heard Daryl shout from the entrance and all three men turned their heads to face him. Especially Connor reacted. He just kept staring at him, which made Daryl feel weird all over again. When he saw him mouthing _'Murph'_he flipped.

"Let's go!"

This made Rick turn towards Shane. He gave him a strange look and Shane looked surprised. Then he snorted and moved his hands up in the air.

"You should come with us until your head's better again. You're safer within a group. At least for now" the policeman with the hat said and his friend rolled his eyes.

"God, here we go again."

Connor just looked at Rick for a while and nodded.

"Thank you" he murmured and tried to get up with a grunt.

Both policemen tried to help him, but he just shook them off. He went back to the place where he had put his bag and everything else.  
>As soon as he was done he made his way to the door and followed the small group outside.<p> 


	2. Prayers

**setting:** The Walking Dead S02 episode 1 "_What Lies Ahead_" and episode 2 "_Bloodletting_"

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><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 2 - Prayers

* * *

><p>Rick and Shane were discussing something so they had to wait. Daryl hated to wait, because the more they talked the more time they wasted. Precious time they could spend searching for Sophia. He also hated to wait because he couldn't get away from the newbie. The Irishman was sitting on one of the many graves that were a bit further away from the group , with arms folded. He kept staring at Daryl in a way that made the hunter feel uncomfortable. Lori walked over to the him and handed him a water bottle and something to eat from her backpack, but he just shook his head. Daryl couldn't understand what they were saying, but after some talking the newbie took the provisions. He wouldn't drink or eat though. He put them on his lap and he waited for Lori to turn around. Daryl just watched him for a moment. Once the Irishman had made sure that no one was looking he opened the water bottle and started drinking. He then grabbed the food and got up to start walking, and the hunter knew he was just doing it so no one could see how he scarfed the food down. The Irishman had removed his pea coat by now and stood there with a tight gray shirt. He looked pretty thin, emaciated even. One could see his ribs through the shirt. It looked like he hadn't eaten anything in days. Judging by the state he was in it was no surprise<em>. Had the guy really just knelt there? Stopped eating, shaving, cutting his hair at some point?<em> Daryl wondered how long he had been inside that church. He didn't even know his name. The hunter shook his head angrily when he realized that he had started to pity the newbie. He didn't want to care. He didn't even want him with them. Newbies just meant trouble. Crazy newbies were dangerous. And that Irish nutjob was most certainly crazy. He had no idea why Rick and Shane had allowed him to join them. He could tell that the guy couldn't be trusted, and he sure wouldn't trust the guy. Daryl narrowed his eyes and glared at him. Shane came over to them then.

"Y'all gonna follow the creek bed back, okay?" he said and looked at Daryl.

"Daryl, you're in charge. Me and Rick, we're just gonna hang back, search this area another hour or so just to be thorough."

Daryl frowned.

"You're splitting us up. You sure?"'

Shane nodded.

"Yeah, we'll catch up to you."

Daryl grabbed his crossbow and sighed.

"What about the newbie?"

The Irishman turned around and looked at them when he heard that they were talking about him. He smirked tiredly and came closer.

"You talking 'bout me Murph?"

Daryl growled and tried not to punch his face again when he came closer. He just ignored him. Shane looked at Rick who sighed.

"Take him back to the RV. Looks like you're pretty exhausted" the policeman said to the Irishman and then looked at his wife.  
>"Lori'll take a look at you, see what we can do for you."<p>

"'m fine" the newbie murmured and Shane snorted.

"No offense but you look terrible, buddy."

Daryl snorted. _Understatement._

"All right, off you go now. I don't want you to run out of daylight" Rick said and turned around. Carl approached his father then.

"I wanna come with you. I'm her friend."

Both Rick and Shane looked at each other. The latter shrugged with a smirk on his face. Lori grabbed her son by his shoulders and smiled.

"Just be careful, okay?" Carl nodded.

"I will."

Lori grabbed his face and sighed.

"When did you start growing up?"

Daryl rolled his eyes and turned around to check their surroundings for walkers. Right now he was more than pissed. At everyone and everything. But most of all because of the newbie who kept coming closer. The women were just about to start walking when Rick offered his wife his gun, but Lori wouldn't take it. Daryl remembered the gun he'd taken from the corpse inside the tent. He didn't want it anyway. He preferred his crossbow. And maybe he just needed an excuse to walk away from the newbie. He gave Lori the gun. "Here, got a spare. Take it." He grabbed his crossbow and headed for the woods then. He didn't want to be near the church any second longer. And part of him hoped that the newbie would decide to stay. But of course he wouldn't. When Daryl started walking he was right behind him.

* * *

><p>They were deep inside the woods when the women needed a break. Carol sat down on a fallen tree.<p>

"So this is it? The whole plan?" she asked and Daryl leaned against a tree with a sigh.

"Guess the plan is to whittle us down into smaller and smaller groups."

The newbie approached him and leaned against the other side of the tree. He just kept staring at Daryl, who tried to ignore him.

"Carrying knives and pointy sticks. I see you have a gun" Andrea said and looked at Lori who sat down and searched her bag for some water.

"Why, you want it? Here, take it" Lori answered and Daryl rolled his eyes.

"I'm sick of the looks you're giving me" Rick's wife went on and Andrea snorted. She took the gun and shook her head.

_Great, not only do I have t'watch some pathetic freak but I also have t'watch some bitches fight,_ the hunter thought.__

"All of you."

She sat down and looked at Carol.

"Honey, I can't imagine what you're going through. And I would do anything to stop it but you've got to stop blaming Rick. It is in your face every time you look at him. When Sophia ran he didn't hesitate, did he? Not for a second. I don't know that any of us would have gone after her the way he did. Or made the hard decisions that he had to make, or that anybody could have done it any differently. Anybody? You all look up to him and you blame him but he's not perfect. If you think you can do this without him, go right ahead. Nobody is stopping you."

She looked at everyone. Daryl's heart almost jumped when something nudged his arm. He turned his head and glared at the Irishman who had just touched him.

"What's she talkin bout Murph, what happened?" he asked and looked at the hunter.

Daryl growled and moved away from him.

"Why should I tell yah? Touch me again and I break yer pathetic bones, leprechaun."

The newbie narrowed his eyes at him.

"Stop callin me that, it's Connor, nat leprechaun."

"Whatever" Daryl murmured and started walking again. He just knew that this freak, Connor or whatever, was going to be a pain in his ass.

* * *

><p>They heard a gunshot. Daryl urged them to keep going no matter how often Lori turned around and worried about her son and husband. But the hunter wouldn't have any of that. They couldn't risk another slow down. The newbie had slowed them down enough. He still wouldn't say much but Daryl felt how he kept staring at him. Lori suddenly stopped walking again.<p>

"You still worry about it?" Andrea asked and the whole group stopped walking.

Rick's wife was still staring back.

"I heard a gunshot" she said and wouldn't move. Daryl snorted.

"We all heard it."

Lori turned around and looked at the hunter.

"Why one? Just one gunshot?"

"Maybe they took down a walker" Connor tried to calm her down but she shook her head.

"Please don't patronize me. Rick wouldn't risk a gunshot to put down one walker. Or Shane, they'd do it quietly."

Connor bit his bottom lip and nodded.

"Sappose yer right. They seem smart enough."

"Shouldn't they have caught up with us by now?" Carol asked and looked at Daryl who shrugged.

"There's nothing we can do about it anyway" he answered and turned around.

"We could go back" Connor suggested and Daryl glared at him.

"Wanna run around these woods chasing echos? Yah look like it, yah freak."

The Irishman narrowed his eyes and was just about to say something when Lori spoke up.

"So what do we do?"

"Same as we've been. Beat the bush for Sophia, work our way back up the highway" the hunter said and turned around to start walking.

Lori and Glenn followed him, but Carol and Andrea wouldn't move just yet. The whole group stopped once again.

"I'm sorry for what you're going through" Andrea said and Carol nodded.

"I know how you feel" she went on.

"I suppose you do. Thank you. The thought of her, out here by herself. It's the not knowing that's killing me" Carol said and almost started crying again.

"I just keep hoping and praying she doesn't wind up like Amy."

Connor was standing close to Daryl again and frowned.

"Who's Amy then? She dead?" Daryl turned his head to look at him.

He just growled and didn't answer. He hated how the newbie pretended that they knew each other, were friends even. But they weren't.  
>He was just annoying the crap out of him. Lori answered instead.<p>

"Andrea's sister. We lost her a couple of days ago."

He heard the newbie sigh.

"Know the feeling" he said quietly and Daryl looked at him again.

When he did so Connor stopped looking sad and smiled. The hunter gritted his teeth and looked at the women.

"We're all hoping and praying with you, for what it's worth" Andrea said and Daryl had enough.

He approached them and snorted.

"I tell yah what it's worth - Not a damn thing. It's a waste of time, all this hopin' and prayin'. We're gonna locate that little girl. She's gonna be just fine.  
>Am I the only one zen around here? Good lord."<p>

He shook his head and started walking again. He was surprised when Connor wouldn't follow him instantly. He just stood there and waited for Carol.

"I'm sorry you lost yer girl" he said and Carol smiled at him.

"Thanks."

"Aye, but you shouldn't stap hoping and praying. The lord'll hear yer prayers. He always does" he said and looked at Daryl s back.

"He heard mine" the Irishman went on and smiled. Carol fought another wave of tears.

"Thank you" she breathed and Connor nodded. He turned around and hurried after Daryl.

* * *

><p>"We'll lose the before too long. I think we should call it. Let's head back."<p>

When Connor heard those words he let out a relieved sigh. He wasn't exactly someone who loved to complain a lot, but searching the woods for hours had done him no good. He was exhausted, tired and hungry. He'd been inside that church for days. Without any sleep. Without any food. He'd just knelt there. Praying to god to take him away. Praying to god to give Murphy back. His prayers had been heard. He had his brother back. Although he tried to tell him that he wasn't Murphy. The guy everyone kept calling Daryl. But he had his face and his voice, so how could he not be him? He thanked god for hearing yet another prayer.

_Please god, let us stop walking. Let me rest._

Connor was grateful. Those people had picked him up, taken him with them no matter how intimidating he looked right now, which was why he didn't want to ask them for yet another favor. He had kept walking instead. But every mile they walked through the woods wore him out even more. He could hardly stand any more.

"We'll pick it up again tomorrow?" Andrea asked and Lori nodded.

"Yeah, we'll find her tomorrow."

Carol looked disappointed. Connor felt sorry for her but at the same time he was relieved. He just wanted to sleep.

* * *

><p>"How much farther?" Lori asked after what seemed like hours.<p>

"Not much. Maybe a hundred yards as the crow flies" Daryl answered and Connor sighed.

He could hardly keep up with them anymore and the man who looked so much like his brother wouldn't slow down.

"Too bad we're not crows" Andrea murmured and growled. "As the crow flies my ass."

She got caught in a spiderweb which made her fall behind. Connor had almost caught up with the rest of the group when they heard Andrea screaming. They all turned around in surprise and started running. When they arrived they saw how a girl on a horse knocked a walker, which was taking Andrea, down with a baseball bat.

"Lori? Lori Grimes?" the girl asked and made her horse stop.

"I'm Lori" Rick's wife said and looked at her in confusion. "Rick sent me - you've got to come now. There's been an accident-Carl's been shot. He's still alive but you've gotta come now. Rick needs you-just come."

They all just looked at her. When Lori got rid of her backpack Daryl protested.

"Whoa whoa whoa, we don't know this girl, you can't get on that horse!"

"Rick said you had others on the highway, that big traffic snarl? Backtrack to Fairburn road. Two miles down is our farm. You'll see the mailbox-Name's Greene."

She disappeared with Lori right behind her on top of the horse. The group just looked after them for a while.

"What the fuck was that?" Connor asked and some people shrugged.

He yelped in surprise when the walker who'd just attacked Andrea grabbed his leg.

"What te fuck!" he exclaimed and tried to grab his gun.

"Oh god, shut up" Connor heard Daryl say.

He came closer and shot the walker in his head. The hunter started walking again and Connor just stood there and looked at him for a moment.

"Thanks" he murmured and hurried after Daryl once more.

"Eh Murph, fuckin wait fer me and stop running like that!" he protested but the hunter kept ignoring him completely.


	3. Decision

**timeline:** episode 2 "_Bloodletting_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 3 - Decision

* * *

><p>They reached the highway by sunset. There were two other people waiting by some cars and an RV that didn't look it had broken down like the other vehicles.<br>Connor could make out his car just down the road. A couple of days ago he had stopped driving when he had seen the church.

"Carl's been shot" he heard the Asian boy, named Glenn, say.

An older man with a shotgun and Hawaii shirt turned around and looked at them in surprise.

"Shot? How?"

"I don't know Dale. I wasn't there. All I know is this chick rode out of nowhere like Zorro on a horse and took Lori."

The man named Dale looked at Daryl then.

"You let her?"

"Climbed down out of my asshole, man. Rick sent her. She knew Lori's name and Carl's" Daryl growled and walked off.

Dale saw Connor then and frowned. The Irishman could tell that the old man was quite taken aback, maybe even a little intimidated.

"And who the hell are you?"

Connor was just about to answer when Glenn spoke.

"Found him in a church. What's it again?"

The Irishman rolled his eyes.

"It's Connor. And yes, before ye get started on that. I'm fram Ireland, no, I didn't come here just yet. I just, kinda crashed here and was all by meself all of a sudden,  
>and yer people were so nice ta take me with 'em."<p>

Dale eyed him head to toe with a raised eyebrow, then he looked at Andrea who was walking by.

"I heard screams, was that you?" Glenn spoke again.

"She got attacked by a walker. It was a close call."

"Andrea, are you alright?"

Connor sat down next to Carol because he didn't know who else to ask.

"Who's he then? That her father?"

Carol shook her head. "It's just Dale."

Andrea glared at Dale and entered the RV without a word.

"What's te matter with them?"

"She tried to kill herself a couple of days ago and Dale wouldn't let her."

* * *

><p>The group soon decided to head for the farm the strange woman on the horse had told them about. Connor got up when he saw Daryl return.<br>He placed himself next to him and smirked.

"Nice ride you've got there" he said and nodded towards Daryl's motorcycle.

The hunter still wouldn't talk to him.

"I won't do it, we can't just leave" Carol said.

"Carol, the group is split. We're scattered and weak" Dale answered and Carol shook her head.

"What if she comes back and we're not here? It could happen."

"How did ye lose the girl anyway?" Connor asked Daryl and tried to get him into talking this way, but the latter just growled and wouldn't deign to look at the Irishman.

"If Sophia found her way back and we were gone that would be awful" Andrea said and Daryl nodded.

"Okay, we gotta plan for this. I say tomorrow morning is soon enough to pull up stakes. Give us a chance to rig a big sign, leave her some supplies.  
>I'll hold here tonight. Stay with the RV."<p>

"I'll stay with ye" Connor said and put his duffel back on.

Daryl snorted.

"Yeah, you can shut up. No yah won't."

"Fuck ye, I.."

"If the RV is staying, I am too" Dale interrupted them and Carol smiled.

"Thank you. Thank you all." She looked at Daryl then who nodded and looked at Andrea.

"I'm in" she said and nodded.

"Well, if you're all staying then I'm..." Glenn joined in but Dale shook his head.

"Not you, Glenn. You're going. Take...take Carol's Cherokee."

Glenn snorted.

"Me? Why is it always me?"

"You have to find this farm, reconnect with our people and see what's going on. But most important, you have to get T-Dog there. This is not an option.  
>That cut has gone from bad to worse. He has a very serious blood infection. Get him to that farm. See if they have any antibiotics. Because if not, T-Dog will die. No joke."<p>

Connor turned around to see where Dale was pointing. He was surprised to see yet another member of the group, who was leaning against a car with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Daryl turned around all of a sudden and walked away. He stopped at his backpack and grabbed a plastic bag. It contained loads of drugs. He came back and hit Dale with a towel.

"Keep your oily rags off my brother's motorcycle."

When Connor heard the word "brother" he looked up.

"I don' have.." he began, but stopped talking when he remembered that Daryl wasn't his brother.

So god was not only torturing him by giving that man this face and this voice, he was also making it clear that he'd never be his brother.  
>Because he had one of his own. The Irishman swallowed hard and let out a gentle, frustrated sigh.<p>

"Why'd you wait till now to say anything? Got my brother's stash" Daryl went on and searched his bag.

"Crystal, X - Don't need that. Got some kick ass painkillers" he said and threw a small bottle at Glenn.

He searched his bag once more and found another one.

"Doxycycline. Not the generic stuff neither. It's first class. Merle got the clap on occasion."

Connor paled even more. It seemed like it was getting worse and worse. So the guy that had his brother's face was one of _that_ lot. Drugs, junkies, dealing. The sort of people he'd killed before the apocalypse. _So is that it? Is that yer punishment fer what I did ta Murph? Did you really juts give me that? The exact fucking opposite of him?_ Daryl walked away again and Connor just looked at him. When he saw that face again he made a decision. He would ignore everything he'd just heard and seen. He would ignore the truth. Because this was the only way. He would go insane otherwise. This was Murphy. This was his brother who'd just helped a man in need. Daryl Dixon didn't exist.


	4. Talk

I decided to replace Andrea with Connor so they could have their first proper chat.

**timeline:** episode 3 - "_Save The Last One_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 4 - Talk

* * *

><p>They were inside the RV. It was dark by now but Connor couldn't sleep. He was way too excited by the fact that he had his brother back. Or someone who looked like him.<br>Daryl was lying on the floor and stared at the ceiling. The Irishman just looked at him. Watched his chest rising and falling.

_He's alive._

It made him smile. Connor was sitting opposite Andrea who was busy putting her gun back together. The Irishman felt a bit uncomfortable with all those new people around. No one had talked to him yet. Not much. Lori, Rick's wife, had been the only one who'd cared about him so far. He knew that he shouldn't blame them. He was well aware of what he looked like these days. All those people seemed so civilized compared to him, with somewhat clean clothes and shaved chins and cut hair. He, on the other hand, had been traveling alone for weeks. They were the first group of living people he had come across in weeks. Which was why he hadn't bothered taking care of himself until now. No one had seen him before, no one had cared, so he had allowed himself to look miserable. Now it made him feel uncomfortable, and he could tell that it was doing the same to them. Back in the old days he would have been the first to break the ice, joke around, trying to make friends and having a laugh. But those days were over. Those days were gone. He sighed and looked down at the man who was lying on the floor.

_As long as he had Murphy everything was alright though._

Connor sat there and watched him sleep and his eyelids got heavier with every minute. He had almost fallen asleep because of the exhaustion when Carol started crying.  
>He startled and blinked a few times. The Irishman looked at Andrea after a while and sighed.<p>

"D'you need help?" he asked and she looked up only to shake her head.

"No thanks. I need to do this on my own."

Connor frowned.

"But yer doing it wrong."

Andrea just eyed him. The Irishman smirked.

"Look, I know I look fuckin creepy right now, and I know that you people don't trust me, but I'm serious. I just wanna help ye with the gun.  
>You might end up puttin it together the wrong way and you could hurt yerself later."<p>

The former lawyer looked at him for a very long while, then she sighed and gave him the pieces of the gun. He took them with a smile on his face.

"Just helping ye, don't worry, I don't wanna lecture you. Or kill you or anything. All you've gotta do is put that in first."

The Irishman was busy explaining things to Andrea when Daryl sat up and looked in Carol's direction. Connor looked up to see what was going on.  
>The hunter just looked at the crying woman for a while and got up. He grabbed his crossbow and Connor frowned.<p>

"Where are ye going?" he asked and Andrea turned around as well. Daryl ignored the Irishman and looked at her instead.

"I need my clip now."

She gave it to him and Daryl put it away.

"I'm gonna walk the road, look for the girl" he said to her and turned around to leave.

Connor got up and followed him. Daryl was already outside when the Irishman caught up with him.

"Wait. I wanna come with ye."

The hunter turned around and eyed him. Connor grabbed his gun and loaded it. Daryl just snorted.

"No way?"

"Aye, you can't go out there on yer own, there's walkers everywhere?"

"I don't need a babysitter. Besides, I ain't going nowhere with some freaky nutjob I don't even know."

"I think he's right Daryl. You can't go out there" they heard Dale say and looked up at the RV. The old man was standing there with his gun and eyed them.

"We can't lose any more people."

Daryl snorted and turned around to start walking.

"Yah can keep yer trap shut, Gandalf."

Connor looked at Dale and nodded.

"I'll look after him" he reassured him and ran after Daryl.

* * *

><p>They had been searching the woods for 20 minutes now. Connor had been quiet first, but the more they kept walking the more he started talking.<br>Daryl didn't even listen to what the Irish guy was saying. He hoped that if he ignored him long enough he would stop talking or give it up and head back.  
>But Connor wouldn't.<p>

"Ye know, and I keep driving down the road until I see that massive, fat walker crawling across the street like some fuckin ugly snail.  
>I swear ta god, I wanted to stop and take a picture af it cos it looked so fuckin funny" Connor said and giggled. He nudged Daryl.<p>

"I also wanted ta knock him over with te car but then I thought it would crash me car instead af that fatso. Oh you should've seen him Murph,  
>he didn't even wear any fuckin pants."<p>

"It's Daryl" the hunter growled and Connor looked at him.

Daryl thought he could see a flash of sadness then, but the moment the Irishman turned his head it disappeared and he kept on talking.

After another 20 minutes and still no answer from Daryl Connor fell quiet and sighed. The hunter was surprised when he wouldn't say anything anymore. He eyed the blonde from time to time and growled. No matter how hard he tried to fight it: He was curious. He wanted to know what had happened to the guy to make him look so miserable. Daryl wouldn't talk to him when the others were around because he didn't want them to get the wrong impression. That he was some sort of sissy like Rick that loved to stick his nose in other people's business. But they were alone now. Daryl sighed and looked away.

"So how did yah end up in that church?" he murmured and saw how Connor looked up.

"What?"

"What are yah, deaf? I asked yah prick how yah ended up in that church."

Connor snorted.

"Came through te front door."

Daryl rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Fuck you."

Connor snickered and shook his head as well.

"Nah. I heard some radio broadcast a while back. About Atlanta? So I took a car and drove down here til I saw the church and decided ta pull over fer a bit."

"They got cars in Ireland?"

The Irishman narrowed his eyes.

"Fuck you."

They wouldn't speak for a while.

"Is it the same over there?" Daryl asked and Connor looked at him.

"Where?"

"What now, yah stupid as well? Jesus, what kinda dumbass are yah. I mean Ireland, prick."

"Dunno, been years since me last visit."

"So, you're not from the end of the rainbow?"

Connor shoved him.

"Stop fuckin with my home country ye prick. I'm fram Boston."

"And what were yah doing in that church?"

Connor wouldn't answer this. Daryl waited for a bit and snorted.

"Fine, whatever."

They didn't speak for a while until the hunter sighed.

"Atlanta's done by the way. We come from there. 's all overrun."

The Irishman turned his head and looked at him.

"Really?"

Daryl nodded.

"Why do yah think we're running around here now. Just tryin t'find some place t'stay. As soon as we've found the kid."

Connor scratched his beard and frowned.

"What happened t'that kid? Last time I asked you didn't bother answering."

Daryl snorted and looked at the man next to him.

"'s cos I don't answer stupid questions. What do yah think happened. We were on the highway when a herd passed us. Kid got scared and ran away.  
>Now we're tryin t'get her back."<p>

Connor raised an eyebrow.

"And you think yer gonna find her."

Daryl frowned and glared at Connor.

"It ain't the mountains of Tibet, it's Georgia. She'll be howled off in a farmhouse some-where. People get lost, they survive. Happens all the time."

The Irishman snorted and looked away.

"Not always."

There was silence for a while and the hunter glared at their newest member from time to time. Daryl figured that Connor had been talking about his past. Although he was still curious he didn't bother asking, simply because he thought that he had been talking way too much anyway. He hadn't meant to start a real conversation with the newbie. He didn't want to talk to him, get to know him. He cursed himself for doing the exact opposite and stopped talking.

They kept walking until they saw a little campsite. When they got closer the branches started shaking. Daryl pointed his flash-light and the tree and frowned. "What the hell?" he murmured and Connor looked up to see what was going on. There was a walker hanging in the tree with flesh missing from his legs. When the walker saw them he tried to attack them but couldn't. Daryl saw a piece of paper nailed to the tree and started reading.

"Got bit. Fever hit. World gone to shit. Might as well quit."

Connor snorted.

"Wow, we've got fuckin Shakespeare here."

"Dumbass didn't know enough to shoot himself in the head. Turned himself into a big swinging piece of bait. And a mess."

He pointed his flashlight at the bloody feet of the walker and snorted. Daryl turned around when he heard how Connor started coughing.  
>The Irishman was standing just in front of the tent with his hands on his knees and his head down.<p>

"What's up with yah prick now?"

Connor growled.

"Shut te fuck up, I'm fuckin sick. Think I gotta puke."

Daryl snorted and turned around again.

"Aren't yah a pussy."

"Shut up, I didn't eat anything fer four fuckin days."

He looked at the walker again.

"Well that's one thing these walkers and us have in common. I guess it's the closest he's been to food since he turned. Look at him, hanging up there like a big pinata.  
>The other geeks came and ate all the flesh off his legs."<p>

Daryl turned around to face Connor when he heard how the Irishman started throwing up.

"You fuckin sick shit I said I was trying ta keep the last bit of fuckin stomach contents in me."

The hunter snorted.

"Well call that payback for annoying the crap outta me for the past hour with all yer bullshit."

"Fuck ye, I was just tryin ta make friends, didn't I."

Daryl snorted.

"Friends. Yah wish" he murmured and turned around to leave. Connor got up and frowned.

"What about that fucker, shouldn't we shoot him?"

The hunter turned around and frowned as well. Connor was pointing at the walker who was still hanging in the trees, snarling and fighting thin air.

"No. He ain't hurting nobody. Ain't gonna waste an arrow either."

Connor took his gun and shrugged.

"Well then it's a fucking bullet. Every fuckin stinking thing we take out is a problem less."

Daryl growled.

"What are yah, some sorta psycho? Yah ain't shooting that gun. It could attract more walkers. He made his choice. Opted out. Let him hang."

"Fuck it. That fucker needs ta die, Murph."

Connor looked at the walker and Daryl narrowed his eyes.

"I fuckin told ya, it's Daryl."

When the Irishman took aim the hunter shoved him.

"I said no gunshot yah freak!" he spat and kicked Connor.

He then aimed at the walker with his crossbow and shot him in the head.

"There yah have it now, happy? Stupid freak. Wastin an arrow like that. Should've shot yah instead!" Daryl shouted and turned around to leave.

Connor just stood there for a moment and looked at the dead walker, hanging high up there in the tree.  
>When the Irishman wouldn't come Daryl turned around and saw him standing there. Standing and staring.<p>

"What now, yah gonna stay here? Hope so. I'm leavin, have a shitty life."

For a couple of seconds he really believed that the Irishman would stay there. He sighed angrily when he heard him coming after him.


	5. Remembrance

First bit of Murphy background story. What happened the day he got bit. (you can read the whole back story in my fic "Retribution" btw)

**timeline:** episode 4 - "_Cherokee Rose_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 5 - Remembrance

* * *

><p>They were heading for the Greene farm the next morning. Connor was given a Hyundai they had found on the highway. Daryl was driving in front of him. It was the first time he saw the angel wings on his vest. The Irishman was quite happy to be with this group. They didn't ask questions and they put him to work from the moment he told them that he wanted to stay with them. He appreciated every little thing they gave him to do. It kept his mind off the things he didn't want to remember. The Irishman just concentrated on everything that was happening now. When they reached the farm Lori and Rick came out of the farmhouse, together with an old man that looked like he was the owner of the farm. Soon other members of the group and some new people they didn't know all gathered around the cars and eyed them curiously.<p>

"How is he?" Dale asked Rick. Lori and Rick started smiling.

"He'll pull through. Thanks to Herschel and his people and.." Lori said and Rick interrupted her.

"And Shane. We'd have lost Carl if not for him."

They all looked at Shane who looked so different all of the sudden. He wore clothes that didn't fit and he had cut his hair short. Connor raised an eyebrow when he saw the policeman. He grabbed a strand of his shoulder long hair absently and figured that he could use a haircut himself. Rick and Dale hugged and Carol approached Lori to wrap her arms around her as well. Connor walked away from his car to stand next to Daryl.

"I'd fancy a hug as well, Murph."

"Go and hug a tree then yah freak" the hunter murmured and walked away.

"How did it happen?" Dale asked and Rick sighed.

"Hunting accident. That's all. Just a stupid accident."  
>He looked at everyone and smirked.<p>

"I'm glad you're all back. Let's gather our things and put up a new camp. And then we have to bury a member of Herschel's family. Otis. He didn't make it."

* * *

><p>When they were done parking the cars and moving their things Connor made his way up the stairs of the porch, where he could see Herschel, the owner of the farm, and Rick talking about something. Since he didn't want to disturb their conversation he just stood there on the stairs and waited for them to finish. Rick noticed him and stopped talking for a moment, then he nodded and finished the conversation.<p>

"I'm gonna go back inside, look after your boy and leave you to it" the farmer said, but Connor stepped forward.

"I actually came here because I wanted ta ask you fer a small favor" the Irishman said and looked at Herschel, who seemed rather surprised.

Rick suddenly placed a hand on Connor's arm and smiled.

"Herschel, this is Connor. We just found him yesterday."

The old farmer eyed the Irishman with a frown and it made Connor feel uncomfortable.

"Aye, I'm Connor, thanks fer letting us stay here. I was just wondering..if there's any chance I could use yer bathroom? As you can see, I could use a little shave.  
>'m sorry if it's too much to ask, I could just use a mirror and some water."<p>

Herschel eyed him a little while longer and turned around."Follow me" he murmured, but didn't seem too fond of it.

* * *

><p>Connor stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. There he was, slowly going back to his former self as he cut strand upon strand of his hair until there were only a good two inches of hair left. He was quite surprised that they still had electricity and running water, and that he was allowed to take a shower. He couldn't even remember the last time he had taken a shower or looked in a mirror. He started shaving his beard and almost dreaded to see his old self, since it reminded him too much of his past. Everything that had happened. For quite some time now he had tried to be someone else, look different, think different, be different, but now it was time to stop hiding behind all that hair. As soon as the beard, the long strands and all the dirt were gone he saw how haggard he really looked, but at least there was some sort of improvement. He had hated all the looks the group had given him for the past two days, hated to see all that fear and mistrust in their eyes. Now that he thought about it, even he hadn't been able to trust and like this other, dirtier self.<p>

Connor put the shaver down and stared at his reflection again. He was surprised himself. How different he looked again. With short, clean hair and the beard gone he could also see the tattoo on his neck again, the tattoo he had dreaded to see. Because once again it reminded him of his brother. _Murphy_. He rubbed the tattoo absently and sighed. Their first tattoo. And they'd had it together. Now he was the only one left with it. He growled and rubbed and scratched so hard for a moment that it nearly bled, but he knew that there was no way he could scratch it away so he stopped with a frustrated sigh. This was one of the many things he couldn't just cut away like his hair. These things were meant to be there forever.

The Irishman turned around to search for the pair of fresh clothes he had placed on the chair next to the shower. Rick had offered him some clothes, but he had refused to take them, refused to ask them for any more favors. He needed to hurry now, since he had been told that they were about to bury someone. It wasn't like he wanted to attend another burial, but he figured it was only polite to do so after they had taken him in.

* * *

><p>They all gathered around a pile of stones. Connor didn't even know what was going on, who was being buried or what had happened but he joined them nevertheless. When Herschel grabbed his bible and started reading the Irishman grabbed his rosary and whispered the words along with him. Connor opened his eyes and looked up when Herschel was done. Daryl stood there, opposite him and eyed him with a frown. The hunter was quite surprised to see their newest group member like that, without all the hair and dirt. The Irishman almost looked like the guy he had seen on the photograph, which was an improvement compared to what he had looked like when they had found him. As if he was sensing that he was being watched Connor suddenly raised his head and looked at him. The hunter just snorted and shook his head.<p>

"Blessed be God, father our lord Jesus Christ. Praise be to him for the gift of our brother Otis. For his span of years, for his abundance of character. Otis, who gave his life to save a child's, now more than ever, our most precious asset. We thank you, God, for the peace he enjoys in your embrace. He died as he lived. In grace."

Those words really hurt Connor because they reminded him of Murphy.

_'t wasn't graceful. It was a fuckin nightmare_ he thought and shook his head angrily.  
><em>No, he wouldn't think about it. Nothing had happened. Murphy was standing right in front of him.<em>

"Shane, will you speak for Otis?" Herschel asked and Shane looked up in surprise.

"I'm not good at it. I'm sorry." he said and looked down.

"You were the last one with him. You shared his final moments. Please. I need to hear." Patricia, Otis wife, pleaded.

"I need to know his death had meaning" she said and started crying.

"Okay" Shane whispered and looked down again.

"We were about done. Almost out of ammo. We were down to pistols by then."

Connor looked up and stared at Shane in horror. It sounded like he was talking about the day he'd lost Murphy.

_There were thousands of them, roaming through the streets of Boston. They were trying to make their way out of the city but it was chaos. "Come on, run faster ye bastard, they're fuckin everywhere!" Connor shouted and waited for his brother to get back. He watched how his twin shot the walkers behind them. "Don't waste our fuckin ammo! We haven't got much left! And we're only half way outta te city!" Connor yelled over his shoulder and started running again, killing walkers with his machete on his way back to their car. Why was this happening to them? He cursed when his weapon got stuck in one of the walkers head's. Just a second ago they had been all by themselves, and now there was chaos all around them. It felt like the undead were always following them, always catching up on them. It only made him angry. They had made their way to the terminal, but now it looked like it was just as overrun as the rest of the city. "'t was yer fuckin idea ta come here!" he yelled once more and kicked the walker who still got the machete stuck in her head. He nearly lost grip of his weapon and got even angrier at Murphy. It had been his stupid plan to go to this part of the city after all. We should've known. I should've known. After everything we went through t'get here, I should've know that the city center isn't safe. The older MacManus was just about to yell at his brother again when he heard how Murphy's pained scream echoed through the streets._

"I was limping. It was bad. Ankle all swollen up."

_He was carrying Murphy up the stairs of the empty building they'd found on their way out. Connor heard the walkers knocking on the steel doors downstairs but they wouldn't get in. It was locked and there was a cupboard in front of it. The older twin was crying and shouting at the world as he carried his younger half up the stairs and inside an empty room. There was nothing there except for old papers and some moldy furniture. "No, no no fuckin way, don't ye die on me Murph!" He saw the wound on his brother's shoulder and neck right where the walker had torn his flesh out. It was bleeding heavily. It looked horrible. There was blood everywhere._

"'We've got to save the boy.' see, that's what he said. He gave me his backpack. He shoved me ahead. 'Run' he said. _He said 'I'll take the rear. I'll cover you._'" Shane said and Connor just stared.

_"Go back! I'll watch yer back Con. We're almost fucking there!"_

That's what Murphy had said when they'd tried to get past all the walkers. Right before a walker had bit him.

"And when I looked back..." Shane went on and got more confident.

_Connor heard Murphy's pained scream and turned around in horror. A walker was right behind his brother, biting his neck and chewing on his flesh. Murphy tried to fight him off but couldn't. "Connor!" his younger half screamed in pain and looked at him with wide eyes. His screams and shouts were getting louder with every second the undead was sinking his teeth in his neck. Other walkers got attracted by the noise and started walking in his direction as well. "NO!" Connor yelled at the top of his lungs and started running back. "NO!" he screamed, pulled his gun and shot the walker that was attacking his twin in the head. The creature fell down and ripped a piece of flesh out of Murphy's neck while doing so. "NO! MURPH!" When he finally reached his younger half they just looked at each other for a second, utterly terrified. The younger gasped __and grabbed his neck. He was so shocked. So scared. He let go of his wound and looked at the blood on his hand in surprise. Connor did the same. For a second neither of the could move or say anything, then Murphy's legs gave in. "No..! Oh god, no!" Connor gasped as he caught him and placed a hand on his neck. He could feel the wetness of the blood on his palm. His hand and Murphy's clothes were drenched within seconds. "I've got ye, oh fuck! Murph! I've got ye! Yer gonna be okay...yer gonna be.." He could hear how the walkers got even closer and his mind went blank. "You motherfuckers! You fuckin bastards I fuckin kill you!" Connor screamed at the top of his lungs and hauled his brother up with him. He remembered his outburst, how he kept screaming at the walkers until they came too close and he realized he had to take his brother away. Some place safe. When he saw the steel door a couple of meters down the street he grabbed his injured brother and started running. He was running as fast as he could, and soon he couldn't hold back the tears anymore._

Connor swallowed hard and tried to fight the tears now, too. Remembering hurt so much.  
>When he looked up he saw Daryl still standing there and felt a bit better.<p>

_He's right in front of ye, stupid. Nothing fuckin happened. Yer nat going ta cry like a pussy now._

"If not for Otis, I'd never made it out alive. And that goes for Carl too. It was Otis."

Connor kept looking at Daryl and nodded slightly.

_If nat fer you, I'd never made it out af that church alive._

When Daryl saw how the Irishman was staring at him he narrowed his eyes and Connor could hear him growl.

"He saved us both. If any death ever had meaning it was his" Shane said and ended his speech by putting a stone on Otis' grave.

* * *

><p>They were setting up their camp and tents. Connor tried to help Daryl with his first, but when the hunter kept shouting at him and took the sticks away from him the Irishman let go with a sigh. "What fuckin ever, you do yer shit then." he said because he was getting tired of Daryl's behavior. It really made it hard for him to keep the illusion up, to really continue believing that he was Murphy. Maybe they needed a break. He turned around to help Carol and Andrea with their tent instead.<p>

Once they were done with the tents and moving their stuff it soon became pretty clear that they didn't have a spare tent for Connor. The Grimes family had theirs, Shane and T-Dog another, Andrea and Carol shared a tent and Glenn and Dale were sleeping in the RV. Daryl was the only one no one had ever wanted to share a tent with. He'd also been the only one who'd -insisted- on sleeping in his own tent. So the group came up with the solution.

"Connor, you stay with Daryl" Rick said and Daryl looked up in disbelief.

"What? No freakin way! Ain't gonna let this nutjob anywhere near me."

"We can't have him sleep outside" Lori said and Daryl growled.

"Why would I care, he can sleep in the RV on the floor."

"We can't have three people in the RV when you've got a big tent for yourself" Glenn muttered and the hunter got even more angry.

"You can keep yah mouth shut, Chink, nobody asked yah. There's no way he's gonna get his stupid ass in my tent."

Connor was still busy helping Carol and Andrea when he overheard the discussion. He watched Rick, Lori, Glenn and Dale who were standing by Rick's car.

"It's not like you have to be with him all day, it's just so he has a place to sleep. Nobody forces you to like each other, but that's the way it is. If you want to be part of this group you have to stick to Rick's rules. We know what is best. There's no place for selfishness here. Grow up" Lori said and Daryl raised an eyebrow.

He snorted and then snapped again.

"Ain't gonna let a bitchy princess decide over me! What are yah, think yah can look down on me just cos you've got yah husband and kid and your first class tent? I'm done lettin yah look down on me, cos I am the one that puts food on yer table. So you keep yer trap shut."

"That's enough" Rick spat and eyed Daryl.

"It's you and him in this tent. No discussion."

Both men looked at each other for a while until Daryl snorted and kicked the dirt. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't fight his respect for Rick. Because he had been the only one that had gone back for Merle. The only one that had stood up for his brother and tried his best to save him when everyone'd just given up. Rick was a man of honor and the leader of this group and Daryl knew it. "T'hell with yah people." he murmured and walked away to move his stuff. Connor joined them then.

"Look, it's alright. I can sleep outside if he doesn't want ta share his tent. It's not like you owe me anything."

Rick put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

"No, we can't have someone sleep outside on nothing but dirt when there's other people having blankets and sleeping in real beds. You stay with him.  
>Don't worry. Daryl might seem pretty grumpy and angry at first but he's quite ok once you get used to it."<p>

Connor smirked.

"Aye, ye don' have ta tell me."

* * *

><p>When Connor approached Daryl's tent he sighed.<br>"Look, I promise I won't be in yer way. Won't snore, won't take yer sleepin bag. You get yer sleep, I get mine and everything's fine, aye Murph?"

Daryl snorted angrily.

"No matter what yah do, yah just need t'breathe and yah annoy the crap outta me, freak."

He looked at him then and shook his head.

"I didn't ask for this shit. The moment yah do anything stupid, yer dead before yah know it."

Connor snickered.  
>"You an yer fuckin temper, Murph. Now move yer ass so I can put me stuff in there."<p>

Daryl just stared at him in disbelief.

_How could this stupid idiot just ignore his threats so easily?_  
><em>How could he keep coming and smiling and laughing after everything he was trying to make him leave?<em>

When Connor got inside the tent and got his things out of his bag Daryl just watched him for a moment. The Irishman just smiled and started talking about random things which made the hunter angry all over again. He didn't want any of this. He didn't want to hear Connor's stupid stories, he didn't want to have to endure all the attention the Irishman was giving him, he didn't want to have anything to do with this stupid Irish clown who couldn't keep his mouth shut. Daryl knew that sooner or later that Irish nutjob would make him go crazy as well. This whole thing was going to be a nightmare.


	6. Guardian Angel

**setting: **episode 4, _Cherokee Rose_

Did a bit of time shifting. In this episode, Daryl went to look for Sophia the same day, but I just wanted them to have another day on the farm  
>so they could have the talk about Connor being one of the Saints.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 6 - Guardian Angel

* * *

><p>Whereas Connor and Daryl were pretty much done with their tent the others were still busy making the place their new home. Rick, Shane, Andrea, Herschel, Daryl and Connor soon gathered around Rick's car to discuss their search for Sophia. Connor still didn't really know if they even wanted him to join and help them, but he just assumed that this was the case. He also just wanted something to do to keep his mind off things.<p>

"How long has this girl been lost?" Herschel asked and Connor nodded because he still didn't know much about her or her disappearance.

"This will be day three" Rick answered and turned around when they saw Maggie, Herschel's daughter, coming to join them with a map.

"County survey map. Shows terrain and elevations" she announced with a smile on her face which made Rick smile as well.

"This is perfect. We can finally get this thing organized. We'll grid the whole area, start searching in teams."

Herschel shook his head then.

"Not you. Not today. You gave three units of blood. You wouldn't be hiking five minutes in this heat before passing out."

He then looked at Connor, who raised an eyebrow.

"Same with you, boy. People told me they found you pretty much starved and dehydrated. Not to speak about your lack of sleep."

The Irishman snorted.

"Said 'm fine. I wanna help."

Rick looked at him.

"I think he's right. We appreciate your help but... maybe you should rest for another day."

Herschel looked at Shane.

"And your ankle...Push it now, you'll be laid up a month, no good to anybody."

Daryl moved then and sighed.

"Guess it's just me."

He pointed at the map.

"I'm gonna head back to the creek. Work my way from there."

Shane nodded.

"I can still be useful. I'll drive up to the interstate, see if Sophia wandered back."

Rick shook his head.

"No. Herschel's right. We need to gather ourselves. No going out there alone. First things first. Set camp. We'll start doing this right. Tomorrow. We'll find her."

Shane leaned back and looked at all of them.

"That means we can't have our people out there with just knives. They need gun training, we've been promising them."

Connor nodded.

"Aye, I can help ye with that."

Shane and Rick looked at him curiously.

"You can shoot?"

Connor snorted and put his hands on his hip.

"You think I survived this long on me own with nothing but my good looks? Course I can shoot. Pretty well if I say so myself."

This made Daryl snort louder than intended. No one could say anything else because Herschel spoke up.

"I'd prefer you not carrying guns on my property. We've managed so far without turning this into an armed camp."

He looked at Rick and waited for an answer, but Shane was the one who responded first.

"All due respect, you get a crowd of those things wandering here..."

"We're guests here. This is your property and we will respect that" Rick interrupted his friend and glared at him.

He then took his gun and put it on the car. Shane snorted and did the same after a moment. They all looked at Connor who shook his head.

"I respect yer rules, really. But ain't gonna put those guns away. Sorry. They're very dear ta me."

Rick offered him his hand and just looked at Connor until the Irishman growled and gave his two guns to him.

"Fuckin take care af them and don't lose 'em."

"We won't, buddy. And I hate to ask but somebody's got to. What happens if we find her and she's bit, Rick?" Shane asked and looked at his friend who bit his bottom lip.

"You do what has to be done."

This made Maggie look up in surprise.

"And her mother? What do you tell her?"

"The truth" Andrea said and Connor looked at her.

He had forgotten all about her. When he heard this word he grabbed his left hand and stroke his index finger absently.  
>Daryl saw him move and raised an eyebrow when he saw the tattoo. <em>Veritas<em>.

Shane nodded and took the guns.

"I'll gather and secure the weapons. Make sure no one's carrying guns til we're at a practice off site. I do request one rifleman on lookout. Dale's got experience."

For a while Herschel didn't say anything and just looked at Rick and Shane until he nodded reluctantly and Rick put a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you."  
>Daryl seemed to lose interest in the discussion, because he suddenly walked off with Shane. Connor ran after him once he noticed that he was gone.<p>

* * *

><p>The day passed without any further problems. The Grimes family was still busy caring for their injured kid, who was allowed to go out by the end of the day. The camp had been set up and Connor was still trying to run after Daryl and talk to him without any luck. In the evening they all sat around the campfire. Little Carl, still a bit weak on his feet but looking better already, soon found a friend in their newest member. Both were sitting next to each other and giggled over stories Connor told him about his friends and family, and Carl seemed particularly interested in Ireland. While Connor explained things with wild gestures everyone watched and laughed. Daryl just brooded. He hated that the guy was the center of attention. Suddenly Carl grabbed Connor's left hand and looked at his 'Veritas' tattoo.<p>

"What does that mean?"

Connor looked down on his hand and smiled. Although he was smiling it looked like he was sad again, just like the many times when he thought that no one was looking at him. Daryl shifted but not to draw any attention to himself since he was quite interested in the story behind the tattoo himself. Ever since he had seen it he had been wondering what the hell it meant, and once again he cursed himself for being so curious. But of course, he didn't want them to know.

"Veritas? It's Latin fer 'truth'" the Irishman answered and chuckled.

"Why would you tattoo that on your finger?" Carl asked and frowned. Connor smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"It's what me and my brother believe in. He had 'Aequitas' on his right hand."

He looked at Daryl then and let his gaze wander down to his right hand. Daryl clenched it to a fist and hid his hand, gazing at it as if to make sure no stupid word was written on it.

"And what's that mean?" Carl asked and Connor looked back at him.

"Justice. Tagether we'd be truth and justice as told by god. Besides.." He pointed at Daryl with his index finger so his hand looked like a gun.

"See? Fer everyone ta see, fer every evil man ta feel."

For a moment everyone stared at him because they felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. Especially the policemen reacted. Shane leaned forward and looked at Connor.

"Your name's MacManus, isn't it?" he asked and everyone looked at Shane in confusion.

"Yup" Connor said with a grin.

"What? How do you know?" Andrea asked and eyed Connor.

Shane chuckled.

"I knew yah looked kinda familiar, but with all the hair and beard I couldn't really tell.. but now that that's gone I remember, yeah, I remember you from the sketches.  
>Haven't you heard about him? Looks like we've got ourselves one of the most hunted criminals in America."<p>

"What?" Daryl asked in surprise and eyed his opposite, angrier than ever.

Rick wiped his mouth and Lori's eyes widened.

"Carl, you better come here."

Connor leaned back and shook his head.

"I'd never hurt te kid" he said quietly. "Or anyone of you, you're good people."

"What did you do?" Andrea asked him and when Connor was about to answer Shane interrupted him.

"Look at that, Connor MacManus from Boston, believing in god. We've got ourselves a Boston Saint."

This seemed to ring a bell. Some people gasped in surprise.

"Sorry, you lost me" Glenn said and Daryl was glad he asked because he didn't have a clue either.

"Well apparently he and his twin brother, Murphy right?"

Connor nodded quietly.

"They're responsible for 22 murders in the city of Boston in 1999, their most famous murder being the public execution of mafia boss Yakavetta  
>in front of 100 people in a court room. The Italian was supposed to be set free."<p>

"You killed 22 people?" Glenn asked in shock and eyed Connor nervously.

"He did a good job" Shane said and everyone looked at him in surprise, even Connor, who was the most surprised of them all.

"Turns out they did our dirty work. Every last stinking criminal in Boston the police couldn't reach, the mob, smashed because of them. Would've done anything t'get yah guys to our city, even better, Georgia in general. And you stuck to your rules, didn't you? No women.."

Connor nodded.

"...no kids" he finished the sentence and smiled at Lori and Carl.

"So you killed..bad guys? That it?" T-Dog asked and Connor nodded.

"Bad guy, dead guy."

"That's bullshit" Daryl said and everyone looked at him.

Truth was that Daryl was lying, he agreed with Connor. He would have welcomed the idea of someone shooting his father for all his molesting and beating the shit out of him, or Merle's buddies for getting him into the whole drugs and violence business. Truth was that he hated what evil corrupt bastards had done to his family, but right now he would do anything to get rid of that clingy Irishman. He thought he could achieve that by making it clear that he was _nothing_like his dead twin brother.

"Yer just some freak. Just an excuse for yah to kill. It's just wrong, killing for the so called 'greater good'. Yer a hypocrite."

Connor raised an eyebrow.

"Daryl.." Rick began, sensing another fight between the two men. Connor snickered.

"Yer calling me a hypocrite.. tell me then..watchin the news, seeing all those serial killers, rapists, child molesters getting out on bail, with a nice pillow and money and hugs, is that right? Statistics proving that it doesn't take te bastards long til they continue to hurt people? Aren't people that are watching the news, that grab their kids and wish fer them bastards ta stay off the streets the real hypocrites?"

Nobody said anything and Connor sighed.

"Me and Murph were just sick of that shit after some mobsters tried ta kill us in our own apartment.  
>We did the world no harm, never killed anyone, so who deserved ta die tha day? Us? Or some serial killer freaks?"<p>

Everyone stared at their feet and said nothing except for Shane and Daryl, who looked at Connor. Shane snickered and hit Rick's shoulder.

"See, told you, they're not psychos, they're right. Forget about what I said, I like you boy. Hey, how about another round of fish?"

With that the discussion was over and Connor smiled. When he looked at Daryl both of them stared at each other for a while until Daryl snorted angrily and looked away. _Saint. Bible banging freak's way more accurate. _Stupidly enough, Daryl was suddenly well aware of the angel wings sewed on his biker-vest.

* * *

><p>The evening came to an end with everyone fed, Carl feeling better and everyone being at least a bit happy. Connor was grinning and smiling too, now that he had been able to tell some past stories about his beloved home country and past and having talked to a kid. He loved kids and Carl was a decent little lad. He and Murphy had been far from that when they'd been his age. When Daryl left for the tent, with his crossbow safely packed away, Connor followed him. He saw the angel wings on his vest again. He just knew it was a sign of god. He'd felt hurt and broken all over again because of the missing Aequitas tattoo on Daryl's finger but seeing the wings on his back made the illusion real that this was his twin, Murphy, the saint.<p>

"You've always been inta angels n shit" he murmured and Daryl just growled.

"Screw ya. It's not mine."

"What are ye talking about, of course it's yers, you're a saint."

Daryl turned around and shoved Connor. One moment the latter thought about getting into a fight for the fun of it, but then he remembered how well the evening had ended and how exhausted he really was, so he let go. He just giggled and grinned at Daryl. One moment the hunter looked like he was just about to beat Connor in the face, then he just shoved him and turned around. "Screw yah" he murmured and entered their tent. When Connor entered the tent as well, Daryl let out an annoyed groan and moved as far away from the middle as possible.

"Yeah, yer better off moving yer arse Murph" Connor said with a smirk.

"Yeah and yah better off not calling me that, asshole" Daryl grunted and crossed his arms angrily.

He couldn't believe that he really had to share _his _tent with this freak. Connor got into his sleeping bag and turned out the light.

"No fighting once in bed, Ma used ta say, remember little brother?"

Daryl thought he was going to explode. _No one called him little. _He wasn't even younger than the Irish dumbass. What really pushed him over the edge was when he felt an arm around his waist. He turned around abruptly and punched Connor's shoulder really hard. Then started kicking him with his knee. "Get yah stupid Irish fangs off me yah prick!" he spat. He kicked and boxed Connor, who was still laughing. Daryl was pretty sure that if he had his knife with him and not in his boots, he'd kill him. He knew his punches hurt the other because he wanted them to hurt, so he was even more surprised when Connor just laughed and took Daryl on. He hit and kicked back just as hard.

"Give up, ye know you don't stand a chance. I always win m'dear brother" he exclaimed until Daryl boxed him in the stomach and made him gasp in pain.

After fighting and laughing for about five minutes the Irishman seemed to get angry as well.

"Don't yah ever touch me again, yah fag!"

"Did yer just call me a fag?"

"Sure did, now get yah stupid hands off me!"

They kept fighting and beating each other until finally, Daryl gave in when he heard voices outside. Both men stopped but kept hold of each other's shirts.  
>Daryl realized that it was Carol crying outside. They looked at each other and Daryl let go of Connor.<p>

"Touch me again and yah dead."

"Not if I kill ye first Murph" Connor said and wiped his bleeding mouth.

He had bit his lip hard during their fight, and now it was split.

"I'd call that a match this time" he murmured and smirked.

"Shove it up yer ass" Daryl grunted and turned around. Although Connor didn't wrap his arm around him again, he could feel him moving up close after a while, _too close_.  
>The hunter shifted but his nose was already touching the thin side of the tent and he couldn't escape any further.<p>

* * *

><p>When he woke up in the middle of the night he could hear stifled sobs and sharp breaths. At first he thought it was Carol again, crying for her daughter, or Lori, crying because of her son. Then he felt the body next to him shaking with every gentle sob and realized that it was Connor. One moment he thought about turning around to face him, but the truth was that he had no idea what to say. He didn't know how to handle crying people. Even worse, crying men. Somehow he knew that this Connor guy wasn't the crying type because of fear or pain. Daryl wasn't either. He remembered the only time he'd cried during the past weeks, just a tiny bit of course, and that had been... He turned his head slightly to check on the blonde. He just saw how Connor was lying there, his back turned on him. Daryl let out a sigh. The last time he'd found himself crying like that had been when he'd lost Merle. When he'd lost his brother. He remembered the guy on the picture, Connor being all on his own in that church and Shane talking about him having a twin called Murphy. The name he used on him all the time. Part of him wondered where this Murphy guy was, but the more he thought about it and the more he heard Connor crying next to him, the more he figured that he didn't really need to wonder about that.<p> 


	7. The Painful Truth

**setting:** episode 4 "_Cherokee Rose_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 7 - The Painful Truth

* * *

><p>When Daryl woke up the next morning he was surprised to see that Connor was already awake.<br>He was sitting next to him with his bare back turned on Daryl and got changed. When Connor felt him move he turned his head and smirked.

"Morning sunshine. Time ta rise and shine" he greeted him and Daryl growled.

"Screw ya" he muttered and eyed Connor's back uneasily.

There was a massive image of Jesus Christ tattooed on it. Even worse, there were two rosaries around his neck.

"What yer _really _some kind of bible banging freak? Yah really believe in that shit?" he asked and pointed at Connors back.

The Irishman put his shirt back on and just smirked at Daryl.

"What's it look like ta ye?"

Daryl snorted.

"Yeah because if there was a god up there he'd let this shit happen. You know, all those stupid people, believing in prayers, sitting there and prayin to some boss in the sky, they all got what they deserved. In the end it's no stupid religious freaks but realistic people who survived. Prayin ain't doing ya nothing good. It's a waste of time. It'll just get ya killed, weirdo."

There was a moment when a pained expression crossed Connor's face and Daryl noticed that it had been the moment he'd talked about religious people dying.  
>Connor looked angry for a moment. Then the expression on his face went blank and he ended up smirking from one second to the next.<p>

"You've always been that pessimist Murph, you've gotta believe" he said and put his boots back on.

"Besides, yer right. Most people got what they deserved, but not because af getting eaten during prayers but because this is final judgment Murph,  
>this is where everything evil shall be punished and the earth will be purified so that in the end only those who are worth shall live on. Most of them anyway."<p>

Daryl just stared at the man opposite him for a while. He wasn't the praying type and he didn't believe in god. He didn't even know how this clown could still believe after everything that had happened. "Freak" he muttered and got up. He put his boots back on and stepped out of the tent. Connor, of course, followed him instantly.

"So yah basically sayin your stupid brother deserved to get lost? I bet. Must've been just the same pain in the ass as you are."

Daryl grunted when a fist hit his cheek. One moment he held it in surprise, then he started to punch back. Soon the two men slammed their feet, fists and knees into each other again until T-Dog and Shane came running for them and parted them with much effort. Both Daryl and Connor were still kicking and boxing when the two men held them back.

"Don't ye fuckin talk about my brother like that you stupid redneck!"

"Yeah don't yah talk to me at all, yah stupid bible banging leprechaun!"

They yelled at each other and tried to get rid of Shane and T-Dog.

"Whoa, calm down Daryl!" Shane said as he tried to stop him from breaking out.

"I'll punch yer fucking face again!" Connor spat.

"Yeah come here, freak!" Daryl roared and kept fighting Shane's grip.

Shane and T-Dog pulled both men away until there was enough space between them. Rick and Lori came to join them and Rick stepped between them.

"What happened?" he asked Shane. The policeman let go of Daryl who kicked the dirt and stomped away.

"Looks like our newbie 's a bit of a troublemaker."

"I fucking ain't, t' was him who started it, he insulted my brother!" Connor shouted and shrugged T-Dog off.

Rick approached him.

"Look, we all know Daryl can be quite a handful but please, if you want to stay with us you've got to stick to our rules. All that fighting and beating and shouting needs to stop. We need every man healthy and fit to protect the group. It doesn't do us much good if you keep beating each other up.  
>One day you break your bones or your shouting attracts walkers and that's it for the whole group."<p>

Connor just looked at Rick for a while and wiped his mouth.

"Is that understood?"

"Aye" the Irishman said quietly.

Rick and Shane eyed Connor then, as if they didn't quite believe him. The Irishman sighed and raised both his hands in a soothing gesture.

"Alright, I gettit. Sorry. I promise I won't put anyone in danger. I don't mean ta harm any innocent. I ain't leaving. Where he goes, I go."

He pointed at Daryl who was already a few meters away from them. Shane turned around to see where he was pointing and then snorted.

"What, Daryl? Sorry to burst the bubble buddy, but I don't think Daryl likes yah very much. In fact, Daryl doesn't like anybody or anything. And I remember you guys beating the shit out of each other just a couple of minutes ago. Daryl's a complete dick, get over it."

Connor just eyed Shane for a while and said nothing, then he followed Daryl into the woods.

* * *

><p>Daryl he turned around when heard branches cracking behind him. He pointed his deadly crossbow at the thing that was following him in a matter of seconds. The thing turned out to be blonde and Irish. He let out an annoyed sigh and turned around again. "Fuck off already,will yah?" he muttered once Connor had caught up with him. The Irishman just grinned at him.<p>

"Come on Murph, t'was just another fight ye lost,get over et" he stated and followed Daryl through the woods.

"Prick" Daryl growled and walked on.

"Lookin fer that girl?" Connor asked after a while and Daryl let out another annoyed sigh.

He hated that this guy couldn't keep his stupid Irish mouth shut and he hated how he kept following him everywhere.

"You know, between ye and me, dear brother of mine, I doubt that girl is still alive. I mean even back then it was hard t'survive in the woods, as little girl, and now with all te walkers? We, of all people, should know that kids don't last long these days. No matter how sad it is."

Daryl turned around and pointed his cross-bow right at Connor's head. He stopped walking and just looked at it, not scared at all.

"She ain't dead" Daryl said angrily.

Connor just shrugged and walked on.

After 20 minutes or so and Connor still following him, Daryl turned around again, more annoyed than ever.

"Why don't yah just fuck off already? It's not like yah care about that girl and if you believe she ain't alive anyway yah might as well just leave me the fuck be!"

"Yer right, I don't think that girl's still alive, but I care about ye. Can't have you wandering around in the woods alone."

"I don't need a stupid babysitter!"

"Af course ye do."

"I was perfectly fine til yah stupid ass came and annoyed the crap outta me!"

Suddenly Connor pulled his gun, a Beretta with a silencer, and pointed it at Daryl. Or so he thought. The Irishman pulled the trigger and Daryl startled. He expected his head to hurt but nothing happened. He heard a thud behind him and turned around. There was a walker just a few meters away, with a bullet straight to his head. "You need a babysitter little brother" Connor repeated and put his gun away. Daryl was furious.

"I would've seen him if I hadn't been busy telling yah to fuck off!"

Connor grinned. "Well then, stop telling me ta fuck off and keep yer eyes open" he said and hit Daryl's shoulder gently.

"Come on, better find that girl" he added as he walked on.

One moment Daryl considered shooting him in the back.

* * *

><p>They were deep in the woods when they found an old abandoned farmhouse. Daryl turned around to look at Connor.<p>

"I go in, yah stay back and keep an eye on the surrounding area."

The Irishman frowned.

"Te fuck I do. I go in with you, what if there's too many walkers in there and they get ye. Safety in numbers."

Daryl glared at him and grabbed his bowie knife. He pointed it at Connor and growled.

"Take this, and keep yah trap shut and wait out here. Don't use yer stupid gun unless there's too many of them. If it's just some roamers, yah take that knife."

Connor took it and smirked.

"Aye. Don't worry bout me, brother."

Daryl just snorted and turned around.

"I don't worry bout yah. Hope they get yah. Freak."

"Watch yer fuckin back, Murph!" Connor shouted after him but Daryl ignored him.

The hunter searched the entire house which consisted of two stories. He could hear nothing but the creaking of wood and some mice and rats. When Daryl was just about to call it a day he noticed the some empty cans of food in the kitchen which looked and smelled like someone had opened them not too long ago. He saw blankets and pillows by the cupboard next to the fridge . The hunter just knew that someone had been there, maybe even Sophia. Daryl made his way out of the back of the house and yelled her name a couple of times but no answer would come. It was then when he saw a Cherokee rose growing close to the fence. For a moment he just knelt down next to the flower and stared at it. He remembered the story one of the old Indians from their hometown had told him once when he was little. Once Daryl had made sure that Connor wasn't coming for him he grabbed it and put it in his shirt. The Irishman was still waiting in front of the farmhouse. He looked rather nervous, but the mo-ment Daryl came back he had a bright smile on his face.

"Hey Murph, glad ta see yer still in one piece. Did ye find anything?"

Daryl just walked past him and growled.

"She ain't here. Shut up, freak" he just said and walked on.

* * *

><p>They were on their way back to the camp when Connor wouldn't shut his mouth again. He kept talking and talking which made Daryl more and more angry. Connor seemed to notice his mood pretty soon, because he looked at Daryl with a frown.<p>

"What's te matter Murph? Are ye upset cos we didn' find her? Just give it time" he said and Daryl gritted his teeth.

"But still. Don't say I didn't tell ye when we find her dead. And I think we will. Just, at least we still got each other, aye?"

This made Daryl stop. He turned around and glared at the Irishman.

"What makes yah weirdo think yah know shit about me? Seriously, just keep yer fuckin trap shut."

Connor smirked at him and nudged him.

"Course I know shit about ye, I'm yer fuckin twin brother."

He was just about to keep walking when Daryl grabbed him by his arm and dragged him back. Connor winced and looked at him in surprise.

"Okay that's it, now listen you freak. My name's not Murphy, it's Daryl, you understand? **Daryl**. **Dixon. **The guy you call your brother, Murphy or whatever it is, he's gone, ok? Get over it. Yer annoying the crap outta me with yah weirdo shit. And I ain't your little brother, I ain't even Irish. I don't even speak that freakin language or accent. I'm American, I was born and raised in Georgia. Look, no stupid Aequitas tattoo.." He showed him his right hand. "No freakin neck tattoo..." He craned his neck. "No freakin cross." He showed his lower arms. "No freakin faith. I've never even been to fuckin Boston and I _ain't_. Murphy. Now smarten up and be a decent cover or fuck off. I'm done with yah shit."

Connor just stared at Daryl's hand with a blank look on his face. For a while he didn't move at all.

"I know he's gone. But you look like him. Just let me keep pre-tending yer Murphy. _Please_" he said quietly.

Daryl knew why Connor wanted to pretend he was his brother. It was the only thing that kept him sane. But now that he thought about it, the way Connor talked and behaved... It made it look like he was pretty much insane already anyway. "This ain't some sort of charity. Stop it or leave me the fuck alone." He turned around because he could no longer bear seeing the Irishman like that. Connor followed him after a moment but he didn't say a word for the rest of their walk back.

* * *

><p>Another day passed and they still hadn't found Sophia. When they were discussing next day's search Daryl eyed Carol quietly. Another day had passed and he hadn't found her daughter. She looked so sad. He didn't know why but since the day he'd made the search for her daughter his new sense in living he had started to like Carol, so he hated to see her so sad. He looked at all the familiar faces circling the map and stopped at Connor, who stood a bit further away from the others and just stared down, un-focused, empty. The hunter sighed and was surprised when he felt the same emotions he had just felt when he had looked at Carol. Sympathy. Affection. Caring. Pity. He hated himself for these emotions. Because he wanted to hate Connor. He knew he had been pretty rough today. Now that he thought about it he couldn't help but regret his behavior a bit. Connor hadn't said or done anything against him so far, quite the opposite. The Irish guy had obviously tried to make friends with him. He knew that he was having a tough time because of his missing brother and being the newbie in the group, so Daryl knew he hadn't done him any good with his outburst. But still. He was better off on his own. He didn't need any friends, and he was unable to help Connor the way he needed to be helped. But he still couldn't help but blame himself and feel like the baddie. The hunter then remembered the rose he'd found and decided that it would be a start to make things right and be at least a bit more caring if he gave Carol the rose as a sign of hope. Because he truly believed that it was.<p>

Later that evening, when he was just about to visit Carol in the RV, he was surprised to see Connor leaving and heading for their tent. Taking advantage of his freedom, the first thing he did was take the rose he had found to Carol. When he entered the RV he was surprised to find it clean and tidy. Carol was sitting by the table and sewed trousers. When she heard him enter she looked up in surprise. He was unsure of himself, feeling stupid because of this all of a sudden, so he didn't want to bring it up right away.

"I cleaned up. To keep myself busy. I wanted it to be nice for her" Carol said.

He nodded and took a look around.

"A second I thought I was in the wrong place."

She smirked and he looked down and placed the rose on the counter.

"I found this when I was looking for your girl" he said awkwardly and she looked at him in confusion.

"A flower?"

"It's a Cherokee rose" he began and told her the legend of it.

* * *

><p>By the end of the evening and Connor not turning up again Daryl felt weird. For the past couple days he had followed him like his shadow, he had even felt like his shadow, so being all on his own again made Daryl feel both lonely and relieved. He was relieved he wasn't being referred to as Murph, and he enjoyed that his evening had been quite and less babble. How come he was always so torn with the Irishman around? His head told him to hate him, his heart to appreciate and like him. Now that Connor kept his mouth shut, he was driving him insane nevertheless. <em>Maybe he should leave altogether. <em>When his stomach felt weird at that thought he cursed himself. He knew he'd just wanted him **not **to leave.

When Daryl entered the tent he saw that Connor was already lying there with back turned on him. Daryl couldn't tell if he was pretending to have fallen asleep so quickly or if he really was asleep. He didn't say anything although he felt like apologizing. He covered himself with his sleeping bag and turned out the light instead. For a moment he just stared at Connor's back, thinking about saying something, but then closed his eyes and shook his head stubbornly.

_No, he had made his point and he wouldn't change that._

* * *

><p>Daryl woke up in the middle of the night. Something had woken him up again. He heard stifled, quite sobs and sharp breaths and felt the body next to him shaking. It was the second night in a row the Irishman was crying. Daryl wanted to feel disgusted by it because men weren't supposed to cry. It was pathetic and weak after all, but no matter how hard he fought for his feelings to be that way, he just ended up feeling sorry for Connor. Now that he had learned that this guy was a serial killer after all , with a potty mouth and always laughing and making fun of people, he just knew it took a lot to make that man cry and that he most certainly was in real pain. Daryl felt a lump in his throat, knowing that this time it might be his fault.<p>

He was still turned towards him, so when he opened his eyes he saw Connor lying on his back, his right arm covering his eyes. He saw the tears running down his cheek and his chest rising and falling abruptly. The Irishman moved a bit then and let his arm drop to stare at the ceiling of the tent. Daryl had never seen a man cry like that, fighting for control, and he felt more sorry for Connor than ever. Hearing it was one thing but seeing it was another. Connor turned his head slightly after a while and for one moment they were staring right at each other. He looked surprised, like a rabbit caught in headlines, and wiped his cheeks quickly. Then he cleared his throat and turned around.

Daryl just looked at his back for a while. He wanted to say something. He wanted Connor to say something. He wanted him to know that he wasn't this sort of uncaring bastard he always pretended to be in order to protect himself. In the end he just wanted Connor not to cry every night, so they could both sleep and so he wouldn't feel guilty any more. Because he felt guilty. For speaking out the truth Connor had loathed and feared. For waking him up to this cruel world. For reminding him of his loss everyday. Just because he looked so much like his _dead _twin brother.

_Twins_, Shane had said. He knew what it was like to have a brother, and no matter how much of an asshole Merle had been, sick even, Daryl had still loved his brother. _Brothers_, that was a bond, flesh and blood. Judging by his stories and behavior Connor and Murphy's relationship had been the exact opposite of his and Merle's. So he could understand why the man was crying and he felt sorry for him. No matter how much he annoyed the crap out of him and how many times the hunter wanted to shoot him dead, the more he learned about the Irish clown the more he liked him. He was like that kind of brother he'd always wanted Merle to be. Just finishing that thought made Daryl angry. He wasn't supposed to think that way. He wouldn't let that freak make him a _whiny bitch_.

"Yah done?" he asked and Connor startled.

He wiped his face in a hurry once more.

"What?" the Irishman asked but didn't turn around.

"Are ya done moping, I can't fuckin sleep because of yah retard."

"I ain't moping" Connor said but his voice gave it away.

Daryl turned back on his side but didn't say anything. For a while it was quiet and when he was just about to fall asleep again the sobbing continued.


	8. Of Sinners And Saviors

New chapter! Quite dark this time. Quite hard. Maybe out of character. Can't really tell. Let's just say, I've read quite some character death fics on BDS and they all ended like this, neither of them surviving, so I just went ahead and wrote this chapter. Certain things need to happen to make their relationship change and I think that _this_ is the very thing that makes Daryl change his mind and attitude towards Connor. From this chapter on Daryl's and Connor's relationship changes. I hope you're not too mad at me because of this chapter. Let's just say, this chapter needed some rope. Cos Connor+rope=OTP.

**setting:** episode 5 "_Chubacabra_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 8 - Of Sinners And Saviors

* * *

><p><em>Connor could feel how his panic was fading. He knew that the bleeding wouldn't stop, no matter how hard he tried to stop it. He took a deep breath. He knew that there was too much blood, so now there was just acceptance. "Okay..alright. It's gonna be okay brother...I'm here" he whispered and sobbed once more. He moved his hand up to smooth his twin brother's messy hair. The sight was breaking him. The blood wouldn't stop flowing, no matter how hard he pressed his bloody hand against it. Murphy suddenly grabbed the hand he was pressing on his injured neck and looked at him. He was still swallowing and gasping for air. "'t was always ye 'n me" he managed to answer before another rush of blood ran down his mouth. Connor nodded and tried to hold him steady. "Yeah.." He shook his head and ended up whimpering. "Ye can't do that ta me..I fuckin love ye more than anything in this stupid fuckin world.."<em>

_The older MacManus looked up at the ceiling. He tried to reason with god. Pleading and trying to make him understand. **I love my brother. You can't take him away**. He stroke Murphy's cheek helplessly. He didn't know what to do. Why wasn't there anyone there who could help him? What was he supposed to do? Why was god doing this to his brother? Why was there so much blood? "Love... ye too" Murphy answered and started shaking again. Connor could feel how his brother's body temperature was dropping, what the blood loss was doing to him. He nodded eagerly but ended up sobbing even more. "I know."_

_He pulled his brother closer to his chest and looked back up, somewhat hoping that there was someone there by now. Someone to help them. Someone to tell him what to do. Someone to slap him just so he would wake up from this nightmare. Then he looked at the ground and saw his guns where he had dropped them. He could feel his twin dying, and when he saw the guns he knew what to do. "Ye and me Murph" he said determinedly. Murphy widened his eyes and shook his head. "No..no."_  
><em>Another coughing fit interrupted him, and Connor tried to lift his head up so he could breathe more easily. Then he wiped his brother's bloody mouth. Murphy shook his head and tried to fight him. "No" he said again and Connor frowned.<em>

_"What?"_

_"Ye can't.. do that..promise" he gasped and looked at the guns as well._

_The blonde twin glared at his brother in disbelief and shook his head just as stubbornly._

_"What are ye talkin about. Af course I'm dying with you.."_

_"Suicide's a sin Connor!" Murphy yelled with all the strength he could gather._

_His brother tried to calm him down and hush him, but the black-haired twin just glared at him in pure horror and wouldn't stop shaking his head._

_"No. Promise."_

_Connor shook his head once more._

_"No, ye can't make me promise that..."_

_Murphy was coughing even more blood and it sounded like it was suffocating him. His eyelids fluttered and he could no longer hold his head in place,_  
><em>so Connor shifted and tried to hold him steady in panic.<em>

_"Murph, ye can't leave me alone! Murphy!" he yelled and started shaking his brother._

_This seemed to bring Murphy back for another minute. He glared at Connor._

_"Don't..kill yerself..Promise."_

_And he was staring at him in such a meaningful and pleading way that the older MacManus knew that he absolutely meant it, that this was his brother's dying wish._  
><em>He swallowed hard and tried to focus. He looked his twin in the eye and nodded.<em>

_"I promise."_

Connor's eyes snapped open and he let out a terrified gasp. He moved his hands up and looked at them in horror, to check if all the blood was still on them. They were clean and shaking violently. Once again he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and the images wouldn't go away. It felt like he was suffocating, like someone was grabbing his throat and strangling him. He felt a terrible pain in his chest, and a moment later he couldn't fight the tears any longer._ Why wouldn't it just stop? Why had this happened in the first place? Why was he seeing and hearing the same things over and over again?_Blood. More blood. Blood on his hands, on his clothes, blood everywhere. His brother's blood. He tried to be as quiet as possible because he didn't want to wake Daryl up.

_Daryl_. That was another story. For a moment he placed both his hands on his mouth and eyes to muffle his crying fit and hide the tears. Once he had calmed down for a bit he turned his head to look at the sleeping man next to him. The man that had his brother's face. _How was this fair? _It looked like Murphy was lying next to him, and right now he wanted nothing more than just wrap an arm around his waist and feel him _live_. But of course, it was impossible. Because this was Daryl, not Murphy, and Daryl hated him. Hated to be touched.

_My name's not Murphy, it's Daryl, you understand? __**Daryl**__. __**Dixon. **__The guy you call your brother, Murphy or whatever it is, he's dead, ok? Get over it._

How was he supposed to get over it when he knew that there was a man with his brother's face so close by? A face that reminded him of _that_nigh every day? He didn't know what was worse, getting reminded of it every day he saw that face, or knowing that there was his brother's doppelgänger, but that this one hated him and didn't want him to touch him or talk to him at all?

_This ain't some sort of charity. Stop it or leave me the fuck alone._

He knew that there was no way Daryl would ever let him keep doing this. The whole pretending had done him some good, but he wasn't allowed to keep doing it. Daryl didn't want him. Not as brother, not as friend. He didn't even want him to be near him at all. No matter how crazy he was because of everything that had happened to him, Connor's brain was still working. He still knew what was good and bad, what was wrong and right. He knew that it was wrong to keep trying. He knew it was bad to stay with this group, to be close to Daryl, a man that hated him. He knew that sooner or later it would just make it worse. He knew it was right to leave. _But where was he supposed to go?_ _What was he supposed to do?_ He had tried it. For Murphy's sake. He had promised after all. He had kept on living. Although he had been more dead than alive. Going back to this again? He knew that it wouldn't work. How was he supposed to try to survive when he didn't even _want_to live anymore. When nightmares were torturing him every single night and driving him insane?

Connor turned his head and stared at the ceiling. There he had it. The answer. He didn't _want _to live anymore.

_Suicide is a sin, Connor._

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.

_The blood on his hands. Murphy's dead body._

_I do not deserve yer forgiveness. I do not deserve any af this._

_Be a decent cover or fuck off._

The Irishman swallowed and looked at Daryl once more.

He knew that he was too broken, that Murphy's death had hurt him in a way that he'd never ever be the same again.

_Be a decent cover or fuck off._

't was...always ye 'n me.

_You and me Murph._

Connor opened his sleeping bag and got up. Then he opened the zipper of their tent and looked outside.  
>For a while he just watched the sun rise, then he made the decision.<p>

"You and me Murph" he said quietly and looked at Daryl who was still sleeping.

The Irishman sighed, got changed and left the tent without looking back.

* * *

><p>When Daryl woke up he was alone inside their tent. He wondered why because Connor never left without him. He got changed and left the tent with a frown, then he started searching the camping site for the blonde. He found Shane, Rick, T-Dog, Andrea and one of Herschel's people by Rick's car. They were all looking at the map again. He joined them and put his shirt on. The hunter was still confused because Connor was nowhere to be seen, but he tried to ignore it. There were more important things they had to deal with now, and that was their search for Sophia.<p>

"All right, everyone's getting new search grids today." Rick announced and looked at the map.

"If she made it as far as the farmhouse Daryl and Connor found, she might have gone further east than we've been so far."

The hunter nodded and took a look at the map just to make sure.

"I'd like to help" Jimmy, one of Herschel's people said and stepped forward. The whole group turned around to eye him.

"I know the area pretty well and stuff."

Rick looked at him and frowned. "Herschel's okay with this?"

Jimmy shrugged and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah. He said I should ask you."

Daryl raised an eyebrow and snorted. He could tell that the kid was lying, and just thinking about such a milksop helping them out there in the woods made him snort even louder. Rick didn't seem to notice the obvious lie, since he turned to look at his map again. "All right then, thanks."

"Nothing about what Daryl found screams Sophia to me. Anyone could've been holed up in that farmhouse" Shane muttered from somewhere behind the car.

Everyone looked at him and Andrea sighed.

"Anybody includes her, right?" she said and eyed the policeman.

Once again it was obvious that Shane didn't seem to be very interested in searching for Sophia.  
>Daryl thought about the farmhouse, everything he had seen, the food, the cupboard. He scratched his nose and looked at Rick.<p>

"Whoever slept in that cupboard was no bigger than yay-high" he countered and showed them what height he was talking about.

"It's a good lead." Andrea seemed intrigued.

Rick nodded and looked at the hunter as well.

"Maybe we'll pick up her trail again."

Daryl snorted.

"No _maybe _about it. I'm gonna borrow a horse, head up to this ridge right here, take a bird's eye view of the whole grid. If she's up there, I'll spot her" he explained.

He pointed at the map to explain his plan. T-Dog nodded and looked impressed.

"Good idea. Maybe you'll see your chupacabra up there too."

Daryl glared at him and tried not to roll his eyes.

"Chupacabra?" Rick asked and raised both his eyebrows in surprise.

"You never heard this?" Dale joined in and put the weapons on the hood of the car.

Daryl turned his head to look at the old man.

"Our first night in camp, Daryl tells us that the whole thing reminds him of a time when he went squirrel hunting and he saw a chupacabra."

The hunter nodded in approval and looked at Rick. Jimmy snorted and tried not to laugh, which made Daryl frown.

"What are yah braying at, jackass?" he growled and glared at the boy. Rick smirked.

"So you believe in a blood-sucking dog?"

Daryl shrugged and scratched his nose again. He hated when people were laughing at him and made fun of him.

"You believe in dead people walking 'round?"

Jimmy suddenly reached forward to grab one of the rifles from the bag. Rick put a hand on it and shook his head.

"Hey, hey, ever fire one before?"

The policeman put the gun away and Jimmy shrugged.

"Well, if I'm going out, I want one" he murmured and Daryl snorted.

"Yeah, and people in hell want slurpees. I'm gonna go and get started on the search, have yah seen that stupid leprechaun? Still got my knife, dumbass."

"He left about ten minutes ago" Dale said and Daryl turned around to look at him.

"To go where?"

"The stables. Said he wanted to borrow a horse, get one ready to start searching early."

This made Daryl frown.

"He told me he believes Sophia's dead. Over and over again."

"Well maybe he changed his mind. He said he wanted to do us a favor after everything we did for him " Andrea suggested and Daryl looked at her.

He just looked around and searched the farm once more. Something told him this was weird. Dale laughed.

"You look worried boy, I thought you hate him?"

Daryl just ignored him.

"He never leaves without me. Been more clingy than a gum on boots. The stables you say?" he asked Rick who nodded.

Daryl frowned again and headed for the stables. He didn't know why he was freaking out. He assumed it was because of what he'd said and thought yesterday.  
>The hunter feared that Connor might leave because of what had happened yesterday. He didn't want him to leave.<p>

* * *

><p>Daryl looked around the stables but didn't find Connor. Part of him wanted to give up already. He was just about to leave when he heard a thud next door and grabbed his crossbow. He didn't know if it was a walker or just Connor, so he headed for the tack room to check who was there. "Connor?" he called out but didn't get an answer. He heard strange noises coming from inside the chamber. The hunter slowly approached the door and opened it. Pure horror hit him when he entered the room. There was the awful creaking of a tight rope, strapped around a beam and Connor's neck.<p>

"No you stupid prick!" Daryl yelled at the sight of Connor's blue face and his struggling feet.

He started running and grabbed the Irishman's hip to lift him up and stop the rope from strangling him. "Help!" he shouted and tried to get hold of the chair that lay on the ground. He had to let go off Connor again so he could get his knife and cut the rope. The Irishman was already fighting for air in a most horrible manner because the rope continued to strangle him. When it snapped, he fell down with a grunt. Daryl jumped off the chair and knelt down next to Connor to free his neck from the rope. The Irishman's eyes were closed and he didn't move any more.

"Don't you dare you stupid ass!" Daryl yelled and hit him hard across his face.

He moved and leaned down to listen if there was still a heartbeat. He didn't know much about doctor's stuff, but he did know how to do _that._He also knew that he shouldn't do the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation these days, because people who were already dead could turn into walkers and bite your face off, but he wouldn't let Connor become one of them. He didn't need to do it more than five times because then Connor started coughing and breathed in sharply. He moaned and pulled a face. Daryl stared at him in horror until the Irishman's chest rose and fell more regularly. He was still coughing heavily but the color in his face was going back to normal. There was a burning red line all around his neck and it was bleeding and swelling already.

"Are you. fuckin. _crazy_?" Daryl shouted at him and hit his chest with every word.

Connor winced in pain and tried to answer.

"Murph.." he just croaked but couldn't say anything else.

"Yah stupid prick, yah could be dead! Yah could've hung here for hours!"

Connor tried to answer again but no coherent sound came out. Daryl grabbed him by his hands then and lifted him up.

"We need to get yah some help" he said and threw him over his shoulder.

He knew he needed someone right now, to check on him. Maybe Herschel, maybe the policemen. He knew one thing for sure. He wouldn't let him die.

* * *

><p>When Daryl reached the camp everyone got up at the sight of unmoving Connor resting on his shoulder.<br>Shane and Rick ran for the two of them to help Daryl but he refused to let Connor go.

"What the hell happened? Did he get bit?" Shane asked but Daryl shook his head.

Rick was busy checking Connor's arms and legs.

"No, he tried to hang himself."

"Oh my god, is he dead?" Glenn asked in horror but Daryl shook his head.

"No, just hurt, I was there in time, I cut him off but we need to get Herschel! Where the hell is the old man?"

"Inside. I just talked to him" said Rick.

Daryl didn't need to hear anything more and started running for the house.

* * *

><p>Connor was lucky. Well, Daryl thought so at least. He wasn't badly injured, he just couldn't really move his head, swallow or breath normally. There was a bright red line where the rope had burnt and bruised his neck but other than that he was still alive. He lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Many members of the group, especially the women and Carl, had stayed with him for the past hour, talked to him, tried to cheer him up. When everyone left to resume the search, Daryl decided to stay for a bit. For a while he just stood in front of the door to the room Connor was in and after minutes of contemplating he finally entered. Connor lay there on his back with his eyes closed. Daryl assumed he was asleep so he was just about to leave when Connor opened his eyes.<p>

"'s alright..come in." he croaked and turned his head to look at him.

Daryl chewed on his lip and entered to close the door behind him. For a while he just stood there, unsure what to do or say.

"Should've let me hang there" Connor said quietly.

"Suicide's a sin" was all Daryl came up with and Connor turned his head abruptly.

He stared at him and it dawned on Daryl.

He assumed that Murphy would've said the same.

"Going ta hell anyway" Connor said then and tried to swallow.

" I thought you were a saint?"

Connor snorted. When he didn't answer Daryl came closer.

"Why would ya?"

Connor stared at the ceiling and shook his head. He wouldn't speak for a while and Daryl just looked at him, waiting for an answer.  
>The Irishman turned his head to look at the man next to him.<p>

"Look I'm sorry I kept callin ye Murph. It's just..I could pretend. You fuckin look so very much like him. ..it felt nice..didn't hurt.. It kept me sane.  
>It kept me fram doing this" he said and grabbed his neck.<p>

"When you people found me in that church I was waiting fer walkers ta kill me."

Daryl sighed and wiped his face.

"I didn't mean ta annoy you" the Irishman went on and shrugged.

"But that ain't no reason t' kill yahself yah freak." Daryl murmured and took a deep breath.

They both kept quiet for a while and gave in to their thoughts until Connor looked at Daryl again.

"Why did you come to te stable anyway?"

"Because people told me yah were there and I knew something was up. Yah worse than a freakin magnet, always so clingy, so yah running off on yah own?"

"So you were worried bout me?" Connor asked and smirked.

"I wanted t' make _sure_yer gone" Daryl answered with an annoyed growl and Connor chuckled.

"Shoulda let me hang then."

"You want me to kill yah now so yah shut up?"

Connor stopped smiling then and nodded.

"Aye."

Daryl just stared at him. "Oh great and now we have to fear yah killing yahself every time we don't see yah?"

Connor didn't answer for a while and Daryl sighed.

"Don't kill yahself you stupid freak."

"Try ta stop me."

"I will. Cos you ain't dying as long as I'm around."

Daryl was surprised how honest he was. Connor seemed to be surprised too.

"If I ever want yah dead, I'll do it myself" Daryl added and Connor smiled then.

"Aye."

"Whatever."

"Shall we kiss and cuddle? Admit any more feelings?" Connor continued and started laughing when Daryl hit him.

"Screw yah" he growled and got up to leave.

"Daryl?"

The hunter was surprised to hear Connor say his real name for the first time so he turned around.

"Thank you. Fer saving me."

Daryl just looked at him and nodded. Then he left the room to start looking for Sophia again.


	9. Wounds

**setting:** episode 5 "_Chupacabra_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 9 - Wounds

* * *

><p>Daryl decided to steal a horse. He had grown up on a farm so riding a horse was no big deal. He preferred it in fact. He spent quite sometime getting the animal ready. Once he'd saddled it he leaned against the horse for a moment to think about everything that had happened today. He didn't know why he was so angry with Connor, or why he was scared. Right now he didn't know how to feel about the whole thing in general. A man had tried to kill himself today. He had heard of many people taking their life these days, for obvious reasons, but he had never really cared about it before. With Connor it was strangely different.<p>

Maybe it was because he knew him a bit more, maybe because the Irishman had been with him every second of the past four days. Part of him had gotten used to him. Although he was still annoying the crap out of him. Daryl felt that he had kind of accepted Connor by now. He wouldn't call him a friend though because he didn't do friends. He didn't need friends. Or anyone. It was just that he had gotten used to Connor's presence and no matter how hard he tried to deny it, the dumbass was just as good as him when it came down to hunting and killing walkers. He had to admit that they were a good team. They were both survivors, outsiders, killers, which just made them some sort of partners by default.

Maybe this was the reason why he was overreacting now. Daryl shook his head let out an angry sigh. It wasn't his job to worry about the dumbass, and he most certainly wasn't here to think about his stupid suicide attempt now. _Yah came here t'get a horse and search for the kid, not to go all Oprah on that stupid leprechaun, jackass_, he thought and got on the horse to start searching for Sophia.

* * *

><p>Connor had fallen asleep pretty soon after Daryl had left. Truth was that he was incredibly tired. He hadn't slept much during the last couple of months. Maybe one or two hours every night. On the one hand because it had been too risky, on the other hand because he was always busy mourning his brother. The strangulation and near death experience had done the rest. Much to his surprise it was the first time he could sleep on without having a nightmare of living through Murphy's death over and over again. He dreamt of sleeping in their old and shitty apartment in Boston. It was a memory. He remembered that night clearly<em>.<em>

_It had been their second night in Boston and he couldn't sleep so he turned his head and watched his brother. Murphy slept like a log so he couldn't complain about Connor staring him down. He had been so proud of Murph. For staying with him although he absolutely hated their new home. He had come to America because it had been Connor's wish and because he would never leave his brother. The older twin had always dreamt of the big American cities. He had always wanted to flee Ireland. Now he missed it. He remembered the night he had told Murph about his plans. That he wanted to go to America on his own. Simply because he didn't want to force his twin into anything he didn't want. He had been glad when Murphy told him that he wanted to come with him. He missed Ireland a bit but in the end Murphy was what he called 'home'. No matter where they were, whether it was a shit hole in Boston or their old house in Ireland, as long as it was him and Murph, he would always be home. He smiled tiredly and affectionately as he watched his brother sleep. He'd always felt so lucky and honored to have him as brother. He was his soul mate. They would manage their life in Boston. They would always manage anything they wanted._  
><em>As long as they were together.<em>

Connor woke up about two hours later and blinked tiredly. For a moment he was confused and didn't know where he was, most importantly where his brother was, but when he turned on his side and saw a picture on the wall he remembered. _The farm. The apocalypse. Walking dead people._ _Right.  
><em>  
>The Irishman got up slowly and groaned when his head hurt and his vision blurred. He rubbed his forehead tiredly and cursed, only to croak once more. His throat was bone-dry and hurt like hell. Connor moved his hand further down to rub his aching neck. He could feel where the rope had strangled him and burned his flesh, and right now it felt like it was still wrapped around his neck. <em>What a stupid fucking idea. Maybe Murph was right about the fuckin rope, <em>he thought and shook his head.

It took him a while to wake up, and when he tried to get up he noticed his rosaries and a glass of water on the night stand. He took it and drank it eagerly, then he grabbed his two rosaries and put them around his neck. Where they belonged. Connor hissed when they touched the bruises on his neck. He sighed and put his hand on his stomach, right where the two crosses were. It felt both good and slightly terrifying to have them around his neck. Good because he was used to wearing them and felt naked without them, and terrifying because anything around his neck would remind him of what he had done, how horrifying the whole strangling and hanging had really been. He swallowed hard and tried not to think about it, but it didn't really work. Every now and then it was coming back to him like a flashback. The shock and sudden incredible pain in his neck after he had jumped, his feet in the air, the fighting..He glared at his feet for a moment and tried to focus because it was so hard to forget these images. Connor sighed and shook his head. There was one image in particular. One image that wouldn't leave his mind. Right when he had almost passed out because of the lack of oxygen and he had seen _this_ face. How relieved he had been. How happy. Right then he had known that it had been a foolish mistake to try and kill himself. No matter how many times his brother's doppelganger was telling him to fuck off and leave him be, even that couldn't stop him from believing in it now. First the angel wings, now his rescue. Daryl just _had _to be a sign.

Connor got up to leave the room and search for the man who had saved his life. As soon as he entered the dinning room he almost ran into Herschel and his daughter Maggie, who were arguing about something. Herschel's daughter was setting up plates and cutlery and especially the farmer didn't seem too fond of it. Neither of them noticed Connor, who was standing right behind the farmer and couldn't get through because of it.

"Well I didn't think it was that big a deal. They want to thank us for helping them" Maggie said and looked at her father, who leaned in to speak to her more privately.

"We need to be setting clear boundaries with these people. They're getting a little too comfortable. Taking our beds with all their injured people, invading our houses and stables without asking, spoiling our soil with blood and sins..." Connor raised an eyebrow because he knew that Herschel was talking about him. He decided to let them know that he was right behind them, so he cleared his throat and tried not to wince when it hurt. The farmer turned around in surprise and his daughter looked up.

"Sorry, I just wanted t'get out, fresh air and all that. Thanks fer...y'know, taking care af me and all dat..." he said and tried to make his way around Herschel.

Maggie let go of the plates and eyed him.

"You sure you should be walking around? Maybe you should rest for a bit."

Connor snorted and shook his head, which he regretted because it didn't do his neck any good.

"Nah, 'm fine" he said and gave her his most charming smile, but he could tell that she wasn't buying it.

He walked past the small family to get out of the farmhouse, simply because he hated how everyone was staring at him.  
>He was on his way out when he could hear how Maggie and Herschel resumed their discussion.<p>

"It's just dinner!" Maggie exclaimed.

"What's going on with you and the Asian boy?" Herschel asked and Connor snorted.

He found it both amusing and annoying how much of a control freak the old farmer was.

* * *

><p>He wasn't surprised when he couldn't find Daryl outside and figured that the hunter had left to search for Sophia on his own. Connor still felt a bit dizzy and weak on his feet because of his near-death experience, but there was no way he was going back in. He needed to do something, simply because he hated to lie low and think about everything that had happened to him during the past couple of months. He spotted Andrea on top of the RV with a rifle in her hands. When he saw how she was holding the gun he figured that maybe she needed someone to teach her. He searched his pockets for smokes and a lighter and cursed when he remembered that he had stored them in his bag in the tent.<p>

"Looking for something?" he heard Andrea ask and looked up.

The former lawyer was standing on top of the RV and put the rifle down. Connor chuckled and grinned.

"You don't have any smokes on you, do ye?"

Andrea raised an eyebrow and turned around so she could face him.

"Shouldn't you give your lungs a break?"

The Irishman rolled his eyes and started to climb up the ladder of the RV.

"Jesus, you people aren't gonna leave me be with this shit now, are ye?"

When he reached the top of the vehicle he saw Andrea standing there and smirking at him. She offered him a hand.

"Don't worry, I won't bother you like the others. I've been there myself."

Connor got up and sorted his clothes.

"Aye, Carol said something about that. First day I met you people" he murmured and reached out.

"Mind giving me this thing so I can have a look meself?" he asked and pointed at the gun.

Andrea frowned and looked at the weapon as well. Connor snickered.

"Come on, 's not the first time yer giving me a gun. Didn't shoot ye last time, did I?"

Andrea shrugged and handed him the gun. The Irishman took it and inspected it.

"Nice. Yers?"

The blonde laughed and shook her head.

"No, it's Dale's. It's Glenn's turn to watch over the camp, but I wanted to help."

Connor nodded and lifted the gun up to point it somewhere and peek through the sight.

"Can you forgive Daryl for what he's done?" Andrea asked after a while of just watching him and the Irishman looked up.

"What?"

"That he took that opportunity away from you. Can you forgive him?"

Connor put the gun down and frowned.

"Why are ye asking?"

Andrea folded her arms and turned her head. They both could see how Dale was approaching the RV.

"I don't know. I just thought that we're kind of in the same boat. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too hard on Dale."

Connor put both his hands on his hips and nodded.

"Right. Carol told me that Dale saved yer life when you were done."

Andrea nodded and looked at the old man for a while.

"What about you?"

Connor turned around to point the gun at the trees and looked through the sight again.

"I don't know" he murmured and shrugged.

"I sappose"

"What's with the Annie Oakley routine?" they heard Dale ask and looked at him again.

"I don't want to wash clothes anymore, Dale. I want to help keep the camp safe. Is that alright with you?"

Connor put the gun down and nodded.

"Aye, and I wanna make sure she doesn't shoot any of us while doing so."

Dale just looked at them and frowned.

"Shouldn't you be in bed and rest for a bit? After what I've heard.."

The Irishman growled and rolled his eyes.

"Already said 'm fuckin fine. Jesus, 'm gonna live."

The old man eyed Andrea for a little bit longer and then walked on without answering. Andrea snorted and shook her head, then she grabbed the gun to get it back.  
>Connor raised an eyebrow and chuckled.<p>

"After you" he murmured and Andrea sighed.

"Yeah. Like I said. I'm having a hard time with Dale."

She looked through the sight and gasped.

"Walker!"

Connor widened his eyes and leaned down to take the field glasses. He could see a small figure emerging from the woods but it was hard to tell if it really was a walker because the sun was blinding him. Andrea took aim and squeezed one eye shut.

"Just the one?" Rick asked and came running which made Connor turn around and look at him.

"I can't fuckin tell, but looks like it."

"It's just the one" Andrea confirmed and took aim again.

"I bet I can nail it from here" she added and Connor frowned.

"No fucking way?"

"No Andrea. Put the gun down. You'd best let us handle this" Shane said and joined them with T-Dog.

Both men were carrying hatchets and baseball bats. Rick shook his head.

"Shane, hold up. Herschel wants to deal with walkers."

"What for man? We got it covered"

T-Dog, Shane, Glenn and Rick started running to get the walker with their blunt weapons. Connor was unsure at first.

He knew it would be easier for him to just shoot the walker from where he was standing, but he knew that Shane was right. They couldn't risk the gun shot.  
>He eyed Andrea because it looked like she didn't seem too fond of it.<p>

"Don't you fucking dare shooting that gun now" he warned her and turned around again to look where Dale was.

When the old man climbed up the leader he decided that it wasn't his job to have an eye on her anymore, so he growled and got down.

"Where are you going?" Dale asked and Connor walked right past him to get his knife out of his tent.

"'m gonna help 'em" he murmured and made sure that it was sharp enough and ready to use.

"You've just survived a suicide attempt, you could pass out" Dale tried to reason with the Irishman but Connor just snorted.

"Te fuck 'm gonna do" he answered and started running after the policemen and T-Dog.

* * *

><p>Half way across the field he had to realize that maybe everyone had been right after all. He tried his hardest to keep his pace, but it was impossible to run because he could hardly breathe. Connor ended up jogging towards the walker and Rick, and when he was almost there he saw that the other men were already there. What was the most confusing thing about it all was that they were just standing there. Standing and talking.<p>

"Is that Daryl?" he heard Shane ask and widened his eyes in shock when he heard that name.

_Daryl? A walker? Murphy?_

He cursed and started running again.

_Don't let him be a walker. I'm begging you._

"It's the third time you've pointed that thing at my head. You gonna pull the trigger or what?"

Connor let out a relieved sigh when he heard that voice. He had finally caught up with them and came to a halt right next to Shane,  
>who turned and looked at him in surprise. The Irishman was completely out of breath and leaned down to gather himself.<p>

"Jesus fucking Christ. You scared the living daylights outta me" he panted and Shane frowned.

"T'hell are you doing here?"

Connor got back up and looked at the policeman.

"Helpin you folks? Te fuck you think 'm doing here?"

"Shouldn't you.." Glenn began but Connor interrupted him mid sentence.

"If I hear that sentence one more fuckin time 'm gonna.."

A loud gunshot startled them all and made them duck down. A second later Daryl fell to the ground.

"NO!" Rick shouted and turned around to look back at the camp, trying to make out whoever had fired the shoot.

Connor widened his eyes in shock and darted forward, yelling incoherent things himself. All he could see was the man with his brother's face on the ground, covered in blood. It was like it was happening all over again. "NO!" Rick shouted once more and it was like he was voicing everything that was going through the Irishman's head. In a matter of seconds he was right next to Daryl and placed both his hands on his chest to feel his heartbeat. The hunter was still breathing, but there was so much blood everywhere that he didn't really know for how much longer it was gonna be this way.

"Murph! Murph! Come on Murphy, can ye fuckin hear me!" Connor yelled and tried not to hyperventilate, which was harder than he thought.

For one because his injuries from his suicide attempt were making it very hard to breath, and also because it was reminding him too much of _that _night when he had lost his brother. He turned around in panic and looked at the other men. "We need ta fucking do something! He's fuckin hurt!" Connor yelled and looked at Rick in horror. Then it really hit him. The blood on his hands, the injuries and _that_ face..it was like a flashback. He felt his heart beginning to race. _He was in Boston again_. _Murphy. Pain. Blood. The walker, biting his neck. The sound of tearing flesh. Murphy's eyes, dead and milky. His groans and moans. The shot_. He didn't really know what was going on for a couple of minutes because the panic and shock wouldn't allow him to think clearly. He barely noticed when Rick and Shane knelt down next to Daryl to grab him by his hands and lift him up. _Murphy_. In his mind he was screaming that name over and over again. _Murphy. _For a second Connor just sat there, unmoving and staring. Daryl breathed in sharply and moved all of the sudden. The two policemen managed to get him back up on his feet and the hunter panted heavily, still bleeding and groaning in pain.

"I was kidding!" he murmured and that seemed to snap Connor out of it.

_No, it wasn't happening again. Daryl was alive, his eyes were blue and not milky and he wasn't bit._

The Irishman got back up and went after the other members of the group so he could place himself between Daryl and Shane, who was quite surprised when he was being pushed away. "'s alright, I've got 'im" Connor murmured and the policeman just looked at him, then he snorted and followed them.

"'s okay Murph, we're gonna stitch ye back together, just hold on, aye?"

Daryl growled and rested his head against Rick's chest.

"It's Daryl, yah freak" the hunter murmured and nearly passed out again because of the blood loss. Connor chuckled.

"Well, ye can still complain and insult me, see? Looks like we don't have ta worry after all. Just, come on, just another couple of steps, you can do it brother!"

"Shut up" Daryl responded weakly, then his eyes rolled back.

As they made their way back to the farmhouse the rest of the group came running towards them with Andrea having the lead.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Is he dead?!" she shouted and Connor looked up to glare at her.

"Unconscious" Rick responded and Andrea stared at bloody unmoving Daryl in horror.

She wanted to place a hand on him, but Connor grabbed her hand and shoved her away.

"Back off. I fuckin told ye not t'shoot! You nearly killed 'im!" he spat and Andrea looked at him in surprise.

"You just grazed him" Rick calmed her down and eyed Connor, who didn't seem calm at all.

"But look at him...what the hell happened, he...he's wearing ears!" Glenn exclaimed and pointed at Daryl's chest.

"What?" Connor asked and frowned. When he looked down he saw the bloody ears, which Daryl had wrapped around his neck with something that looked like shoelaces.

The Irishman cringed and shook his head.

"Ew. Jesus, Murph."

Rick grabbed the necklace and pulled it off.

"Let's keep this to ourselves."

"Guys!" they heard T-Dog shout and turned around.

He was holding a doll up in the air and looked at them with wide eyes.

"Isn't that Sophia's?"


	10. Scars

****setting:** **episode 5 "_Chupacabra_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 10 - Scars

* * *

><p>They threw Daryl on the bed and drenched the white sheets with blood and dirt. There was a big red bloodstain on Daryl's right side and his shirt was torn where the bloody wound drenched his clothes. Both his temples were bloody and wounded as well. Connor instinctively bent over him and grabbed his face to check on him.<p>

"Daryl? Can ye hear me?"

He looked up to face Rick and Shane who were trying to get rid of Daryl's shirt.

"Did he get bit?"

Rick ripped Daryl's shirt in halves to get a better look at his injuries. He turned him on his side and checked his chest, back, arms and legs.  
>The policeman shook his head and pointed at the hunter's side where they could see a bullet-like wound which was bleeding heavily.<p>

"Looks like he was shot before."

Connor looked up and frowned. "What?"

"I'm gonna go, see if I can find Herschel" Shane said and left.

Connor hit Daryl's face gently.

"Daryl? Can ye hear me?"

"He passed out after the shot" Rick reminded him and took a look at the wound again.

The Irishman moved his friend's head to check the other bullet wound.

"Jesus fuckin Christ, Murph" he murmured and shook his head angrily. He knew that Daryl wasn't his brother, but that wouldn't stop his mind from going all overprotective big brother on him. The door opened and made them turn around. Herschel entered the room with meds and a bowl full of water. "Get back" he said and sat down next to the hunter to get started. He used washcloth to clean Daryl's belly and back so that his wound was somewhat clean. Connor was still trying to wake his friend up by talking to him and gently hitting his cheeks. Half way through cleaning the wounds Daryl woke up again and started moaning in pain. He instinctively tried to move away from Herschel' s hands. The farmer asked Rick to help him with their patient. Connor let out a relieved sigh and greeted Daryl by calling him names and giving him shit for passing out like that, but it took the hunter a while to come back to life. He glanced around the room in confusion and startled when Herschel started stitching him back together. Ever stitch made him twitch. Daryl bit his lip and Connor reached out to grab his hand and squeezed it. He wanted them to go through the pain together. Just like they had always done. The hunter finally seemed to notice that Connor was sitting right next to him. He glared at the Irishman, and because he was still hearing Merle's mockings in his head, he slapped his hand away. Connor's face fell as this was another reminder that this man wasn't his brother. When Herschel buried the needle in his flesh once more, Daryl suddenly changed his mind, reached out and grabbed his hand again. He squeezed it so hard it made Connor wince. Strangely enough, it felt good. They were both feeling the same pain. Just like he had wanted.

It took Herschel several minutes to stitch Daryl up. He grabbed a piece of wet cloth from the water bowl and started cleaning Daryl's back and stomach once more, simply because he was so covered with dirt and blood that it was impossible to take care of his wounds just yet. Rick handed Daryl another piece of wet cloth so he could nurse the bullet wound on his right temple. Daryl leaned back with a groan and stared at the ceiling for a moment. The shock was slowly fading away now. He was glad he wasn't half unconscious any more but the more he woke up the more his body ached.

"What te fuck happened to you?" Connor asked with croaky voice and Daryl turned his head to look at him.

"Stupid snake scared the freaking horse away. I fell down and all the way into the creek. Right onto my crossbow. Impaled myself on my own freakin arrow.  
>I had t' climb all the way up again. Twice."<p>

"It wasn't very wise to pull the arrow out. You could've hurt yourself even more" Herschel said and Daryl snorted.

"Yeah I know that too. I would've kept it in if I hadn't been busy fighting geeks. Thanks to that stupid leprechaun that'd been my last arrow.  
>And on top of that the other bitch shoots me in the head!"<p>

"Well can't blame her. You look just as ugly as the other geeks" Connor said and grinned.

"Shut up" Daryl growled.

He was beginning to feel the after effects of the blood loss. They all looked up when Shane entered the room and brought a map with him. Rick got up and took it.

"Thank you" he said and went back to sit next to Daryl's bed.

Shane sat down on a chair close to the window.

"Can you tell us where you found Sophia's doll?" Rick asked and moved the map closer to Daryl so he could take a look.

The hunter shifted and groaned, but managed to point at the map.

"I found it washed up on the creek bed right there. She must have dropped it crossing there somewhere."

Connor bent over Daryl so he could look at the map, too.

Rick turned around to look at Shane.

"Cuts the grid almost in half" he said and Shane looked at him, but wouldn't say anything.

"Yeah, you're welcome" Daryl growled and looked down on himself where Herschel was still busy nursing his wounds.

The farmer asked Connor to help him with the stitches, and when the Irishman placed a finger on Daryl's wound to keep the thread in place the hunter shifted.

"Keep yer hands off me" he complained and both Herschel and the Irishman raised an eyebrow.

"Don't be such a fuckin princess" Connor responded and shook his head.

"How is he looking?" Rick asked and the Irishman snorted.

"Like shit" he murmured and Daryl glared at him.

"Fuck you" he countered and both Rick and Herschel interrupted them by just talking.

"I had no idea we'd be going through the antibiotics so quickly" Herschel said and the hunter snorted.

"Yeah, especially cos of people that are stupid enough t'hurt themselves."

Connor narrowed his eyes and boxed Daryl's shoulder.

"Fuck you!"

"Knock it off you two" Rick said and both men looked at him. Herschel put an end to it as well.

"Any idea what happened to my horse?" he asked Daryl and turned around to wash his hands in the water bowl.

"Yeah, the one who almost killed me? If it's smart, it left the country" Daryl responded and let his head drop.

_Christ, he was tired._

"We call that one Nelly, as in nervous Nelly. I could've told you she'd throw you i you'd bothered to ask."

Rick got up and put both his hands on his hips. Herschel used a towel to dry his hands and approached the policeman.

"It's a wonder you people have survived this long. Four days and we're almost out of aspirin and space. So many injured people..."

Rick placed a hand on his shoulder and sighed.

"I know. Thank you for your help."

He turned his head to look at Daryl.

"You okay?" he asked and eyed the hunter who was cooling his temple with the washcloth and stared at the ceiling.

"'m gonna live" he grunted and Connor got up to sit down on the chair Rick had just left.

"'s alright. 'm gonna look after him" he said and nodded.

"The fuck yer gonna do" Daryl growled and glared at the Irishman.

Rick nodded and looked at his friend. Shane was still sitting in the corner and seemed lost in thoughts.

"Shane?"

The other policeman nodded and got up.

"Right. Good work Daryl. I'll tell the others. You stay here and rest a bit."

Rick, Shane and Herschel left the room and closed the door shut behind them so it were just Connor and Daryl.

It was quite for a while. The Irishman leaned back and put his feet on the bed to be a bit more comfortable, then he leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling as well to give his abused neck a break. All the chaos around Daryl had made him forget about his own injuries for a while, but now they were coming back to life, reminding him of everything he had done this morning. He sighed and messaged the bridge of his nose. _Christ, was he exhausted_. He closed his eyes to rest for a bit, but Daryl wouldn't make it so easy for him just yet.

"It's all yer fault after all" Daryl muttered and waited for Connor to answer.

The Irishman looked up to face him. Daryl had turned his back on him by now and covered himself with a blanket.

"I mean all them days yah follow me and stick t'me like a freakin plague and the day I fall off this stupid horse yah have t' be a pussy and try t' kill yerself like a coward."

Connor sighed and folded his arms. For a while he just stared at his friend's back and didn't know what to say.  
>He knew that Daryl was right, but right now he was too tired to argue. He looked out of the window instead.<p>

"Guess yer right."

Daryl turned his head. He was angry because he didn't get the fight he wanted. He needed a good argument right now. Pain made him feel angry. Because pain meant being weak and he didn't want to be weak. He really wanted to get into a fight, but knew it was absolutely impossible. His stitches and injuries hurt like hell and when he looked at Connor he figured that the guy wasn't exactly strength and happiness in persona either. Christ, he even looked miserable. Daryl snorted and turned around again.

"What now, yer gonna cry? Gonna try t'kill yerself again?"

Connor snorted as well.

"Fuck ye. Ain't gonna get into a fight now. No matter how hard ye fuckin try."

Daryl shifted and growled.

"Screw yah" he muttered and closed his eyes.

Connor watched him for a bit longer, then he closed his eyes as well to rest.

* * *

><p>Neither of them would speak after that. It didn't take Connor long and he fell asleep on the chair because of the exhaustion. Daryl couldn't sleep. He could still feel his heart pounding in his chest and his thoughts wouldn't give him any peace either. He could no longer turn his back on Connor because he was lying right on his stitches, so after some thinking and fighting he turned around to give his mutilated side a break. He stared at the man opposite him and let out a gentle sigh. He envied Connor for his ability to fall asleep so easily, whereas he was left alone with his thoughts. Daryl eyed the Irishman head to toe, now that he was given the opportunity to do so without getting annoyed by his babbling and grinning. Connor had crossed his arms over his chest and rested his feet on his bed. The hunter didn't understand how he could possibly sleep in such an uncomfortable position like that, but then again, it wasn't like he hadn't done it himself every now and then. It looked like Connor was still staring at the ceiling, only that his eyes were closed and his chest was rising and falling slowly.<p>

Daryl could see the marks the rope had left on his exposed throat. It made him frown and shake his head. It had been more than eight hours since he had cut Connor from the rope, and the marks and bruises were gradually getting darker and redder. He couldn't understand how the guy could possibly do that to himself. On purpose. Now that he saw it up close he couldn't help but feel guilty again. _Had he really pushed him to do that? _Of course. It was stupid to think that way. He didn't even know the guy, and neither did Connor know him. Daryl knew that he had said and done pretty stupid things to their newest addition to the group. But still. He hadn't meant to push him into suicide. Or was this really his fault? He still didn't know much about this Murphy guy, his twin brother. All he knew was that Connor's brother was dead. Maybe that was the reason. Maybe something connected to his death had pushed the newbie so far. Daryl startled when the door opened behind him. Since Connor was asleep he had welcomed the freedom of getting rid of the bed cover and enjoying the chilly air that came through the open window, but as soon as the door opened he hid his scars and shifted.

"How are you feeling?" he heard Carol ask and fought with his bed cover to get it in place.

He turned his back on her again and just looked at sleeping Connor.

"As good as I look" he murmured and heard how Carol put something on the night stand to his right.

"I brought you two some dinner. You must be starving."

Daryl didn't answer. Truth be told, he was freaking hungry after today. Starving, just like she had said. But he didn't want to seem pathetic so he just looked at it and turned around again. He could feel her eyes on his back and felt uneasy about it. The whole thing was embarrassing enough. All it took was Connor to wake up now. He prayed for him to stay asleep. He startled when he felt Carol's lips on his bandaged temple. Daryl turned around in shock and looked at her. He didn't know what to say.

"Watch out, I got stitches" was all he came up with.

He fumbled with the bed covers because he felt awkward and didn't know what to do.  
>It was quiet for a while except for the chirping insects outside and Connor's gentle snoring.<p>

"You need to know something" Carol said and Daryl turned around.

"You did more for my little girl today than her own daddy ever did in his whole life."

Daryl wanted to snort.

_Of course. Anyone could do more for her than that asshole._

"I didn't do anything Rick or Shane wouldn't have done" he simply said and tried to avoid her gaze.

"I know. You're every bit as good as them. Every bit. Just look at what you're doing for me and Sophia..and for him" she said and nodded at sleeping Connor. With that she left the room. For a while Daryl just stared into nothingness, and that nothingness was Connor's rising and falling chest. He knew he was looking for Sophia. He knew he wanted to cheer Carol up with finding her and the rose. He knew he was helping Connor by letting him call him Murphy and saving him from killing himself. But after even knowing all that, he was surprised to hear Carol say that. Actually being nice to him. Thanking him. "_Thank you, fer saving me_" he remembered Connor saying. "_You're ever bit as good as them_" he heard Carol say and felt her lips on his temple. He felt miserable. He didn't think they were right and he didn't think he deserved their gratitude and sympathy.

* * *

><p>When Daryl woke up the next morning he couldn't help but let out an awkward groan. He had fallen asleep on his stomach and could feel the wound and stitches hurting.<br>He had been lying on his wounds that pounded in what felt like protest.

"Morning sunshine" he was greeted and let out another groan, this time because he hated those words.

Connor was still sitting next to him on the chair, with a book in his hands. Daryl shifted awkwardly and grunted once more.  
>He couldn't believe that the stupid Irishman was <em>still <em>sitting there.

"Yah still sittin here? Jesus, will yah ever fuck off and leave me be yah fuckin creep?" he growled and Connor just smirked.

He spit out the rosaries he had been chewing on and shifted. Daryl eyed the crosses absently.  
>They made him think of his necklace from yesterday. He wondered where it was.<p>

"How ye feeling?" Connor murmured.

"As good as I look."

"Oh, so horrible?"

"Screw yah" Daryl muttered and shifted his weight to the side that wasn't injured and didn't hurt so much which was, frankly, quite hard to achieve since his whole body ached. It took him a while to wake up properly and then he eyed Connor. He looked a bit healthier again although the strangulation marks looked even more horrible today. There was a thick bruise all around Connor's neck and it was all black and blue. Both men didn't say anything for a while, but Daryl just knew that Connor couldn't keep it shut for long. "I've just seen..ye know, when you were lying like that..where did ya get those scars fram?"  
>Daryl automatically looked down on himself and covered his bare chest.<p>

"You've been watchin me? I fuckin knew yer a pervert freak."

"Fuck yerself."

"Screw yah."

"Redneck hillbilly."

"Leprechaun."

Connor smirked and looked up from his book.

"Nah but seriously. Yer practically shredded with scars.. Have yer been in a fight or an accident or something?"

"None of yer business" Daryl murmured.

"Come on, I've been inta some fights, I've got me scars as well. You can tell me. Or is it something embarrassing? Come on, nothing' s that embarrassing.  
>I won't tell anybody, promise."<p>

"I said it's none of yer business!" Daryl spat and Connor looked at him in surprise.

Then he said nothing and looked back at his book. Daryl felt sorry for his outburst but he simply would not talk about it. Not with anyone.

After a while and Connor staying quiet Daryl sighed.

"Are yah going to hang yahself now?"

Connor snorted.

"Course, you hurt my feelings. All I wanted was cuddle."

Daryl snorted as well.

"Eat me."

The Irishman grinned.

"Should I ever turn 'm most certainly gonna do that."


	11. Contemplation

So today I found this Norman quote on tumblr and thought it would be perfect for my fic, the Connor-Daryl relationship and so on:

❝_He isn't phony. If he's your friend, if he cares about you. He really cares about you. He would do anything for you. __That's a beautiful thing I think._❞

One of my fav chaps somehow. Maybe too much small talk but it's my fic so screw it. Oh and Daryl just has to start smoking.  
>It's Norman freaking Reedus after all. Lol. So who could make him smoke...huh maybe a certain saint...:D.<p>

**setting:** episode 6 "_Secrets_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 11 - Contemplation

* * *

><p>"Mornin ladies" Connor greeted the group that had gathered around the map and placed himself between Glenn and Lori. He was happy to be outside again. He loved the farm because it reminded him of his old home country. And part of him was just glad to be away from Daryl for a bit. They had spent the entire morning fighting and arguing, simply because Connor had refused to leave injured Daryl alone. Their fights had escalated quickly until Herschel had decided to kick Connor out. The Irishman had been mad at first, but now that he thought about it: maybe he really needed some fresh air now. So he had come to the conclusion that it was best to help the group with their search for missing Sophia, now that they were having a new lead. Connor took a closer look at the map Rick was pointing at, and for a while the whole group just eyed him. Lori moved next to him and looked at his neck.<p>

"Wow your neck looks horrible. Are you sure you should be walking around again?" she asked with a worried look on her face.

The Irishman looked up and beamed at her, simply to make the whole group understand that he was feeling just fine.

"And you look as beautiful as ever Lori, and yup. Need ta walk again. Truth be told, 'm going crazy in there."

Shane snorted.

"With Daryl? I bet."

"As much as I love m'replacement brother, he can be quite bitchy and pretty much a pain in the ass."

Everyone laughed.

"Alright Connor, you stay here and watch over the camp" Rick said and the blonde MacManus looked at him in surprise.

"What? No way! I wanna join te search, help ye with the girl!"

"No. You're still injured. We can't risk you losing your consciousness in the woods with walkers around."

"I'm not going ta lose my fuckin consciousness for Christ's fuckin sakes! I'm not a stupid girl. How many times do I have ta tell ye. I can take care of myself!"

Shane snorted.

"Yeah, we've seen that."

"Oh fuck you! That was something different!"

Shane approached Connor and grabbed him from behind. He grabbed his shoulders and neck and Connor winced in pain when he tried to turn his head abruptly. For a couple of minutes the two men were wrestling and fighting each other, but the Irishman wouldn't stand a chance. He gasped when Shane let go of him. Connor fell to his knees and started coughing and gasping for air. For a moment he sounded like he was suffocating all over again. Lori and Glenn knelt down to take a look at him and helped him up.

"You're calling this taking care of yourself? Right now your neck' s a bundle of strained and crushed muscles and flesh,  
>your windpipe's almost crushed and your spine is sprained. One little blow to it right now and you're knocked out."<p>

"Why te fuck would _you _care?" Connor spat and massaged his aching throat.

"Because you're part of this group now and because you're one of the finest armed men we have. With you we can protect our group even better, at least when yah finally start smartenin up and behave yourself and act your age! Unbelievable, you could run from the police this long without getting caught? Now make yourself useful and watch over the camp. It's your fault after all that you can't join the search. You should've had the guts to kill yourself properly at least."

"Shane!" Lori shouted and everyone stared at Shane in surprise and disgust.

"What? Someone needs to say it. The way he wanted to die, with a rope around his neck, hasn't it crossed your mind? Some walker could've walked by. Bit him.  
>Infected him. He could've turned into a walker, he could've hurt us all. Even when he tries to kill himself he's still a stupid unthinking danger to this group. He's got two loaded Berettas in his leg holsters and chooses a rope?"<p>

Connor had finally managed to get up and glared at Shane.

"I would've taken te guns if this fuckin peasant hadn't taken them the day before" he spat and walked away, hearing people starting arguments with Shane.

* * *

><p>Connor was sitting behind the farmhouse for a while and stared into nothingness. It was a beautiful morning. Quiet. Almost peaceful. He grabbed one of his Berettas and stared at the gun. How many people it had killed. It had made him and his brother famous. It had always been there for over 10 years. It had been through everything he and Murphy had been through. He checked the magazine. Loaded. Bullets that were just waiting for some brains to be buried in. The Irishman noticed his tattoo again and placed his index finger on it, stroking the letters absently. <em>Veritas<em>.

_Well, what's te truth? The truth is._.. _I miss ye Murphy.  
>Every second af my miserable life. The truth is that I wanna be with you again. Shane was right. Should've taken the guns.<em>

* * *

><p>Daryl left the house slowly and awkwardly. His stitches and wounds were aching with every move he made, but he needed fresh air and space. And maybe he needed to check on Connor. After saving him from killing himself Daryl didn't like leaving Connor alone for more than an hour. For the past two days the Irishman hadn't left his side anyway, so Daryl didn't have much to worry about, but now that he was up and walking again, whereas Daryl <em>still<em> couldn't really move...it made the hunter feel paranoid. The Merle driven part of him hated him for his pathetic caring and wanted him to forget about Connor, mind his own business. But the truth was that he didn't have much else right now anyway. And he wouldn't have anybody else once he'd found Sophia, and he _would_find her. He knew that once Carol had her daughter back, he could no longer care about Carol or talk to her. She would have her own flesh and blood to care about and there was no way he was teaming up with them. No way he was becoming a replacement for Sophia's father. He didn't do families. He and Connor were the only two who didn't really fit the group and maybe that was why he felt the need to team up with him.

He found the camp empty and assumed that everyone had decided to continue searching. Then he saw Dale on top of the RV.  
>The sight of the car made him feel a bit uneasy and his left temple was beginning to ache again. <em>Andrea, that stupid bitch,<em> he thought and rubbed the stitches.  
>He approached the RV.<p>

"Have yah seen Connor?" he asked and felt stupid. All he ever asked the others was where to find Connor. Dale turned around in surprise and looked at Daryl.

"What are you doing here,boy? You should stay in bed!"

"Don't pull yah stupid grandfather thing on me. It ain't working. Now, where the hell's Connor?"

Dale looked at Daryl for a moment and sighed.

"He walked some place behind the farmhouse."

"To look for Sophia on his own?"

"No, he wasn't allowed to join. Shane went pretty rough on him, that stupid man."

"What did that asshole do?"

"Oh another one of his power demonstrations."

Daryl remembered Shane's tight grip around his neck and shuddered angrily.

_Yeah, he knew the tricks of this stupid testosterone junkie. _

He turned around to search for Connor.

"You should go back to bed. Another fight won't do you any good."

"Shut your stupid cakehole."

* * *

><p>He walked past the farmhouse and searched the fields but had no luck finding Connor anywhere. When he turned his head to check the back of the farmhouse, he found Connor sitting there with his gun in his hands. Daryl felt uneasy about the whole thing, because the Irishman looked all miserable again. He cursed himself for caring so much once more. The hunter decided to join the Irishman, and when he got closer he heard how Connor was talking to himself. It made him snort and frown.<p>

_Freak._

"Remember the games we used ta play Murph? Runnin across te fields in our village. We would pretend ta be the heroes of the fairytales and stories Ma used ta read fer us. Most of the time I played the baddie and chased yer across the fields til one day ye fell and broke yer hand.'T was all my fault. I felt so fuckin sorry fer hurtin yah, so I broke my hand on purpose so we could match."

He looked at his hand.

"Ma yelled at us fer being so alike all te time. Everything we had or did,we had or did it tagether. Most of the time I just pulled ye down with me. When I started ta smoke when we were fourteen, and you grabbed one and started as well. You were coughing six ways fram Sunday. Then you smoked even more than me. Fuckin chimney you were. And when I wanted ta move to the states, you came with me although ye hated big cities and the American way of living. And when those stupid Russians attacked us and almost shot ye in the head 't was my fault as well, just cos I set dat stupid Russian's ass on fire. I dragged ye down with me. Got ye hurt, all the time. And in the end..'t was my fault you got bit cos I was busy shouting at ye.."

He sighed and let his head drop. Daryl froze and looked at the Irishman in surprise. He was still irritated because Connor was talking to himself.  
>It even looked like he was talking <em>to <em>somebody nonexistent.

_He's lost it now._

But no matter how weird and worrying it was, Daryl was glad to hear more about the weirdo's brother and what had happened to him.

"It's all my fuckin fault, man. From the second we were born this shit was destined ta happen."

Connor stared at the gun for a while and put it away again.

"I know. I fuckin promised I wouldn't kill meself. But still. What am I sapposed ta do Murph. All this time we hunted down evil men and put a bullet ta their heads. But even then we made sure they were shown mercy and redemption. I earned my place in hell a long time ago. From the moment I first planted bullets inta people's brains." He sighed and shook his head. "But I know yer in the fields of the lord now. Cos you were a true saint, Murph. An angel Ma used ta call ye when we were little."

He rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes.

"All I want is ta be with you again but I fuckin can't. I put a bullet to me own head and I condemn my body to the fires of hell forever. And yer not there. And everyday I pray fer salvation, fer some fucking walker ta get me or someone ta shoot me...I'm just tired Murph. So fuckin tired. Half of me' s missing. Tell me what ta do, brother. Or god. Or both of ye. Please. Just fuckin tell me."

Daryl approached him then because he had heard enough and it was getting pathetic. When Connor heard the rustling of grass he grabbed his gun and pointed it at Daryl who froze and raised an eyebrow. Connor's eyes were a bit teary and he sniffed. Then he wiped his nose and put the gun away.

"Mornin sunshine, did grandpa allow ye ta go out and play again?" he said and grinned at him, but Daryl knew that he was faking it.

"Shut up."

He sat down next to Connor and both men stared across the fields for a while.

"I heard about Shane" Daryl said after a while and Connor laughed.

"Stupid fucker just took advantage..just wait til I'm all healthy again. Gonna kick his testosterone hyped ass big time. I've dealt with cupboards twice his seize."

Daryl couldn't help but smirk.

"I'd like t'see that."

"Oh ye will, Murph, ye will."

Daryl looked at Connor who closed his eyes for a moment.

Then just stared into nothingness again.

"Sorry. I meant Daryl."

"It's ok. I'm gettin used t'yer weirdo spasms."

Both men chuckled and then Connor looked at Daryl.

"How ye feeling? Does it still hurt?"

"Nah, just a scratch. I ain't a whiny bitch" Daryl said although the wound really burned and hurt like hell.

Connor snorted.

"Right."  
>"How are yah feeling?" Daryl asked carefully and Connor smirked.<p>

"Fuckin brilliant. _It's just a scratch. I ain't a whiny bitch _either" he said and imitated Daryl's accent. Daryl kicked Connor who moaned.

The Irishman punched his thigh in return with a giggle.

"I saw yah with the gun."

"Just cleaning it."

"Yah like talking t'yahself?"

Connor sighed.

"Did ye hear everything?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Fuck."

Connor let his head drop and then looked back up after a while.

"Ferget about it. It's nothing."

"Yah looked like yah were talking to thin air. And then yah looked like yah were gonna shoot yerself."

"Did not."

"So yah just felt like playin with yer gun behind the farmhouse where no one could see yah and hear yah."

"I wouldn't have pulled the fuckin trigger. I didn't pull te fuckin trigger."

"Too scared?" Daryl asked and looked at the man next to him. Connor snorted.

"I ain't scared af bullets or dying."

"But you're afraid of hell."

"Nah" Connor murmured and looked away.

"You said" Daryl answered and did the same.

Connor hesitated for a moment then.

"I'm scared of not seein m' brother again" he finally admitted.

"Why wouldn't yah?"

"I thought you heard everything, ye deaf or what?"

"So yah think it's all yer fault."

"Pretty much" Connor said and grabbed a smoke.

He lit it and exhaled with a relieved sigh. He offered Daryl one but he shook his head.

"You should have one. Makes ye less bitchy and more relaxed."

"Fuck you."

"See."

After a while and Connor enjoying his cigarette Daryl went on.

"Why are yah talking to yahself?"

"I ain't" Connor answered and snorted.

"Yah were."

"Nah. I was talkin ta Murph. And god."

"Except that he's dead and god doesn't exist."

"What te fuck do you know."

They didn't speak for a while.

Daryl just snorted and looked away.

"Fuckin weirdo."

"Who te fuck am I sapposed ta tell, huh? None of you people knew him or know me. Or care about anyone except fer themselves and their families.  
>And none of you believes anyway. I spent weeks all on me own. All I had to talk to was myself and the air. I don't need ta talk to anyone."<p>

Daryl snorted. He was surprised how much alike their thoughts were in that regard.

"I would've told Murph if he were still with me. Would've told you if I could. But you hate me, so all I've got's this shit."

"I don't hate yah" Daryl murmured and looked at the Irishman.

"Of course ye do. You keep tellin me. I don't need yer fuckin fake pity. This ain't charity" Connor said and rubbed his eye tiredly.

"Really. I don't hate yah." Daryl said quietly and looked down.

He hated to be so honest. Connor turned his head as good as his neck would allow it and just looked at Daryl.

"Yer just a pain in the ass" Daryl went on and Connor smirked. He laughed gently.

"Right back at ye."

For a while they just sat there and kept each other company. Suddenly Daryl grabbed Connor's jacket and searched for his cigarette pack.  
>Connor eyed him when he grabbed a smoke and searched his pocket for a lighter. When he lit the smoke Connor smiled.<p>

"You smoke then?"

"Nope" Daryl said and coughed, but after a moment he gathered himself and Connor grinned. Daryl's hair looked darker today and now that he wasn't so blonde and had a smoke in his mouth he looked a lot more like Murphy. The hunter blew out a big cloud of smoke. "You don't have ta do that, ye know" the Irishman said and smirked.

"Shut the fuck up." Daryl growled and looked at the cigarette.

And Connor grinned even more. He knew that Daryl hated to admit when he was doing something nice for people. He always tried to act extra tough. Connor hit his shoulder and beamed his idiotic grin at him and despite all his typical reactions to that stupid grin, Daryl couldn't help but feel relieved. He liked that Connor more than the Connor he had just seen a couple of minutes ago. The crazy Connor who was talking to thin air, the Connor with a rope around his neck or the Connor lying unmoving on the floor. Not to speak of the Connor crying every night in silence. Somehow Daryl knew that this Connor right in front of him was his true self right now. The Connor from the past.


	12. Suspicion

and another chapter. I've always loved that little scene in Boondock I where Connor and Murphy are in hospital and play with the kid, so I decided to write some more Connor/kid scenes, and the only kid in our group happens to be Carl.**  
><strong>

****setting:** **episode 6 "_Secrets_"**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 12 - Suspicion

* * *

><p>Connor decided to help Lori and Carl with the hens now that Daryl had returned to their tent to rest for a bit and he was forced to stay on the farm as well. It was kind of funny, now that he thought about it. Every time he was running from someone, walkers or police officers, he would always end up at some farm. Somehow this felt like Ireland all over again. Minus his brother. They were close to the shed right next to the farmhouse where Herschel's family kept their hens. Connor was trying to teach Carl how to take care of the animals and be a decent farmer, and Lori was sitting right next to them and tried to help as well. The Irishman was teaching the kid how to throw the grain in a more efficient way, but Carl seemed to be more interested in what his mother was doing. Lori had been brooding all day, no matter how many times Connor had tried to cheer her up with jokes and silly voices. The Irishman noticed that it was bothering the kid, so he decided that if he couldn't make her smile then he should try to get her to talk.<p>

"Carl over here told me that yer worried about something?" he said and tried to break the ice.

The Grimes kid turned around to glare at him, and Lori seemed quite surprised herself. Connor shrugged.

"Sappose it's not really any of my business. I just hate ta see people so pissed off these days. Especially kids" he murmured and ruffled Carl's hair.

Lori snorted and looked down.

"It's my job to worry."

Carl threw another handful of grain at the hens and shook his head.

"No it's not. You're a housewife."

Both adults looked at the boy in surprise. Lori snorted and threw some of the grain at her son.

"Yeah, punk? You see my house around here?"

Carl snickered and Connor couldn't hold back a gentle laugh either.

"Kids these days" he said and chuckled.

Lori nodded.

"That's right, see Carl, back in the old days boys like you respected their moms."

Connor laughed even more.

"Hell no, I was way worse than te little fella."

The boy turned his head and grinned at the Irishman.

"Really?"

Lori pointed at the blonde.

"Hey, don't give him ideas" she warned him, but Connor shook his head.

"'m not. I wasn't finished yet, cos ye see, I had a brother, which means it was even worse fer our Ma, double trouble all the way through. But ye know what? Our Ma was a tough one, that was. She knew how to handle naughty boys like me'n Murph. Christ, crazy woman that was. Punchline, you should be glad you've got this one as yer Ma" he said and pointed at Lori.

Carl looked at his mother.

"She's a good Ma that is, so you should respect her and treat her well, aye?"

"Did you?" Carl asked and the Irishman snorted.

"Course I did. Well, later, when I got that. But then she started givin me and Murph shit. I think she kinda wanted t' give us some payback.  
>So, be careful and remember. What goes around, comes around."<p>

"Don't give her any ideas!" Carl exclaimed and both Connor and Lori laughed.

The Irishman turned his head when he heard the rattling of a bucket in the shed. Patricia, Otis' wife and Herschel's friend, was also with them. He had completely forgotten about her. There was something about her that made him feel weird. She was glancing at them repeatedly as if to make sure that no one was watching her. When their gazes met Patricia startled and looked away again. Connor frowned. _What the hell was she doing anyway?  
><em>  
>"They don't have a mother" Carl said and made the Irishman turn around again. The kid was still feeding the birds and looked at a pair of young chicks.<p>

"Well, she might be somewhere else" Lori answered and Connor sighed.

Christ, he needed a cigarette right now, but Rick's wife would not allow him to smoke anywhere near them.

"Maybe she got eaten" Carl murmured and both adults looked at him again.

The kid just kept going like nothing had happened, like what he had said was perfectly normal. Connor looked at Lori who was staring at her child. It was obvious that she was shocked, and truth be told, he didn't like Carl's pessimism either. For the past couple of months he had seen how this new world was messing with everyone's head. It made him cringe to watch kids change like that.

"Well aren't you a little sunshine" Connor murmured and nudged Carl.

"Brighten up a little, pal."

Lori's son shrugged.

"Everything is food for something else."

The Irishman nodded.

"Well aye, that's kinda true"

They could hear how a door was shut and looked up once more. Patricia had come out of the chicken coop and was now heading for the shed. Lori and Carl lost interest and started talking again but Connor watched the woman leave for a little while longer. He couldn't stop thinking about the way she had been watching them, like she was keeping a secret. Or maybe he was just paranoid. He could feel his throat ache again, and although he knew that it was just his healing bruise, he decided to take it as invitation for a smoke. The Irishman put the bucket with grain on the ground and sighed.

"'m gonna go, have a smoke" he murmured and searched his pockets for a lighter.

When he walked around the chicken coop to keep his distance from Lori and her son he saw Patricia again. She was heading for the barn with a wheelbarrow now, and once again she kept turning around and eyeing her surroundings every once in a while. It made Connor snort. He didn't know why he thought it was strange. Maybe she was just looking out for walkers. But there had been something in her eyes when their gazes had met...The Irishman took a deep breath and shifted. It was still rather hard for him to breathe and all his smoking wasn't exactly making it any better. But still. He needed something to calm him down because he could tell that he was freakishly paranoid and jumpy these days. Connor turned his head carefully when he heard rhythmic stomping coming from somewhere to his left. A moment later a horse came storming out of the woods, completely saddled and terrified. Connor instinctively reached out for his knife, fearing that walkers could be following the animal. He waited several minutes, and so did Patricia down the road, but no walkers would come. The Irishman sighed and relaxed, remembering that Daryl had told him that he had fallen off a horse yesterday. Maybe this was the horse after all, he thought, and started walking because it reminded him that he wanted to check on Daryl anyway.

* * *

><p>When Connor returned to camp he saw that most of the group was back from the search.<br>He passed Glenn and Maggie on his way to Daryl's tent and greeted them, but they seemed too busy arguing over something.

"It's creepy!" Glenn exclaimed and Maggie finally seemed to notice the Irishman.

She greeted him back and looked at Glenn again to hush him.

The Korean looked at Connor in surprise.

"Oh! Hey! Connor! How are you, feeling better today?" he asked and seemed rather nervous.

The Irishman raised an eyebrow and stopped walking for a moment.

"Aye, course. Sound as an Irish pound. What about you? Oh, thanks" he answered and took one of the peaches Glenn was offering him.

The other man almost dropped the basket and got even more nervous, which made Connor suspicious.

"Great, thanks" Glenn answered and tried to keep his balance.

Maggie was eyeing him with narrowed eyes. Connor nudged Glenn's shoulder and started walking again.

"That's great man, gotta go, see you later, ye two."

A moment later he could hear them whispering again.

"Just trust me on this, okay? Hush now" he heard Maggie mumble and frowned.

_Was everyone keeping secrets these days? Jesus._

He walked past the campfire and greeted Dale on his way until he finally reached Daryl's tent. He was surprised to find Andrea sitting in there, but it looked like she was on her way out anyway. "But hey. Shoot me again, you best pray I'm dead" Connor heard Daryl say and chuckled. He was greeted by Andrea when she got out of the tent and made his way in right after her. Daryl was lying on his side of their temporary home with his shirt open and an arrow in his hands. He rolled his eyes when he saw Connor.

"Not yah again."

Connor snickered and sat down for a moment.

"Just meant t'check on you before I leave with te group and teach people how ta shoot. How's te wound, yer alright Murph?"

"I was til you creep came in. Yah didn't hang yerself yet?"

The blonde just smirked.

"Why, did ye worry 'bout me?"

Daryl eyed Connor's neck for a moment. He could see the bruises and black and blue marks all around his neck again and growled.

"I don't worry about yah, you freak. Hope the walkers get yah so I can live in peace."

Connor snorted and grabbed the book which was lying next to Daryl. He flipped through the pages and looked at the cover.

"Did yer new girlfriend bring ye this?" he asked and Daryl snorted as well.

"Ain't my new girlfriend" he answered and looked out of their tent.

"And there ain't no pictures either."

"Yer telling me ye can't read?" the blonde asked with an raised eyebrow and Daryl wouldn't bother answering his stupid question.

He was a bit disappointed because Connor didn't get his joke.

"Mind telling me what t'hell yah want? 'm tryin t'get some rest here, and that ain't gonna happen if yah people keep bothering me with yer crap."

Connor threw the book away and sighed.

"People are keeping secrets. I saw that one chick glaring at us every two seconds, like she was doing some shit we weren't sapposed t'see.  
>And Glenn 'n Maggie were all hush hush, too."<p>

Daryl shifted and shrugged.

"So?'s not like yah ain't keeping secrets from us, like yer whole serial killer bullshit the first couple of days."

Connor raised an eyebrow.

"So what, should I've told ye right from the start? Hey, 'm Connor, thanks fer picking me up, oh by the way I killed about 30 people back in Boston?"

The other man shrugged.

"Yeah, cos then yah bet Rick wouldn't have invited yah t'stay with us and I could live in peace right now."

"Fuck you."

They didn't speak for a while until Daryl got annoyed again.

He turned his head to look at the Irishman.

"We done?"

Connor snorted and got up.

"Screw you, I just meant t'tell ye that we should be careful with all those people."

"Yeah, there's no "we" in here. Just cos I cut yer stupid rope it don't mean that there's any sort of "we" going on here, it's been a week and yah still ain't getting it."

The Irishman headed for the exit and bit his peach on his way out.

"Nah fuck you" he murmured and had enough for today.

He was half way out when Daryl called out again.

"Eh leprechaun."

Connor turned around again to look back.

"Yah better hit the targets, not yah stupid brainless head."

The blonde smirked.

"Very funny."

* * *

><p>Connor went with the rest of the group to practice gun shooting. Since all the other cars were full he had to drive with Shane in his Hyundai. The Irishman was checking and cleaning his guns in the passenger seat, now that they had given them back to him. The policeman would look at him every once in a while until Connor had enough. "What's the matter? Spit it out."<p>

Shane chuckled and looked at the other cars in front of them.

"Nothing. How are yah, buddy?"

Connor snorted and looked at the policeman.

"We're not really gonna have that conversation, are we?"

"Daryl still giving yah shit?"

The Irishman chuckled and got back to cleaning his guns again.

"What do ye think. Af course he's still giving me shit, fuckin asshole."

Shane smirked.

"Told yah."

They drove on for a little while longer until the policeman started talking again.

"'n I ask you something?"

The Irishman nodded and put one gun away, now that it was clean and secured.

"Sure. Shoot."

"How did yah two get outta prison? Read all about it, saw it all over the news. Me and the guys were pretty impressed back in our department.  
>Breaking out of the Hoag. Pretty impressive."<p>

Connor grinned.

"Well that's shite. Cos ye see, officer, it's a secret. Gotta protect all te people involved."

Shane raised an eyebrow.

"They still alive?"

"No. I was just shitting you man" Connor answered and tried to laugh, but he didn't really feel like it.

Christ, how much he missed Eunice and her crew.

"Other police officers and FBI agents helped us. Couple of weeks later shit hit te fan and dead people started walking."

"Lucky you. Pretty much every prison got slaughtered when the virus hit."

Connor snorted softly.

"Aye, but 's not like it was any different out there in te city."

* * *

><p>About ten minutes later they reached the spot where they wanted to teach people how to shoot guns and take care of them. Connor helped Rick and Shane and placed some empty bottles on the fence as targets, then he went back to stand with the others and listen to what the police officers were saying. It had literally been over 20 years since their uncle had trained him and Murphy, and he had never considered himself a professional, no matter how many years he had spent shooting mafiosi. His twin had always mocked him since he had never really been as good as Murphy when they had been shooting distant targets, so maybe he could learn something today. Once again he hated to be reminded of his brother like that. He was sure that his twin would have loved to be there today. "Gun work is serious business" Shane started talking and Connor sighed. Oh how much he missed his brother right now. He imagined him standing there right next to him. What Murphy would have done right now. They sure as hell would have been making fun of Shane and his <em>serious business. <em>Gun shooting had always been fun for them, and Murphy would have been buzzing with excitement by now.

"Even if you do everything right, accidents, they still happen."

Connor remembered that one time where they had stolen their father's old army revolver and ran around their backyard. He had been chasing Murphy all day, until it went off by accident and blew a hole in the wall of their house. Both twins had been terrified back then, and their mother had been furious. Oh the beating he had received. That accident had caused their mother to hide the revolver so good that it had taken her years to find it again.

"You always think before you pull the trigger. You always think fast, but you think. Know the consequences. You never fire a weapon unless you have a very good reason. And that's gotta be a reason that you can live with. Cos a death – that stays with you. That's forever."

Connor swallowed hard when he heard that.  
><em><br>A death. That stays with you. That's forever._

He hated how right Shane was with that. "Carl" the policeman demanded and Connor looked up. The little boy nodded and stepped forward. Rick, Shane and Lori were talking to the kid for a moment and the Irishman used the time to check his own guns. He didn't like looking at Carl's back, because the boy looked just like Murphy when he had been younger then. Christ, everything was reminding him of Murphy right now, so he needed to get his mind off things. He checked his magazines and guns for what felt like the 10000th time.

"Okay, Carl's gonna shows how."

The kid took aim and missed, but everyone clapped and cheered anyway, even Connor. Rick and Shane came back to give the group further instructions and assign partners.

"Connor, you help Carl, me and Rick we're gonna help the others" Shane told him and the Irishman nodded.

When he approached the rest of Rick's family Lori didn't seem too pleased.

"Looks like we spend pretty much te whole day tagether, aye?" he said with a smirk on his face and tried to cheer her up.

Carl turned around and grinned at him.

"It's awesome. Can you teach me how to hit the bottle today?"

Connor came to a halt right next to the kid and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Well, gotta take it slow little fella, aye? You heard what Shane said. Think first, shoot later."

He looked at Lori again, who had folded her arms by now.

"Yer okay with this?"

She took a deep breath and looked at her husband and Shane.

"As much as I hate to see my son shooting guns, I suppose Rick is right. As long as it's just walkers you're teaching him how to shoot at."

Connor raised an eyebrow at this, but decided not to respond to that, with Carl standing right next to him. He knelt down next to the kid and adjusted his position a bit instead. It took little Carl several tries until he finally hit the target, and his father had returned by now. "I got it!" the boy cheered and grinned at his father who smiled back and patted his shoulder. "That was a great shot" he complimented his son and seemed very pleased. Connor stood a bit off because he was smoking again. He was also proud how well the kid was doing.

"It's cos Connor helped me a lot. I was doing it wrong before" Carl said and turned his head to smile at the Irishman who had just blown out a big cloud of smoke.

Connor swallowed the wrong way and coughed because of the sudden attention and winced when his throat ached all over again.  
>He rubbed his aching neck and smiled back.<p>

"Guess we have to thank your teacher then" Rick said and smiled at him as well. Connor gave him a small nod and concentrated on his cigarette again.

A couple of minutes later Carl resumed his shooting and Rick came to stand next to Connor, who had taken over watch duty so Carol could practice a bit as well.

"Thank you for teaching my son" Rick said and smiled at him. The Irishman smirked and dropped his smoke to put it out.

"Well, he's a natural that one."

"You got any kids?" Rick asked and the blonde shook his head.

"No, why?"

"I just thought. Carl talks very high of you. Looks like you got a new fan" the policeman said as he watched his son with a proud smile on his face.

"He's talking about you all the time."

Connor snorted.

"Really."

They didn't speak for a while and Connor didn't really feel like talking himself, so he waited for Rick to say something, since it was obvious that the policeman needed to get something off his chest. "Listen. I may not be fond of everything you have done in your past, but I just wanted to let you know that I don't regret my decision to take you with us when we found you in that church."

The Irishman frowned and looked up when Rick offered him a hand.

"Welcome to our group." Connor just looked at his hand for a moment, then he took it and faced Rick.

"Well, thanks fer having me."

The policeman smiled and put a hand on his shoulder, then he turned around to go back to his family.


	13. Night Watch

****setting:** **between episodes 6 " _Secrets_" and 7 "_Pretty Much Dead Already_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 13 - Night Watch

* * *

><p>When they finally returned back to camp it was already getting dark outside. Connor returned to Daryl's tent to get changed and greet his friend after not seeing him for pretty much half the day, but was surprised to find the tent empty. The Irishman frowned and scratched his head. Daryl's crossbow was nowhere to be seen, and neither were his knife or any of his weapons.<em> Had he really been so stupid to go out and search for Sophia on his own? With that kind of injury? <em>Connor felt very uneasy about it and it made him nervous. He knew that Daryl wasn't Murphy, but at the same time he just couldn't really trick his instincts that were still telling him: W_here is your brother. Your brother is not here. You've got to look after him. _The Irishman got changed and searched for a new cigarette pack. He cursed when he realized that it wouldn't take long and he'd be running out. He swallowed hard and tried not to think about it. He got out of the tent to search for Daryl and it didn't take him long to find him. He saw the hunter sitting on top of the RV, with his crossbow in his hands. It looked like he was on watch. Connor got closer to the vehicle and frowned.

"Hey Murph, what are ye doing? Aren't yer sapposed ta rest?"

Daryl turned his head to look at him. He just shrugged and looked away again.

"Screw yah, I don't care" Connor heard him mutter.

He climbed up the RV and joined Daryl.

"Night watch?" he asked and put his hands in his pockets.

Daryl just nodded and eyed him for a moment. Connor frowned.

"What?"

"Still ain't dead yet? Christ, yer annoying."

The Irishman snorted and sat down next to the hunter. For a moment he just stared across the fields and scratched his aching neck.  
>Then he grabbed two smokes from his pocket. He flashed Daryl one and the other nodded after a moment, so Connor lit up both cigarettes and handed him one.<p>

"How's te wound?" Connor asked after a while and Daryl growled.

He hated it when people asked him how he was. He wasn't used to it. No one had ever cared about him.

"Just a scratch."

"Right."

Connor looked at Daryl after a moment and smirked.

"When I got shot it fuckin hurt like hell."

Daryl cleaned his crossbow and inhaled a big cloud of smoke and when he blew it out he sighed.

"Yeah."

"Gets better after a week or two."

The two men remained quiet for a while and finished their smokes.  
>When Connor lit his second one Daryl felt comfortable enough and tried to keep the conversation up.<p>

"When did yah get shot then? Today?"

Connor scratched his neck again and coughed.

"Very funny. Nah. Got shot a couple of times. First time back in te 90s when me and Murph got started. Funny thing was, 't was our father back then who shot us. He had no idea and we had no idea. And then last year. The day Murph and I got caught. There was a big firefight. Guns and shit..about 20 mobsters attackin us. We barely made it. They got our Da though. And our friend, Romeo. Got shot in te shoulder, leg and stomach. Me and Murph."

"I'm sorry..about your father" Daryl said.

"Comes with te job title" Connor just said and took another drag on his smoke.

"Broken bones, cuts and bullet wounds. All te time" he added after a while and sighed.

Daryl snorted when he remembered his similar past and injuries. Connor looked up and frowned.

"Ye think that's funny?"

"No..just...reminded me of something."

"And what's dat?"

"Doesn't matter."

"So yer talkin about yer scars then, aren't ye" Connor murmured and eyed Daryl curiously. The hunter ignored him and continued cleaning his crossbow.

"One af yer parents I assume" the Irishman went on and Daryl rolled his eyes.

"Shut up."

"Father I'd say by te looks of it."

"I said shut the fuck up" Daryl spat and shoved Connor.

"Bullseye" the blonde responded and fell back with a gentle laugh.

"One more word and I'll kill yah" Daryl warned him and Connor sighed.

"Alright. Ye don't have ta tell me if you don't want ta."

"Yeah, exactly" the hunter answered and snorted.

"Talking about shit's good though. Helps most of te time" the Irishman murmured and threw his cigarette away.

This made Daryl look at him in disbelief.

"Yeah right, why don't yah fuckin start then, how come yer crying yah eyes out every night, huh? Yah wanna talk about that?"

Connor snorted and avoided his gaze.

"Don't know what yer talkin about."

"Every night, same time, I wake up and hear yah cryin next to me. Miserably. Don't deny it, it's been like that for five fuckin days."

"So?"

"Why won't yah ever stop?"

"Because my fuckin twin brother's dead, okay?! He was the most important person in my whole fuckin life, so af course I mourn his death every fuckin night when I wake up from another nightmare af seeing him dying. Every. fuckin. Night!" Connor yelled with eyes burning with anger and hatred. He got up and headed for the ladder.

"Yer a fuckin cold bastard, that's what yer. So you can't sleep, you should get a little perspective here.  
>You don't know shit about what it feels like ta lose yer brother. You egoistic fucker" he murmured and lit another cigarette on his way back.<p>

"I didn't fuckin ask yah because I can't sleep. Yeah of course I can't sleep because of yah stupid cryin every night but that's not the point. I lost my brother, too!  
>And I ain't cryin every fucking night. 's too much t'ask for when I say that I want yah to stop that shit?"<p>

"Fine, I'll fuckin sleep somewhere else so Mr Asshole can enjoy his sleep" Connor spat.

"I don't want yah t'stop because of me not sleepin but because of you yah, stupid freak!"

Connor stopped and turned around. He was laughing angrily.

"What?"

"It's pissing me off that yah so fuckin sad, alright? Jesus, there, I said it, so calm the fuck down with yah stupid Irish hothead."

Daryl turned his back on Connor and concentrated on his crossbow. After a while the Irishman came back to him and sat back down again.  
>For a very long while they were quiet and especially Connor needed some time to process everything.<p>

"Are ye actually sayin ye care about me?"he asked after a while and Daryl just snorted.

Then, when Connor didn't expect an answer any more, Daryl answered.

"I cut yah stupid rope, didn't I."

At the mention of the rope Connor started laughing. He remembered Murphy's hatred for his rope plans. He had always called his ropes stupid.

"What the hell's wrong with yah" Daryl muttered and Connor took a deep breath.

"Oh it's just..Murphy always hated my ideas. Especially when they involved a rope."

"Well, he would've loved yer latest rope idea" Daryl muttered and Connor sighed.

"He would've cut me loose and then he'd kicked the shit outta me and then he'd have killed me fer it."

"I would've helped him."

Connor rubbed his neck and nodded.

"Yeah. I bet."

He finished another smoke and they kept on watching the farm. They were on top of the RV for over an hour now.

"So what happened ta yer brother?" the Irishman asked quietly and Daryl sighed.

"I dunno. Rick cuffed him to a rooftop and left him there. When we went back for him he wasn't there any more. Cut off his own hand that tough fucker."

"So he's still alive?"

"Maybe" the hunter murmured and looked up to check for walkers.

"D'ye miss him?" the Irishman asked and Daryl looked at him.

He raised an eyebrow and snorted.

"He's my brother."

"Right. So, you practically lost yer brother, too?"

The hunter nodded and looked away again.

"Practically."

"Well then, I could..."

"Don't even think 'bout it. How many times do I have t'tell yah" Daryl interrupted him and Connor growled.

"Alright. Jesus."

They didn't speak for a while and Connor took his cigarette pack to count his remaining smokes. Three. Just three. And he had no idea where to get any new ones.  
>This was the down side of living far away from big cities. Less walkers, but also less cigarettes. Christ. But he <em>needed <em>them.

"So how did yah lose yer brother then?" Daryl asked and the Irishman looked up.

Connor just stared at him for a while, then he turned his head and looked away again.

"Aren't that many walkers out here, don't ye think? Real fuckin quiet" he murmured and Daryl snorted.

"So what, yah can ask questions and I can't? And yer calling me an egoistic fucker."

"I just don't wanna fuckin talk about it, okay? What do ye think, how I fuckin lost 'im. I already told you. I'm from fucking Boston. Big city that is.  
>Big city with a shit ton of walkers. So you kinda get te picture"<p>

"So he got bit then?"

Connor glared at the man next to him.

"What part of "I don't wanna talk about it" don't ye fuckin understand? Are yer really such a fuckin hillbilly?"

Daryl growled and got up.

"Fuck you, yah mick. Keep yer shit t'yerself then, don't care anyway."

"Then stop fuckin bringing it up."

"Why, gonna hang yerself otherwise? Better keep doing it then, asshole, cos yer annoying the crap.."

He received a punch right in the face for that and bit his tongue because he hadn't been finished talking yet.  
>Before Daryl could throw a punch back at him Connor was already back on his feet and headed for the ladder.<p>

"Fuck you" he murmured and left.


	14. When The Levee Breaks

**setting:** between episodes 6 "_Secrets_" and 7 "_Pretty Much Dead Already_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 14 – When The Levee Breaks

* * *

><p>T-Dog came to take over the watch. Daryl had been sitting all alone on top of the RV for the past couple of hours. Connor hadn't come back after their fight. The hunter returned to their tent and found the Irishman who was already sleeping. Daryl sighed and got changed. He knew that he was still telling Connor to kill himself way too often, and right now he felt a bit paranoid. Last time they had parted after a fight like that he had found the Irishman hanging somewhere the next day. He hated that the weirdo was so mentally unstable all the time, and that he had to feel paranoid and guilty because of it.<p>

The most annoying thing about it was that he hated and despised Connor because of that, but at the same time he meant too much to him already, meaning that he didn't want him to leave or kill himself either. Daryl knew that he was always kind of terrorizing Connor with all his talk, simply because he wanted to hurt him so he would stop, but now he had to realize that his friend was doing just the same with him. It was an endless mind game between them, and that made him angry. He fell down next to the Irishman and stared at the ceiling for a while. He hated that there was no way out of this.

* * *

><p>It was the first night Daryl didn't hear him cry. It was way worse. He was woken up when he felt Connor tossing and turning next to him. Daryl wanted to complain and punch the Irishman, but when he turned his head he saw that Connor's eyes were squeezed shut. He could hear soft whimpers and it looked like the Irishman was also talking during his sleep. Daryl didn't understand everything because sometimes he believed that Connor was speaking in an other language.<p>

"Looks like te fucker got ye big time" Connor breathed shakily and moved abruptly.

"What?" the hunter asked and frowned.

"What are ye talkin about, shut up, af course yer going ta make it!"

Daryl sat up and growled. He placed a hand on the Irishman's shoulder and started shaking him. Connor startled but wouldn't open his eyes.

"Oh god, no! Fuck! Help! We need ta get ye to a fuckin hospital!...Yeah I fuckin know they're all overrun...Somebody help us! I'll get ye back tagether Murph..I._."_

"Wake up yah freak!" Daryl growled and shook him once more.

The Irishman started sobbing.

"Fuck, there's so much blood..oh Christ,Murphy,what do I do? What do I fuckin do?_" _he yelled and shook his head angrily.

"There's nothing yah gotta do, there's no freaking blood here, wake up asshole!" Daryl yelled but somehow Connor just wouldn't wake up.

"No. I said no! Ye can't ask me that! No! I can't fuckin do that..I said no! No, yer my fuckin brother..no Murph. I won't do that... I know it's yer fuckin dying wish but fuck that! Yer not dying cos see? I'm still breathing, and as long as I do, ye do as well, do ye fuckin understand? We live tagether and we die tagether, and I ain't dying! So ye..MURPH!._."_

Daryl froze when he finally realized that Connor wasn't talking about him but the real Murphy, that the dream was about the day his brother had died. _I mourn his death every fuckin night when I wake up from another nightmare af seeing him dying. Every. fuckin. Night! _The hunter swallowed hard and looked at the sleeping man next to him. Connor was a complete mess by now. It had never been so extreme before. Daryl didn't know what to do.

"Okay..alright..it's gonna be okay brother..I'm here..yeah..ye can't do that ta me..I fuckin love ye more than anything in this stupid fuckin world .. I know... You an me Murph...what? What are ye talkin about. Af course I'm dying with you..No, ye can't make me promise that... Murph, you can't leave me te fuck alone! Murph!..._"_

Then he swallowed.

"I promise."

It was silent for a moment and then Connor started yelling his brother's name. He was screaming madly and kept repeating his name over and over again. It was too much for Daryl. It freaked him out so much that he slapped him hard across his face to wake him up. Connor startled and opened his eyes with a gasp, then he sat up abruptly and searched the tent in horror. Daryl growled and fell back on his sleeping bag.

"Jesus, finally."

Connor relaxed after a moment and rubbed his eyes. The other man turned his head to look at him for a while.

"Yah okay?" Daryl asked quietly and Connor looked at him in surprise.

"What?"

"Yah were talking during yer sleep. Or more like screaming like a dying pig. I bet even the walkers in Atlanta could hear it."

Connor snorted and rubbed his eyes once more.

"No shit" he murmured and took a deep breath.

"What did I say?"

"Loads of horrible shit."

The Irishman nodded.

"Aye" he murmured and fell back down on his sleeping bag. For a while he just stared at the ceiling and Daryl watched him.  
>He was surprised when Connor suddenly squeezed his eyes shut and sucked in a sharp breath.<p>

"Jesus. Are yah cryin again?"

"Shut te fuck up" Connor growled and turned around. Daryl just listened to his stifled sobs for a moment, then he had enough.

"Just tell me what fucking happened t'yah in Boston. Jesus, yah can't go on like this."

"Fuck you."

Daryl shoved him.

"Tell me!"

Connor turned around abruptly and started punching and kicking Daryl then, but since he was weakened from the previous day and his crying the other man had no trouble taking over the fight. After a couple of minutes he pinned Connor down and grabbed him by his rosary.

"Calm down yah freak."

When Daryl looked at Connor he was surprised at what he saw. The Irishman's face was nothing but a grimace, ridden by anger and hate.  
>One moment he looked like he was going to murder Daryl for holding him down like that, then he relaxed. He turned his head and looked away.<p>

"So what are yah gonna do, huh? Cry like a fucking baby every night and annoy the crap outta me instead of being a man for once?"

"Fuck you."

"Gonna hang yerself like a coward?"

"Fuck you."

"There's two options here, hang yerself and realize that there is _nothing _waiting for yah on the other side, no fucking Murphy, no fucking god.."

Connor turned his head and glared at him.

"Shut yer fucking mouth!"

Daryl snorted.

"Or what? Yah think 'm scared of a crying sissy like you? Yah wish, with all yer tattoos, you ain't fooling no one. Veritas my fuckin ass, you can't even speak the truth yah wimp!"

"I said shut the fuck up!" Connor yelled and tried to fight his grip, but Daryl had him pinned.

"Not until yah stop yer pathetic crying and tell me what the fuck happened!"

"I fuckin killed 'im, alright?!" the Irishman spat and glared at Daryl.

"I killed my own brother" he repeated and swallowed hard.

The hunter let go of his arms and Connor covered his eyes.

"I fucking killed 'im" he said once more and sobbed.

Daryl frowned. This time Connor was really properly weeping. For the first time after two months his twin's death and loss really hit him. He missed his brother so much and it hurt so much that he simply could no longer take it. Most of the time he had been numb. Wandering about almost like the walkers. Half dead, half alive. Then he had met Daryl and seen _this _face again and it had broken him. Now there was just realization. His brother was gone. And he was alone in the world. Left to damnation and sins and blood and pain. And it was all his fault. Maybe this was hell after all. Daryl was horrified. He had gotten used to Connor's stifled sobs, but now that he was having an absolute breakdown, he was too overwhelmed by it. This was more than he could handle. It took the blonde a while to calm down and when he stopped covering his eyes he just looked at Daryl who was sitting on top of him and stared back at him. The Irishman took a deep breath and sniffed.

"Just let me go now, alright?"

Daryl just stared at him before he finally moved and sat back down next to Connor. The Irishman coughed and got up to a sitting position because he was having trouble breathing. He also just needed another couple of seconds. Daryl wouldn't say anything, wouldn't tease him or yell at him which was quite weird. After a moment he figured that he was waiting for him to talk.

"We barricaded ourselves fer a bit, and it really wasn't too bad fer a while..but Murph wanted t'leave. Get outta the city. I fucking told 'im that it's too fuckin dangerous to make our way through the whole of fuckin Boston. But we were running out of food and there were more 'n more walkers...So we left. We managed ta get to Black Falcon cruise terminal cos a friend told us that there'd be boats leaving town. But of course there were no fucking boats."

He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"There were just the dead. Fuckin thousands of them. We got surrounded, and one of them got 'im."

Connor moved his hand through his hair and fought another wave of tears.

"'t was my fault. Didn't watch his back. I was up front and wouldn't stop yelling at him and calling 'im names cos of his stupid plan..then I heard 'm scream.  
>I managed t'get us outta there, hid in a building, but there was just too much fuckin blood. Too much.."<p>

"So 't was a geek that killed 'im, not yah" Daryl said quietly and Connor snorted.

"'f course, fucking geek caused his injury, but it was my fault he got bit. And then.."

His voice started shaking and he took a deep breath.

"Ah fuck. Jesus.." he wiped his nose and sniffed.

"And then what?"

Connor swallowed and didn't say anything for a while. When he turned his head it looked like he was having a hard time holding back his tears.

"And then he bleed t'death, came back ta life and I shot 'im in the head" he whispered and just looked at Daryl.

They looked at each other and the hunter wanted to say something, but he didn't know what to say or what to do.  
>So they just looked at each other until Connor lay back down and sighed.<p>

"But that still ain't no reason t'hang yahself man" Daryl answered and Connor snorted.

"Last time people took 'im away from me and I thought he was about t'die I jumped off a fuckin building. You think there's no one waiting fer me on the other side?  
>I think different. You bet that there's someone waiting fer me for all the shit I've done in my life. Down there."<p>

"I don't think yer going t'hell because of that. "

"Aye, cos this is hell. Right here and now."

Daryl growled.

"Stop that shit now. Yah can't go on like that. Ain't gonna solve the problem."

"There ain't no problem" Connor growled and Daryl got angry.

"There obviously is, you're a wreck! You tried t' kill yahself!"

"Oh don't fuckin start. Don't fuckin bring that up every fucking time now" Connor growled and turned away.

"But yah did. Man,yah scared the crap out of everyone" Daryl spat and shook his head.

"Seriously, yah can't go on like that. It ain't good for yah, ain't good for any of us. Get yer shit together, man. Cos Rick didn't take yah with him for nothing.  
>We need you stupid freak fit. "<p>

Connor snorted

"Like you care."

"I fucking do, okay? I'm sick of this shit. People and their stupid prejudice, always assuming they fuckin know me.  
>You can't tell me that yah wanna go on like that forever!"<p>

"Fuckin aye I do. I'll never get over that shit" the Irishman murmured and folded his arms.

"I lost my brother too! Everyone's lost someone these days,that's why it's called survival!" Daryl spat and Connor turned around again.

"Don't compare Murph ta yer brother. We were nothing like you and yer brother."

"Fine, but still! Wake up you stupid leprechaun, the world ain't fair."

"Fuck you."

Daryl growled and rolled his eyes angrily.

"Jesus, yah will be the death of me you stubborn asshole!"

"Aye, fuckin ditto."

Daryl turned his back on Connor and both men grunted. It took them a while to cool off, and Connor just stared at Daryl's back. He looked so much like Murphy that he felt hurt all over again. He missed the nights they'd spent next to each other. The first month after he had lost Murphy had been absolutely horrible for him. All alone all the time, sleeping alone, living alone, surviving on his own. He had dreaded talking about Murphy's death, which was why he hadn't told anyone yet. Now that it was off his chest he felt a bit better, and the fact that Daryl had shown some real interest and concern for the first time helped him as well. The Irishman had always thought that the man with his brother's face despised him with all his heart, but maybe he had been wrong. Because despite all the fights and insults Daryl had told him more than once that he didn't hate him and cared about him. Connor sighed and moved closer to the hunter. He could feel how the other man tensed and feared another punch, but at the same time he really just needed something to hold on to right now. He knew that it was pathetic and stupid and that Daryl hated it, but he didn't care. Body contact had always been important to him and his twin, no matter if it was a simple nudge or a proper hug.

"Night Murph" he said quietly and Daryl growled.

"Get off."

Connor wouldn't move an inch. He expected Daryl to shake his hand off, turn around and start another fight but nothing would happen.  
>The Irishman stayed alert for several minutes, and although Daryl was really tense, he just wouldn't move or say anything else. Connor smiled and moved even closer.<p>

"Thank you."

"Shut yah stupid cakehole"Daryl growled but wouldn't fight him.


	15. Stand Up

**setting:** between episodes 6 "_Secrets_" and 7 "_Pretty Much Dead Already_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 15 - Stand Up

* * *

><p>The heat of the sun woke Daryl up. He groaned gently and tried to turn on his back but it was impossible. He felt Connor's arm and leg around his waist and thigh and he was holding him so tight that it was impossible to move. He growled and let his head drop again. "Jesus" he murmured and glared at the ceiling for a while. He could feel the other man's chest rising and falling against his back with every breath he took. Daryl sighed and turned his head to look at sleeping Connor behind him. Ever since he had tried to kill himself just a couple of days ago there was always that certain fear of waking up to an empty spot next to him and finding Connor hanging somewhere again. But he could feel him breathing and relaxed a bit. He knew that it was kind of stupid and pathetic. He was supposed to hate the blonde, but it were moments like this that made it impossible for him to hate the guy. Quite the opposite. After that crazy suicide attack he was glad that he was still alive. Just finishing his thoughts made him angry again. <em>Christ, was that asshole turning him into a sissy like him now?<em>He growled and got rid of Connor's arm and leg. The Irishman moaned and turned on his back to sleep on, but since Daryl thought he needed a decent payback he decided to slap his face. The Irishman's eyes snapped open and he grabbed his cheek.

"What te fuck?"

"Morning sunshine" Daryl said and sat up.

"I told yah t'get yer hands off me."

"I get _yer_hands off ye fer that!" Connor growled and kicked Daryl's thigh, who boxed and kicked back.

Once again they started another day with fighting and beating the shit out of each other until Daryl managed to grab Connor's bruised neck and Connor managed to box Daryl's wound. Both of them groaned in pain and stopped immediately. The Irishman was still lying half way across his friend who pressed his hand on his injury.

"Yah fucker!" he grunted and Connor was still gasping for air.

"Redneck asshole!" he answered and for a while they just lay there like that and groaned in pain. Connor got up and eyed Daryl.

"Yer alright? Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean ta hit that."

"Yeah, yah better say the truth. I'll kill yah if yah did it on purpose."

Connor flashed Daryl his tattoo with an raised eyebrow and then lifted Daryl's shirt up.  
>He slapped his hands away but Connor wouldn't leave it and checked on his stitches.<p>

"Ye're going ta live."

"Yeah ,but I'm not so sure about you yah stupid asshole."

"You punched me in te face, you started et!"

"Because you had yer fangs all over me again!"

"Fuck you, I didn't! I'd never touch ye, you were just having a wet dream, admit it!"

And Daryl punched him again but this time with his fist. Connor groaned and fell back. It took him a moment to focus again because Daryl had hit him pretty hard. He placed a hand on his eye and groaned. One moment Connor considered fighting back but then he remembered Daryl's injury and how furious they both were. They'd end up beating each other dead. He massaged his abused eye and then looked at Daryl. He was having trouble seeing properly because his left eye was swelling already. Connor took a deep breath and relaxed his hands that had been clenched to a tight fist. "Right" he said and grabbed his clothes to change. Daryl was quite surprised himself. It hadn't been their first fight. Most of the time they really meant to hurt each other. They had enough bruises already, but in the end they had still managed to keep track of their injuries. It didn't take long and Connor's left eye was swollen and black. Daryl had never managed to really beat him black and blue before, so he felt uneasy about it.

"Yah ok?" he asked after a moment of gathering himself and calming down.

Connor grinned at him.

"Af course Murph. I just happen ta be the mature one taday" he said and pointed his gun at Daryl.

"Ye know I could beat te shit outta you fer that. But I don't want us ta kill each other in te end. So I'm going ta let ye win this time."

There was a thin line of blood running down his eye and Daryl felt even more sorry.

_Hadn't he refused to become like his father?_

"Yer bleeding."

Connor placed a fingertip on his cheek and looked at the red spot for a moment. Then he smirked at Daryl. He looked horrible like that.

"Good punch, dear brother" he said and left the tent.

* * *

><p>Connor had trouble seeing properly but in the end he managed to get outside the tent and head for the camp.<br>People looked at him in surprise but he just smiled at them although his eye and head hurt pretty badly.

"Me and Daryl today?" he asked Rick and Shane who stood around a car with the map again.

Both men looked at him in surprise and then Rick frowned.

"What happened?"

"Ah, just fell" Connor said and Shane raised an eyebrow.

"I've never seen someone getting a black eye from falling."

"Yeah? Now yer seeing one. So. I wanna join yer search again. How about I take that grid?" he asked and pointed at the map.

"Connor.." Rick began but Connor pointed at him.

"Don't fuckin start...and you shut the fuck up an don't touch me with yer stupid macho behavior" he said and looked at Shane who snorted.

"How are yah supposed to find a little girl, hiding in the woods, when you can hardly see a thing? You can't even protect yourself or shoot like that buddy."

Connor grabbed his gun and turned around. He aimed at an empty beer can that stood on top of a car and shot it.  
>One clean shot knocked it off the car, although it was quite some distance away. He turned around again and looked at Shane.<p>

"Oh believe me 'buddy' I can shot an ant fram here."

Shane and Rick looked at him for a moment and Shane smirked.

"Alright, Saint Connor."

The Irishman put his gun away and walked off.

He came to join Glenn, Carol, Carl and Lori and sat down.

"Morning ladies, boys" he greeted them and ruffled Carl's hair.

"You look better every day little man" he said to Carl and smiled at him before getting some food from Carol.

He thanked her and started eating.

"What happened to you?" Lori asked and he looked up. He smirked.

"How come every time I see ye Lori yer telling that me I look terrible? Might as well just tell me that you can't stand me face."

Lori smiled for a moment but then looked worried again.

"Daryl?" she asked and he ate on for a moment, then he shook his head.

"Nah. I fell last night."

Lori raised an eyebrow and Carol looked at him questioningly.

"Seriously, don't you guys think you should stay out of each others way? I mean we can hear you fighting every night and day" Glenn remarked.

"I said t'wasn't him" Connor said and looked at him for a while. Glenn blew out some air and seemed to decide to let it be.

* * *

><p>After a while Daryl came and joined the group. When he wouldn't dare to look at Connor people knew the truth and eyed him angrily.<br>Of course, now that Connor was the group's new favorite pet, they would use any opportunity to hate on **him **again.

"Daryl?" Rick called and Daryl looked up.

"Come here for a minute."

Somehow it dawned on him that the so called big bosses of the group were going to call him shit because of Connor's black eye.  
>He was on his way to join Shane and Rick when Connor got up as well and joined him.<p>

"What is it? Can he join the search again? I'd like ta be in a team with Daryl again."

Shane laughed.

"Oh come on."  
>"No, really! Remember what you said about not going out there alone? I wanna join yer search and so does Murph. 'm tired of sitting on me ass here,<br>so I'm gonna go out and search fer yer girl taday. Better take someone with me, in case walkers attack and I don't see 'em coming."

"Speaking of which, Daryl. We wanted to have a word with you."

Daryl snorted.

"Why? Yah ain't my boss."

"We heard you two hotheads fighting just a minute ago. We know you gave him the black eye" Shane said and looked at the hunter

"So what? Are yah goin to give me one in return Mr SuperCop forbidden grabs of the year?" Daryl countered and narrowed his eyes.

"We just think..you should stay away from Connor, Daryl" Rick said and Daryl exploded.

"What the fuck do you know?Are yah going to point gun at my head again if I don't? You're not giving me orders, the two of yah!  
>Thinking yer the kings just cos yah used to be the freakin police! Yer not the authority no more!"<p>

Shane was just about to hold Daryl back again when Connor shoved him and held Daryl back himself.

"Calm te fuck down now! Jesus, Murph. And yer calling me a hothead."

"But they can't just.."

"Daryl!" Connor shouted and looked at him but of course Daryl couldn't look him in the eye.

Because Connor looked horrible. And it was all his fault. The Irishman placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"Easy. Calm te fuck down."

Connor looked at Shane and Rick.

"We're just stressed. Okay. We respect te group and yer rules,but you can't decide over us. That stupid redneck's grown on me, he's like a brother ta me. I fuckin need that bastard in me life. He punched me in the face because I punched him in te guts. It's our bodies, and if we decide ta beat te shit out of each other ye let us do that. As long as we're not attracting walkers ta our camp, it's none of yer business."

Daryl just stared at Connor in surprise. He was surprised because for the first time someone wasn't simply holding him back during a fight. This time someone was _standing up _for him. He was surprised because of what Connor had just said about him, that he cared about him, even after the black eye thing. And he was surprised to hear a perfect summary of their relationship. Because it was the truth. They happened to be in a violent love-hate friendship. Both of them needed to take it out on each other, because their temper needed a decent fight.

"You're going to kill each other" Rick said with a sigh and Shane snorted.

"Wanna bet who's dead first?"

"Fuck you!" Daryl spat but Connor held him back.

"So what, let him kill me" the blonde MacManus said to Rick and Shane.

"So it's me an him today?"

Shane snorted and shrugged after looking at Rick for a moment.

"No. Daryl should rest for another day. We can't risk his life" Rick answered and Daryl snorted as well.

"Yeah, cos yah care so much 'bout me."

"Okay" Connor gave in because he wanted to get his friend away from the two policemen, especially Shane.

He grabbed Daryl's arm to get him to move.

"So that's why yah not mad at me because of the eye" Daryl murmured and Connor frowned as he dragged him along and back to the camp.

"What are ye talking about."

"Yah fuckin want me to kill yah."

Connor stopped and just looked at Daryl for a moment, who automatically looked down because of Connor's eye.

But the moment he had looked at him was all he needed to know the truth.

"No way."

Connor just snorted and walked on.

"Suicide's a sin, Murph."

For the first time Daryl _really _thought that the Irishman had lost it.

"No way" Daryl said again and Connor looked at him.

"You really think so? Sooner or later yer going ta snap again,with that temper? I've just seen yah. Yer an animal.  
>Sooner or later yer going ta kill me if we go on like that."<p>

"Then we fuckin don't!"

When Connor didn't answer Daryl stopped.

"For Christ's sake, no way, you stupid freak!"

Connor turned around and just looked at him.

"Just forget about it. Never said anything."

"You and yer stupid suicidal shit!" Daryl shouted after him.

The group turned around and looked at them in surprise. Connor just snorted and left.


	16. The Barn

I can't believe they're already discovering the barn. Oh my. Oh my.

**setting:** episode 7 "_Pretty Much Dead Already_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 16 - The Barn

* * *

><p>Connor and Daryl joined everyone for breakfast around the campfire. The hunter was still angry at Shane and Rick, but right now he was more worried about his hunger. Christ, his wound made him way more hungry than usual. Connor still wouldn't eat much. He wasn't used to eating regularly any more. For the past couple of months he had been all on his own, and sometimes it had been hard to get new food. Although he had been working in a meat-packing plant and on their farm in Ireland he had never been able to go and hunt his own food. It wasn't because he couldn't shoot animals, tracking them down and waiting and not scaring them away had usually been the part where he had failed all the time. Every once in a while he had managed to catch something small, but that was about it. The Irishman had lost a lot of weight after his brother's death, right to some point where he had stopped eating completely a couple of days before Daryl and the group had found him. Now his stomach felt too small and the smell of flesh and food still made him feel sick. He was somewhat trying to get some of the scrambled eggs down when Glenn got up.<p>

" Um...Guys?" he asked and everyone looked at him curiously.

The Korean seemed rather nervous again and wouldn't stop looking at Dale.

"So...the barn's full of walkers."

Connor swallowed hard and glared at him in surprise, and so did the rest of the group.

"What?" Andrea asked.

"How would you know?" Shane asked and Glenn played with his fingers nervously.

"I was there last night..I..heard them. I saw them."

"And you waited the whole night?"

"Dale said it was best!" Glenn defended himself and looked at the old man.

"You knew?" Shane looked at Dale who tried to soothe everybody.

"It's safe, I've been there myself, they didn't come out the entire week and with Connor, Daryl, Carl and T- Dog injured I thought it was best not to bring this up any time soon. We can't have a fight with Herschel now and risk that he might throw us out."

"Listen, Dale, the day we let an old grandfather take over the lead is the day I throw myself in front of a herd of walkers!" Shane spat and ran off.

All hell broke loose as the group ran after Shane. They were shouting at him and Connor and Daryl followed them. Suddenly the farm didn't feel so safe and quiet anymore. Once they had reached the barn everyone fell quiet as Shane approached the doors. The barn doors shook violently and everybody startled. Connor grabbed his Beretta and pointed it at the barn, but Rick placed his hand on it and pressed it down.

"Oh my god, how many are there?" Lori asked.

"About a dozen maybe. They're wandering about like in a horror show in there" Glenn answered and eyed the barn nervously.

"You cannot tell me you're alright with this" Shane said, looked at Rick and backed off.

"No, I'm not but we're guests here! This isn't our land" Rick answered angrily.

"This isn't right man!" Shane spat.

Connor nodded angrily. If it were on him then he would just shoot them all inside the barn. He hated those things more than anything in the world.  
>He tried to get his gun back up again, but Rick glared at him and shook his head.<p>

"Lower your voice!" Lori said then and eyed Shane.

"We can't just sweep this under the rug" Andrea joined in and a few nodded.

"We've gotta go in there, we gotta make things right or we gotta leave right now. We've been talking about Fort Benning for a long time" Shane said and pointed at the barn. One could tell that he was getting angry and that he'd lose it soon. Connor frowned when Shane mentioned the fort and looked at Daryl.

"Fort Benning?"

"Yeah, we were on our way when we lost Sophia and found yah."

Connor snorted.

"Well thank god ye did, it's a dead end. I was there. Just as much overrun as any other place. It's all fucked up."

The group looked at Connor in surprise and then Rick turned towards Shane again.

"We can't go!"

"Why Rick, why?" Shane asked. He was really curious because he didn't get it.

"Because my daughter is still out there" Carol said then and looked at Shane who just snorted and shook his head.

"Okay..Okay I think it's time that we all try to consider the other possibility.."

"Shane we're not leaving Sophia behind" Rick interrupted him and Daryl had enough as well.

"I'm close to finding this girl I only just found her doll a few days ago."

"You found her doll Daryl, that's what you did, you found a _doll_."

Shane was making fun of Daryl again and this made Connor angry as well. He hated how this guy treated Daryl.  
>Sometimes he wondered if he was the only one in the group who saw his potential and not only because he looked like his twin.<p>

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about" Daryl spat.

He was about to lose it again. He approached Shane and the way he clenched his fists Connor knew it would only take one more sentence to make him snap.

"You know it needs to be said Daryl, I'm the first to point it out.." Shane answered and Rick shoved him because he knew what his friend was about to say.

"Shane shut up!"

"Let me tell you something else man, if she was still alive out there and saw you coming all methed out with your bowie knife and geek ears around your neck she'd run in the other direction!" Shane spat and Daryl darted forward to punch him.

"Shut up!" the hunter growled growled.

When he was just about to punch Shane in the face Connor placed himself between the two men and tried to stop Daryl.

"Calm down Murph! Jeez, ye know he's an asshole!" the Irishman tried to calm him down but Daryl wouldn't calm down.

"Yeah come at me man!"

Shane seemed to enjoy how easy it was to make Daryl snap. The latter tried to punch him again but instead of hitting the policeman, he managed to punch Connor right in the face again . This time he hadn't meant to do so since the Irishman had nothing to do with this. Connor staggered backwards and grabbed his aching cheek in surprise but once he'd gathered himself he stepped between Daryl and Shane again.

"Back off!" Rick told Shane and Lori placed her hands on Shane's chest to push him away.

"Keep your hands off me!" he warned her and walked away.

"Just let me talk to Herschel! Let me figure it out" Rick said and this made Shane turn around again.

"What are you going to figure out?" he shouted at Rick and Lori placed herself in front of her husband.

Now that Shane wasn't picking on him anymore, Daryl turned to look at Connor who was holding his jaw as if to make sure everything was in place.

"Sorry I hit yah" Daryl murmured and Connor shrugged.

"S'alright, got bigger problems right now, aye?"

Daryl nodded and they both turned their heads when they heard Lori shouting at Shane.

"Enough!" she said but he ignored her.

"If we're gonna stay, we gotta clean out this barn and we have to talk him into it. This is his land" Rick went on and Dale stepped forward.

"Herschel sees those things in there as people...Sick people. His wife, his stepson." he said and everyone looked at him. Shane snorted angrily.

"The man is crazy Rick, if Herschel sees these things as people, alive or not,..." he snapped but was interrupted when the barn door started shaking again.

They could hear loud and angry moans coming from inside and all that hold the walkers back was an iron chain and wooden doors.

"Shit" Connor muttered and grabbed his gun once more. Rick shook his head but the Irishman just ignored him.

"I _will _talk to him first." Rick said and eyed his friend. After a moment Shane just shook his head with a snort.

"You're just as crazy as him, man."

He turned around to leave. For a moment they just watched him walk away and then Rick turned around to face the group.

"I'll go and try to talk to him. Daryl, Connor, you keep watch. The rest of you go back to the camp."

* * *

><p>Daryl and Connor were sitting on the tractor opposite the barn and kept watch.<p>

"Crazy shit" Connor said after a while and lit a smoke. Daryl nodded and waited for him to give him one as well.

"Some people..." Daryl murmured.

Connor scratched his neck and coughed.

"Ye think they're sick?"

Daryl snorted and shook his head.

"Stupid filthy dead pricks. Not worth a damn."

"Aye" Connor muttered and shrugged.

"If it keeps the man sane. I mean it's a good idea but seriously, what te fuck. Keeping them in there like fuckin cattle."

"We could go in there and shoot them" Daryl suggested and Connor snorted.

"Just so they kick us out?"

"It's for the group."

"Aye but they're so stupid they wouldn't get what we're doing fer them. I mean they don't even get what ye've already done fer them."

Daryl snorted.

"Did nothing for those stupid pricks."

"Yer lookin fer the girl. You bring their food, don't ye?"

Daryl just shrugged and Connor blew out a big cloud of smoke.

"You know what I don't get?"

"What?"

"Why yer still acting like that."

"Like what?" Daryl asked and frowned.

"Ye know, all _tough_ and _screw'em all_. I get that it's just some fucking attitude. You don' have ta pretend anything anymore.  
>Especially not that asshole yer always pretending ta be."<p>

"Screw yah."

"No seriously man. Te real problem here is that that stupid group doesn't get ye. And you let 'em treat ye like shit. Noticed that a while ago."

"Just shut up" Daryl muttered and grabbed his crossbow to check on his arrows.

Connor snickered.

"You can't fuck with me. I know how ye work by now. You just can't take a compliment can ye?"

Daryl eyed Connor angrily and the Irishman laughed.

"Best example right now. The more I talk the madder you get at me. Face it, yer nat the person yer pretending ta be."

"Shut up" Daryl snapped and hit Connor who laughed.

"The more I seem ta like you the more ye beat the shit outta me fer that."

Daryl just growled and shook his head.

"If you really were like that then you wouldn't let me sleep in yer tent. Not to mention the shit you did fer me last night.  
>You wouldn't let me call ye Murph and I wouldn't live any more cos you would've let me hang."<p>

"Really, just shut up now, you stupid freak."

"Seriously. I don't get it. Why? You obviously care more 'bout people than yer pretending t'care."

Daryl growled and looked at the barn. He wanted the walkers to break out just so he could shoot someone and watch them eat Connor.  
>But of course they wouldn't and of course he wouldn't want them to do that.<p>

"Yah just won't leave me the fuck alone, will yah?" he growled.

Connor grinned and nodded.

"Aye."

Daryl snorted.

"You're just saying stuff like this because I look like your stupid brother."

Connor didn't say anything for a while and just looked at Daryl in surprise. Then he looked at the barn and sighed.

"I still like you as a person. Really. I shit ye not."

"Yeah, 'course."

"Oh fuck you, I mean it. Now go ahead and tell me. Don't be such a pussy. I told you my shit yesterday night."

"Why would I? I ain't some chick that needs t' talk about her feelings the way you do all the time."

"Fuck you! I don't do that either!" Connor said and punched Daryl who kicked his shinbone in return.

The Irishman groaned and rubbed it.

"You asked me t'do it yesterday and now 'm asking you. And yer gonna tell me cos there's no one else who wants ta hear it and cos no one else cares."

Daryl stared at the blonde in surprise and then looked didn't speak for a while. When Connor thought that the topic was done Daryl spoke again.

"Yah just nailed it" he said and Connor looked at him.

"What?"

"Cos no one ever asks or cares. Yah the first one that's stupid enough and that ain't running away the moment I snap."

Connor snorted and threw his smoke away.

"Cos they're all just a bunch of sickos or pussies."

"Then why aren't yah running, I mean yer both."

Connor snickered and nudged him. "Fuck you, asshole."

For the first time in a very long time Daryl smiled.  
>No matter how hard he tried to deny it, the Irish clown was doing him good with all the bullshit he said.<p> 


	17. Cherokee Rose

****setting:** **episode 7 "_Pretty Much Dead Already_" + the deleted scene**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 17 – Cherokee Rose

* * *

><p>Daryl told Connor that he wanted to go and search for Sophia despite Rick and Shane's orders. The Irishman decided to take a couple of extra magazines with him, which was why he left and went back to their tent. Daryl used the time to get two horses ready, starting with the one he had stolen just two days ago. The hunter went to the tack room to get one of the surprisingly heavy saddles. He threw it on the bench and grunted in pain. The stitches were pulling and his waist burned with pain because of the wound. It hurt even more because Connor had hit it with his knee this morning, and there was a little damp spot again because it leaked. Daryl swallowed hard and needed a moment to gather himself because it hurt like hell. It was then when he heard footsteps and Carol's voice.<p>

"You can't."

He looked at her in surprise and stumbled away from her.

"'m fine" he growled and sorted the headstalls.

He still hated how she was coming after him all the time. As if Connor didn't cause enough trouble.

"Herschel said you need to heal."

"Yeah, I don't care" he murmured and entered the horse's stall.

For a while he could feel Carol eyeing his back. He wanted her to leave. He felt guilty with her around. Because he still hadn't managed to find her kid.

"Well I do. Rick's going out later to follow the trail" she tried to reason with him, but the hunter just snorted.

_Where was the stupid Irish freak when he needed him?_

"Yeah well, I ain't gonna sit around and do nothing."

"No, you're gonna go out there and get yourself and your friend hurt even worse."

Daryl rolled his eyes and concentrated on the horse.

"Ain't my friend" he murmured and shook his head.

"We don't know if we're gonna find her, Daryl" he heard Carol say and stopped in his tracks.

"We don't" she repeated once more.

_Had he just heard her say something like_ _**that**_? He turned around and looked at her in dis-belief.

"I don't" she continued and he could see first tears running down her cheeks.

_No._

He couldn't believe this was happening. That even she would give up just like everybody else.

"What?"

"I can't lose you too" she said and it really hit him. She looked down and let her tears run freely. So here it was. The absolute proof that this woman cared about him. First Connor and now Carol. It was too much for him. He approached her and considered comforting her, because he hated to see her cry, but then again, he was just too angry. He couldn't understand how Carol and Connor could be so stupid to actually care about him. _**He**_ who beat the shit out of Connor almost every day. _**He **_who couldn't find Carol's daughter. He walked past her and tried to calm down but their foolishness made him so angry that he grabbed the saddle and threw it all the way across the stable. A burning sharp pain made him wince as his wound got too strained because of his abrupt movement and the weight of the saddle, but when Carol ran for him and asked him whether he was alright, he had enough.

"Leave me be! Stupid bitch" he spat and stumbled away from her.

He needed space. Space and time to think. So Carol had given up. Even she thought that her daughter wasn't alive. The very girl he'd made his new sense in living. The girl he _**needed**_ to find to prove himself worth his part in this group. The girl he _**needed **_to find because he hadn't managed to find his own brother. Daryl kept walking and thanked god when Carol wouldn't follow him.

* * *

><p>"Murph?" Connor called out as he entered the stables.<p>

He waited for Daryl to answer his calls, but apart from the soft breathing and pawing of the horses he couldn't hear a thing.

"Murph?" the Irishman called out once more and started walking to search the stables for his friend. All he could find was a saddle on the ground, which had obviously been either thrown or dropped. Connor frowned and knelt down to pick it up. He let out a soft groan when he could feel the pounding of his blood in his aching head, black eye and abused neck. When he looked up he saw that the door to one of the stalls was open. Connor got up to check if there was a horse in it or not. The animal was already wearing a headstall, so he figured that Daryl had been busy saddling it when something had caused him to leave all of the sudden. The Irishman sighed and stroke the horse's head absently.

"Any idea where he went?" he asked and smiled when the animal bumped its head against his hip.

The Irishman freed the horse of its headstall and stroke it once more. Connor enjoyed spending some time with the horses because they were so peaceful and calm and most of all, _alive_. It reminded him of their old life in Ireland. On the sheep farm. With Murph. Caspar and Cheezo, their two horses. He wondered what had happened to them. _Probably turned inta walkers or got eaten. _He sighed and turned his head to search the stables for Daryl once more. He didn't know what had happened, only that he had crossed paths with Carol on his way to the stables.

"Better get going, girl" he murmured and let go of the animal to leave the stable.

He still hated to be there because it made him feel uncomfortable.  
>It reminded him too much of his own foolishness and most of all the absolute terror and pain he'd had to endure in here just a couple of days ago.<p>

Connor returned back to camp and tried to find Carol. She was sitting in the RV again and sewed some trousers, and when he asked her if she knew where Daryl was she told him that the hunter had left camp just a couple of minutes ago, heading somewhere west where the small lake was. The Irishman checked their tent just to make sure, and was surprised to find Daryl's crossbow in it. He knew that the guy never left camp without his beloved weapon, so he figured that he just had to be around the farm somewhere. Connor sighed and got his last three cigarettes from his pea coat, then he made his way to the lake.

* * *

><p>He let out a relieved sigh when he saw Daryl sitting on the landing stage. He still had no idea what had happened and why the hunter would just stop right in his tracks. Hadn't Daryl told him that he wanted to go and look for Sophia? So how come he was just sitting there now? All Connor knew was that his friend was upset. He had to admit that he still didn't -really- know much about Daryl, but since he looked so much like his twin he could read the man nevertheless. Because Murphy had looked like this whenever he had been upset. Connor approached the other man slowly and watched him carefully. Daryl was moving his bare feet through the water and watched the small waves he was causing. He was obviously lost in thoughts, and now that he thought himself to be alone he looked strangely different. When Daryl was around people he was always watching everyone through narrowed eyes, as if he was going to kill anyone who came too close to him. Now that he thought that there was no one there he almost looked...innocent. It made Connor's heart ache because it gave Daryl the special Murphy vibe he had loved so much. His twin brother had always looked and acted so boyish, so innocent, although he had always been the more aggressive one of the two of them. With Daryl it was just the same.<p>

Sometimes Connor thought that his friend's hair had gradually gotten darker, and right now it looked like it was almost black. Almost like Murphy's hair. It was like he was watching his younger half brood instead of Daryl. He decided to just stand there for a moment and burn the image in his head.  
>For just a second he wanted to fool his brain once more. <em>This is Murphy, not Daryl <em>he thought and imagined what it would be like if it really were his brother. His younger half would've turned around by now because they had always been able sense each other's presence without looking at each other or hearing each other. Murphy would have given him his amused smile by now and asked him why the fuck it had taken him so long to join him and give him one of his fucking well deserved cigarettes.

"Yah gonna stand there forever, yah creep?" Daryl growled and Connor startled a bit.

He had been so lost in thoughts that he had not realized that his friend had noticed him minutes ago. Connor put his hands in his pockets and came closer.  
>The hunter wouldn't look at him, he just stared at his feet in the water.<p>

"What te fuck are ye doing here? I thought we was gonna look fer yer girl?"

Daryl snorted.

"She ain't my girl. She's Carol's daughter" he murmured and looked up.

"And looks like Carol ain't interested in her anymore, so there's no point 'n wastin my time any longer on this stupid search."

Connor raised an eyebrow and came to a halt right next to Daryl.

"Stupid search? I remember ye going out there looking fer her everyday, you didn't ever waste a fucking second. So how come yer just sitting here now?"

The hunter snorted.

"Screw yah."

Connor sighed and got one of his last cigarettes out.

He just looked at the small object and rolled it around between his fingers.

"Cig?"

"Keep yer shit t'yerself" Daryl answered and Connor snorted.

"Wow, hello Mrs sunshine."

The other man didn't bother answering. The Irishman shook his head.

"So? What now?"

Daryl finally turned around and glared at him.

"Why yah asking me? I already told yah, yer annoying the crap outta me, I don't want yah t'follow me everywhere I go! Yer like a fucking dog.  
>Why don't go somewhere and cry in a corner or something and.."<p>

He froze and stared at something to Connor's right. The Irishman frowned and turned around. He couldn't see anything but a lot of grass, bushes and some flowers.

"What? Walker?"

Daryl pulled his legs out of the water and got up in a hurry.

"Murph? What the fuck's wrong?"

"Shut up" the hunter growled and made his way past Connor, but not without bumping his shoulder against his chest first.  
>The Irishman huffed and put a hand on his aching chest and frowned.<p>

"Eh, watch were yer fucking going!" he complained and followed Daryl.

His friend came to a halt right in front of a bunch of flowers and stared at them.

"What te fuck's yer problem?" Connor asked with a frown on his face.

"Don't yah see it, dumbass?" Daryl responded and confused the other even more.

"No, what te fuck? And I thought I've lost my shit!"

The hunter pointed at the white flowers.

"Cherokee roses!"

"Yeah, so? Yer into bees and flowers now? Got a thing fer dresses and purses, too?"

"Fuck you."

Daryl knelt down to put his boots back on.

"Seriously Murph, what te fuck? I don't get what ye want."

"Just shut up and get back t'the farm t'get the horses ready."

"What?"

"Just do it!" Daryl yelled and started running back to camp.

"The girl ain't lost!"

* * *

><p>"You see it?" Daryl asked as he led Carol back to the lake. He was glad that Connor had done what he had asked him to do. The Irishman had obviously left to get the horses, so he was alone with Carol. And they needed to be alone and have this private moment. For one because he wanted to apologize, but also because he wanted to share his new hope with her.<p>

"See what?" Carol asked in confusion and followed him until they came to a halt right in front of the bushes where he and Connor had been standing just a couple of minutes ago. Daryl pointed at the white roses. Ever since he had seen the flowers he had felt a spark of hope again, the spark that he had needed, and the spark Carol needed now.

"I'll find her" he said and gave her a determined smile. The woman next to him still looked sad, but she tried to smile as well. They both turned their heads again to look at the Cherokee roses. Now that Daryl felt his optimism growing again he also felt guilty. He knew that he had called Carol a stupid bitch and he regretted his choice of words, his behavior in general. He had been angry and disappointed earlier, even a bit offended, but now that he looked at the flowers again he just knew that they were a sign that everything was going to be okay. There was no need to be angry or disappointed anymore, and he wanted her to know that. He bit his lip and eyed Carol, who was still looking at the flowers. Once again she just looked so sad and tired. He moved a bit closer and shifted awkwardly.

"Hey, I'm sorry about what happened earlier."

She looked at him.

"You wanted to look for her" she acknowledged and stared at the flowers again.

"Why?" Carol asked then and Daryl looked her in the eye.

"This whole time I've wanted to ask you."

Many thoughts were going through his head at this moment, because he had many reasons.

_Because I failed t'find my own brother. Because no one went looking for me when I got lost. Because I hate that I've done nothing for this group so far.  
>Because no one deserves t'lose somebody important. Because I know how much it hurts. Because I've seen what it can do t'someone.<em>

"Cause I think she's still out there."

Carol kept looking at him and smiled. Daryl turned his head then and looked at the flowers to his feet.

"Truth is, what else I got to do?" he murmured and was quite surprised when he realized the true meaning behind his words.

Until Sophia's disappearance and ever since he had lost Merle he'd had no real purpose. Carol looked at him and he frowned.

"And I think, if yer really looking for something and if yah really want to find something, then you will find it" he went on and got lost in thoughts.

He had seen it happen, because he was part of something like this himself, whether he wanted to or not. Connor had lost his brother and went looking for him, and now he had found him. He who happened to look exactly like this Murphy guy. He shook his head and tried not to think about that again. It still creeped him out. Carol moved next to him and took one of the flowers in her hand. For a while she just stared at the white petals and started smiling.

"We'll find her. We will. I see it" she said and look at him.

Daryl saw the slight change in her eyes. She didn't look so incredibly sad anymore.  
>He thought to see a spark of hope and returned the smile, knowing that for maybe the first time in his life he had done someone some good.<p> 


	18. Attack

**setting:** episode 7 "_Pretty Much Dead Already_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 18 - Attack

* * *

><p>"Yah done?" Daryl asked when he entered the stables and found Connor standing there with two horses. The Irishman turned around and nodded.<p>

"Aye" he answered and handed the hunter the reins to his horse.

Daryl wanted to take them, but Connor withdrew with a smirk.

"Yer sure you should be riding a horse so soon after what happened? Maybe ye shouldn't do that, now that yer obviously too stupid t'ride a horse."

Daryl grabbed the rein with a growl and Connor snickered.

"Screw yah, if someone's t'stupid to ride a horse then it's gotta be yah freak. Being from Boston and all that."

They started walking and the two animals followed them out of the stable.

"Fuck you, I grew up on a fucking horse back, ye bet 'm way better at this than you, asshole."

Daryl snorted and got on his horse once they were outside.

"Yah wish."

* * *

><p>They were deep inside the woods by now. Connor had wanted to be in charge and plan their route, simply because he wanted to head for a small town and find cigarettes, but Daryl wouldn't have any of that. The Irishman was still surprised about that. Back in the old days Murphy had been the one giving in and asking him for guidance. Now it was Daryl who was bossing him around. It was strangely new, but in a good way. Sometimes Connor had gotten tired of all his planning. With Daryl up front he had no idea where they were actually going, and since he had nothing else to do but look out for Sophia and walkers he soon got bored.<p>

"Can I ask ye something Murph?" he asked after a while and urged his horse to walk next to Daryl's.

"What?" Daryl murmured but didn't look at him.

He was still eyeing their surroundings.

"Why are ye so keen on finding that girl?"

Daryl snorted and looked at Connor.

"Cos she's lost."

"Aye but why would _you _look fer te kid if she ain't yers?"

"Why would yah? Could ask yah the same."

"I'm doing it cos it's important to you and cos I owe te group."

He turned his head to keep an eye on the surroundings to their left.

"Besides, back in Boston me and Murph were looking after a kid fer a bit. But then we lost her. So I think I owe her as well."

Daryl didn't say anything for a while and just looked at his friend. Connor let out a sigh.

"Did ye have any kids before shit went down?"

Daryl snorted again.

"Do I look like it?"

Connor frowned and look at him.

"What's that got ta do with how ye look?"

"No I didn't. Will yah shut yer hole now? We got a little girl t'look for and there's walkers all around us.  
>Didn't take yah with me for no chitchat, dumbass" Daryl growled and glared at him.<p>

"Alright bitchy."

Connor searched his trouser pocket for his smokes. Now there were only two left. He sighed and took one. Christ. They really needed to get into town soon. Right now he didn't fear dying because of some walkers, he just needed to think about the possible withdrawal symptoms and it sent a shiver down his spine. _Sure as hell would be way worse than a walker biting yah _he thought and shook his head.

"Did yah?" Daryl asked after a while and Connor looked up with a frown.

"Did I what?"

"Have any kids, dumbass."

Connor smirked because he was surprised Daryl kept the conversation up. Then he shook his head.

"Do I look like it?" he imitated Daryl's accent again which made the other growl and Connor laugh.

"Nah really. Didn't have any kids. No time, no money..besides, how's that sapposed ta work. The police were after us fer fuckin murder. That ain't no picnic."

"Just thought, the way yer with the Grimes kid."

Connor snickered.

"Aye. Just because I didn' have any it don't mean I didn't want ta have any."

Daryl just nodded and urged his horse to go faster. Connor followed him up a hill and sighed.  
>They had been out here for a couple of hours now, and Sophia was nowhere to be seen.<p>

"Ye really think yer going ta find that girl?" the Irishman asked after a while and Daryl nodded with an angry frown.

"'Course."

Connor snickered quietly.

"Ye just gotta believe" he murmured and shook his head with a smile.

"Whatcha prattling about?"

"Nothing."

* * *

><p>They rode on for what felt like hours until the reached the nearest town.<br>They had encountered maybe eight walkers on their way, and the closer they got to the settlement the more walkers were roaming through the woods.

"I think we should head back. Looks like she ain't here. 's too far north anyway" Daryl murmured and turned his horse around.

Connor could see a street and some houses just a couple of hundred feet ahead. The Irishman remained where he was and looked at the houses.

"Yah comin or what?" Daryl growled.

"I just...gotta make a run into town" Connor answered and turned around to look at Daryl.

The hunter made his horse turn so they were facing each other. He frowned.

"What are yah, stupid? Said she ain't here. There's no trails and too many walkers"

The Irishman rolled his eyes and headed for the street.

"Don't be such a fuckin pussy, it'll be a quick stroll, that's all."

"I said it ain't gonna happen!" Daryl yelled but Connor wouldn't listen to him.

"Leprechaun!"

"Fuck you" the Irishman murmured and didn't stop.

"Fine, whatever, 'm gonna go back, don't care, I hope yah get eaten!" the hunter yelled after him and headed in the other direction.

He rode on for a couple of minutes and expected Connor to follow him. That was how the Irishman worked after all, and he knew him all to well by now. There was no way he would ever leave his side. Daryl turned around after a while just to make sure. He could see that Connor had almost reached the street and wasn't following at all. "Oh come on, yah prick" he growled and made his horse stop. He waited for a bit but the Irishman just wouldn't stop. He was heading for town all on his own. Daryl wanted to leave. It was stupid to enter a walker infested town with no reason, and he hated how foolish and stupid the Irishman was. He was putting them both in danger with that, maybe even the whole group. They just needed to come across one of those herds.

The hunter clicked his tongue and the horse started walking again, but after a couple of feet Daryl turned around once more. Connor had disappeared behind some of the houses. He didn't want to care, and he wasn't supposed to care. He had never wanted the Irishman with them. But what if he returned to camp without Connor? He was sure that they would give him shit. Especially Rick and Shane. Because everyone liked the Irishman, and whenever he got hurt they were always judging _him_. It was his fault after all, he had threatened and punched Connor more than once. Daryl growled and made his horse turn around.  
>"Fucking idiot" he growled and went after him.<p>

* * *

><p>Connor had successfully located a small shop. They still made him feel uncomfortable after everything that had happened back in Boston. He didn't really want to get mobbed in a store ever again, but right now his urge to get new cigarettes dominated everything. He searched the whole place for anything useful and was quite frustrated that his favorite brand wasn't there anymore. The whole apocalyptic flair had taught him not to be picky though, and he knew that not being able to smoke was way worse than smoking something that tasted like shit. He found a plastic bag behind the counter and started throwing various packs in it, and after doing some thinking he decided to take them all with him. Back in the old days he would have felt sorry for stealing, but the times where he'd had money to put on the counter were over. He didn't even have any money any more and he knew that not taking stuff would just get him killed. He checked the store for anything else and cheered when he found some whiskey. Connor froze when he heard slow unsteady footsteps behind him and reached for his belt where he had put his knife.<p>

"Don't even think 'bout it, asshole" he murmured and turned around, ready to strike the walker down. He let out a surprised shriek when the undead was closer than he had thought and grabbed his wrist in midair. The Irishman growled and started kicking the walker's leg but he was so heavy and sturdy that he just pushed Connor back against the shelves. The undead tried to bite the Irishman's throat and arms, but Connor fought back with a loud growl. Somehow he managed to grab the walker by his neck to push him further away, but lost his knife during the process. Connor cursed and tried kicking and shoving, but the undead was too strong. He was pretty sure that it wouldn't take the walker long to overpower him, now that he could hardly breathe and wasn't exactly in good shape either.

Connor cursed himself for going alone just because of some stupid cigarettes. When he lost grip and the walker leaned further in the Irishman already prepared himself for the worst, but a second later he heard a loud zap. Something hit the walker's head hard and exited through his left eye. Connor turned his head away and blinked when he felt a wave of blood rain down on him. The Irishman let out a surprised gasp when the walker went limb against him and pressed him further against the shelves. When Connor looked at him again he faced the sharp tip of an arrow which stuck out of the dead walker's eye socket. He pulled a face and pushed him away.

"Jesus" Connor murmured and wiped his face.

When he looked up he saw Daryl standing there with his crossbow still pointed at him. The Irishman raised an eyebrow.

"So, whose head were yer aiming at?"

Daryl snorted and threw the crossbow over his shoulder again.

"What do yah think? Yers of course."

Connor knelt down to get his knife and plastic bag.

"Wow, shitty shooting. You only _nearly _killed me."

Daryl came closer and grabbed his bag to see what was in it.

He shook his head and snorted.

"Serves yah right. Putting everyone in danger cos of some stupid cigarettes."

Connor snorted and turned around to search the rest of the shop.  
>He lit a cigarette on his way back, simply because he needed something to calm him down after the heart attack he'd just had.<br>Daryl kept watch close to the door and growled.

"Move yah ass, dumbass. Ain't got all day."

Connor snorted.

"Alright, bitchy" he murmured and looked out of the window on the other side.

"Look at those motherfuckers over there" he murmured and pointed at a small herd of walkers which was making its way down the road on the other side.

"Geeks following us?" Daryl asked and came closer.

"Just look" Connor answered and waited for his friend to come closer.

They both watched the small herd stumbling closer. It looked so grotesque. They had no brain at all, no control over their bodies, and yet they seemed so...determined. Determined to get what they wanted, the only thing that mattered: their flesh.

"Looks like these fuckers are smarter than we thought. Ain't those the ones we met back at the creek?"

Daryl shrugged.

"All they got is dumb brains and teeth. We got this" Connor heard him say and turned his head to see what the hunter meant.

Daryl was patting his crossbow and the Irishman placed a hand on his knife.

"Aye."

"Come on, let's go" Daryl said and they left the shop.

* * *

><p>When they returned to camp they were both eyed head to toe, and especially Rick seemed to be mad at them. He had told them to stay after all, but Daryl and Connor just took it with a snort. The policeman seemed overly worried because of the way the Irishman looked. His clothes and face were dirty and bloody because of the walker attack, and Rick took it as just another reminder of how fragile his group was. Daryl had been the first to really get hurt, and the way the policeman talked about it it sounded almost like he thought that it was the same with Connor now. He reminded them to respect the group's rules and went away, and the Irishman and the hunter sat down on to of the chairs close to the campfire. Connor leaned back and shook his head. "Jesus" he murmured and Daryl grabbed something to eat.<p>

"Well he sure is right 'bout one thing."

"And what would that be?" Connor asked and frowned.

"Yah look like shit."

The Irishman snorted and leaned back again.

"Screw ye."

They just sat there for a while and watched as the group returned to camp as well.  
>Connor rubbed his eyes tiredly and looked at Daryl, who had started to clean his crossbow.<p>

"Eh Murph."

His friend growled.

"What is it now, yah freak."

"Thanks."  
>The hunter looked up and saw Connor sitting next to him, with a whiskey bottle in his hand.<br>He was offering him the booze, and after staring at it for a moment Daryl took it with a snort.

"Yeah, yah better share this shit, whiny asshole."

Both men sat there in silence as Daryl cleaned his crossbow and arrows for the millionth time. Pretty soon half the group returned and joined them. Shane and Glenn would make fun of them every once in a while, because they were so quiet and calm although they were sitting right next to each other. The group had been used to them fighting all the time. Even Daryl and Connor were surprised that they were getting along this time. When Shane made fun of them once more they just murmured a pissed "Screw you."


	19. Visitor

New chapter. I know it's a bit out of character, a bit too whiny, a bit too bla but whatever. It's the way I write and interpret the characters.

**setting:** episode 7 "_Pretty Much Dead Already_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 19 - Visitor

* * *

><p>When Connor opened his eyes tiredly, he knew something was different. He was facing the thin side of the tent and could feel Daryl right next to him.<br>That was nothing new, but when he shifted a bit and woke up properly he just knew that there was something...

"So et just takes a stupid redneck ta replace me this easily?" he heard someone say.

Connor sat up abruptly and turned around. He stared at the figure which was sitting next to right, right on the spot where Daryl was supposed to be.  
>But there he was, grinning at him and chuckling. Connor looked at his twin in shock.<p>

"Murph?"

"Hey Conn."

Murphy just smiled at him and leaned back. Even now Connor could see how much he and Daryl looked a like. Like they were a perfect copy of each other.  
>But there he was, Murphy, and when he placed a hand on Connor's shoulder he could see it. <em>Aequitas.<em> Written on his hand. _The virgin Mary, _tattooed on his neck.

"See yer doing great brother" Murphy said and pointed at his black eye and bruised neck.

"Fuck ye."

"Suicide's a sin, right?"

"Well, I ain't dead yet, 'm I. Looks like it didn't work."

Connor took a deep breath and just stared at his twin. He did not dare blinking because he was too afraid of him disappearing.

"I miss you so fuckin much" he said and swallowed hard.

"Aye,ye better do. I'd haunt yer ass if ye didn't."

"Aren't yer haunting me ass right now?" Connor murmured and his brother snorted.

He wouldn't say anything, they just stared at each other for a while. Then Murphy reached out to caress his brother's bruised neck.  
>Connor sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, surprised at the touch. His whole body ached, because he had missed the feeling of these hands on his skin.<br>He placed his hand on his brother's hand and squeezed it hard.

"Ye look like shite" Murphy stated and Connor snorted.

"Af course I do."

"I kinda welcome that stupid redneck ta replace me, and we've been inta many fights ourselves, but that fucker needs ta stop beatin you _that_ much.  
>Yer black and blue Con. You shouldn't let him do that any more."<p>

Connor snorted.

"He ain't replacing you. How can anyone ever replace ye?"

"He's got my face."

"But he's nat you."

"But he's doin ye good" Murphy murmured.

Connor sniffed and looked at his brother.

"Fuck that. _You're _my brother. Yer more than that, ye're my twin brother. Yer part af me. You're my soul mate fer Christ's fuckin sakes."

"Yeah, bout that. Af course I was. But I'm fuckin dead Con."

"No, you're not" the older said and shook his head stubbornly.

"I got bit, I died, I turned and you freed me" Murphy reminded him, but Connor wouldn't listen.

"Don't fuckin talk about that."

"You need ta fucking understand Con."

"Fuck ye, I don't wanna."

"Yah think killing yerself or talking t'yerself and imagining shit's gonna do ye good?"

Murphy rested his forehead on his twin brother's and took a deep breath. Connor placed his hand on Murphy's shoulder and patted and stroke it shakily.

" I just want ye t'come back ta me, 's all" he demanded and Murphy chuckled.

"You know that's impossible."

"Jesus Christ came back" Connor murmured.

"Aye, but I ain't him."

"I fuckin need ye."

"No, you don't. Nat any more" his younger half said and shook his head.

"Af course. It's always you and me Murph, don't ye get that?"

"Yer job's not done yet, Connor. I did mine. I became a saint. Next ta ya. We saved people and made evil men pay. That's why I was fuckin born.  
>I served my purpose. I died in peace. I fulfilled my destiny."<p>

"My fuckin destiny's nothing different. We're twins. We were born fer the same purpose" Connor said and frowned.

Murphy shook his head and smirked.

"Ye know we're fraternal."

"Fuck that, we're still one and te same."

"You meeting that fuckin redneck, him looking like me, that's a sign Con."

"Yeah, a sign af the devil. Ta mock me and torture me. It's fuckin hell, Murph."

Murphy hugged his brother then and Connor wrapped his arms around him as well. He couldn't believe that he was holding a firm body.  
>He buried his face in his brother's shoulder and inhaled deeply. There it was, the scent that was so typically Murphy. Smoke and soap.<p>

"I wanna be with you. I wanna join ye Murphy" Connor murmured after a while and Murphy stroke his back even more.

"You can't" he answered quietly and his blonde brother shook his head.

"But I can."

"I don't want ye ta kill yerself brother. Ye promised. Suicide's a sin. Don't be such a pussy. That ain't ye."

"Fuck ye."

"Promise me again, Connor."

"I can't."

"You can, yah fucker."

"I won't."

"Right. Talking ta you's no use then. Might as well just fuckin leave" Murphy said and tried to get up.

"Don't!" Connor wrapped his arms desperately around his brother.

"You need ta let go."

"No , I fuckin won't. Never again. Nat again. You can't do that ta me all over again.."

He felt how Murphy started stroking his back again.

"Oh Jesus fuckin Christ, ye've got no idea how much it freakin hurts Murph."

"I do, Con. Cos I felt te same the last few seconds af my life. Didn't wanna lose you, too."

"Why would god do that ta me? What did I do wrong? Why would he punish us like that?  
>Was it all wrong in te end, what we did?" Connor asked and looked at his brother questioningly.<p>

"No 't wasn't" Murphy said matter of factly.

"Then why is he turning his back on me? "

"He's nat."

"He doesn't want me any more. He lets me whither, commit sins..."

"He loves ye Con. Just as much as I did. An he has his reasons. He works in mysterious ways, aye? There's still a path fer you. It's nat over yet."

"I can't go on. Nat without ye."

"But I'm still with ye."

"No, there's just someone who looks like ye" the blonde twin said and sighed angrily.

"I don' mean like that. I mean I'm still with ye" Murphy responded and let go of Connor, who looked at him in confusion.

Then Murphy placed his hand on his chest.

"In there. With ye. I'll always be in there."

"No."

Murphy frowned.

"Cos I'm fuckin empty in there. You ripped it out and took it with ye" Connor said and just stared at his twin with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Then I'm giving it back ta ye. I gave it back ta ye. The moment you saw that redneck."

"Fuckin stop et. Now ye sound like a stupid chick flick."

Murphy smirked. "Yer the one crying like a fuckin girl."

"Fuck you, I ain't" Connor retorted and wiped his face.

"Murph?"

"Aye?"

"It's just a fucking dream, right? Yer nat a ghost or some shit like that?" Murphy chuckled but didn't answer.

"This is like some shitty movie. Swayze all over" Connor murmured and took a deep breath.

"You've been watching too much tv again, haven't ye. You and yer stupid fucking films."

The younger chuckled.

"Haven't seen one in years" Connor answered and smiled.

"That's cos there's no electricity in zombieland, smartass."

"Fuck ye" the older muttered but hugged Murphy even more tightly.

The other twin sighed after a while. He shifted and tried to get up. Connor looked at him and frowned.

"Where are ye going?"

"Nowhere."

"Don't fuckin leave me again."

"You should sleep Con. You look like shit" Murphy said and smiled.

"Fuck ye, I won't close my eyes just so ye can magically fuckin disappear again" Connor growled and glared at his twin.

Murphy sighed and lay down. He just looked at his brother and waited for him to lie down as well.  
>It took Connor a while, but in the end he gave in and placed himself right next to his twin.<p>

"You'll be the death af me, stupid" Murphy said and wouldn't stop looking at him. Connor's face fell.

"Turns out that's true."

Murphy took his brother's head then and pulled him to his chest. He wrapped one arm and leg around him and ruffled his hair forcefully. Connor groaned and fought back with a giggle. After a moment of scuffling he calmed down and rested his head against his twin's chest. He was surprised to hear a heartbeat.

"Murph?" he murmured after a while and stroke his twin's arm.

"Aye Con?"

"How much did it hurt? Did ye feel te bullet?"

He looked up to see Murphy's face. The dark-haired MacManus just stared back at his brother with his tired but somehow still so childish blue eyes.

"Af course nat stupid."

"So it's just te bite."

"It hurt like crazy, but that's nothing compared ta the other pain."

"What kinda pain?"

"The pain I caused you. Knowing I'd leave ye alone? Fuckin seein ya like that."

"Aye."

Connor rested his head against his chest again and sighed. They lay there perfectly tangled, the way they were used to since the day they had bodies in their mother's womb. Connor fought sleep for hours. He just stared at Murphy's rising and falling chest and tattoos. He inhaled his scent and stroke and touched him all the way he could.

"Night Con" Murphy said then and Connor yawned.

"Nah."

But he was so tired that he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

"I fuckin love ye more than anything in te world, brother" he murmured and finally closed them.

"I know. Same here. Love ye too Con."

And with that Connor fell asleep.

* * *

><p>When Connor woke up the next day, Murphy was gone. Some noise and movement had woken him up, and when he finally opened his eyes he saw what had woken him up.<br>Daryl was fighting his tight grip.

"Let go off me, yah prick!" he complained and Connor let go in surprise.

Daryl moved away from him and growled.

"Jesus, what are yah, fucking girl?" he growled and sorted his clothes.

Connor rubbed his eyes and frowned. At some point he must've confused Daryl with Murphy, and now that he thought about it he realized that everything had just been a dream. He tried his hardest to keep it together and was glad when Daryl was too busy complaining and shouting at the world to notice how heartbroken he was all over again. It was like he could still smell the smoke and soap all over his body, like everything was screaming Murphy at him. He could still see him sitting there, grinning at him like he had just thought of something extra funny and outrageous. Daryl was still muttering something, and when he turned his back on the Irishman after a while Connor silently wept all over again. He did not dare making any noise, simply because he knew how much Daryl hated that, but the tears kept coming nevertheless. Murphy was gone. _Again_.

"Yah alright?" Daryl asked after a while and Connor snickered miserably. Of course he had heard it.

"Why, ye gonna punch me black and blue again if I say aye?" the Irishman murmured and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.

"Ah screw yah. I didn't mean like that but fine, fuck yah" Daryl growled and shifted.

"Ye know fer someone who keeps pretending that he can't stand me, yer askin me that a lot."

Daryl snorted.

"Screw yah."

Connor got lost in thoughts for a moment. He thought about everything he had seen, everything he had dreamt about.

"Daryl?" he murmured after a couple of minutes and heard the hunter growl.

"What is it now, yah annoying freak."

"Ye believe everyone's got a purpose in life?"

Daryl snorted.

"What kind of question is that?"

"Forget et."

They didn't say anything for a while until Daryl sighed.

"If there was, what could possibly be mine. I've got none."

"Me neither."

Daryl snorted and turned around to face Connor.

"You? I thought yah calling was killing the baddies, saving the world from evil and all that shit."

"Aye, but that's not te matter any more. So _why_am I still alive. I'm no use any more."

"Fuck you, is that another one of yah suicidal bullshit fits? Stop that shit, will yah."

"It's nat. I ain't thinking about killing meself."

"Then what is it?"

Connor didn't say anything because he didn't know whether to tell Daryl or not. When Daryl didn't get an answer he grunted angrily.

"I told yah t' fuckin tell me instead of letting it eat yah all up again and yer stupid crying and suicidal shit's annoying the.."

"I think I saw Murph tonight" Connor interrupted him and Daryl shut up.

"I know that sounds fuckin crazy and bullshit, but I'm nat pretending this time. Maybe 't was just a dream but it was so fuckin real."

Daryl didn't say anything. He remembered his Merle hallucinations from the day he got injured and chewed on his lower lip.

"What happened?" he asked quietly and Connor turned around in surprise.

"You believe me?"

Daryl looked away.

"The day I fell off that stupid cliff and climbed back up..I saw Merle. Maybe just an illusion because of the blood loss stuff going on but.."

He shrugged and Connor eyed him.

"Right. What did he say?"

"Same shit as ever. Mocked me. Because of yah and so on."

"Right."

"Did he say anything t'yah?" Daryl asked after a while and Connor snorted.

"Same as ever. He wouldn't allow me ta kill myself. Said I've still got things ta do. A purpose. Told me he didn't feel anything any more when I shot him, that he was already dead. I mean i could fuckin touch him, hear his heartbeat,smell him, hold him an shit. It was so fuckin real. I mean at first I thought it was you but when he talked..that was his voice and accent, his tattoos an clothes.'T was him."

He swallowed and then sighed.

"Guess my mind's just fucking with me. Just a dream I sappose. Still. Fuckin real one."

Daryl just looked at him for a while.

"But did it help yah in the end? What he said?"

Connor snorted.

"No. He made me promise I'm never going ta try ta kill myself and he said tha we should stop beating the shit outta each other though."

Daryl snorted.

"It's simple. Don't say or do anything that encourages me t' punch yah for it."

Connor smirked.

"I kinda want that, though. There's a reason I hold back and let ye win all te time."

Daryl groaned. "Yeah, I know yah want **me** t' kill yah so it's not suicide, but I know when to stop."

"It's not even that."

"Then what is it?"

"Aequitas."

Daryl frowned.

"What did yah call me?"

The Irishman rolled his eyes and looked at Daryl then.

"Justice. You look like him. So you kinda represent him fer me. I let yah beat me black and blue so I feel the same amount af pain I caused him when he got bit because I let him down that day. He told me it hurt like crazy and didn't fucking do anything about that. So it's up t'you to act as hammer af justice and cancel it out, so to say."

This made Daryl angry.

"Ever thought about asking me how _I_feel about that shit, asshole?"

"You look like ye kinda enjoy it, lettin yer steam off and everything."

"Christ, dammit. You're fucking nuts. Really, yah lost it now" Daryl growled and turned around.

Connor didn't say anything and just stared at the ceiling. The hunter moved and turned his head to glare at him once more.

"And yer calling me an egoistic fucker. The truth is: you are! You don't care about a single fuckin thing except for yah stupid dead brother and your whiny feelings about that. Yah fuckin pussy."

"I'm nat a pussy!" Connor growled and kicked Daryl angrily. The hunter got up and kicked back. Soon they were fighting and beating each other all over again. For a while they just fought and kicked until Connor ended up on top of Daryl and pinned him down, with nothing but a terrifying angry grimace on his face. He looked like a lunatic like that, with blue eyes gleaming and blonde hair pointing everywhere. Somehow he had managed to grab his gun and pointed it right at Daryl's forehead. When he remembered the scenario he let go of the gun in shock. Then he noticed the blood.

"Yer bleeding" he said when he saw the big damp spot on Daryl's shirt right where he'd impaled himself on his arrow.

"Yeah thanks for hitting me there, yah asshole."

"Fuck, I'm sorry."

He grabbed Daryl's shirt and lifted it up to check on his injury. Daryl automatically tensed and tried to slap his hands away.  
>Connor frowned at sight of the wound. He found a piece of cloth and started to clean it up. Once he was done he climbed off Daryl and fell down next to him.<p>

"We're going ta kill each other" he murmured and sighed.

Daryl snorted.

"Try me."

"I grabbed te fuckin gun."

"So?"

"I could've pulled the fuckin trigger."

"You didn't, did yah?"

Connor didn't say anything then and turned around to sleep on.


	20. Clarity

Wow, I can't believe I'm already uploading the chapter where they're finding Sophia. 2x07. NOOOOOOO. 6 more episodes to write and I'm done.  
>Nooooooo. Already wrote the last chapter, made me cry like a baby. Nooo I don't want to post that last chapter. But looks like I have to! :D Soon! Nooo! Anyho, Connor doesn't have to suffer for once. Ha,ha,ha,ha :D<p>

**setting:** episode 7 "_Pretty Much Dead Already_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 20 - Clarity

* * *

><p>Daryl was the first to wake up the next morning, but when he shifted he could feel Connor moving behind him as well. The Irishman let go of him and turned on his back to sleep on. Daryl turned around as well and saw Connor still lying next to him. The Irishman didn't look so angry or sad anymore, Daryl even dared to think that his friend looked almost peaceful right now. The hunter sat up and got changed. It was the dawn of another day and he decided to get started on their search for Sophia right away. He put a new shirt and a pair of socks on, and once he was done he just looked at Connor, completely lost in thoughts. The Irishman suddenly opened his eyes and blinked a few times. His left eye was still black and blue, but it wasn't so swollen anymore. Connor raised an eyebrow when he saw that Daryl was looking at him.<p>

"Ye going ta punch me again?" Daryl snorted and got up.

"Herschel should take a look at yer eye" he said and got out of the tent.

Connor sat up and snorted.

"Fuck et. I've had worse."

He got changed quickly and followed Daryl a second later. He shoved the hunter when he caught up with him.

"Could give ye one in return" he said and chuckled.

Daryl snorted.

"Try and yah won't see the rest of it."

* * *

><p>They had slept pretty long because of last night, so when they joined the group, everyone was already busy doing something else. They had spared them some food though, so they sat down for a moment to eat and gather strength for another busy day. Carol was there and gave them food, and when she wouldn't stop hanging around with them Daryl got angry all over again. He knew that she obviously thought that they were friends now, just because he had shown her the rose. He hated it. For one because he'd never had any female friends and also because he didn't want Connor to know. The Irishman was watching them the whole time, and when Carol finally left he couldn't help but snort.<p>

"Aren't ye two adorable" he muttered and snickered.

Daryl glared at his food and growled.

"Screw yah."

"Maybe I should sleep somewhere else tanight, so ye two can have a little private session.." Connor went on and laughed.

Daryl glared at him. He hated the Irishman for embarrassing him like that, but at the same time he couldn't help but be surprised to see Connor laugh.  
>The hunter just frowned.<p>

"Are yah tryin t' get me laid now?"

The Irishman chuckled.

"Oh come on, don't be like that. How long' s it been?"

Daryl snorted.

"Fuck you, I ain't tellin yah."

"Why not? 's nothing t'be ashamed of these days. Fer me it's been years. Only got some action in my early 20s.  
>Kinda hard getting through fuckin puberty with all that bible shit."<p>

Daryl pulled a face.

"Ew, disgusting. Too much information."

Connor laughed.

"Come on, we're men, that's what we talk about."

"There's walkers in that barn, the freaking apocalypse , a missing girl and yah wanna talk bout all the chicks you fucked?"

"It wasn't like it were hundreds..'t weren't even 10."

"Shut up, will yah."

The Irishman smirked.

"Yer so much like Murph. Prude an shit. He hated it when I made fun af him because I got more chicks than 'im."

"I ain't prude."

Connor chuckled and put his plate away.

"Fine then yer just nat gonna tell me. Yer boring as fuck."

"There's nothing much t' tell, yah freak" Daryl murmured and wouldn't look at him.

The Irishman stopped laughing and look at the hunter in surprise.

"Ye mean like.."

"Yah know me good enough by now t'get the picture."

"Jesus. Really?"

"Fuck you."

"Well you go ta heaven, good boy" Connor snickered and patted Daryl's shoulder.

"Screw yah" Daryl grunted and punched Connor's upper arm.

"Fuck you, but I really don't get it" the Irishman murmured.

"What?"

"I mean yer a decent bloke. Yer lookin fer missing kids and bring flowers fer their mothers and shit, yer a real proper dude with muscles and shit, don't get it."

Daryl frowned and looked at Connor for a while. The hunter shook his head and snorted.

"Leave me the fuck be. Could yah be any more gay? Good lord" he growled and turned around when he saw Shane coming down the road with the rifle bag.

"Just trying ta help ye" Connor said and shrugged.

He turned his head and looked at the policeman as well.

"I don't need yer fuckin help" Daryl growled and got up to ask Shane what was going on.

"What's all this?" he asked and pointed at the guns. Connor got up as well and frowned.

"You with me, guys?" Shane asked and threw their guns at them. Connor caught his Berettas and cursed.

"Eh, careful!" he complained and checked his weapons to make sure they were okay.

Shane kept walking and approached the rest of the group which had gathered in front of the farmhouse.  
>Connor and Daryl looked at each other with a frown and followed the policeman.<p>

"Time to grow up, you already got yours?" he asked Andrea and handed Glenn a gun.

"Where's Dale?" Andrea asked and Shane went over to the next member of the group.

"He's on his way."

"I thought we couldn't carry" T-Dog said and looked just as confused as the others.

"We can and we have to."

"Why? What te fuck's up?" Connor asked.

Shane stopped walking and looked at them all.

"Look, it was one thing sitting around here picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe. But now we know it ain't" he said and nodded at the barn.

Everyone turned their head and a few nodded.

"I've been waiting for Rick t'figure it out, but another night and those things are still in there. Can you shoot?" Shane asked Maggie and she got angry.

"Can you stop?"

"What the fuck's wrong with this guy, man?" Connor asked and snorted.

He checked his magazines and shook his head.

Daryl checked his shotgun and shrugged.

"Got a point."

"You do this, you hand out these guns, my dad will make you leave tonight" Maggie tried to reason with the policeman, but Shane ignored her.

"What is this?" Lori asked as she came to join them.

"We ain't going anywhere, okay?" Rick's friend said and got his own gun.

"Now look, Herschel, he's just gotta understand. Okay? He...Well, he's gonna have to. Now we need to find Sophia. Am I right?"

He knelt down in front of Carl and offered him a gun.

"Damn right" Connor could hear Daryl say and frowned even more. He didn't know what was going on.

_A minute ago everything had been quiet and peaceful, so why was Shane acting like this all of a sudden?_

"I don't know, man" Connor murmured and put his Berettas in his leg holsters.

Then he folded his arms and shook his head when he saw how Shane placed a gun in Carl's hand.

"You take it, Carl, and you keep your mother safe. You do whatever it takes, you know how. Go on, take the gun and do it."

"Now, hold te fuck up buddy, I didn't teach the kid how t'shoot a gun just so you can talk him into some bullshit" Connor said and stepped forward, but Lori was already on her way. She placed herself in front of her son and glared at Shane.

"Rick said no guns. This is not your call, this is not your decision to make."

"Ohhh shit" T-Dog interrupted them and everyone turned around to see what he was talking about.

They could see five people making there way to the barn on the other side of the field.  
>They narrowed their eyes and gasped when they realized that it were Rick, Herschel and Jimmy who were guiding snarling and growling walkers with sticks.<p>

"What the fuck?!" Connor asked and widened his eyes.

"Murph, ye fucking see that?"

Daryl rolled his eyes.

"Of course, I ain't blind, dumbass."

Shane started running and after a moment of hesitation everybody followed.

"Shane wait!" Glenn and Lori shouted after him but the policeman wouldn't listen.

"What the hell are you doing?" Shane yelled at Rick as soon as they reached the barn.

Connor and Daryl positioned themselves right next to the walkers and pointed their guns at their heads just to make sure that nobody would get hurt.  
>The Irishman couldn't believe that this was happening. <em>What sort of people had taken him in?<em>

"Shane, just back off!" Rick said but Shane ignored him.

"Why do you people have guns?" Herschel asked.

Rick and Shane kept arguing. Connor and Daryl stood right by the walkers and wouldn't move or put their guns down.

"Are you kidding me?" Shane spat.

"You see? You see what they're holding on to?!"

"I see who I'm holding onto!" Herschel yelled and Connor snorted.

"Yer holding onto fucking monsters!" he said to him since he was standing right next to the old man.

"Just fucking look at 'em!"

Herschel wouldn't listen to him. The Irishman saw that Rick could hardly hold his walker back anymore.

"Shane just let us do this and then we can talk!" the policeman tried to reason with his friend, but Shane exploded.

"What is there to talk about, Rick? These things ain't sick!They're not people! They're dead! And they can't feel nothing because you know what they do?  
>They kill! These things right here!"Shane yelled and pointed at the walkers who kept struggling.<p>

"They're the things that killed Amy!" he went on and looked at Andrea.

She looked surprised, but nodded.

"They killed Otis! Murphy!" he went and looked at Connor who startled at the mention of his brother's name.

For a moment he felt like he was petrified.

"Don't lose yer shit now" he heard Daryl growl and shook his head.

_No, because hearing Murphy's name just made him angry._

"They're gonna kill us all if you don't take care of this!"

"Shane, shut up!" Rick spat and tried to keep hold of the walker.

"Hey Herschel man, let me ask you something. Tell me this, could a living breathing person walk away from this?"

The policeman asked and grabbed his gun. He pulled the trigger three times and hit the female walker Herschel was holding.  
>It groaned but kept walking and struggling.<p>

"Stop it!" Rick yelled.

"I hit it in the chest! Could someone who's alive just take that, why is it still comin?"

Shane didn't stop. He shot the walker again and Connor backed off in surprise. He'd almost been hit himself because the bullet's went straight through the body.

"Fuckin hell, watch it, man!"

"Why is it still coming?"

And he shot her again.

"That's its heart, its lungs! Why is it still coming?"

"Shane, enough!" Rick demanded and his friend walked up to the creature.

"Yeah, alright man, that is enough."

He placed his gun on her forehead, pulled the trigger and shot her in the head. She fell to the ground and Herschel lost grip of the stick he'd been holding her with. He looked at the body and the women and children covered their mouths in shock. Connor just stared at the dead walker for a minute as the head shot rang a bell. Then, as he stared at the pile of dead rotten flesh, he couldn't help but smile. Another one of the things that killed his brother was dead. Shane was right. They all deserved to die. He saw Daryl eyeing him and looked at him in surprise. Then he came to join his friend and helped him with the remaining walker.

"Enough, risking our lives for a little girl who's gone!" Shane spat and Daryl and Carol looked at him in surprise.

"Enough living next to a barn full of things that're trying to kill us! Enough! Rick it ain't like it was before!"

Rick looked at him but seemed to be too shocked and clueless. He didn't say anything.

"If you want to survive, you've got to fight for it! And I'm talking about fighting right here! Right now!"

With that Shane walked up to the barn and grabbed a hatchet. Everyone tried to run after him and screamed. Rick was losing it as he kept begging Herschel to take the remaining walker. But Herschel just sat there in shock. When he wouldn't respond to Rick it was Connor who reacted. He shot the walker right in the head just as Shane managed to open the barn.

"Do not do this brother! Please! This is not the way! Please!" Rick kept begging but the barn doors swung open.

All hell broke loose as the walkers started coming out. Connor stood right next to Daryl when they started shooting them. As soon as he shot the first walker in the head just like the professional he'd been for the past 10 years, he zoned out completely. The anger was eating him up. He hated those things. He hated himself. For everything they'd done to Murph. For everything _he'd _done to him. And he shot one walker after another. He saw Daryl standing right beside him and for one moment it was almost like back in the old days. Him and Murph. With guns. Taking out dangerous, evil men. And he got so caught up with it that he ended up shooting most of the walkers on his own. Daryl, Andrea, Glenn and T-Dog stopped when they saw that no more walkers were coming out of the barn.

Daryl watched how Connor took them out. One by one, all on his own with nothing but his two silly handguns. And written on his left index finger, pulling the trigger over and over again, he could see it. _Veritas_. He just watched him for a moment. The expression on his face. He actually looked _scary _like that. Because he wasn't showing any emotions. No fear. No mercy. He shot everything that came out of the barn. In cold blood. For the first time Daryl really believed that this man had killed over 20 people. The massacre ended after just a couple of minutes. The children and women were in shock, the shooters out of breath. It was quiet for a moment and Daryl just eyed Connor who looked back and frowned. Then he put his guns away and looked back at the barn. Suddenly they heard groans. When another walker stepped out of the barn everyone's face fell. It was a little blonde kid wearing a blue shirt. There was a chunk of flesh missing from her shoulder. And as she approached them they could hear Carol crying.

"No! Sophia!"

Daryl threw his gun away when Carol came running. He grabbed her to pin her down and hold her back. When Connor saw how both Carol and Daryl reacted he understood who the little girl was. He just looked at her sadly. After a long moment of silence and Sophia coming closer and getting angry, Rick grabbed his gun and approached her. When he pulled the trigger and shot her in the head, everybody startled.


	21. Outburst

New chapter! LOL I'm so sorry. I keep torturing Connor way too much. I'm a horrible writer. Really. But meh. It's the Walking Dead.  
>It's the end of the world. People ought to suffer :D Shit's about to go down from now on. Dooowwwn doooownnn dooooown.<p>

**setting:** episode 8 "_Nebraska_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 21 - Outburst

* * *

><p>It had been hours since they'd found Sophia. Daryl and Carol had left soon after the shooting had stopped. Connor considered going after Daryl but when Shane, Andrea and T-Dog asked him to help them with the bodies he gave in. They spent quite some time moving several corpses. Only some of them were meant to be buried whereas the other half was put on the back of Shane's truck and driven away. Connor was sitting next to Shane in the car when the latter suddenly spoke.<p>

"Sorry I brought your brother up" he said and Connor shrugged.

"Ye were right. Those people needed ta understand. Including Rick."

"So you think I was right?"

_Was Shane actually doubting his deeds?_Connor looked at him in surprise. Most of the time he quite hated the cop, simply because he was such a hyped up asshole and kept treating Daryl like trash, but right now he saw that his tough side was falling apart. The Irishman nodded and grabbed a smoke.

"Aye. I shot most of te fuckers, didn't I? I mean it's shit fer the girl an Carol but ye were being realistic. I mean fuck, I told Daryl she was dead. Weeks ago.  
>I called et."<p>

"We need more men like you" Shane muttered and Connor snorted.

"Hey. Can I ask ye something?" the Irishman muttered after a while and looked out of the window. Shane nodded.

"Sure buddy. Spit it out."

Connor sighed and turned his head to look at the man next to him.

"Is it true? That ye sacrificed that one guy?"

Shane looked at him and snorted.

"What, you, too?"

The blonde just looked at him and the policeman looked away again and shook his head.

"I just did what had to be done, man. I had to save Carl's life."

Connor nodded.

"Aye. That's true. But still, you put anyone in danger again, like today...don't think I'll handle shit like Herschel and Rick."

Shane frowned and looked at him.

"Dude, are you actually threatening me?" he asked and snorted.

The other shook his head.

"No. 'm just warning you. That's all."

* * *

><p>They buried the dead in silence. As Connor dug a hole he eyed Daryl nervously. His friend pulled a face with every move and placed his hand on his injured hip from time to time. When Connor saw blood running down his leg, he let go of his shovel, wiped the sweat off his face and approached him.<p>

"Don't you think ye should stop now? Yer pullin the stitches. Yer bleeding."

Daryl didn't look up and kept digging.

"Yer fuckin hurtin yerself. Let me finish et fer you."

He grabbed the shovel but Daryl wouldn't let go. He glared at Connor.

"I dig the hole."

"Murph, I think.."

"My name is _not _Murphy, okay?" Daryl spat and Connor looked at him in surprise.

"Right, sorry, Daryl, it's just that.."

"I said I dig the hole. Now fuck off or I beat the shit outta yah with that shovel."

Connor eyed the shovel and then Daryl. He knew his friend meant it. He sighed and nodded.

"Right."

He walked back to his hole and continued digging. Every time he heard Daryl groaning his body ached as well. Daryl insisted on burying Sophia himself.  
>Carol wouldn't come out of the RV to join them, so Daryl buried her alone. When every body was buried, Connor prayed for all of them in silence.<br>Especially for the girl.

* * *

><p>Once Daryl was done, he walked away and Connor followed him. He did not dare speaking after the shovel threat but he didn't want to leave him alone either.<br>Daryl walked right past the camp until they were walking down the path that lead towards the highway. When Connor kept following him he turned around.

"Fuck off" he growled and Connor looked at him.

He shook his head.

"No. I'm nat leaving ye after that."

"I said fuck off and leave me be!"

He shoved Connor who stumbled backwards but shook his head.

"Daryl, I know ye spent weeks looking fer that girl but I told you before. Besides, she ain't yer kid and.. it wasn't yer fault after tried yer best.  
>Sometimes shit like this just happens. It happened ta me as well. I tried ta save her and...Just..nothing we can do about it."<p>

Suddenly Daryl punched Connor in the face. Connor gasped in surprise and almost fell.

He took a deep breath and then looked at Daryl again. His mouth was bloody but he didn't fight back. Daryl just stared him down.

"Fuck off I said" he growled again and Connor shook his head once more.

"No."

He earned another punch in the guts for that, but after a moment he pulled himself together and kept looking at Daryl.

"Go ahead if ye want. Fuckin beat the shit outta me if ye must."

Daryl glared at him and growled. He turned around and tried to walk away from him. But Connor kept following.  
>After a couple of minutes Daryl turned around again.<p>

"I'm fuckin warnin yah, back off or yah won't see the rest of it."

"I know how you work ye stupid prick..." Connor said but was interrupted when Daryl punched him again.

The more often he did it the more it hurt the Irishman. But even that wouldn't make him leave.

"I know why yer fuckin doing this.." he went on and Daryl got even more furious.

_Why wasn't Connor just fighting back? He needed a fight now. Because he was so angry._

"Now that the girl's lost ye wanna switch off yer stupid brain again.." Connor groaned when Daryl hit him again.

_He was so __**angry**__ because they'd found Sophia __**dead**__.  
>Because he had promised he'd return her alive and save and had failed, just like he hadn't been able to find his own brother.<em>

" Ye don't wanna care because caring fucking hurts..."

Another punch. Daryl just wanted him to stop.

"I fuckin know ye just wanna run away cos ye think yer nat fuckin worth it."

"Shut up!" Daryl spat and hit Connor so hard that he fell to the ground.

When the Irishman just laughed he got even more furious, so he kept punching him.

"And now yer takin it out on me because I'm the only one that's in the way.  
>Cos I'm the only one that keeps ye here and that keeps you from being the uncaring bastard ye wanna be. And you fucking know it."<p>

Those words felt like a slap to Daryl's face. The fact that this stupid freak was speaking the truth and knew him so well made him so angry, so furious.  
>He didn't want to hear the truth. But of course. Connor would be the one saying it. Because that stupid ass had it tattooed on his hand.<p>

_Goldyface said it, yah weak, yah need someone, yah can' run off on yer own baby brother.  
>Yer a loser. Couldn' find th'little brat, couldn' find me, can't run off, can't survive on yah own. Loser. I told yah. Even the little faggot's laughin at yah.<em>

Merle kept mocking him inside his head. And it was all it took to make Daryl snap. He wrapped his hands around Connors neck and squeezed hard.

"I said shut up!" he yelled.

In a matter of seconds his mind just stopped working. He was so furious at the world, at Merle, at Sophia, at Connor who wouldn't shut up. He hated how everyone was assuming they knew him, how he worked, what was going on in his mind. The truth was that they had absolutely no idea. The hunter just wanted them all to shut up. Especially the Irishman, who was struggling underneath him and fighting his hands, but he wouldn't let go. Couldn't let go. "Daryl!" he heard someone shout and looked up in surprise. Rick, Shane and Andrea came running for them. When he heard them calling his name once more he realized what he was doing and why Connor was grabbing his wrists like that. He was actually _choking_him. The hunter let go of his friend in shock and widened his eyes. Shane and Rick grabbed Daryl by his shoulders and dragged him away from Connor who was gasping for air and started coughing heavily. Andrea knelt down next to him and took a look at his injuries.

"What is wrong with you?" Rick spat.

Daryl just looked at Connor who was still struggling and coughing.  
>His face was bloody and beaten up, and when he curled himself up and groaned in pain the hunter realized what he'd been doing to him."Andrea?" Shane shouted and she looked up.<p>

"Looks like nothing's broken."

"Is he ok?" Daryl asked then. He felt horrible all of a sudden.

Shane punched him in the face. Daryl grunted and then eyed the policeman in surprise.

Andrea and Shane helped him up and tried to get him away from Daryl.

"It's alright, just a scratch, really. It's fuckin ok. 't was my fault, I was provokin him" he heard Connor murmur.

When Daryl wanted to follow them Rick held him back.

"Daryl!"

"I didn't mean to punch him..I just.. Christ, I just snapped, is he alright?"

"We're all devastated and stressed but that's not a reason to try to kill someone!"

"I didn't try to kill him! He's the only goddamn friend I have! Really, I just snapped..the stuff with Sophia and.."

Rick let go off him.

"Now listen up. This group is falling _apart_, we can't have people behaving like you do all the time.  
>We accepted you to the group because you're a decent hunter, because you put food on our table but.."<p>

"I said I didn't mean to hurt him!" Daryl spat.

"We've warned you. Now stay away from him! I won't tolerate you around him any more if you can't control your temper! You would've killed him, whether you wanted to or not!"

"I said yah ain't bossing me around no more Grimes!"

"And I said stay away from him!" Rick spat.

Daryl just looked at Rick and then kicked the dirt.

"Whatever, I don't need any of yah anyway!T'hell with all of yah!" he growled and walked away.

* * *

><p>When they wanted Herschel to check on Connor's injuries they were informed that he'd run off into town. Rick and Glenn left to find him as his daughter had gone into shock as well. Andrea and Shane brought Connor inside the RV and sat him in the back. They gave him some wet towels to wash the blood off his face and cool the bruises. When they left him alone after a couple of minutes, he let out a loud groan. <em>Christ<em>, his whole body ached. Daryl had done a pretty decent job with his beating. But in the end it was his fault. He could've walked away. He hadn't done it because he knew that this was what his friend wanted. He just knew the redneck too well by now. It was so typically Daryl. But no matter how hard he tried to isolate himself, he just wouldn't let him slip away. Connor coughed and groaned again. _So much pain. _He remembered Daryl's hands around his neck. He remembered his fists in his face. He remembered not being able to breathe again. He remembered staring into those blue eyes. _Murph,_ he'd thought, d_o it. __**Please**_ _do it. I'm begging you_.

And he had welcomed the nothingness. But once he'd heard Shane and Rick he'd known that he wasn't going to die. He'd known that Daryl wouldn't kill him then.  
>He tasted blood in his mouth. His whole body burned with <em>pain.<em> But that didn't really matter. He wondered why he was still alive. He'd been **so **close.

"Fuck. Look at ye" he heard someone say and turned his head.

Standing there in the hallway was his twin brother.

"Murph" he croaked and his twin smiled.

"Heya Con."

He sat down next to him and placed his hand on his brother's shoulder who winced in pain.

"Didn't I tell ye ta stop tha shit? Yer better than him. Stronger. Ye were even stronger than me. You could always win if ye want ta, brother."

Connor just shook his head and looked at his brother.

"Con. Ye need ta stop."

"Deserve et."

"No ye don't. It wasn' yer fuckin fault I died. And even if it were, I'd never do this ta ye. How can ye believe I'd want this?"

"_Aequitas_" Connor said and took his brother's tattooed hand.

"That's fer evil and corrupt people."

"Aye."

"Yer not one of them! Stop that shit. Yer the best fuckin person I've ever known."

"You mean I was."

He squeezed his brother's hand and then winced because it hurt.

"You need ta stop thinking ye deserve punishment."

"But I do."

"Shut up."

"Why, Murph?"

"You mean why yer still alive?"

Connor smiled when his brother just knew what he meant. Then he nodded.

"Because ye still got things ta do. People ta meet. People ta help. Things ta happen."

"Please allow me ta die."

"Never."

"Fuck you."

Murphy smirked.

"See it as a final task. A final job. And yer reward's me."

"How do I know when it's done?"

"You know when ye don't expect it."

"Fuck ye."

Murphy squeezed his hand then and patted his shoulder gently.

"I'm proud af ye, little brother."

Connor smirked tiredly.

"Yer the little one."

"We both know who's the older one."

"Aye. Me."

"Then fuckin act like it Con."

"Killing yerself takes balls."

"Living through shit and life even more."

Connor sighed.

"Then come back ta me so we can live through it tagether."

"Ye know I can't. I'm dead."

For a while they just looked at each other. Murphy just looked sad.

"Ye look fuckin terrible."

Connor snickered.

"Ye know I'm the prettier one."

Murphy laughed.

"Fuck you."

Suddenly they heard voices outside and Murphy squeezed his hand again.

"Time ta go."

"Please stay."

"Can't."

"Af course ye can."

"Love ye Connor."

"Love ye too Murph."

With that Murphy got up and before Connor managed to say anything he was gone.  
>Connor's eyes snapped open when he could hear how someone kept knocking on the door.<p>

"Come in" he murmured and sat up.

He couldn't remember when he'd fallen asleep. Maybe he'd passed out. Lori entered the RV and he smiled at her.

"Came here ta tell me how horrible I look again?"

She smiled a little but then looked worried.

"How are you?"

"Been better. But that's alright. Had worse."

She nodded and leaned against the kitchen counter. When Connor saw how she kept scratching her neck nervously he knew something was wrong.

"What's the matter?"

"It's just...god, I shouldn't even be here."

"It's alright. Tell me what's buggin ye. I don' bite."

"It's about Rick.."

"Aye?"

"He left hours ago. Headed for the town to get Herschel. But they're not back yet."

"So?"

"I'm worried. Maybe they need help. And I would go after them but I've got to look after Carl.."

She swallowed and looked down.

"I asked Daryl to go and help them but he refused. He told me to go myself but..." Connor sighed.

"Af course he's all bitchy now" he murmured and then looked up.

"You want me ta look fer yer husband?"

She nodded. He looked at her for a moment. She looked so worried and scared that he just couldn't say no. He nodded.

"Aye. Af course. I'm going ta find yer husband."


	22. Car Crash

New chap! I keep thinking: JUST HUG EACH OTHER ALREADY. Lol :D  
>I rewrote this scene because I wanted it to be a Connor scene and not a Lori scene. Since the scene was a bit pointless anyway. So.<p>

**setting:** episodes 8 "_Nebraska_" and 9 "_Triggerfinger_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 22 - Car Crash

* * *

><p>Connor found Daryl by the old ruin. It was even worse. Not only was he sitting all by himself there, he had also taken the tent and the motorbike with him.<p>

"What te fuck's up with ye?" Connor asked once he was close enough.

Daryl looked up and snorted. Then he concentrated on the sticks he was cutting to a new bunch of arrows.

"Where did ye put my stuff?"

"By the camp" Daryl murmured and didn't look at him anymore.

"So what, now yer throwing me out? If someone's gotta be mad, it's gotta be me, don't ye think?"

Daryl didn't answer and Connor sighed.

"Don't fuckin do that."

"What?"

"Don't fuckin isolate yerself and run away."

Daryl got up then and eyed Connor.

"What the hell is wrong with _you_? I just beat the shit outta ya a couple of hours ago and yah keep runnin after me like a fuckin dog.  
>Don't yah get it, I don't want yah with me!"<p>

"Yer such a fuckin pussy! The girl's fuckin dead, so what? We're still alive, the others are still alive. People are dying like flies these days, get over it!"

"Says the prick who's still not over his stupid brother's death after months!"

"Aye because that's fuckin different! Ye hardly knew te girl. You didn' care about her before, so what's the fuckin point in caring about her now?"

"Screw you."

"Why did ye fuckin tell Lori to go into town on her own? She's a fuckin woman, she's pregnant, are ye stupid?"

"So what, I don't care what that stupid bitch thinks or wants. None of my business, not my stupid problem. I'm done looking for people."

Connor looked at Daryl in surprise. He wouldn't have thought that the death of one girl he hardly knew could make Daryl change so much again.  
>He was just like when they'd met. Even worse.<p>

"She asked me ta go. I think she's got a point. It's a fuckin town. There must be hundreds of them things. Maybe Rick needs help."

"So what. It's not like he'd come for me if I was there."

Connor sighed.

"I'm going. I need back-up. Would ye come with me? Do et fer me at least?"

Daryl snorted.

"For _you_?"

Connor narrowed his eyes.

"What the fuck's that sapposed to mean?"

Daryl sat down again and grabbed another stick.

"You're still not gettin it? I don't give a crap about yah! I beat the shit outta yah just a couple of hours ago and yer _still _not gettin it. I work best when I'm on my own, I don't need anyone and I certainly don't need _you_. I mean, let's face it. You're the one that needs me t'survive, not the other way round, I couldn't care less if you're there or not. And I've made my point more than once. It's about time yah get that inside yer thick Irish head."

"If you don't care if I'm there or not, then why did ye cut the rope I tried ta hang myself with?"

"Because some walker could've bit yah there and I didn't want yah to become a walker.  
>I didn't want yah t' be a danger to the group. If you'd taken a gun like a man I would've left you to rot there on the ground. Couldn't care less."<p>

Connor stared at Daryl then. Most of the time he'd thought, no he'd _hoped, _that there was an other side to Daryl. A better side. The way he'd been with Carol.  
>The freaking<em> flower. <em>For the first time since they'd met Connor wasn't sure whether Daryl really meant what he'd said or not.  
>Whether he'd really given up getting <em>better <em>or not.

"Ye really think so?"

Daryl snorted.

"Wouldn't say it if I didn' mean it."

And Connor knew that this man could never replace his brother. Because Murphy would never say something like this to him.

"Okay, if that's what you want. Screw ye then" was all Connor said.

Then he turned around and walked away. Daryl watched how he left. From the moment Connor turned his back on him he regretted what he'd just said. But then again, he just wouldn't take it back. His pride wouldn't have that. He hadn't meant to say those things. In the end he'd just said it to hurt Connor, to make him go away because he wanted to be alone. Of course he cared if the stupid Irish freak was alive or not. He'd saved his life more than once. And even he couldn't deny that Connor had done him good. But right now he just didn't want to be anywhere close to him. Because he didn't want to talk to anyone. Because he was so angry and disappointed. And because he was afraid of lashing out and hurting Connor once more. The reason why he'd said those things was because he _cared_. Because he wanted him to be _safe_. And safe meant being anywhere but close to _him_.

* * *

><p>Connor had stolen one of the cars. He was driving down the road when he remembered what Daryl had said to him. He still didn't know if he'd meant it or if it had been one of his stupid attempts to get rid of <em>everyone. <em>The Irishman was quite surprised that his words had actually hurt him. And this time not just because Daryl looked like Murphy but also because it had been _Daryl _who'd said those things. Maybe he'd been wrong all the time. Maybe he'd just imagined that there was some sort of friendship happening between them. Maybe Daryl really was the asshole Connor'd always thought he was just pretending to be.

But if he was, how was he supposed to cope then? It was like losing another brother all over again. Because if Daryl really wanted to throw him out and run away from him he'd be all alone again. He didn't really have anyone in that group except for Daryl. He'd said it before. Everyone had their friends and family. The Grimes family and Shane. Andrea and Dale. T-Dog and Carol. Glenn and Maggie. Him and...? He wasn't sure if he could be just Connor. It had been Connor and Murphy all the time. Connor and Murphy. Connor and Daryl. _Just Connor?_ He wasn't sure if he could do that. He'd been a _twin _brother. He was supposed to be with someone. He had promised Murphy not to kill himself. Which meant he had to deal with it somehow.

The Irishman grabbed the map to check where he was going. He'd been so lost in thoughts that he hadn't really paid any attention on where he was actually going. The town. It had to be here somewhere. When he looked up again he gasped in surprise. Standing there, right on the road, was a walker. Just a few meters away. And he was driving towards it at full speed.

* * *

><p><em>Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.<em> He could hear the steady rhythm. _Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._ He could hear glass breaking.  
>The first thing Connor noticed was that his leg freaking <em>hurt<em>. It took him a moment to process what had happened. The road. The map. The walker. **BAM.**

His eyes snapped open when he heard groans and moans. He could smell the stench of rotting flesh and dried blinker kept flashing and making that noise.  
>Connor found himself stuck inside the car that lay on its side and there was a walker trying to break through the broken windshield.<p>

"Oh fer fuck's sake" he muttered and tried to grab his gun.

It was quite hard to get since he was completely stuck in the driver seat like that, with his leg being stuck between the steering wheel and seat. Even worse, there was a piece of glass from the windshield that had cut through his jeans and right into his thigh. He couldn't tell how deep it was, all he knew was that it _hurt_. The walker tried to get inside the car. When he'd almost managed to get one hand inside, Connor finally found his gun and placed it on the walkers forehead.

"Time ta go back ta hell ye fucker."

He pulled the trigger and shot the walker dead. Connor took a deep breath and then took a look around. He prayed to god that there weren't any more walkers around. He wondered where his luck had gone. _How had he managed to crash a car in the middle of nowhere during the freaking apocalypse? _The Irishman grabbed his leg and tried to pull it out. He groaned in pain when it wouldn't move and the glass cut even deeper into his thigh. _Oh Jesus. _Now he'd even managed to get stuck. He hadn't told anyone that he'd left on his own. The only ones who knew were Lori and Daryl. The very person who had told him that he didn't care whether he was alive or not. Lori, who was pregnant and too scared to go on her own. _Oh great. _Connor kept trying to get out of the car but with his leg stuck like that he wasn't going anywhere. Soon he heard more groans coming from the outside. He wondered how many of them were out there. He wondered how long it would take them until they figured out how to get inside. He had six bullets left.

"Gimme a fuckin break" he murmured and checked his magazine just to make sure.

Six bullets.

_Is this the fuckin situation ye meant Murph? When I don't expect it? Well fuck ye very much, I'm nat ready ta get torn ta shreds and ye made me promise that I won't kill myself.  
>How's that sapposed ta fuckin work?<em>

Another walker tried to get through the windshield. He could hear the glass breaking. Part of him wondered how long it would last until it broke completely.

_Well look at me, I'm yer fuckin happy meal just waiting to get eaten. 's not like I can run away fram ye._

He tried to take aim but it was hard to do so since the walker kept moving. Connor pulled the trigger and missed the head.  
>He had managed to shot her cheek off but that didn't stop her.<p>

Five bullets left.

He tried to get his leg out again. This time he pulled really hard but in this position he just ended up forcing the glass even more inside his leg.  
>He yelped in pain and tried to shoot the walker again. Her head was already inside but he missed it again.<p>

Four bullets left.

They could smell the blood. It made them even more rapid. He saw another walker coming. _I take it back God. I don' wanna die.  
><em>He took a deep breath and took aim again. He hit her right between the eyes this time. Another walker down.

Three bullets left.

Two of them were still outside. He could hear how the windshield cracked once more.  
>Connor aimed at one of them and hit his head. And yet another walker down.<p>

Two bullets left.

He was going to make it. At least for now. He tried to get his leg out once more and failed. Christ, he was _stuck_. The definition of stuck. When he was just about to take aim once more the windshield broke and the walker fell inside. Connor screamed in surprise and tried to move his gun up to his head. Just when he placed it on its temple, he saw another one coming. And another one just a couple of meters away. He only had two bullets left. He pulled the trigger and the walker on top of him twitched as the bullet went straight through his brains. But the other two were already coming. Connor's breathing sped up as he watched them coming closer. He couldn't move because his leg was still stuck and the walker he had just shot was lying on top of him.

Just one bullet.

He considered his options. Even if he managed to shoot the next walker dead it wouldn't do him any good.  
>Because there was still another one coming and he'd be out of ammo. He had more ammo inside his bag and trouser pocket but couldn't reach it.<br>There was always the other option.

One bullet left.

For himself.

_I'm fuckin sorry Murph _he thought as he watched the two walkers coming closer.  
><em>I just don't wanna get eaten. I don't wanna die in that much pain. I don' wanna die that slow.<em>

With a loud **zap! **one of the walkers fell to the ground. A few seconds later the second one followed. Connor gasped in surprise. When he lifted his head he saw that there were two arrows stuck in their skulls. He could hear footsteps and grabbed his gun even tighter. Then he saw someone standing right in front of him.

"How the fuck did yah manage t' crash a car in the middle of fuckin nowhere?" Daryl asked and Connor let out a relieved sigh.


	23. Realization

New chapter! Bit too long this time but I didn't want to cut it in two. So whatever.  
>I should rename the fic and call it "<em>50 ways to torture Connor MacManus<em>"  
>LOL. I'm so sorry :D So this is more like a Daryl POV at first. I tell you, this friendship is growing on me!<p>

**setting:** episode 9 "_Triggerfinger_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<br>**  
>Chapter 23 - Realization<p>

* * *

><p>It was dark outside. Connor hadn't come back since he'd told him to go to hell. The truth was that he was worried. Connor had left hours ago. Rick and Glenn hadn't come back either. Daryl was sitting by his own campfire and watched the flames. He still wasn't over the fact that he hadn't been able to find Sophia. And now she was dead. Suddenly he heard someone come running towards him. When he looked up he saw that it was Carol. He sighed. He didn't want to see her. He couldn't look her in the eye because he felt so ashamed of his failure. Her daughter was dead because <em>he <em>hadn't been able to find her.

"We can't find Connor. And the others aren't back yet either" Carol said and came to a halt right in front of him.

He shrugged and threw another stick at the campfire.

"Yeah that dumb Irish fuck must' ve gone looking for them."

„What?" she asked and looked at him in surprise.

"Yeah, he asked me to come with him. But I'm done playing the dead brother. He ain't my problem."

Carol eyed him for a moment. Then she frowned.

"And you didn't say anything?"

_Why should he? It wasn't like any of those people had cared about Connor that much. They'd only ever cared when __**he**_ _had managed to hurt him.  
><em>_**He **__had been the one that had cared and talked to Connor most of the time. So why was she asking him something like that now?_

He didn't answer and concentrated on the fire. Daryl still wouldn't look at her, so she turned around to leave.  
>He was already giving in to his thoughts again when she came back.<p>

"Don't do this. Please. I already lost my girl."

So now she was bringing up Sophia. It was too much for him. He got up and glared at her. He was getting angry all over again.

"You know what's my problem? Neither."

With that he left because he could feel how his fists clenched and because he didn't want to hurt her.  
>He just wanted to be alone, why wouldn't Carol and Connor get that?<p>

* * *

><p>About an hour later Carol came back.<br>He saw her standing by the geek ear necklace and the way she just kept coming and wouldn't leave him alone made him angry all over again.

"What are you doing?" he snapped and she turned around in surprise.

Carol looked at him for a while.

"Keeping an eye on you" she answered and he snorted.

"Aren't you a peach."

He kept walking around because he could hardly control his annoyance.

"I'm not gonna let you pull away. You've earned your place" she went on and he rolled his eyes.

Now she was doing it again. It annoyed the crap out of him how she kept playing psychologist. How she kept treating him like he was someone special.

"If you spent half of your time minding your daughter's business instead of sticking your nose into everybody elses, she'd still be alive!" he snapped and she looked hurt.

She swallowed and then nodded.

"Go ahead."

This made Daryl frown.

"Go ahead and what? You know what...just go! I don't want you here!"

He expected her to leave because something like that had always worked on others. Because it had made Connor leave. She just stood there so he went on.

"You're a real piece of work lady! What are you gonna do, make this stuff about my daddy or some crap?"

Oh crap, now he had mentioned his father in front of her. There was no way he'd talk to _her_ about that. He didn't even know why he'd told the stupid Irishman.  
>He tried to change the subject and get her into leaving, so he did the same he'd always done with Connor. Hit her right where it hurt. Her dead family.<p>

"You're afraid. You're afraid cos you're all alone. You've got no husband, no daughter, you don't know what to do with yourself."

Carol wouldn't give in. She wouldn't give him the fight he wanted. She wouldn't break the way he wanted her to break.  
>And because she was so strong it made Daryl snap even more.<p>

"And you ain't my problem! Neither is that stupid leprechaun! " he snapped and she startled when he started yelling.

"Connor's not my brother!"

And he knew why _that_ made him angry. _Because he's the brother I've always wanted to have instead of Merle. Because I want to be __**his **__brother._

"Sophia wasn't mine!"

For the first time he realized why it hurt so much. _Because Sophia wasn't __**mine**__. Because I've got no family and wanted the two of you to be my family._

"All you had to do was keeping an eye on her!"

And he got so furious that he clenched his fist and was just about to punch her in the face. Because that's what he'd always done when Connor was around. He heard her gasp in surprise and then she turned her head away. But Carol didn't look scared. She was expecting him to beat her. She was ready for it. She didn't fear it. She winced just the way he'd always done when his father was about to beat him. Daryl was so surprised and so shocked because of this that he stopped and looked at her. He had always expected her to be a weak housewife. A woman who couldn't defend herself. But Christ. The way she stood there in front of him. Expecting, fearless...it made him realize how strong Carol really was. How _brave _she was. "Yeah" she whispered and swallowed. Carol stayed strong and did not cry. It made Daryl realize something else.

_All you had to do was keeping an eye on her...and she'd still be alive! All __**you**__ have to do is keeping an eye on __**him**_ _so he __**stays**_ _alive._

Connor. He'd gone all on his own. He'd asked him to come with him.

"_It's a fuckin town. There must be hundreds of them things."_

And there he was, sitting all by himself, without Connor, without anyone and it was so dark and dangerous outside that he wanted to mentally slap himself for not going with his friend.

_"Don't kill yahself you stupid freak."_

"Try ta stop me."

"I will. Cos you ain't dying as long as I'm around."

_**You**_ _ain't dying as long as __**I'm **__around._

He knew what he had to do. Without saying another word to Carol he turned around to get his crossbow.

* * *

><p>Soon after Daryl had left the farm he had to realize that Connor hadn't even made it to town. Because after about 15 minutes of driving down the road he saw the car. Crashed. Lying on the side. It made his heart miss a beat. Because he didn't know what had happened. <em>Had Connor done it himself? Was this another one of his suicide attempts? <em>He imagined him driving down the road at full speed and then hitting a tree. He imagined how his neck snapped. Oh Christ Connor was dead and it was all his fault. He parked the car a few meters away from Connor's when he saw walkers by the wreck. _What if walkers had bitten him to death? What if they'd chewed on his guts and he hadn't been able to run away? What if Connor was a walker himself?_

He didn't know if he could shoot him. For the first time in his life, after all the walkers he'd killed, he wasn't sure whether he could shoot _Connor_ in the head. He didn't have to think the scenario through when he heard gunshots coming from the car. He got out of his car and grabbed his crossbow. So Connor was still alive. Inside that car. With walkers surrounding it. He saw three of them. When Daryl approached the car he could hear a loud bang and glass shattering. After a second Connor was screaming inside the car and he heard another gunshot.

_Oh god no. Now a walker must've got him._

Daryl ran for the car and shot the two remaining walkers in the head. He thanked god he'd already made a couple of new arrows. He turned around to check whether there were any other walkers. They were alone. Daryl took a deep breath and walked around the car. He wasn't sure what was waiting inside. He saw Connor lying in there with a walker on top of him. He had a laceration on his head and aimed the gun at Daryl who frowned.

"How the fuck did yah manage t' crash a car in the middle of fuckin nowhere?" he asked and heard Connor sigh.

"Daryl?"

The hunter nodded and grabbed the dead walker by his shoulders to get him off Connor.

"Stupid walker ran right inta my car" he murmured and grunted when the dead weight was lifted off him.

"Jesus fuckin Christ, I've never been more relieved ta see yer stupid ugly face."

Daryl snorted.

"Yah want me t' shoot yah right here an now?"

"I was just about ta do it myself."

And the way Connor looked at Daryl he knew he meant it. The hunter shook his head and offered Connor a hand.

"Told yah yer ain't dying as long as I'm around._"_

Connor grabbed his hand with a happy grin but when Daryl pulled he groaned in pain.

"Ah fuck, right, I forgot ta tell ye. I'm fuckin stuck."

"You're what?"

Daryl looked at him in surprise and when he looked down on Connor he saw his bloody leg and the piece of glass in his thigh.

"Christ, not only are yah t'stupid to drive a car but you also manage to get yer stupid leg stuck like that?"

Connor snorted.

"Aye. I tried ta pull it out but it's fuckin stuck. I need help."

They heard moans behind them and Daryl turned around in surprise. There was another pair of walkers heading towards them. Connor's breathing sped up again.

"I'm outta bullets Daryl."

The hunter looked at Connor and was surprised when he saw that the Irishman looked scared.

"So fuckin _please _tell me ye care if I'm there or not. I don' wanna get eaten."

Daryl snorted and grabbed his crossbow.

"I'm here now, aren't I?"

And when Daryl grabbed another arrow and aimed at the walkers he realized another thing. He might have lost Sophia and Merle. Maybe those tasks were over. Because he knew he wouldn't find them any more. But there was one thing he was absolutely sure of. He had a new task. A new purpose in life. And that was making sure that this whiny leprechaun was save. He shot the two walkers in the head and turned around again but couldn't see any new ones.

"We need t' get yah outta here. It's not safe. Not with all the blood."

Daryl tried to get Connor out of the car again. No matter how hard he tried, his stupid leg wouldn't move. Although the Irishman tried his best not to make any noise, the more Daryl pulled the more it hurt because the piece of glass kept cutting him. After a minute of trying he ended up screaming in pain and Daryl stopped immediately.

"It's no fuckin use. That's te stuff ye need the fuckin firefighters for" Connor panted.

"How the fuck am I supposed to get some stupid firefighters now? Dial their number? It's the freakin apocalypse dumbass!"

"I fuckin know it's the fuckin apocalypse, I got te memo!"

Daryl pulled again and Connor yelped in pain. Both of them were out of breath already. The hunter eyed his friend angrily and wiped the sweat off his face.

"Fuckin typical! What is it with yah and all the stupid accidents and injuries? Aren't yah Irish freaks supposed t' be lucky?"

"Fuck you! I was til I met ye stupid ass! It's yer fuckin fault after all! If ye hadn't been tha fuckin princess and come with me when I asked ye ta,  
>I wouldn' have crashed te car in te first place!"<p>

Daryl stared at Connor in surprise. He knew Connor was saying those things because he was in pain but in the end he knew that he was _right._

"Shut up. I'm gonna get yah outta here" he said and tried to move the steering wheel.

Connor took a deep breath and grabbed his friend by the shoulder.

"Okay, that's it. I see two options here."

"We're going to get yah out and we're going t'get yah out!"

"Don' be stupid. Either ye take my gun and shoot me in the head.."

"No fuckin way!"

"Or you gimme something ta bite and pull me out. With all the strength ye can gather."

"Are you mental? It could cut yer fuckin leg off!"

"Aye."

Daryl looked at him in surprise and shook his head.

"How are yah supposed t' survive with one fuckin leg? I ain't gonna babysit a cripple!"

"There's no other way an ye fuckin know it! Now fuckin pull yerself tagether!"

Both men stared at each other for a moment and then Daryl turned around. He was going to hurt Connor. _Again_. It was all his fault he was stuck.

"It's alright. I'm going ta live. I've had _so_much worse Daryl."

Daryl searched for a stick and snorted.

"Like what?"

He heard Connor sigh.

"Got tortured once. By some mobsters. Murph and I wanted ta kill Yakavetta. The guy we shot in te courtroom later. He got us before. Tortured us in his cellar fer hours.  
>Shot our friend before our eyes. An te worst kind a pain af all. I saw Murphy die. Twice. So ain't no stupid leg gonna hurt <em>me.<em>"

Daryl turned around and eyed Connor. After a moment they came to a silent agreement. He was going to pull him out.

He found a thick stick in the bushes and walked back to Connor. They both took a deep breath and when Connor nodded Daryl put the stick in his mouth. It was kind of hard finding the right position to pull but in the end he placed himself somewhat behind Connor, inside the car. He wrapped his arms around his waist and could feel how the Irishman grabbed his hair."Ready?" Daryl asked and after a moment Connor nodded. When he started to pull, Connor's screams where muffled by the stick. It was like a flashback for Connor. _10 years ago. After their father had shot them. The bullet in his leg. Murphy behind him, pulling the piece of cloth he buried his teeth in. Rocco with the iron in his hand. He'd been scared of the iron. The heat. The pain. But Murphy was behind him. He was holding on to him. And when the iron touched his flesh, he felt the incredible pain and smelt the burnt flesh as he buried his fingers in Murphy's hair. The pain. And they were going through it together. Halving it. Making it better. _This was just like that. The more Daryl pulled the more Connor buried his fingers in his hair. He could hear his jeans tearing and the glass ripping and cutting through his flesh.

After a moment everything was over. Both he and Daryl fell back as he was released. Connor groaned in pain and when he moved he yelped. He felt the tears coming because it _hurt_. When he saw all the blood he felt like he could pass out any minute. The Irishman coughed and groaned, then he could feel how Daryl pulled him out of the car. For a moment he just stared at the night sky. He couldn't remember the last time he'd looked up at the sky like that. The stars were so beautiful. They were there all the time and they hardly ever saw them. Because their eyes were indifferent to beauty now. Because all there was left was blood and pain and misery.

Daryl hit his cheek then and Connor blinked.

"Don't yah dare dying now."

Connor snickered tiredly and shook his head.

"Ain't gonna make it that easy fer ye."

"Can yah sit up?"

Connor squeezed his eyes shut for a moment because his leg hurt so much, but then he nodded and tried to sit up.

"Thank you fer getting me out"he gasped and Daryl snorted.

He wrapped an arm around Connor's waist and lifted him up. The Irishman leaned against him for a moment when he felt dizzy because of the blood loss.

"Heya, there's no closin yer eyes now. Yah can sleep all yah want when we're back home."

Connor smirked.

"Just fuckin exhausted."

"I know."

Daryl led Connor to his car.

"Ye need t'get my bag. My guns an ammo's in there. And te pic af me an Murph" the Irishman mur-mured and his friend looked at him.

"I'll get your stupid bag. Just let me get yer whiny ass inside the car first."

Daryl placed Connor on the passenger seat and then walked back to the crashed car. He found Connor's bag somewhere on the back seat and made sure no walkers were anywhere close to them. When he got back inside the car and turned it around he eyed Connor for a moment. He was leaning his head against  
>the window and looked down on himself and all the blood. The Irishman was in shock by the looks of it. Daryl placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him.<p>

"I said no sleepin."

Connor just smirked and nodded. Daryl couldn't drive away fast enough. He'd done it. He'd saved Connor's life. _Again_.  
>He knew that if Carol hadn't changed his mind, Connor would've been dead by now. He owed the woman one hell of an apology.<p> 


	24. Death Sentence

I think it's funny how Daryl keeps fighting his affection for Connor. But Connor nailed it in this chapter. He fuckin loves te guy. *tehehe*

**setting:** episode 9 "_Triggerfinger_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 24 - Death Sentence

* * *

><p>Daryl had quite some trouble keeping Connor awake on their way back to the farm.<br>He tried to keep his friend busy by asking him about Murphy, but Connor wouldn't talk about him. He had just closed his eyes again when Daryl nudged him.

"Eh, yah know that when yah keep closin yer eyes like that y'might fall asleep and die."

Connor nodded tiredly.

"Aye...just..noticed the fuckin blood lately?"

"I know but we're almost there."

"I just wanna fuckin sleep."

"I know. How bout yah tell me something then. Yah keep talkin all the time might as well do it now."

"Tell ye what?" Connor murmured and looked at Daryl.

"I don't know..just talk! Why and how did yah get yer stupid tattoos?"

The Irishman snorted and looked at his index finger. After a moment of hesitation he talked.

"Got the Virgin Mary tattoo first, me an Murph. When we were 16. Just fer the fun af it. Something everyone could see. Murph had it on the same side as me. He drew it class one day cos he was bored..and we thought it looked cool. Two years later we got te cross. I drew that. Because af what we and Ma believed in. When we were 20 we got Veritas and Aequitas. We were always so keen on getting everything fuckin symmetrical. Didn't do anything fer a while after that. When we fled the states and returned ta Ireland we got started with the back tattoos. We did tem ourselves. Nat only the design but we actually tattooed them on each other ourselves. Murphy did mine. That's the last one we got."

"What is it with yah twins doing the same shit t'gether all the time."

Connor smirked.

"Cos it's fun."

"Yah just want t'confuse the shit outta everyone."

Connor shrugged.

"Whatever. Me and Murph didn't look like each other. Obviously. Nat really. We're fraternal."

Connor closed his eyes again and Daryl nudged him once more.

"Come on now, we're almost there Connor."

The Irishman smirked.

"Wow, you actually know me name."

"What?"

"Now I'm Connor all af the sudden. Ye've never called me by my name before. All you ever called me was freak, leprechaun or psycho."

"Cos you are a freak, leprechaun" Daryl muttered.

"Can I ask ye somethin?" Connor asked after a while and Daryl looked at him.

"What?"

The Irishman turned his head and looked at his friend. When Daryl looked back at him he was quite surprised to see how pale Connor was. His face was still bloody from the crash and the wound on his forehead. When the hunter looked at his leg he saw how bad it actually was. He was still bleeding. Connor leaned back and sighed.

"Why did ye change yer mind?"

"Don't know what yer talkin bout."

"A few hours ago you said that you didn't care if I was alive or dead. You said ye wouldn't come with me and that yer done looking fer people.  
>And yet you still came looking fer me and saved my life."<p>

Daryl sighed.

"I just did."

Connor looked out of the window when they saw the farm in front of them. After a couple of minutes they were back with the group.  
>When Daryl stopped the car he eyed Connor.<p>

"Cos I care about y' stupid prick. Maybe more than you think. Someone 's gotta watch yer suicidal ass."

Daryl got out to get Connor. It was hard to get him out of the car since he was quite heavy.  
>Lori and Shane came out of the farmhouse and gasped in surprise when they saw Connor.<br>They came running for them as Daryl carried his friend to the farmhouse.

"What happened?" Lori asked and Shane approached them.

"What did yah worthless redneck trash do to him this time?" he asked and grabbed Connor who looked up and clung to Daryl.

"Get yer fuckin hands af me and keep yer fuckin trap shut. He saved my life."

Daryl glared at Lori and Shane. He was mad at the cop for calling him trash and it was all that stupid bitch's fault Connor had left to search for her husband.

"He was in a car accident and got attacked by walkers. He didn't get bit but he was stuck and when I pulled him out.." he nodded towards Connor's injured leg.

"Please tell me that dumb peasant's back. We need him t' stitch him back together."

Shane shook his head.

"Sorry to disappoint. They ain't back. We're planning on going to town tomorrow morning. It's too risky now."

They entered the farmhouse and Lori walked ahead.

"I'll go and get Maggie. Maybe she can do something."

* * *

><p>Daryl placed Connor on the bed he'd already slept in after his suicide attempt.<br>He checked on his injury and kept looking at his friend who could hardly keep his eyes open any longer.  
>After a moment of considering his options he grabbed Connor's belt to get it off him. The Irishman groaned and opened his eyes.<p>

"Are ye tryin ta rape me now?"

Daryl snorted.

"Shut up."

Once he got the belt he strapped it around Connor's thigh just above the cut. Then he pulled which made the Irishman gasp in pain.

"That'll stop the bleeding for now. But we still need someone t'check on you."

"Have ye got something hot? An iron or something?"

"Why, yah wanna iron yer clothes now?"

"Don't be stupid. Burn the wound. It'll sterilize it and close it. They're doing it in the movies all te time."

"What are yah, insane? This isn't a movie! We'll wait for Rick and the old man to return.."

He was interrupted when someone opened the door and entered the room.  
>Both Connor and Daryl turned their heads and saw how Maggie and her sister Beth entered the room.<p>

"We said doctor, not school girls." Daryl growled and Maggie frowned.

"Do you want us to help you or not?"

The hunter snorted.

"Yeah, cos people like yah wouldn't just make it worse. Might as well do it myself."

"Eh, relax fellas, now's nat the time ta fight over me. You can both be my girlfriends. Little help now?" Connor interrupted their fight.

Maggie and Daryl glared at each other for a moment. Herschel's daughter shook her head and sat down on the bed next to Connor.  
>She looked at his injured leg and moved her finger over the wound. The Irishman twitched and hissed.<p>

"Ah fuck, that hurts like fuckin hell."

"Daryl, Beth, we need some alcohol, water, some thread and a needle."

Her sister nodded and left the room. Maggie looked at Daryl.

"We need alcohol, water, thread and needle. Help my sister and go get it." she repeated and he snorted.

"How bout you go and help her yerself?"

"A minute ago you were all over him and bitched at everyone who wouldn't help him and who got in the way and now you won't get the stuff he needs?"

"Just leave it. He's just jealous af ye because you get t'touch me."

Daryl frowned.

"I'm not.."

"Daryl just stop it with yer bullshit now. Now's nat the time ta discuss this shit. I'm fuckin bleeding ta death here."

"It's just a scratch, don't be so overdramatic" Daryl growled and finally left the room. Connor snickered after a moment.

Maggie cleaned his wound in the meantime.

"He fuckin loves me and he knows it."

"Yeah, he loves you as his punching bag, judging from what I've heard" Maggie murmured and Connor frowned.

"Oh don't fuckin start. Not ye too, you don't even know 'im."

"I'm just saying what everybody else says.. God knows, he could've done that" Maggie murmured and Connor frowned.

"No he fucking didn't, 't was a walker I hit and the stupid car that turned over."

He shook his head angrily and looked at Herschel's daughter.  
>He was thankful that she was trying to help him although they hardly ever talked, but right now her whole talk made him hate her a bit.<p>

"What is it with ye people that you keep treating him like shit?"

"Because he's a douchebag" Maggie murmured and Connor snorted angrily.

"Oh fuck you. Seriously. He fucking saved my life. Three times. He went out there looking fer that girl. Every day."

Maggie looked quite surprised because of his choice of words, but when she wanted to say something Beth and Daryl returned with a bowl full of water, a bottle of whiskey and needle and threat. Daryl stayed with Connor when the Greene sisters stitched him back together and distracted his friend from the pain by mocking him every time he winced. He managed to get Connor angry with all the names he called him as Maggie cared for him. Angering the Irishman was exactly what he wanted to achieve. Because he knew that the anger eased the pain a bit. Soon after Connor was cared for and the bleeding had stopped Beth and Maggie left again because Daryl kept telling them to leave. Daryl let out a relieved sigh and sat down on a chair next to Connor's bed. He enjoyed the silence for a bit and kept the Irishman company. He wanted to wait for him to fall asleep before he left, just to make sure that Connor was really alright. He still didn't trust the Greene sisters. The Irishman spoke after a while.

"D'ye think Rick's dead?"

Daryl looked up and shook his head after a moment.

"Nah. Not the first time he went out and came back late. He's been to Atlanta. Twice. And he's still alive. He's tough."

"Shame we couldn't help him."

"I'll go with Shane, T-Dog and Andrea tomorrow. We'll get 'em."

"I'm gonna come with ye."

Daryl snorted.

"No fuckin way."

Connor rolled his eyes.

"Just a fuckin scratch. I'm dying ta get t'kill some walkers again. It's so fucking boring here."

"Maggie said yer muscle's torn."

"So what, got enough other muscles."

Daryl snickered and shook his head.

"Don't expect me t'look after yah then. Yer fault if yah get eaten because yer limpin all the way through."

Connor grinned then.

"Bullshit, I know you'd come after me. You always do."

Daryl snorted and shook his head.

"Yah wish."

They didn't speak for a while until Connor couldn't help asking.

"Eh Murph?"

"What is it now. Shut up and sleep."  
>"Just...you were nat going ta leave, were ye? When you got the tent?"<p>

Daryl looked at Connor for a while and then shrugged.

"Don't know. Maybe. I thought about it."

"But why?"

"Cos yah keep annoying the crap outta me."

Connor snorted.

"No, I mean really."

"Yeah, I mean really."

"Fuck you."

"Right back at yah, freak."

He took a deep breath then.

"Guess I just wanted t' be alone after all the crap that happened."

"If ye're ever goin ta leave, fuckin tell me, okay?"

Daryl snorted.

"Why would I?"

"Cos I wanna come with ye."

"So what, we walk off into the sunset? Happily ever after? Stop being so gay, will yah."

Connor snickered.

"Fuck ye, who's the jealous one whenever 'm talking t'someone else."

"Screw yah, I ain't jealous."

* * *

><p>Connor gave in to the exhaustion soon after that and as soon as he was asleep Daryl left. He knew that his friend needed to rest for a bit because he had lost a lot of blood. Although he didn't want to admit it, he was quite worried because of Connor. He had a pretty nasty cut and his muscle was torn which meant that he couldn't really walk for a couple of weeks. At least Maggie had said so. <em>And not being able to walk or run these days? <em>This could be a death sentence. He was glad that they were still at the farm but he didn't know how long they would stay now that they had found Sophia and shot everyone inside Herschel's barn.

_What if the stupid man wanted them to leave now? What if they ended up camping someplace like they'd done just outside Atlanta? _He knew how that had ended. Jim and Amy had died when they'd gotten overrun. Walkers could attack them any minute anyway. And if Connor couldn't run when they came and he ran out of bullets just like tonight...Daryl shook his head angrily. _Why would he worry about something like that? He'd told himself over and over again that he didn't need anyone. _Before they'd found the farm he'd been alone too and he'd been fine. Having other people to worry about was nothing but a handicap these days. Having someone you care about meant nothing but trouble. It made you weak. _Because when you get attacked and start running for your loved ones, it will get you killed._

He'd been alone and he'd survived on his own. For months. And then he'd met Connor. The Irishman made him do stupid and dangerous things. Like doing the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a person that could be dead and eat your face off. Like leaving for a walker-infested town just to save a person that was stupid enough to go on his own. Connor made him weak and he didn't like that. But at the same time Connor was the only person in the world that stood up for him and told people to fuck off whenever they started treating him like trash_. Oh Christ. _He hated how he love-hated that stupid Irish clown.


	25. Change

New chapter! Daryl POV this time. Next chap's going to be a Connor chap. And the fic's coming to an end soon! No! Just like the season! Nooo!

**setting:** episode 9 "_Triggerfinger_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 25 - Change

* * *

><p>Daryl got up early the next morning. It was quite weird waking up alone inside the tent. Funny how easily he had gotten used to Connor's company<em>. And he had wanted to throw him out? Geez, now it felt like he couldn't even last a week without that dumbass. <em>He left the tent and stared across the fields. He could see some members of the group walking around. Daryl could make out Dale, Andrea, Shane and T-Dog. It was getting colder outside but it wasn't like he didn't like it. The heat was disgusting most of the time. He welcomed the chill when he grabbed a new shirt and his biker vest. As the hunter headed for the farmhouse he thought about whether to check on Connor or not. Once he'd reached the road and saw how Shane and T-Dog got the car ready he decided to let it go. He'd been obvious enough yesterday. It had taken him weeks to admit that he liked the Irishman and there was no need to show that all too soon. Daryl had a task to concentrate on now. Finding and bringing back Rick, Glenn and Herschel.

He just nodded when Shane and T-Dog eyed him for a moment. They didn't need any words. The two men understood that he'd come with them so they turned around again to get the stuff inside the car. Daryl was just taking a sip of his water when he heard Andrea coming. "Guys" she said and pointed towards the dusty road that led towards the highway. Daryl, Shane and T-Dog turned around when they heard a car. When it got closer they saw that it was Rick. _Well so much for that. Looks like we don' have t'go to town and search for Rick, _Daryl thought as he watched them coming closer. Part of him was disappointed. He'd been looking forward to getting a bit of zombie killing action in town. When the car stopped and Rick got out of it the other members of the group and the Greene family exited the farmhouse. Little Carl came running for his father with a relieved cheer and Lori hugged her husband.

Just seeing her made Daryl angry all over again.

_Yeah right, now y'have him back and Connor's leg's damaged for nothing, stupid bitch. Why was she always so lucky?  
>How did she manage to get her husband back every single time? Her family was still in one piece whereas the others kept suffering.<em>

"Prepare the shed for surgery" Herschel said when he got out of the car and headed for his house.

Daryl just watched all the happy family and couple reunions for a moment and considered checking on Connor when T-Dog pointed at the car.

"Who the hell's that?" he asked and everyone looked the way he was pointing.

There was some sort of teenaged kid sitting in the backseat. He was blindfolded and seemed to be in some state of shock.

"That's Randall" Glenn said and everyone approached the car to get a closer look.

* * *

><p>Daryl had just gone back to his tent to bring his crossbow back and store it. When he returned to the farmhouse everyone was already inside.<br>After a moment of hesitation he grabbed the door handle and entered the house as well. The whole group was gathered around the table.

"Isn't that the same as leaving him for the walkers?" Andrea asked and Rick shook his head. "He'll have a fighting chance."

_Right, so they're discussing the kid's fate.  
><em>As Daryl looked around the room he was surprised to see Connor sitting there in the corner. He was still rather pale and didn't seem to pay attention to what was being discussed. He was leaning against the wall and rested his head on the other wall. When he saw Daryl he looked up and smiled tiredly. Daryl nodded and managed a faint smile as well. When he turned his head he saw Carol sitting there. She looked at Connor for a moment and then back at him. She was smiling, too.

Daryl looked at her in surprise and then turned his head to pretend he was actually listening to what Rick and Shane were discussing. He felt a bit uncomfortable. Not only was he inside an actual house, wearing some-what clean clothes and trying to reconnect with the group, but he'd also just been greeted with smiles from both Connor and Carol. Most of the time, whenever he'd entered a room or sat down somewhere with the group, it had always been like he was invisible. Even now Rick, Shane, Andrea and all the others weren't even paying attention to him. He didn't even know if they'd actually seen him. But there they were, Connor and Carol, smiling at him, being happy about the fact that he was there. _Oh great, so 't takes the freakin apocalypse an dead men walkin t'get ya a friend and a woman that cares about yah._

Shane and Rick were discussing whether the newbie was a threat or not and after a few minutes it all ended in a big fight between the two men again. Daryl hated how they both kept showing off who was the bigger boss. He saw how Connor rolled his eyes and assumed that the Irishman had just thought the same which made Daryl smirk a bit.

"How many of them were there? You killed three of their men, you took one of them hostage, and they just ain't gonna come looking for him" Shane said which made Rick angry.

"They left him for dead, no one is looking" he spat when Connor interrupted him.

"Ye killed three af their men?"

Rick and Shane eyed Connor then and blew out some air.

"Now isn't the time for your saint crap, buddy" Shane said and Connor snorted.

"Oh, I think otherwise, _buddy_. That's fuckin murder."

"They were shooting at us! They were threatening our group!" Rick said and eyed Connor.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you think I'm a murderer because of that."

Both men stared at each other for a while and then Connor looked away.

"No" he said quietly and shook his head.

"We should still post a guard" T-Dog said then and Connor was excluded from the discussion. Daryl looked at him in surprise. It wasn't like Connor to stop a conversation like that. Actually giving in, believing someone that easily. Especially when it involved murder and his views on that. When Daryl looked at his friend and Connor didn't really notice, he saw how the Irishman pulled a face from time to time and kept rubbing his thigh. He looked pale and sick, so Daryl assumed he was in pain and hadn't slept much last night. But Connor, being Connor, would never admit that or show that.

"You know, I'm going out and get him some flowers and candy" Shane said and walked away.

"Look at this folks, we're back in fantasy land" he went on when Herschel went after him.

"You know, we haven't dealt with what you did with my barn yet, so let me make this perfectly clear once and for all: This is my farm. I wanted you gone.  
>Rick talked me out of it but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So do us both a favor. Keep your mouth shut."<p>

Connor looked up then and eyed Herschel and Shane for a moment. When Shane wouldn't say anything and just stared at the old man the Irishman turned his head and looked at Daryl with a grin. He mouthed an "_ouch_" and Daryl tried not to grin. He failed. They both had been waiting for this for weeks. Shane left with an angry sigh as Rick approached Herschel and patted his shoulder. "Look, we're not going to do anything about it today. Let's just cool off" he said and Herschel nodded. Andrea left after a moment, too. When she did Connor looked at Daryl again and chuckled soundlessly. When he made an indecent gesture with his hands Daryl just rolled his eyes. Their wordless conversation got interrupted when Carol approached him all of a sudden and smiled again. Somehow it just pissed him off. Of course he owed her Connor's life. Of course she'd changed his mind for the better but that didn't mean that he wanted her to be near him 24/7. He had had a pretty hard time accepting Connor and the Irishman was more than a handful. Right now he had enough of the being around other people for today. So he turned around, pushed the door open with an eye roll and left.

* * *

><p>Carol kept following him. He headed for his tent and growled.<p>

"Can't yah mind yer own business for once?"

"You didn't run away."

"What, you can use the thing between yer ears. Yer not as dumb as I thought."

"You went to look for him" she went on and he turned around abruptly. He narrowed his eyes and frowned.

"Don't start with your "_you're every bit as good as them_" crap. Seriously woman, what the hell, yah've been reading t'much housewife magazine shit.  
>Don't go psychologist on me."<p>

He pointed at her and growled. She just smiled and he eyed her when she wouldn't say anything.

_Oh how he hated when she did that. When she wouldn't give in to all his mockings and tortured him with that awkward silence._

"I went lookin for that prick because I didn't want his blood on my hands. Cos it was my fault he left being all injured, cos I beat him. I just wanted t' settle old scores.  
>Nothing else."<p>

"You smiled back. He's changed you. I've never seen you smile before we found him."

Daryl snorted angrily but didn't know what to say. Because it was _true_.  
><em>Good lord, he'd been <em>_**happy **__when he'd seen that the stupid Irish freak was awake._

He shook his head angrily and turned around.

"Leave me the fuck alone and stop comin after me. I ain't like that prick. I don' care who I hit, I don' care if yah some stupid woman.  
>Yah keep following me yah won' see the rest of it" he spat and started walking.<p>

Carol didn't follow him then but it was like he could still see her smiling at his back.


	26. Fever

So after I saw the latest episode and we were informed that Herschel's family's from _Ireland_ and he _believes in god_ I just had to write this little conversation in.  
>Because christ, it's like the Walking Dead writers are such a tease. :D I hope I'm done with the pointless small talk chapters now and get some more action in later chapters.<br>As for now, enjoy a little Ireland talk.

**setting:** episode 10 "_18 Miles Out_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 26 - Fever

* * *

><p>Connor watched how Daryl left the farmhouse. He was surprised how quickly his mood had changed from joking around to being all pissed again. He noticed that his mood had changed when Carol went after him. He snorted. <em>Jesus, just get laid already, <em>he thought and shook his head. The Irishman tried to get up to follow Daryl when his leg gave in and he almost fell. _Jesus fuckin Christ that hurts. _Connor tried to get hold of the chair when someone placed a hand on his shoulder. When he looked up he saw Herschel standing next to him.

"Maybe I should take a look at your leg, boy?"

Connor shook his head and waved it off.

"Nah, 's all right. Maggie stitched it back tagether yesterday. I'm fine."

He was just about to leave when he almost fell again. Herschel took him by his arm.

"I think you should come with me."

Connor bit his lower lip to muffle a groan. He hated to admit it, but he was in much pain this morning. Daryl had done the right thing yesterday. Pulling him out like that. But even though it had been the right thing to do it didn't mean he liked it. It had been either that or death though, so he tried to hide the pain. Connor followed Herschel to the room he had slept in last night and lay down on the bed when the farmer told him so. He felt quite uneasy about it since someone was fumbling around on his wound all over again. When Herschel got rid of the bloody bandage around his thigh Connor hissed in pain.

"That looks pretty deep. "

"Aye."

"What happened exactly?"

"Got stuck in te car after the crash. There was that great big piece af glass stuck in me thigh and it cut right through when Murph pulled me out.  
>But we didn't have time. There were walkers everywhere."<p>

"You're not going to be able to walk around much during the next couple of weeks."

"Aye, I fuckin know" Connor mumbled and lay back.

Just looking at the wound made him feel sick.

"You're quite lucky that Rick's such a decent man and convinced me that your group can stay."

"Aye, I thank the lord fer that. Sweet mercy."

Herschel took care of Connor's wound for a moment. When he looked up he eyed his rosaries.

"We never really had the chance to talk much before. Do you believe in god, boy?"

Connor nodded and grasped his rosaries.

"Aye. Af course. But kinda feels like I'm the only one these days. Everyone loses faith so easily."

"You're not the only religious one in this house. I raised my children under the lord's name. We still pray every morning."

Connor looked at him for a while and nodded.

"Aye, me too."

He winced when Herschel touched his wound again.

"You're from Ireland?" the old man went on after a while when Connor stopped groaning in pain.

Part of him just wanted to curse Herschel for all his questions.  
>In the end he knew why he was doing it though, because the farmer was smart and wanted to distract him from the pain.<p>

"Aye, it's nat like you can't hear it. Why'd ye ask?"

"My family's from Ireland too."

Connor snickered.

"Well isn't that funny. Where ye from?"

"It's been over a hundred years since they moved here. Before I was born. A couple of miles outside Limerick I was told."

"Right" Connor murmured and thought about his home country.

He missed Ireland. But even if he could go back now... even Ireland wouldn't be home any more. Because Murphy wasn't there with him. He thought about all the years he'd spent over there. Oddly enough, he didn't think about the last 10 years he'd spent there with Murphy. Of course, those years had been peaceful and calm but somehow, when he heard "_Ireland_" now, he thought about little Murphy. Snotface. He'd called him that all the time. He remembered them running across fields all day, setting things on fire, running after Mr Lynch's cattle and scaring the shit out of them. Going to church with Ma every Sunday.

_Oh Christ, Ireland made him think about his mother again._

_That crazy woman._

He had Murphy had been talking about her back in Boston when they had tried to get to the boats. Both twins had kind of accepted that their mother was dead, but sometimes Connor wasn't so sure about it. Because she was _Annabelle fuckin MacManus. _He remembered that crazy drunk woman that smelled of whiskey all the time and that kept making fun of them 24/7. Well, he was just like her after all. _Even walkers couldn't kill that woman, could they? _He imagined her standing there with her pans and beating the shit out of those dead bastards. It made him smile.

_I hope you rest in peace now, Ma. Cos I don' wanna meet ye some day and have ta tell you that our Murph's dead. I fuckin failed Ma. I couldn't fuckin save him.  
>I wonder if he's with you. Maybe yer laughing at me now, the two af ye. Af course yer laughing at me. 's Da with you as well? Christ, I'd love ta see that.<br>You've spent all yer life complaining about him._

And as he thought about his dead family he felt sad all over again. He was the only MacManus left on this world. His parents, his brother, they were all in heaven. Waiting for him. Maybe heaven was green. Maybe heaven looked like their old house, or their farm in Ireland. Whenever he thought about peace, this was what he pictured after all. Peace. That felt nice. Now that he was so tired. Maybe, if he could just close his eyes a little...

"Connor."

He smirked when he heard that voice.

"Eh snotface."

"Stop callin me that."

He snickered and shook his head.

"Nah, ye're a snotface."

"Connor, wake up."

"What are ye talking about, Murph, I'm here" he murmured but winced when someone hit his cheek.

* * *

><p><em>It's been almost a week.<em> That was all Daryl could think about. The fever had hit four days ago. Four days ago Connor had collapsed inside the farmhouse, just when Herschel had taken a look at his leg. He'd been gone all day when it had happened. Just after he had left. The day Carol had followed him and he'd run off because of that. Gone hunting. When he had returned later that evening, Rick had told him about Connor. That Herschel had taken another look at his wound and discovered that it was infected. Because nothing was sterile these days. Because that stupid glass had been dirty. The Irishman had been feverish for four days now. Herschel blamed it on his blood loss and malnutrition. That somehow, Connor's body was just too weak to fight the infection properly. Funny how something like _this _could be deadly nowadays. A year ago you would've gone to some Doctor and three days later you were healthy again. But now? All they had was a freaking vet and an his daughters.

When people like Carol, Rick or Lori had asked him whether he wanted to visit the Irishman he'd turned them down. He still hadn't seen Connor. He didn't want to. Most of the group assumed it was because he was still trying to isolate himself. Because they _believed _him whenever he told them that he didn't care about the Irishman and his stupid fever. The truth was rather different. He was worried sick. He knew that Connor could die any minute now. And he needed to be ready. He needed to get used to the loneliness again. Used to an empty tent. Used to the silence. He'd done everything he could. He'd gone back to save the Irishman from certain death. He'd pulled him out. He'd brought him back home. There was nothing more he could do about it.

Daryl went hunting again. More regularly. On longer trips. And whenever he returned with a bunch of squirrels he prepared himself for the notification: _Connor 's dead. _But somehow, every single time he returned from another hunt, no such thing would happen. The kid Rick and Glenn had brought from the city had recovered, too. It was the day when Rick and Shane decided to drive him away, some place where he couldn't possibly find back, when Daryl finally entered the farmhouse to check on his friend. Because after one week of just _waiting _he needed to see for himself. Connor was still lying in bed, all sweaty and pale. Daryl sat down next to the bed after a while and sighed.

"Aren't yah a whiny pussy. Always in bed with some sort of stupid injury" he murmured and looked at his friend.

"I mean I got shot and had an arrow stuck in my side and I was fine and then there's you..really, what a girl."

"Snotface" he heard Connor murmur which made him snort in surprise.

"What did yah call me?"

"It's nat my fuckin fault te cat's dead" Connor went on which made Daryl frown.

_The Irish freak's dreaming about dead cats?_

"Connor" he said then because this was getting ridiculous.

"Eh snotface."

Daryl growled.

"Stop calling me that."

Connor snickered and shook his head.

"Nah, ye're a snotface."

_So was he actually talking to him now or was he still dreaming?_

"Connor, wake up" he said angrily and shook Connor impatiently.

"What are ye talking about, Murph, I'm here" the Irishman answered and Daryl had enough.

_It's about time someone wakes yah up. _He slapped Connor which made him wince.

When Daryl's hand touched Connor's cheek he felt how hot his skin really was. _Christ, he's burning up,_ he thought and sighed.  
>After quite a while Connor's eyelids fluttered.<p>

"Good lord's about time yah wake up. Silly bastard."

"Murph?" the Irishman muttered and blinked a few times.

"Daryl" his friend corrected him impatiently and shook him.

"Now wake up."

It took Connor a while to wake up properly and once he did he eyed Daryl and grabbed his cheek.

"Stop fucking hitting me fer once, will ye" he murmured and got rid of the blanket.

When Daryl saw his wound he gasped in surprise. It looked disgusting and nasty. He tried to ignore it and looked at Connor.

"Somebody needed t'wake yah up."

"When did I fall asleep?"

"Bout a week ago."

Connor's eyes widened.

"Are ye fuckin kidding me?"

Daryl shook his head and shrugged.

"Now hurry up with the healing crap. We've got bigger problems now."

"Like what?"

"The kid."

The Irishman frowned and scratched his neck.

"What kid?"

"The little fucker Rick brought when they returned. He doesn' have the guts to kill 'im so he and Shane took him out today. Drove off somewhere."

"And how's that a problem?"

"I think he's a danger to the group. His group. I mean they tried t' shoot Rick."

Connor snorted and tried to sit up.

"It's a fuckin kid, how old was he? 17?"

"Yeah but his group..."

"So, what do you want _me _t'do about et?" the Irishman interrupted him and eyed his friend.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly and took a deep breath. Daryl just eyed Connor for a while and then got up with a sigh.

"I just meant t'tell yah. Better heal up soon. They could attack us any day and when all hell breaks loose I ain't gonna babysit yah cripple."

The Irishman smirked and snorted.

"Yer worried 'bout me, aren't you?"

Daryl snorted and shook his head.

"Yah wish. I just had the guts t'tell yah that yer going t'bite the dust soon."

"Ah, ye think so?" Connor snickered and Daryl nodded.

"Counting on it."

"Oh ye just watch me. I'll cover yer stupid ass when they attack. I don't need two legs ta raise a little hell."

Daryl smirked. _Now that's what I wanted to hear._

* * *

><p>When he left his face fell though. They were in a pretty stupid situation. No, even worse.<p>

_We're fucked. Just because the stupid cop hasn't got the guts t'make the right decisions._

He considered leaving again. Because he didn't want to die because of someone else. Just because this group consisted of so many _stupid_ idiots. In the end he knew that he wasn't going to leave though. He'd gotten used to everyone. He'd gotten used to being a part of a group. Because people finally let him be part of something. Because he'd made _friends _here.

_We're fucked. I'm fucked._

He remembered what Connor had said just a minute ago.

_Raise a little hell._

Somehow that just nailed it. He wasn't going to leave and he was sure of one thing: _Ain't going down without raising a little hell first. Let them come.  
>If they're going to come, with the kid, then he was ready. And he would make sure the kid died first.<em>


	27. Torture

New chap! Man, I'm writing _Judge, Jury, Executioner_ already! Wtf! But this is a good Connor episode. Because it's all about the innocent/guilty thingy.  
>Maybe Connor's out of character here but this is a really tough topic. It's the apocalypse. All of the social standards don't apply anymore so the whole saints ideology doesn't apply either. Still need to figure things out. Let's just justify the way I wrote Connor here with this: He loves Daryl almost as much as Murphy. I think he'd choose his brother over his faith and ideology. If it were Murphy who did the beating stuff here I'm pretty sure Connor'd bend his own rules to make them fit his brother's actions. And we still don't know whether Randall's innocent or not. WALKING DEAD WRITERS. I DAMN YOU! *shakes fist*<br>Really loving this chapter (but not because of the torture!). Especially the Rick/Daryl talk and the way Connor and Daryl are starting to work as a team.

**setting:** episode 11 "_Judge, Jury, Executioner_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 27 - Torture

* * *

><p>Rick and Shane returned later this afternoon with the kid still in the back of their car. When Daryl saw them coming he shook his head and sighed angrily. <em>Christ, they're stupid. <em>If he were the leader of the group he would have taken care of it days ago. By putting a bullet to the kid's head. The two policemen were bruised and looked like they'd been beaten by someone and when Lori asked what happened, they just looked at each other and shook their heads.

"We had a little..discussion."

Daryl snorted when he heard this. He felt like he was in some sort of shitty soap-opera. So those two dumbasses were _fighting_ over that bitch. The day ended with just another discussion over the kid's fate and when Rick got started with all his "_not yet_"'s and "_I need to think_"'s Daryl had enough. He went back to his own place to mind his own business. As he watched his campfire burn he thought about the whole situation. He kind of wanted to take care of it himself. Because he _knew _what was good for the group. Eliminating the threat that was this kid. _He_had the guts to kill him. He was tied up in the shed just on the other side of the field. Next to the farmhouse. Daryl grabbed his bowie knife and looked at it. Then he turned his head to look at the farmhouse and shed.

_All yah have t'do is go over there and end it. No more discussions. No threat._

He really considered it for a moment but then put his knife away with a sigh. The hunter knew that if _he _did it now people wouldn't understand. Because they didn't want to. They would kick him out because of this. Because after all those weeks he had spent with them alone now, without Merle, they _still _thought he was the baddie. Merle, that bastard. If he was still there he would've taken care of it already. Days ago. Probably the moment the kid had stepped out of the car. And Merle, being Merle, would've gotten away with it. Because he really was the baddie after all and people had hardly ever tried to get into a fight with him. Not even Shane. Daryl hated to admit that he was weaker than his big brother. But he wouldn't do it. Because he was afraid of getting kicked out. Not because he was afraid of dying when he was on his own. He was perfectly fine as survivor and could watch his ass perfectly fine. It was the loneliness he was afraid of. In the end even he had to admit that he just _needed_ someone with him. No matter how stupid and bitchy they were.

* * *

><p>He was woken up by Rick the next morning.<p>

"Daryl, I need you to watch over Randall when you're ready."

"Why don't yah do it yerself?" Daryl murmured when he got out of the tent.

Rick looked at him for a while and scratched his nose nervously.

"I need you to get information from him."

Daryl froze when he heard this. He knew what Rick meant.

_Had he seriously just hinted torture?_

Daryl snorted.

_Of course he'd come and ask me t'do this sort of dirty work._

"What, now yah take hostage, yah ain't got the guts t'kill him and then yah come t'me so I do all your dirty work? Typical.  
>Why don't yah ask yer boyfriend, he sure loves a good beatin" the hunter remarked and pointed at Rick's black eye.<p>

"I don't trust Shane on this. He wants him dead."

Daryl snorted again and eyed Rick.

"Who says I don't."

"I know this group matters to you. We matter to you. You went looking for Sophia, you bring us food, you saved Connor's life..."

Daryl growled and turned around to leave.

"Don' bring up this crap. I didn't do nothin."

"I think his group is dangerous. They were armed. They shot at us in cold blood and if they come back they might hurt us. Everyone.  
>Doesn't matter if they're young, old, women, or <em>injured."<em>

The hunter rolled his eyes. He hated how Rick tried to talk him into this by mentioning people that mattered to him.  
>He turned around and eyed the policeman for a while. Then he sighed.<p>

"What do yah need t'know?"

* * *

><p>He found Randall inside the shed by the farmhouse. Rick and Shane had cuffed him to a chair and when Daryl entered the room he turned his head and looked at him.<p>

"Hey man, you've gotta get me out of here.. your buddies are crazy!"

Daryl snorted and eyed the kid.

"Who says I ain't?"

Randall whimpered when Daryl came closer.

"Man, what's the point in all this now, your people saved my ass! Yah took care of my wounds, why would you do that if you want t' kill me now?  
>Please, just let me go!"<p>

The way he kept begging made Daryl angry. When the kid wouldn't shut up he clenched his fists and beat him.

"Please, I didn't do anything!" Randall cried and groaned in pain.

"Yeah, I bet" Daryl said and beat him again.

Suddenly the door opened and both Daryl and Randall turned their heads.

Daryl groaned when he saw Connor entering the shed.

"What the hell are _you _doing here. Aren't yah supposed to be in bed cryin over yer brother or somethin?"

Connor rolled his eyes and limped inside.

"Shut up, what te fuck are ye doing?"

"Please, you've got to let me out! Get him away! He's crazy, he'll kill me!" Randall said and looked at Connor who snorted.

He patted Daryl's shoulder and nodded.

"Aye, that fella's crazy as fuck. But sorry, can't let ye out. None af my business."

Suddenly Daryl punched Randall again.

"Keep your trap shut!"

"Eh Murph, easy!" Connor said and tried to pull Daryl back.

He just shoved him.

"Just leave it. Go the fuck away" his friend growled and the Irishman snorted.

"Yer te one that walked in and asked me fer help with the kid. So what's the deal?"

Daryl eyed Connor for a moment and then wiped his mouth. Randall kept begging and whimpering but they ignored him.

"Rick needs answers. We need t'know what we're up against."

"I told you.." Randall murmured which made Daryl snap again.

"You told me shit!" he spat and grabbed the kid to pin him against the wall. Connor grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him back.

"Murph, stop beatin that fuckin kid!" he yelled and Daryl shrugged him off.

"Get yer hands off me!"

He turned around and looked at Connor.

"If yah don' like what yah see, there's the fucking door. Rick told me t'take care of him and get answers. Now shut up or make yourself useful."

Both men stared at each other for a moment and the Irishman sighed. He looked at Randall then.

"Fuckin tell him what you know."

"I barely knew those guys! I met them on the road!"

"How many in your group?" Daryl asked but Randall wouldn't answer him.

Suddenly Connor approached him until they were face to face.

"He said how many people are in yer fuckin group?" he yelled but Randall just kept panting and groaning in pain.

Suddenly Connor heard how Daryl grabbed his knife. He turned around and looked at his friend in surprise.

"No no no no no, come on man..." the kid murmured and Connor frowned.

"Murph, what te fuck are ye.."

Daryl darted forward and stabbed the floor between Randall's legs.

"How many?" he yelled and Connor stumbled backwards in surprise.

"Jesus fuckin Christ!"

"Thirty! Thirty guys!" the kid stammered and Connor eyed Daryl in shock.

He'd always known that Daryl tended to lash out easily because most of the time he'd felt it himself with all the beatings he'd had to endure the past weeks.  
>Now that he watched him go crazy on the kid he had to realize what Daryl was really capable off. He was like an animal.<p>

"Murph... I think ye should stop now" he murmured but his friend wouldn't listen.

"Where?" the hunter went on and Randall wouldn't answer again.

Suddenly Daryl grabbed his bandage and ripped it off his injured leg which made his hostage scream in pain.  
>Connor was suddenly well aware of his own injured leg.<p>

"I don't know! I swear! We were never anyplace more than a night!"

The Irishman was horrified when Daryl placed his knife on the kids injury and started cutting him. What he was doing now was considered _torture. _A year ago he would've put a bullet to Daryl's head for of that. He'd spent over 10 years killing bad guys who hurt innocent people. He had his gun with him, he could shoot Daryl any minute now to make him stop. But he just couldn't get himself to do it. So he just stood there. Petrified. Horrified because his friend was so _broken. _So _violent. Was this really the guy who'd brought Carol a flower two weeks ago? The guy that had been devastated because of a dead girl he hardly knew?_

"Scouting? Planning on staying local?"

"I-I don't know. They- they left me behind."

He kept on cutting him and Connor approached Daryl. He was just about to place a hand on his shoulder to pull him back when his friend looked at him. He was actually threatening him with this look. _One more step and I'm gonna stab yah,_it said so Connor backed off. He wouldn't leave though because he wanted to step in if Daryl decided to kill the boy. In the end they needed the information, but he didn't like the way they got it.

"Did you ever pick off a scab?" Daryl asked as he kept cutting his injury.

The kid yelped in pain and shook his head.

"Come on, man! I'm trying to cooperate!"

The hunter just ignored him. He guided the knife like an expert and Connor wondered if he had done it before.

"Start real slow at first" he went on and Randall screamed in pain again.

"Fuckin stop now, Daryl" Connor said and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Daryl shrugged him off.

" You tell him man..just...No!"

"Sooner or later, you've just gotta rip it off."

Connor watched in horror how Randall begged Daryl to stop.  
><em>How could that man have his brother's face and voice? How could someone who looked so much like Murphy possibly do something so wrong?<em>

"Okay, okay...they have weapons. Heavy stuff, automatics..." Randall said when Connor was just about to make his friend stop again.

Daryl froze for a moment, then he went on cutting him.

"But I didn't do anything!" the kid yelped and Connor chewed on his lower lip.

"He's fuckin right man, fuckin stop it now."

Daryl eyed Connor for a moment and shook his head.

"You keep your mouth shut and fuckin leave now."

He turned his head and looked at Randall again.

"Your boys shot at my boys, tried to take this farm. You just went along for the ride? You're trying to tell me you're _innocent_?"

"Yes!" the kid shouted and nodded. Connor had enough.

He grabbed Daryl by his shoulders and shoved him.

"That's enough now! Just because he's with a group af douchebags it don't mean he's one af them as well! We don' fuckin know if he shot at Rick!  
>You can't just torture people because ye <em>think<em>they did shit!"

Daryl snorted and looked at his friend.

"Now's not the time for yah saint crap!"

"But it is! Yer fuckin nuts! Have ye seen yerself in the mirror lately? You look like a fuckin animal! Jesus fuckin Christ, what happened ta ya, man?"

They both just stared at each other for a moment and Daryl grunted. Connor turned around and took over the lead.  
>He grabbed his friend's bowie knife and looked at Randall.<p>

"How did ye end up with them?"

Their hostage panted heavily and then sighed.

" Oh thank god you made him stop.. These-these people took me in. Not just guys, a whole group of 'em. Men and women, kids too, just like you people.  
>Thought I'd have a better chance with them, you know?"<p>

Connor felt how Daryl was close behind him. He was nervous and the Irishman knew he could lash out any minute again.

"But...we go out, scavenge...just the men. One night we-we found this little campsite. A man and his two daughters. Teenagers, you know?  
>Real young. Real <em>cute."<em>

The way he said this last word made both Daryl and Connor frown. They looked at Randall and waited for him to go on.

"Their daddy had to watch while these guys, they... and they didn't even kill him afterwards. They just...they just made him watch as his daughters...  
>They just left him there."<p>

Connor approached him slowly.

"Are ye fuckin telling me what I think?"

"No, but-but I didn't touch those girls. No, I swear I didn't do..."

"Are ye talking about rape?" the Irishman went on. When he saw how Daryl approached the kid as well he placed his hand on his chest and shoved him back.

"Please. Please you gotta believe me, man. I'm not like that."

"You just told me that you went out scavenging and knew those fuckin bastards do that kind af shit? Did ye say _cute_?"

"I ain't like that. Please" Randall begged and the Irishman narrowed his eyes.

"Are ye fuckin tellin me you watched them rape those girls and didn't do _nothing _about it?"

Suddenly Connor pulled his gun and aimed it at Randall's head.

"Connor, yah can't just kill 'im like that" Daryl said.

"Shut up!" the Irishman spat and looked at Randall.

"Please you gotta believe me!" he begged as Connor undid the safety of his gun.

"Refraining fram helping people in need ans being indifferent ta crime's just as bad as the crime itself."

"I was scared, they would've killed me!"

Connor just stood there for a while and eyed the kid. He considered shooting him, but Daryl was right. They couldn't. _Not yet.  
><em>He secured his gun and knelt down.

"Don't think that saved yer ass. We're gonna make sure ye'll end up in hell boy."

He got up again and turned around to face Daryl.

"He's yers."

When his friend started beating the kid again he didn't say a word anymore. He just stood there and watched how Daryl beat him up.  
>And as he did so he thought about one word. Just one. <em>Aequitas.<em>


	28. Doubts

New chap! I'm pretty excited for the new episode tomorrow. But it also means that this fic's coming to an end sooner or later.  
>Thanks for sticking with me! I see that more and more people favourite this story and review it. Thank you so much.<br>I hope you enjoy it and that you can look past its flaws. It's my first fic after all.

**setting:** episode 11 "_Judge, Jury, Executioner_" (+ deleted scene)

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 28 - Doubts

* * *

><p>They left the shed half an hour later. Daryl had been pretty rough by the end of their questioning and now that they were out of the shed Connor felt guilty.<br>The problem was that he couldn't really tell whether the boy was innocent or not so he was having a hard time deciding if it was right to torture him like that.  
>Daryl headed for his tent and Connor had trouble keeping up with him because of his injury.<p>

"Eh Murph, don't fuckin run like that" he said after a moment and heard Daryl sigh.

The hunter turned around and eyed his friend.

"So now yer injured for once and can't keep up with me and I'm all glad I can run away from yah and now yer asking me t' wait?"

Connor nodded and stopped walking to rest for a minute.

"So, I take it yer nat gonna leave the group?"

"Nope. At least not yet. Not til this is finished. I owe 'em."

"So can I get me stuff an..ye know, come back ta te tent? I don't wanna be with that group on me own. Besides, ye need someone ta watch yer ass out there.  
>In case walkers attack?"<p>

Daryl snorted.

"I can watch my ass just fine."

"So I take that as a yes?"

Daryl rolled his eyes and turned around.

"Whatever. Freak."

He headed for his camp when Connor turned around to get his bag and guns from inside the RV. He heard how Rick and the group were discussing what to do with Randall and when he was just about to tell them what he and Daryl had heard he saw his friend coming. He was wearing his biker vest again, with his crossbow strapped around his shoulder. So he was planning on going hunting again. Connor grabbed his bag and joined him.

"Boy there's got a gang, 30 men. They have heavy artillery and they ain't looking to make friends.

They roll through here, our boys are dead and our women, they're gonna - they're gonna wish they were."

The Irishman grabbed a smoke and nodded.

"Aye, started showing off with those guys. Apparently, they go out, scavenge an whenever they meet other groups they torture and kill the men and rape the girls.  
>Sick shit."<p>

"What did you do?" Carol asked and pointed at Daryl's bloody knuckles.

"Had a little chat" he said and turned around to leave.

Carol looked at Connor then. He knew what that look meant.

_Why didn't you stop him? It isn't right._

The Irishman turned his head and looked at Daryl. All he saw was the angel wings on his vest. He sighed.

_I know._

"No one goes near this guy." Rick said and left as well.

"I'm with Murph if ye need me" Connor murmured and followed Daryl.

* * *

><p>"Where are ye going?" the Irishman asked as he followed his friend back to the farmhouse.<p>

Daryl turned around in surprise and looked at Connor, who had caught up with him and smiled at the hunter. Daryl just rolled his eyes.

"Just cos I saved yah ass and allowed yah t'sleep in my tent it don't mean that I want yah with me all the time" he murmured and sat down on a stone.

Connor grinned at him and grabbed a smoke.

"Well, should've thought about it before coming t'get me outta that car."

Daryl lay his crossbow down on the ground and looked at his bloody knuckles. The Irishman noticed all the blood and frowned.

"Want me ta get ye something?"

The hunter looked at him and snorted.

"No? Besides, 'm pretty sure Carol's running to get me stuff."

Connor nodded and looked down. For a while he just kept smoking and kicking the grass. He sighed and chewed on his lower lip.

"Do you think we were too hard on that kid?" he murmured and Daryl raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

The Irishman shrugged and looked at the shed where Randall was.

"Do you think we were too hard on him. Ye know, te whole torturing part. Especially you, man."

Daryl growled.

"What, yah think I didn't see how Carol glared at yah after trying t'stare _me_ down? I told yah t'leave me be and get the fuck outta there.  
>Not my problem that you decided t'stay. I told yah to leave if yah don't like what yah see."<p>

Connor snorted and looked at his friend.

"Aye, cos I'm that sort af man who turns his back on evil shit."

His friend raised both his eyebrows and snorted.

"Evil shit? News flash for yah, leprechaun: you did the same _evil_ shit. Not just me. So don't get me started on yer justice crap. Remember that you were the one  
>who pulled his gun and wanted t'shoot the kid after yah heard about the raping bullshit. So don't come here and tell me about 'evil shit'."<p>

"Aye! But I didn't do all that psycho shit with the knife. Jesus, look at yer fuckin knuckles!"

The hunter growled and turned his head. He saw Carl coming to join them.

_As if Connor didn't mean trouble enough._

"Yah know what? 'm gettin real tired of yah shit all the time. How about you make up yer mind for once? Don't go in there and help me with the kid only t'be a sissy afterwards.  
>Help me or not, I don't care. But yah decide it's against yer oh so precious beliefs? Don't bother talking t'me about that shit then."<p>

Connor snorted and threw his cigarette away.

"So yah think it was the right call, asshole?"

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat, mick."

The Irishman glared at his friend. Part of him just wanted to get into a fight because he hated how arrogant Daryl was right now.  
>When he turned his head to see what his friend was looking at he was surprised to see Carl standing there.<br>Connor and Daryl exchanged a quick glance and the Irishman sighed.

"I'm gonna go and put my stuff back in te tent" he murmured and headed back.

"Yeah, whatever" Daryl answered and glared at Carl.

The boy grinned when Connor passed him and ruffled his hair. The hunter had no idea why Rick's son would come to him, now that he saw that his friend was walking away. He had thought that the kid had come because of Connor, but that wasn't the case. Daryl looked at his bloody knuckles again. He tried flexing them and grunted when it hurt.

"Did it hurt to punch the guy?" Carl asked and Daryl looked up.

_Had the kid read his mind? Of course it hurt._

For a moment he had thought that he had managed to break them.  
>He hated to admit that he was in pain, so he just shook his aching hands and looked at the kid.<p>

"I've been hurt worse. You, too, buddy" he answered when he remembered that Carl had been shot just a couple of weeks ago.

Rick's son snorted and smiled. He came closer and pointed at Daryl's crossbow.

"Can you teach me how to shoot that?"

_Oh right, now he knew why Carl had come to him_.

He had never really talked to the kid before, simply because he didn't know how to talk to kids. He had found the kid way too annoying anyway.  
>Of course he would come because of the crossbow. He had seen how the kid had admired it from afar. Even back in Atlanta.<p>

"Your arm ain't long enough" Daryl murmured and stroke his bruised knuckles absently.

Carl shook his head and showed him his arms.

"Yeah it is" he protested, being the stubborn child that he was.

It made the hunter snort.

"Stick to guns. It takes a lotta skill."

He was beginning to feel weird about the whole thing. He was pretty sure that Carl had got the wrong impression because of all his searching for Sophia. Daryl didn't like that Rick's son obviously believed that he liked kids because of it, but that wasn't true. He cursed himself for making Connor leave. The Irishman was way better at this. Simply because Carl obviously adored that freak. He heard footsteps coming from the farmhouse and turned his head to see who it was. Carol was coming to join them with things for his bruises in her hands.

"Where's your old man? Why don't you pester him?" the hunter asked Carl who rolled his eyes and turned around to leave.

Daryl got up and grabbed his crossbow when Carol came to a halt in front of him and handed him the medical supplies.

"Did you get what you wanted?" she asked and looked both disappointed and disgusted.

He turned around as if she was going to leave, but she just stood there and looked at him. Daryl grabbed the things and glared back at her.

"Approval? Thanks?"

The hunter didn't know what to say.

"Couldn't hit me, almost killed Connor, and now that you can't hit him anymore you beat up a kid, is that who you are now?"

Daryl looked down and growled. He _knew_ that he had almost hit her. He _knew_ that he had almost killed Connor, more than once. He hated her for bringing this up.  
>As if he didn't feel guilty enough. The hunter wasn't proud of what he had done.<p>

_Of course. But why wouldn't she get that he was trying to do the right thing this time? Why wouldn't anyone get that their prisoner wasn't a kid, that he was dangerous?_

"Ain't no kid. He'd do a lot worse than hittin' yah if you gave him a chance" he murmured and looked back at her.

"This isn't what this is about, and you know it" she responded.

It made him frown. He turned around to look at her properly.

"What do you want me to do? Huh?"

She just stood there and looked at him. And Daryl knew that she didn't have a clue either. He snorted and turned away again.

"I don't need this."

"Don't pretend like you don't care…You want your friendship back? Take it. Every kind and smart thing you've said, take it all back. Push everyone away.  
>Connor, me, the group. Take your tent and move away from us. I don't care. I've lost worse. "<p>

Daryl just stared at her.

"But don't sit back here and tend to your bloody fists…and pretend you don't care" she went on and turned around without waiting for an answer.

The hunter watched her leave and started rubbing his knuckles again. He didn't know how to react. He knew that Carol was right. The only problem was that he still didn't want to care. About anything. He didn't want to care about the torture and all the things they made him do now, and he sure as hell didn't want to care about Carol and Connor. Especially Connor. Caring only meant trouble. Sophia's death had shown him that all too clearly. Daryl sighed and sat back down to tend his knuckles. Thinking about all that stuff made him angry but in the end he came to the conclusion that she was right. He still believed that torturing the kid had been the right thing to do, but there was no need to keep pushing everyone away. They obviously cared about him, no matter what he did. And maybe it was time to accept that.

* * *

><p>Connor was busy unpacking his stuff when he had to think about the kid again. How Daryl had beaten him up. He remembered what his friend had told him about his past and family. He was an abused child after all but that he could be <em>so<em>violent... He knew that Daryl wasn't evil by nature. He had seen his good side. The redneck had gone looking for that little girl after all. He'd tried to cheer Carol up. He'd cut his rope and talked him out of suicide. He'd come back and saved him from the walkers. It had been Daryl who'd pulled him out of the car. But still. It had also been him who'd tortured the kid.

_What happened ta you? Yer an animal!_

Connor had seen him change. Twice. He remembered the first time he had seen Daryl. So pissed. So angry. So alone. Then he had changed for the better. He had opened himself up to him. He had let him be his friend. _And then Sophia had died. _And Daryl was turning into something else. Those people were abusing him as their wing man. Simply because they never looked past his Redneck attitude. He knew, no he _hoped_to know, why Daryl was doing things like that now. Not because he enjoyed beating people but because he still wanted to be part of this group. Because he wanted to play a role in the group. People wouldn't take him seriously as leader although Connor knew that he was capable of that. So all that was left was to be their watchdog.

_And he had no idea how to change that or help him out of that._

He knew that people didn't take him seriously either. Because he was just Connor, the funny Irishman. The man with the guns. The saint. The newbie. _So all he could do was to be there for Daryl. Trying to keep him sane. On the good side. _Because he knew he was the only one who was capable of knew that Daryl had a soft spot for him by now. He also knew that his friend would never admit that.

* * *

><p>Daryl returned two hours later and brought a doe with him. Connor snorted when he saw him and tried to help him with his prey.<p>

"Nat a squirrel this time?" he teased him and Daryl snorted.

He laid the dead animal on the ground and looked at his friend. Connor didn't look so pissed any more.  
>He was grinning and trying to help, and the hunter knew that it was a peace-offering. For now.<p>

He smirked and nudged his friend.

"Screw yah, still haven't seen yah bring a single thing."

"Oh I will. Just ye wait. Need help with the preparation?"

They placed the doe by the fire and Daryl laughed.

"As if yah know how t' do stuff like this. Being from Boston and Ireland."

"Fuck you, I know how t'do this shit. I've worked in a meat packin plant!" Connor protested and searched for his knife.

"Yeah I bet" Daryl answered and knelt down next to the doe.

Connor growled.

"Sure did! You don't know shit about me."

They spent the entire morning preparing the doe and getting it ready for the evening.  
>Connor had just left the tent in which he'd gotten changed when they saw Dale heading for their camp. Daryl was busy sorting his arrows when he saw him, too.<p>

"The whole point of me coming up here is to get away from you people" he murmured and Connor greeted the old man with a nod.

He sat down and started cleaning his guns.

"Gonna take more than that" Dale said which made Connor smirk.

"Carol send you?" Daryl growled.

"Carol's not the only one that's concerned about you, your new role in the group" the old man said and Connor nodded.

"Aye, that's true."

Daryl turned around and eyed his friend who shrugged.

"What? He's got a point there."

The hunter rolled his eyes and turned his back on them.

"Man, I don't need my head shrunk. This group's broken. I'm better off fending for myself."

"No ye ain't" Connor said and Daryl pointed an arrow at him.

"You keep your trap shut now or yah can go back t'the group."

The Irishman sighed and shrugged. He just grabbed a smoke and lit it with a growl.

"You act like you don't care" Dale noticed after a while and

Daryl looked at him.

"Yeah, it's cause I don't."

He grabbed his vest and put it back on.

_Why was everyone bringing that up now?_

"So live or die, you don't care what happens to Randall?"

"Nope."

"Then why not stand with me, try to save the kid's life, if it really doesn't matter one way or the other?"

"Didn't peg you for a desperate son of a bitch" Daryl murmured as he adjusted his vest.

Dale turned his head and looked at Connor then. The Irishman chewed on his lower lip and took another drag on his cigarette.

"What about you then, Connor. I take it you're a righteous man?"

Connor sighed and scratched his neck.

"Aye but Rick's got a point. His group's dangerous. I ain't sayin killing him is right but...lettin him run ain't good either. I...just..ah fuck it.  
>I don' know what's right and what's wrong here anymore. What's te difference. Rick's got the say here. And they ain't listenin ta us anyway."<p>

"Your opinion makes a difference."

Connor just looked at Dale for a while until they heard Daryl snort.

"Man, ain't nobody looking at me for nothing."

"I do" the Irishman said and his friend glared at him.

"Yeah cos I look like your stupid brother."

When Connor was just about to say something Dale interrupted him.

"Carol is, and I am. Right now. And you obviously- you have Rick's ear."

Daryl turned around because of this and frowned angrily.

"Rick just looks to Shane. Let him."

He grabbed his crossbow and turned around to leave when Dale wouldn't let it go.

"You cared about what happened to Sophia."

Connor looked up then as Daryl turned around again and just stared at Dale.

He knew that mentioning the little girl wasn't a good thing to do when his friend was around but the old man was right.  
>It was the only way to stop Daryl from running away again.<p>

"Cared what it meant to the group. _Torturing_people? That isn't you. You're a decent man. So is Rick. Shane - He's different."

The Irishman was surprised to hear Dale say something like that. And he'd thought he was the only one who saw that there was more to Daryl than most people believed.  
>He looked at his friend and nodded.<p>

"He's right man. You've changed. And nat fer te better. We're worried about ye."

Daryl rolled his eyes and ignored Connor. He looked at Dale instead.

"Why is that? Cause he killed Otis?"

The old man looked at him in surprise as Daryl approached him.

"He tell you that?" Dale asked and Daryl snorted.

"He told us some story...How Otis covered him, saved his ass. He showed up with the dead guy's gun. Rick ain't stupid.  
>If he didn't figure that out, it's cause he didn't wanna. It's like I said. Group's broken."<p>

He turned around and left this time. Connor and Dale just looked after him for a while until the old man looked at the Irishman.

"You cannot tell me you're alright with this."

Connor sighed.

"I honestly ain't. If he were guilty I'd put a bullet ta his head without missing a heartbeat. No matter what Rick says.  
>Just... we don't know if he did shit just like the other members af his group. It's a tough decision that. Especially nowadays Dale."<p>

"I thought you did everything you could to protect the innocent back in the old days. I mean they didn't call you a saint for nothing, did they?"

Connor looked at Dale then and frowned.

"Don't pull that on me."

"But we are talking about a man's life here!You might be the only one left in this group that knows what's right and human! You're a man of god!"

The Irishman got up then.

"Ye know what I did Dale? I killed a few people to prevent death af many, _countless_innocent people. Maybe that's just like that now. Maybe we need ta kill one person ta save the life af te many. I mean ye heard what he told us. It's 30 people, with guns and they're rapists and they kill people fer the fun af it. Maybe we have ta look past his innocence this time to save our lives!"

Dale looked at Connor in shock, who was just as surprised.

The Irishman sighed and sat down again.

"Why are you askin me anyway."

"Because I want to change Rick's mind. He gave me time to talk to the group. We're having a vote later this afternoon. So please, I'm begging you.  
>You're a man of god. You've read the bible more than once. You know what it says. Please help me save this kid's life?"<p>

The Irishman looked at Dale for a very long while and then sighed.

"I'll think about it."

"Thank you. And please talk to Daryl as well. You're the only one he listens to."

Connor snorted.

"He doesn't do shit."


	29. Discussion

New chap! Sorry about the pretty much 1:1 description & dialogue of the last scene in this chapter.  
>It just felt necessary and I tried to include Connor but it was rather hard.<p>

**setting:** episode 11 "_Judge, Jury, Executioner_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 29 - Discussion

* * *

><p>Daryl came back to the camp after a while. Connor was still sitting by the campfire when he saw his friend.<br>When Daryl put his crossbow away and wouldn't speak the Irishman turned around and looked at him.

"Where te fuck were ye?"

The hunter snorted.

"What, are yah my mum now? Since when do I need t'tell yah everything."

Connor rolled his eyes and turned around.

"Aren't ye a fuckin sissy with all yer ups an downs. How 'bout you finally make a decision."

"On what?"

"Whether you can stand me or nat. Seriously yer worse than a girl with yer moods."

The hunter stared at his friend's back for a while and then came to join him.

"Went to check for walkers. I've noticed that there's more. They're getting closer."

Connor looked at him and frowned.

"Ye mean they sense we're here? Well, doesn't really surprise me ta be honest. Back in Boston they always knew where me and Murph were hiding."

Daryl shrugged.

"Looks like those filthy lowlives are gettin smarter. Maybe the gunfire from two days ago attracted 'em."

"Well that's shite."

"Yep" the hunter said and got up to check on his motorbike.

"I guess we shouldn't put our guns away now."

Connor smirked and loaded his two guns.

"Aye. Call me paranoid, but I'm never doing that anyway."

Daryl frowned when he searched the bag on his bike but didn't find his gun.

"Did yah go through my stuff? Fuckin get yer mits off my bike!"

Connor frowned.

"Are ye fuckin kidding me? I'd never touch yer worthless trash!"

Daryl let go of his bag and approached his friend. He shoved him and grabbed his bag to search it.

"Don't fuck with me. I know yah took it! Who else would've done it, yer the only one that's been here!"

Connor got up and shoved Daryl too.

"Fuck ye! I didn't fuckin touch yer stuff! What are ye talking bout anyway?"

"My gun, that's what I'm talkin 'bout! Now give it back, I'm not kiddin yah!"

The Irishman frowned.

"I swear ta god I didn't take it. Why would I, I've got me own guns!"

"Then who did, smartass, cos it ain't here!"

Daryl searched the tent and his bags but couldn't find the gun. Connor did the same.

"I mean yah were here all the time, weren't yah?"

The Irishman shook his head.

"No I wasn't. I was with te group fer a bit because I was bored."

Daryl growled. "Well fuck yah very much. Now we've got no idea who took my gun!"

"Fuck you, now it's my fault? Yer the one who grabbed his stuff and went away, maybe you just lost it!"

The hunter shook his head angrily and searched his bags once more. He startled when something nudged his shoulder.

"Here take that then til ye find it."

Daryl turned around and frowned. Connor was standing there in front of him, with a gun in his hand.

"I don't need yer charity" he growled and Connor rolled his eyes.

He offered him the gun once more.

"Fuckin take it anyway, don't be such a princess. You just said we need our guns now."

"Don't yah need it yerself t' protect yer whiny ass?"

The Irishman snorted.

"I've got three more."

Daryl took the gun reluctantly and looked at it.

"Please don't fuckin say it's yer brother's."

Connor chuckled.

"As if I'd give _you _stupid asshole me brother's gun. No. It's mine. Don't fuckin lose this one."

"I won't" Daryl murmured and the Irishman sat down again with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Now we need ta talk snotface."

"Did yah just give me the gun so I can shoot yer face off because of this stupid nickname?"

Connor laughed and grabbed two smokes. He offered Daryl one. The hunter sat down opposite him and took it.

"What fuckin ever. I need ta talk to you about te boy."

Daryl rolled his eyes.

"Oh don't fuckin start with this crap again. Did that old dumbass manage t'brainwash yah?"

"No he didn't but I think he's right. I did some thinking while you were gone. I think he's got a fair point.  
>And if Rick really wants ta hear everyone's thoughts on it then I wanna make sure we're on te same side here."<p>

Daryl snorted.

"Why would we."

"Cos we're a fucking team."

The hunter snorted and leaned back.

"We're not. I'm a loner. I don't need yah. Or anyone."

"Yeah af course. I think we're past yer stupid schtick now. Anyways, I think we should side with Dale."

"No way."

"And why's that? Cos ye think you need ta kill him so you can be the tough one? So everyone can look at ye and go "woh look at that evil motherfucker".  
>Yer fuckin brother's dead. And you ain't impressing anyone with yer stupid dickish "kill 'em an beat 'em up" behavior. Just makes yah look like a dick."<p>

"Shut up!" Daryl spat and eyed Connor angrily.

"Then tell me one good reason why ye think we should kill 'im. If yer right then I'm on yer side..just...fuck it. I want you to be right. But Dale's also right."

"Yah want one good reason?" the hunter shouted and his friend nodded.

"Fuckin aye I do!"

"Just think about it, you stupid clown! If yah had a group of 30 strong tough guys with guns and shit and somebody took you hostage, tortured yah, beat the shit outta yah and threatens t'kill yah and ye were givin the chance t'run back to yer people, what's the first thing you'd do? And by that I don' mean a guy with yer stupid brain, but a kid like 'im. Everyone'd run for their people and tell 'em. Everyone'd want revenge for something like we did t'him! I mean if we let him free and spare 'im shit like that's destined t'happen!"

Connor glared at him but didn't say anything.

"I mean seriously. It's bout time yah wake up to this world. Yer morality and faith, believin in good, it'll kill yah.  
>Might've been worth something back in the old days, ain't worth shit now."<p>

Daryl threw his cigarette away and shook his head angrily.

"Yah can think or vote on whatever yah want man, but ain't got nothin t'do with me. I think we have to kill the guy. Cos if they let 'im run and his people start slaughtering us that blood ain't on my hands but yers and Dale's. Just...use yer stupid brain for once and not yer bible shit."

Connor looked at his friend for a while.

"I don' know if I can fucking do that" he said and was surprised how honest he was.

Because he knew Daryl was _right. _He knew that if they wanted to survive they needed to kill the boy.

But killing a human being that might be innocent? It was _wrong_. In this world it was _right_ to do something _wrong_. Survival meant doing immoral things.  
>And doing immoral things meant going to <em>hell.<em>

_Murph I'll never fuckin see ye again._

"Yeah looks like you've gotta" Daryl murmured.

"We could always leave" Connor said and Daryl looked up in surprise.

For a while they just stared at each other. Somehow considering the possibility.  
>And the hunter knew that if he was ever going to leave it would be with that man. But not now.<p>

Not yet.

"Seen yah crippled leg lately? Yah wouldn't last a minute out there."

Connor snorted.

"Fuck ye, sure would."

"Yeah and if yah do get eaten then that'd be on me."

"No then it would be me own fault."

"Fuckin shut it. It ain't safe, Connor. Not yet."

The Irishman smirked. After a moment he leaned back and sighed.

"So what's te deal then?"

Daryl snorted and shrugged.

"Yah tell me."

The Irishman looked at his friend for a while and then swallowed.

"Yer right. I mean god'll condemn me ta hell fer this, but good lord yer right."

* * *

><p>Later that afternoon the group gathered inside the farmhouse to discuss Randall's fate.<br>Little Carl stood right next to Connor who sat on a chair because he still had trouble standing more than a couple of minutes because of his leg.

"Come on Carl. I want you to stay with Jimmy" Lori said then and everyone looked at the boy.

"But I wanna listen" he protested, but his mother shook her head.

"Not this time. Come on" she insisted but the boy wouldn't move.

Everyone kept staring at him, even Daryl, and when Carl wouldn't move Connor nudged him.

"Come on now, little fella. Listen ta yer Ma fer once."

The boy looked at the Irishman who pointed at the door. Carl growled and left.  
>When Connor grinned at Daryl the latter just rolled his eyes and looked away.<p>

"So how do we do this? Just take a vote?" Glenn asked after a moment.

"Does it have to be unanimous?"

"How about majority rules?"

Andrea and Lori joined in. Rick raised his hand to soothe them.

"Well let's ...let's just see where everybody stands, then we can talk through options."

"Well, the way I see it,there's only one way to move forward" Shane said which made both Connor and Daryl roll their eyes.

_Of course he'd speak first._

"Killing him, right? I mean why even bother to even take a vote? It's clear which way the wind's blowing." Dale said.

One could hear how disappointed he was. So all of his actions hadn't been of much use then.

"Well if people believe we should spare him I wanna know" Rick interrupted him.

"Well I can tell you it's a small group-Maybe just me, Connor and Glenn."

Connor and Glenn looked up then and eyed Dale in surprise.

"Look I- I think you're pretty much right about everything, all the time, but this.." Glenn stammered and Dale snorted angrily.

"They've got you scared."

"He's not one of us. And we've lost too many people already" Glenn countered and Dale turned to look at Connor.

"What about you, Connor?"

The Irishman sighed.

"Well just like Glenn said. Yer right. It isn't right ta kill him but being right here means dying. They've got a point.  
>We can't risk 'im runnin off and tellin his people about us. He might not be dangerous but his people are."<p>

Dale shook his head and looked at Herschel and Maggie.

"How about you? Do you agree with this?"

Herschel looked down and Maggie chewed on her lower lip.

"Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?" she suggested.

"Just another mouth to feed" Daryl said quietly which made Connor look at him.

"It may be a lean winter" Herschel joined in.

"We could ration better" Lori suggested and Dale growled angrily.

"Well he could be an asset! Give him a chance to prove himself" he demanded and looked at everyone.

"Put him to work?" Glenn asked with a frown but Rick interrupted him.

"We're not letting him walk around."

"We could put an escort on him" Maggie responded and Shane snorted.

"Who wants to volunteer for that duty?"

"I will" Dale said and Connor had enough.

"Me, too" he joined in and everyone looked at him.

Dale looked thankful. When Connor looked at Daryl and tried to get him into volunteering as well his friend looked away. The Irishman's face fell.

" I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy" Rick said and looked at Connor.

"Besides. You're injured. He could take advantage of that. He could outrun you. And Dale."

"He's right. I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up" Lori said to support her husband.

"We can't exactly put chains around his ankles sentence him to hard labor" Andrea joined the discussion and shook her head angrily.

Shane moved next to her.

"Look, say we let him join us, right? Maybe he's helpful, maybe he's nice. We let our guard down and maybe he runs off. Brings back his 30 men."

Daryl shook his head. No matter how right Shane was with his assumption he still found it incredibly ridiculous how distrustful the policeman was.

_Coming from someone who betrayed a good man._

"So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he may never even attempt? If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead. There is no civilization."

Dale looked at them in disbelief. Especially Connor reacted to those words. Because he'd been a man of morality. He had tried to get people into sticking to rule of law.  
>For years. And now even he was turning his back on that? He was beginning to doubt everything all over again.<p>

"Oh, my god" Shane muttered and turned away.

"Could you drive him further out? Leave him like you planned?" Herschel asked and looked at Rick.

Lori shook her head and grabbed her necklace nervously.

"You barely came back this time. There 's walkers. You could break down. You could get lost."

"Or get ambushed" Daryl added and Connor looked at him again.

Right now, if just for a moment, he hated his friend for everything he said that supported the idea of just executing the kid.

"They're right. We should not put our own people at risk" Glenn said which snapped Connor out of it.

"If you go through with it, how would you do it? Would he suffer?" Patricia, Otis wife, who hadn't said a word before, joined in.

"We could hang him, right? Just snap his neck" Shane said with a shrug and Connor snorted.

"Aye cos that ain't suffering" he said as he remembered his suicide attempt and how much the rope had hurt.

"Yeah by hanging I mean properly dude. _I'm _gonna make sure it snaps his neck. I'm gonna do it right."

"How fuckin dare ye..." Connor snapped but was interrupted by Daryl who placed a hand on his shoulder and held him back.

"Now's not the time, idiot" he said and Connor growled but stopped.

"I thought about that. Shooting may be more humane" Rick said and ignored Shane and Connor's scuffle.

"And what about the body? Do we bury him?" T-Dog asked when Dale raised his hands.

"Hold on, hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided."

"You've been talking all day, going around in circles. You just wanna go around in circles again?" Daryl said with a frown.

"This is a young man's life. And it's worth more than a five minute conversation!" Dale spat and looked at them.

"Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him? You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured.  
>He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?"<p>

Everyone looked down for a moment. Dale's words made them feel ashamed of themselves.

"We all know what needs to be done" Shane said and Rick shook his head.

"No, Dale is right. We can't leave any stone unturned. We have a responsibility..."

"So what's the other solution?" Andrea interrupted him and Lori looked at her in surprise.

"Let Rick finish" she demanded but Andrea ignored her.

" We haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could..."

"So let's work on it!" Dale spat and Rick finally lost it too.

"We are!"

"Guys maybe ye just should..." Connor joined in but was interrupted by Carol.

"Stop it. Just stop it. I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this.  
>Please decide, either of you, both of you... But leave me out."<p>

"We must all fear evil men. But there's another kind af evil which we must fear most, and tha is the indifference af good men" Connor quoted and everyone looked at him with a frown.

"That's what our monsignor in Boston once said in church" he said and looked at Daryl for a moment, then at his hand, and then he turned his head to look at Carol.

Dale nodded.

"Not speaking out. Or killing him yourself.. There's no difference."

"All right, that's enough. Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance" Rick said but nobody answered or left.

They all just stared.

"You once said that we don't kill the living" Dale said after a moment.

His voice was shaking by now.

"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us" Rick said angrily and Dale snorted.

"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were... The world that we knew is dead."

He was fumbling with his hat and there were tears in his eyes. And the more he spoke the more Connor was beginning to doubt everything.  
>His and Daryl's decision. His morality. His actions. His past. His humanity.<p>

"And this new world is ugly. It's- Harsh. It's- it's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in. And I don't-I don't believe that any of you do."

And Connor remembered why he had tried to take his life a couple of weeks ago.

_Because it's ugly. Because it's harsh.  
>Because I'm alone. Because Murph's dead. That's a world I don't wanna live in.<em>

"I can't. Let's just do what's right. Isn't there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?"

Connor chewed on his lower lip and looked at Daryl then. They both looked at each other and Daryl shook his head angrily.

"Yer right. Killing him ain't the solution" the Irishman said and Daryl snorted.

"He's right. We should try to find another way" Andrea said with a nod.

"Anybody else?" Rick asked but no one answered.

Dale snorted and sniffed.

"Are y'all gonna watch, too?" Nobody said anything.

"No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. I won't be a party to it" he retorted and headed for the door.

Before he left he placed a hand on Daryl's shoulder.

"This group _is_ broken" he said and left.


	30. Forgiveness

New chapter! Wasn't last night's episode amazing and heart breaking? I can't wait to see the season finale. Already read the full summary on some spoilery site  
>and lemme tell you, it fits my story perfectly! Nice and neat ending. So I changed this scene here a bit. Didn't stick to the canon here because I thought it would be nice<br>to have Connor play a more important role in this scene than just staring and watching. Hope you like what I did with the scene.

**setting:** episode 11 "_Judge, Jury, Executioner_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 30 - Forgiveness

* * *

><p>They left the farmhouse after the discussion. The decision had been made. They were going to execute Randall by the end of the day.<br>Once Connor was outside he waited by the door. Rick was still busy talking to Herschel but the Irishman needed to get something off his chest.  
>Daryl left the farmhouse just after Andrea. He snorted when he saw Connor.<p>

"So much for being a team" he murmured and Connor looked at him for a moment.

"Dale's right. We should do what's right. Not what's best. What's te point in surviving if we're actin like animals. How are we any better than the walkers then?  
>Might as well become one."<p>

Daryl shook his head and snorted.

"Yer stupid. Naive."

"Better than some murderer who can shoot a kid in cold blood."

"Says the guy who murdered 22 people."

Both men stared at each other for a while. Connor shook his head.

"I thought we were on te same page, man" he muttered after a while and Daryl shrugged.

"Looks like we ain't. I mean don't blame me. Yer the one who changed his mind."

"Cos Dale's fuckin right man. I mean, fuck. Look at us."

Daryl growled.

"It's just a fuckin kid, we don't even know him! Besides, his group left 'im. Ain't nobody gonna miss him. Or mourn him. It's not like life's of so much value anyways.  
>If yah ask me, we're doing the kid a favor. He'll die a painless death. Better than gettin torn t'shreds by walkers sooner or later. Cos that's all there is."<p>

"Well aren't yah a little sunshine" Connor murmured and took another drag on his cigarette.

"What. Somebody needs t'say it."

Connor snorted and looked away.

"I wish I'd known shit like this would happen."

"Why, 's not like yah could do anything bout it."

"No, but I would've pulled te fuckin trigger in the car."

Daryl shoved him hard and pinned him against the wall of the farmhouse.

"Don't yah fuckin _dare_say somethin like that."

Connor looked at him in surprise and when his friend let go of him he took a deep breath. Daryl glared at him and clenched his fist.

"I didn't save yer worthless life just so that yah can throw it away again. Just think about killing yerself and I'll kill yah twice for it."

He turned around to leave and Connor growled.

"Sometimes I fucking hate yah, ye stupid asshole!" he spat and Daryl flashed him his finger as he left.

Connor snorted and grabbed a smoke.

"Prick" he murmured and waited for Rick to come outside.

The policeman stepped out of the farmhouse when Connor had just finished his smoke.

He followed him down the stairs.

"Eh Rick, I need ta talk to you" he said and Rick sighed.

"Not now Connor. I'm busy. I need to talk to Daryl. Have you seen him?"

"I dunno, he ran off. Listen, it's about te kid."

"The decision's been made Connor. We had a vote, you and Dale lost. We need to take care of it now."

"I know. I mean it's tough shit man..just.. I wanna do it."

Rick stopped and turned around to look at Connor with a frown.

"What?"

"I want ta shoot te kid" the Irishman repeated and the policeman looked at him questioningly.

"I thought you were against his execution."

"Aye. I still am. But I have ta accept yer decision. And his group's still dangerous. I've accepted that I'm going ta hell. In the end we all are.  
>I just..wanna make sure te kid's forgiven. I wanna do it my way. Give him to the lord. It's the least I can do."<p>

"I appreciate your concern but I'm sorry. I brought him here, so I have to end it."

Rick turned around to leave but Connor wouldn't leave it.

"Please Rick? I'm fuckin begging you."

He turned around again and looked at the Irishman.

"I couldn't live with this otherwise. It's fuckin murder after all. I couldn't live with myself knowing I just watched and did _nothing _about it. It would kill me."

They both looked at each other for a while and Rick took a deep breath.

"Okay" he said quietly and left.

* * *

><p>Rick, Shane, Connor and Daryl headed for the barn so they could execute Randall inside. Daryl held their prisoner by his collar and made sure he couldn't run off.<br>He looked at his friend from time to time. He was surprised that Connor was with them.

"Hold on. Hold on. Hold on" Randall stammered but they ignored him.

"Rick, you sure about this?" Shane said and Rick nodded.

"I am."

"But he's got nothing t'do with it. Don't yah think I should do it if yah can't?"

"Believe me, I can. But this is between me and Connor."

Daryl frowned.

"What are yah two hotheads talkin bout?"

Shane and Rick didn't answer so he looked at the Irishman.

"Connor?"

But he didn't answer as well. He was busy loading his gun and it looked like he was ignoring Daryl on purpose. They entered the barn and Randall got even more nervous.

"Wait. Wait. Wait!" he begged and Rick eyed Connor who nodded after a moment.

"Put him there" the policeman demanded and Daryl placed Randall in the middle of the barn.

"Oh, hey-hey!" the kid protested when Shane blindfolded him.

"It's all gonna be over soon" he murmured as he tried to calm their prisoner down.

"What? What's gonna be over soon?" Randall asked and tried to fight the blindfold.

"Relax" Shane demanded and Randall started panicking when he heard Connor's gun click.

"Hey-hey. No, no no no no."

Shane hushed him but he kept whimpering and begging.

Rick looked at Connor who took a deep breath and signaled that he was ready.

"Would you like to stand or kneel?" the policeman asked and Randall started crying.

"Oh , no, please. Please.."

All his crying and begging made Daryl angry. He just wanted it to end so he kicked him. The kid fell down to his knees.

He was a shaking and sobbing mess.

"Do you have any final words?" Rick went on and he cried even more.

"No, please. Please don't. Don't" he begged and Rick sighed.

He looked at Connor and nodded. The Irishman looked at Daryl then.

_It's yer fucking fault I'm doing this now._

"It's okay fella. You shall be forgiven. I'll make sure af that" Connor said then and looked at their blindfolded hostage.

He swallowed and undid the safety of his gun. He placed it on Randall's forehead and took a deep breath.

"And shepherds we shall be..." he began to pray and Shane rolled his eyes.

Rick just stared at Randall and Daryl watched his friend. He could tell that Connor was fighting hard to stay strong.  
>He knew that everything he did right now went against his beliefs, but it needed to be done.<p>

"For thee my lord for thee. Power hath descended forth from thy hand..." Randall started crying all over again as he begged for his life.

Connor stopped for a moment and looked at the trembling kid.

"Come on now. End it, buddy" Shane said and Connor gritted his teeth.

"Our feet may swiftly carry out thy commands. So we shall flow a river forth to thee..." the Irishman looked up and stared at Daryl for a moment.

After a while the latter nodded.

"And teeming with souls shall it ever be...In Nomine Patris et.."

"Do it" they heard someone say and turned around in surprise.

Standing there, by the door, was little Carl. He just stared at Connor and the gun and nodded.

"Do it" he said again and Shane growled.

"Are you kidding me? What'd I say to you?"

He grabbed Carl by his shoulder and tried to get him out of the barn.

"What did I say to you?" he repeated and nudged Carl angrily.

"Et.. et Filii..." Connor went on when Rick interrupted him.

"Stop it" he said and Connor turned around.

Daryl looked at Rick in surprise.

Shane and Carl stopped walking.

"Take him away" Rick demanded.

He looked so shocked all of a sudden. So surprised. So horrified.

Connor secured his gun and lowered it.

Randall gasped and sobbed in relief.

"Take him away" Rick repeated and Daryl growled angrily.

He grabbed Randall by his collar.

"Get up" he muttered and lifted him up.

Randall was still a sobbing mess. They both left the barn right after Carl and Shane. Connor just stared at the spot where Randall had just been kneeling in front of him.  
>He noticed that he was actually shaking. He was <em>relieved. <em>He looked at Rick who still stood there. Petrified.

"You alright?"

Rick kept staring for a moment and then looked up.

"I want you and Daryl to watch Randall. Don't do anything. Wait for my orders. Just..keep watch. I need to talk to Carl" he murmured and left as well.

Connor stayed for a moment and stared at the gun in his hands. He couldn't believe that he had almost shot a boy who might be innocent. He put the gun away and placed his hands on his head. The Irishman pulled his hair and took a deep breath. He started laughing nervously and looked up at the ceiling. He couldn't believe that the kid was still alive. He couldn't believe that he didn't have to pull the trigger. He sighed and closed his eyes.

_Thank you god. Thank ye fer not condemning me ta hell._

_Thank you._

And for the first time, in a very long time, he believed that god was still watching over him.


	31. Angel Of Death

So that one Daryl scene that lasted about 2 secs in the episodes inspired an entire chapter. :D  
>It was confirmed in Talking Dead that Daryl was about to gut Randall when he heard Dale's screams. So I made this little scene one great big topic in this chapter because I thought it would be nice to have Connaryl discuss this. I think it turned out rather nice. Oh and did you notice that whenever Murphy turns up someone's about to get hurt or die? That's why this chapter is called Angel of Death. He. He. He. So that's it then. End of "Judge. Jury. Executioner." Two more episodes to go and the fic's over!<p>

**setting:** episode 11 "_Judge, Jury, Executioner_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 31 - Angel Of Death

* * *

><p>Connor found Daryl inside the shed they kept Randall in. His friend had his back turned on him and was busy doing something by the table.<br>The Irishman leaned against the door frame and folded his arms.

"Looks like Dale gets what he wants" he said and looked at Daryl who didn't answer.

Connor sighed.

"Look, I know it's not what you want but let's just think bout it fer a minute. I know yer a good guy. I think it's god's will ta keep te fella alive."

Daryl snorted and shook his head.

"What, didn't it occur to you? I mean why would Rick's kid decide ta come just when I'm about ta finish him off?"

"Cos his bitch mother is dumb and busy fuckin everyone up instead of watching the brat" the hunter muttered and Connor snickered.

"Aye, I give ye that. But still."

The Irishman looked at Randall for a moment and frowned. Daryl had tied him up with his hands up in the air and a gag in his mouth.

"Why did ye tie the kid up like that?"

"Can I ask yah something?" Daryl asked and leaned against the table.

He still wouldn't look at his friend. Connor frowned.

"Sure, man."

"Rick or me, whose side are yah on?"

"Regarding what?"

Daryl sighed.

"If Rick an I were in an argument, who'd you side with?"

Connor frowned even more.

"Depends on who's right?"

Daryl snorted angrily.

"What if it were Murphy instead of me, who'd yah side with?"

The Irishman swallowed and looked away.

"Ye can't ask me something like that."

"Tell me."

"I'd try ta protect Murph" he said quietly.

His friend shook his head and snorted once more.

"Forget it" he said and grabbed something that was lying on the table.

Connor growled.

"Oh stop it. I love ye like a brother, man. But that's fuckin murder."

Daryl turned around then and his friend saw the bowie knife in his hands. He widened his eyes.

"What te fuck are ye doing?"

Daryl looked at Randall who started whimpering and murmuring something but they couldn't understand him because of the gag.

"Rick doesn't have the guts t'finish it...someone's gotta do it."

Connor approached Daryl slowly and kept looking at the knife.

"Put the fuckin knife away, Murph. Rick said we have t'wait fer his orders."

Daryl snorted.

"You know he ain't gonna do it. Ever."

"I fuckin know but I don' want him ta! Neither do I fuckin want you to do some shit like that! It is fuckin _murder_!" Connor spat but his friend ignored him.

He eyed Randall instead and approached him even more.

"Put the fuckin knife down!" the Irishman demanded and Daryl shook his head.

"It's either him or us."

Suddenly Connor pulled his gun and pointed it at his friend. Daryl turned his head and looked at him. He raised an eyebrow.

"What, so now yer gonna shoot me? Just so yah can protect this scumbag? A kid yah don' even know?"

"Just put the fuckin knife down and wait fer the group's decision."

Daryl grabbed his gun and pointed it at Connor.

"No, how bout you put yer gun down and let me finish it."

Connor snorted.

"This is getting fuckin ridiculous."

"Says the idiot who pointed the gun at me first."

"Don't you fuckin _dare _point _my_gun at me."

Daryl didn't move and neither did Connor.  
>They just stared at each other.<p>

"So what's it gonna be? Are yah really gonna bite the dust for this little shit?" Daryl asked and the Irishman snorted.

"As if ye'd fuckin shoot me."

Daryl shrugged.

"Try me."

"Just put the knife and the gun down, man. Or shoot me if yer that desperate and fucked up, asshole."

The hunter snorted.

"I'm done fuckin yah up. Question is, are _you_?"

Connor frowned.

"What te fuck's that supposed ta mean?"  
>"Not the first time you're pointing yer gun at a face just like mine and pull the trigger, right?"<p>

The Irishman gave Daryl a death glare.  
>For a moment the latter thought that his friend would actually pull the trigger because of that, but much to his surprise Connor lowered his gun and shook his head.<p>

"Fuck you. Bastard. I ain't gonna lower meself to yer level."

He put his gun away and so did Daryl. Randall whimpered again when the hunter wouldn't let go of the knife and pointed it at his heart instead.  
>Suddenly Connor growled and darted forward. He knocked Daryl down and they both fell to the ground. They started fighting over the knife.<p>

"You ain't fuckin killing the kid as long as I'm around! Now gimme the fuckin knife and stop being such a dick!" Connor spat and Daryl growled.

He managed to grab a wooden plank, which was lying on the floor next to them, and hit his friend's head hard. The Irishman stopped moving and collapsed on top of him. For a moment Daryl just lay there and tried to catch his breath. He was panting heavily and after a while of gathering himself he grabbed unconscious Connor by his shoulders and lifted him off himself. He turned his friend on his back and checked his breathing and pulse. He thanked god that he hadn't managed to kill the Irishman with the board. He patted Connor's cheek and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry brother. It's for yer best. I'm doing it for the group" he said and sighed.

He hated himself for hurting his friend _once more._

Daryl got up with a grunt and searched for his knife. He found it on the floor and when he looked at Randall the kid started screaming and whimpering again. But no one could hear his screams because of the gag. Not even Connor could hear him now.

"Just you and me, kiddo" he said when he approached Randall and grabbed the lantern that stood on the table.

Randall screamed even louder but Daryl shook his head.

"Shut up. No one can hear yah now."

When he was just about to stab Randall in his chest he could hear Dale screaming outside. He placed the lantern back on the table and started running.

* * *

><p>"Eh, sleepyhead."<p>

Connor growled and shook his head when he felt how someone started shaking him.

"Eh sleeping beauty, are ye waitin fer some fuckin prince ta kiss you awake?"

The Irishman chuckled.

"What, now yer calling yerself a fuckin _prince?_I thought we were done role-playing Murph" he muttered and placed a hand on his twin's.

"Get up now Con. Yer fuckin done sleeping."

Connor chuckled and shook his head. He didn't want to open his eyes because he feared that he might wake up from the dream then.

"No I'm waiting fer you ta gimme a big fat whiskey and cig soaked kiss ta wake me up."

He heard how his twin chuckled as well.

"Is that really you Murph?" Connor asked after a moment.

"Aye. I ain't te redneck. I'm disappointed brother. I thought you know me."

"I fuckin know _everything_' bout ye brother. Every last dirty detail."

"Con, you need ta get up now."

"Am I dead? Did that fucker kill me? Is that heaven?" Connor murmured.

Murphy laughed and shook him once more.

"No, you ain't dead brother. You're gonna know when yer dead."

"Is that another one of tem dreams Murphy?"

His brother didn't answer so he opened his eyes.

"Murph?"

There was no one there. He found himself lying on the floor inside the shed. The Irishman turned his head with a groan and placed a hand on his throbbing temple. The headache was killing him. Connor tried to sit up. He looked up to see that Randall was still alive. His heart missed a beat when he heard Daryl screaming outside.

"Help! Over here! Over here!"

"MURPH!" he screamed at the top of his lungs and got up.

He gasped in pain when his injured leg gave in. He tried to run to help his friend but couldn't. He ended up half limping half running outside.

"Murph! Where the fuck are ye! Murph!" he screamed and turned his head when he heard more voices to his left.

Connor saw the group standing somewhere in the middle of the field and tried to run for them.

"No no no no no!" he shouted with every step he made.

The Irishman ignored the incredible pain in his leg and started running.

_Oh Christ He's dead. Please don't let 'im be dead. Please don't let me lose another brother._

It felt like he was running forever until he finally reached the group.

"Murph!" he shouted again and looked at the group in panic until he saw Daryl standing there. Not hurt. No bites.

Just staring.

He came over to join his friend and punched his shoulder.

"Are ye insane! You scared the fuckin shit outta me!"

He checked his friend's chest and grabbed his arms to make sure that there weren't any bite marks. Daryl slapped his hands away and just kept staring down. Connor finally noticed the rest of the group. "Can we move him?" Rick asked with shaking voice. Then he heard Andrea's sobs. When the Irishman turned around to look at them he saw why they were crying and sobbing. Dale was lying there on the ground. Groaning and gasping in pain. His belly was ripped open and his guts were hanging out of the wound. Connor gasped in shock and stumbled backwards.

"Oh my fuckin...god..Christ..no.." he stammered and grabbed Daryl by his shoulder.

"He won't make the trip" Herschel said and Rick shook his head in panic.

"You have to do the operation here" he stammered and swallowed.

He turned around and looked at Glenn.

"Glenn, get back to the house" he demanded but Herschel interrupted him.

"Rick" he said and when the policeman looked up and Herschel shook his head, he got up and screamed.

"No!"

"Oh god." Andrea sobbed and everybody started crying.

Connor just stared at Dale in shock. There was so much blood. Blood and guts everywhere.

_What te fuck happened? Are ye still there god? I just started believing in yer mercy again an now this?_

He turned around to check on their surroundings. Somehow trying to understand what had happened. He saw a mutilated cow just a couple of meters away and right between Dale and the animal lay a walker. There was blood all over his face and hands and Connor knew. So Dale had been attacked by a walker. Ripped open _like a cow._

"Christ, why didn't anybody watch his back? Why would he leave all on his own?" he asked quietly and heard Daryl murmuring something.

And it dawned on him.

_The world that we knew is dead. And this new world is ugly. It's- Harsh. It's- it's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in.  
>And I don't-I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. He couldn't be with the group after their decision.<br>After everything they'd said to him._

It made Connor furious. The incredibly heartbreaking irony. The moment they'd spared the kids life had also been the moment Dale had been sentenced to death. Not knowing that his words changed the group's mind. Not knowing that there was still hope. That god was watching over them. _But was he? If he still was, how could he let anything like this happen?_

"He's suffering" Andrea whispered and took Dale's hand.

He was still groaning and gasping and pain. He stared at them with wide eyes. Somehow begging to be killed.

"Do something!" Andrea shouted and looked at them.

Rick sighed and tried to pull himself together. Everyone was still crying or fighting tears. They were shaken to the core. Rick knelt down next to Dale and pointed the gun at the old man's head. But when they saw how his gun started shaking in his hands and how he kept breathing hard and abruptly they knew that the policeman couldn't do it. Didn't _want_to do it. Didn't want to see Dale die. Connor placed his hand on his gun and was just about to take it when Daryl placed his hand on it and signaled him to stop it. Connor looked at his friend in surprise but Daryl didn't look at him. He just looked at Dale and Rick. The Irishman understood and let go of his gun. His friend approached Rick and put his hand on the policeman's revolver. Rick looked up. After a moment he backed off and Daryl grabbed his gun. Connor's gun. He aimed at Dale's forehead and everyone started crying even more.

Connor started chewing on his lower lip and fought tears as well. Not only because of Dale's sad death but also because Daryl looked _so much _like his dead brother with the gun in his hand. _Say the prayer, Murph, _he thought but knew that he wasn't going to hear it. Because Daryl didn't know their family prayer. The hunter undid the safety of the gun and for a moment it looked like Dale was nodding.

"I'm sorry brother" Daryl said and pulled the trigger.


	32. Farewell

New chap! So I'm up to 2.12 now. _Better Angels_. Dear god.

**setting:** episode 12 "_Better Angels_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 32 - Farewell

* * *

><p>Connor woke up the next morning because he had a terrible headache.<br>He groaned and turned on his back to stare at the ceiling. For a moment he wondered if everything that had happened yesterday night had been a dream, but his throbbing temple and the bruise on his forehead told him something else. So it had really happened. Dale was dead. Connor turned his head and looked at Daryl who was sleeping next to him. The Irishman sighed and got up. They hadn't talked after Dale's death. Not only because they were shocked, but also because Connor had been mad at Daryl for knocking him out like that. The Irishman got out of the tent and checked their surroundings for walkers. It was strangely quiet this morning. Quiet and cold. Connor went back inside the tent to grab his pea coat.

He was just getting dressed when Daryl woke up and shifted. They looked at each other, but neither of them would speak. Connor growled and left the tent without saying a word. Daryl sighed and shook his head. He felt sorry for what he'd done yesterday, but that Connor was so resentful this time really pissed him off. He got changed inside their tent and when he got out he saw Connor leaning against the old chimney by the ruin. The Irishman had a smoke in his hand and stared into nothingness. Daryl just watched his friend for a moment and then came to join him. He placed himself right next to the Irishman and looked the way Connor looked.

"What's up with yah, bitchy?"

His friend snorted.

"You _really _need t'ask me that?"

Daryl growled.

"Oh come on yah retard, 's not the first time I punched yah in the face."

Connor turned his head and narrowed his eyes.

"It's nat that. You fucking know why. I mean af course, you knocked me out with a fuckin plank, that ain't no picnic. But I'm nat talking about that."

"Then what is it?" the hunter asked and Connor got even more pissed.

"You were bout ta kill that kid. Although I asked you not to do it. Although Rick told us ta wait. You would've betrayed the whole group like that."

"He's still alive. Get over it" Daryl answered and looked away.

Connor growled and placed a hand on his forehead. The headache was killing him. He took a long drag on his cigarette and turned his head.

"Besides. Maybe yer right. Maybe it's yer stupid god's will" Daryl said.

When his friend wouldn't answer he went on.

"I mean that's the second time something happened when we're just about t'ditch that fucker. Maybe yer right."

Connor snorted.

"I don't' even know any more."

Daryl frowned.

"What?"

The Irishman didn't say anything for a very long while.

He was scared of speaking it out. Because it was _ridiculous_.

"I'm starting to lose faith" he said quietly and Daryl snorted.

"Are yah kiddin me? _You_? Mr massive cross on my arm, Mr Jesus Christ on my back?"

Connor didn't say anything and kept smoking so Daryl stared at him.

"Why?"

The Irishman sighed.

"Loads af reasons. Loads af shit."

"Then start talking."

Connor turned his head and looked at Daryl for a while, somewhat hoping that the hunter was just kidding him. Making fun of him. But Daryl didn't look like it.  
>He was honestly waiting for him to talk.<p>

"I've seen a shitload af people dying in Boston. All my friends, good people. We were looking after a kid, and she got eaten right in front of our eyes. Then Murph got bit. I had to fuckin _shoot _him,man. Then you guys lost yer girl and she died as well. Now Dale's dead, I've almost killed a fuckin teenager, and yer going dark side."

He turned his head and looked at the farmhouse.

"Just like a said. Loads af shit."

"I ain't going dark side" Daryl murmured which made Connor snort.

"You've tortured the kid. You wanted to fuckin _gut_him in that shed."

"Yeah but not because it's my sick pleasure or some crap like that."

"Yeah af course, you looked like it."

Daryl shoved him hard and turned around to leave.

"Y'know what? Screw yah. I don't need this bullshit."

* * *

><p>They buried Dale right next to Sophia and all the other bodies from the barn. The group gathered around their graves later that morning and Rick said their final goodbyes. Daryl stood a bit away from others again and just looked at the graves. Lost in thoughts. When he saw Sophia's grave he felt guilty all over again.<p>

"Dale could get under your skin" Rick said after a while and Daryl looked up.

"He sure got under mine. Because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought."

The hunter tried not to snort. It was so true. Most of the time the old man had annoyed the crap out of him with all his epic long speeches.

"How he felt. That kind of honesty is rare...and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with that look he had.  
>We've all seen it one time or another."<p>

Daryl remembered the last time he'd been given that special look. Just yesterday. When the poor bastard had asked him to side with him.

"I couldn't always read him but he could read us. He saw people for who they were."

_Torturing people? That isn't you! You're a decent man!_

Daryl took a deep breath. Just thinking about these words gave him goosebumps. It had scared the shit out of him when Dale had told him that. Looked right through him. A while ago Connor had been the one doing that. Stripping his asshole attitude away like it was nothing. The stupid Irishman had been able to read him just like Dale. But now it felt like Connor was losing that ability. Losing his faith. Losing everything.

"He knew things about us-the truth."

He saw how the Irishman moved at the mention of this word, if only ever so slightly.  
>Somehow, because of his stupid tattoo, Daryl always associated this word with his friend.<br>Connor - the truth.

"Who we really are. In the end he was talking about losing our humanity. He said this group was broken."

Daryl felt more and more uncomfortable because of this whole speech. Why did he feel like Rick was addressing him with those words?

_I know I'm losin it, but aren't we all? I don' need yah, or Dale, or Connor t'tell me that 24/7, _he thought and growled.

Connor was standing between Carol and T-Dog and stared at Dale's grave. He was still confused and doubted everything all over again. He was quite surprised how affected he was by Dale's death. _Maybe because every death reminds me af __**him, **_he thought and sighed. He knew that Daryl was standing a ouple of meters behind him and for a moment he was glad that he didn't have to face him. The Irishman didn't want anyone to see how he struggled. Especially not Daryl.

"The best way to honor him is to unbreak it. Set aside our differences and pull together. Stop feeling sorry for ourselves and take control of our lives."

Connor looked up when he heard this. It was like Rick was addressing him.

_Stop bein such a whiny pussy and pull yerself tagether. You ain't like that. That's not __**you**__. Yer not yerself any more. So stop bitching about with Daryl an stop moping.  
>This is survival. This is living here and now. You've got t'survive. You promised. Fer Murphy. Fer Daryl. Time to move on.<em>

"Our safety. Our future. We're not broken."

Connor nodded and took a deep breath.

"We're gonna prove him wrong. From now on we're gonna do it his way."

Rick looked at him then and Connor nodded once more. Somehow Rick's words really did something to him. Made him feel more determined. Stronger. Better.  
>In the end he had just been waiting for words like that. For months.<p>

"That is how we honor Dale" Rick finished and Connor looked at Dale's grave.

As he stared at the flowers on the pile of dirt he became aware of something else.

_This is goodbye, _he thought and kept staring.

Everyone moved on until it was just Connor by Dale's grave. He knew that this was it.

_It's time, _he thought and took a deep breath. He felt tears coming.

_Time to say goodbye._

He heard footsteps behind him. The blonde didn't pay any attention to that. He couldn't. Because he realized that this was not only Dale's burial but also his brother's.

_Time to move on._

He got his hands out of the pockets of his pea coat and grabbed his gun. The one he'd shot his brother with.

"You know I've loved you more than anything in this stupid world Murphy" he said and looked at his gun.

"Yer death broke me. It ripped my heart out" he went on and took a flower from Dale's grave to lie in on the ground next to it.

"But Rick's right. You were right. It's time ta stop and live on."

He felt how a single tear ran down his cheek.

"I'll never ever forget you. I will love you ferever and ever. You fuckin know that."

Connor looked up and snickered sadly.

"I know you'd probably laugh at me fer being so fuckin sentimental right now, but fuck you. It needs to be said. We never really said it, cos we both always knew."

He sighed and looked at the flower.

"These last couple af weeks I allowed myself ta mourn yer death..."

He sniffed and took a deep breath. _Christ, this was painful._

"But that's it. It's time ta stop. Time to move on."

Connor wiped his nose and swallowed hard.

"I know I promised ye that I'd come back t'Boston. That I would take ye back t'Ireland with me and bury you on our hill, but I can't. It's impossible.  
>So this is goodbye, my dear brother."<p>

He knelt down next to the flower and closed his eyes to start praying.

"And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee. Power hath descended forth from thy hand...that our feet may swiftly carry out thy commands.  
>So we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti."<p>

When he opened his eyes again he lay the gun down next to the flower and sighed.

"Love you, Murph" he muttered and got up.

When he turned around he saw Daryl standing there, with arms folded. He took a deep breath and swallowed.  
>After a moment he wiped the tears off his face and approached Daryl. They didn't speak as they made their way back to the farmhouse.<br>Not because they didn't want to, but because they didn't need to.


	33. Repairs

New chapter!There wasn't much Daryl, hell nothing much happening during the first 30 mins of "Better Angels" so I tried my best to make something out of it. So we have a bit of chitchat, a bit of Connor healing and getting better, a bit of Daryl being nicer. Let's call it the calm before the storm. Obviously. Because shit's about to hit the fan. With Shane going bonkers and the grrreat big finale. The last 2 chapters are coming closer and closer. Gah. I don't want it to end.  
>I don't want all of this to happen. *cries* I hope I'm not boring you! But this part of the episode was rather hard to write.<p>

**setting:** episode 12 "_Better Angels_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 33 - Repairs

* * *

><p>Daryl and Connor were asked to join Andrea and Shane on a car trip to the boundaries of Herschel's farm to check on the fences. They still hadn't spoken much since Dale's burial, simply because Daryl couldn't really tell how Connor was. He hadn't meant to see that very private moment when the Irishman had said goodbye to his brother but part of him was glad he'd witnessed it. He knew that this moment had special meaning. Not only for Connor but also for their relationship. The Irishman was moving on. So was he. So were they. It had been over a month since they'd found Connor in that church. And it had taken them a month to come to terms with their complicated friendship.<p>

They were sitting on the back of Herschel's blue farm truck. Driving past the farmer's vast fields. Now that the hunter thought about it he came to the conclusion that he was the luckiest bastard of them all. Because they were on a farm just like the one he'd grown up on. He was used to this sort of isolation. Living with nothing but a few animals and family. No television. No busy streets. No traffic jams. No big city life. Many members of the group had grown up in towns and cities. He could tell by how uncomfortable they always felt. How they talked. What they missed about their old lives. Truth was that he didn't miss a single damn thing. He had everything he needed. Everything he had wished for.

He turned his head to look at Connor who was sitting next to him. The Irishman was looking at something on the other side of the field. He still looked a bit upset, but there was something about him that made Daryl feel that he was getting better now. He had everything he had wished for. Farm life without his abusive father. Nothing but nature surrounding them. A group that accepted him and put him to work, made him do what he could do best. That, and a family. Kind of. He had always needed a brother. Especially after Merle had disappeared. And it looked like his prayers for a new brother had been heard.

They reached the first big fence after 15 minutes of driving. It didn't need much repairing except for a couple of holes. They found one walker by the corner. Some decomposing woman that had managed to get herself stuck in the iron wires. When Daryl was just about to shoot her with his crossbow, Connor placed a hand on his shoulder and started walking.

"Lemme do this fer once" he said and walked over to her.

She started growling and snarling when Connor came closer.

"I don' think yah should waste yer ammo like that.." Daryl said but Connor ignored him.

He grabbed a knife instead and stabbed the walker in the head.  
>He used the hem of her dress to wipe the blood off his blade and when he turned around and looked at Daryl the latter snorted.<p>

"Yah got a thing for walkers now, the way yah grabbed the chick's dress?"

Connor snickered.

"Fuck ye. If someone's that fucked up, it's gotta be you. I don't do dead chicks."

* * *

><p>They spent the entire morning repairing fences and killing a few walkers every now and then. They found a bigger group of seven walkers just by the lake and once they got there they started slaughtering them. Everyone except for Daryl, who had his crossbow, used shovels and pitchforks to kill them. Even hands and feet. Connor killed two of the walkers himself. He stabbed them with Murphy's bowie knife. Since nobody was looking and everyone was busy kicking one of the walkers to death he kept stabbing the walker although it was long since dead. He was quite surprised how good it felt to slaughter them like that. Although he knew it was sick and brutal. He just couldn't fight his anger and frustration any longer. Now that he had buried his brother and said goodbye there was a massive hole in his chest. It had been filled with sorrow and grief most of the time, but now that those emotions were gone he could feel how other emotions filled it. <em>Anger. Madness. Frustration. Wrath. <em>The same sort of wrath that had filled their bellies when he and Murphy had started killing mobsters. The wrath he had inherited from his father.

Daryl had just killed the last walker when he turned around to see how Connor kept stabbing one that wasn't even moving any more. He shook his head.

"What's the matter with that fella?" he heard Shane say and Daryl growled.

"Shut yer hole."

"Looks like he's having fun over there" the cop snickered and Daryl narrowed his eyes.

"He's having a tough time" he muttered and approached the Irishman.

He placed a hand on Connor's shoulder which made his friend stop.

"Filthy bastard's dead. Yah can stop now."

His friend was panting already and wiped the blood and sweat off his face.

"Aye."

Daryl patted his shoulder and helped him to get up. He frowned when he saw how his friend wiped the blood off his hands.

"What, now yer really turning into some sorta psycho?"

Connor snorted and put his knife away. He grabbed a smoke and shrugged.

"Just needed a bit af stress release. And I've missed killing those shitheads."

* * *

><p>They returned to the farmhouse by noon. The rest of the group was busy getting their things together.<br>Daryl and Connor got the tools, shovels and pitchforks out of the truck.  
>Rick came out of his tent to talk to Herschel and Maggie who were helping the others with their bags.<p>

"It'll be tight, 15 people in one house" the policeman said and Herschel waved it off.

"Don't worry about that. With the swamp hardening and the creek drying up..."

"With 50 head of cattle on the property, we might as well be ringing a damn dinner bell" Maggie finished the sentence for him.

"She's right. We should've moved you in a while ago" Herschel said and Rick nodded.

"All right, let's move the vehicles near each of the doors.. facing out toward the road. We'll build a look out in the windmill, another in the barn loft.  
>That should give us sight lines both sides of the property. T-Dog you take the perimeter around the house. Keep track of everyone coming and going."<p>

T-Dog looked at Rick with a frown.

"What about standing guard?"

"Daryl and Connor will take care of that."

They both looked up and nodded. Connor turned around to help Daryl with the iron wires.

"I'll stock the basement with food and water. Enough that we can all survive there a few days if need be" Herschel informed them and placed a big box on his truck.

"What about patrols?" Andrea asked then and Rick looked at her.

"Let's get this area locked down first. After that Shane'll assign shifts while me and Daryl take Randall off site and cut him loose."

Daryl frowned but didn't say anything. He didn't like the idea of going anywhere near that kid again.  
>When he looked at Connor it looked like his friend didn't like it either.<p>

"We're back to that now?" Shane asked and everyone looked at Rick. The policeman just looked at his friend and nodded.

"It was the right plan first time around. Poor execution."

Shane snorted.

"Yeah that's a slight understatement."

Connor chuckled and looked at Daryl when they shifted the shovels.

"Houston, we've got another problem, I'm sensing fist fights" he muttered and Daryl snickered.

"Shut up, this is some serious shit here" the hunter answered and they both tried not to laugh.

"You don't agree but this is what's happening. Swallow it. Move on" Rick said and Connor looked at Daryl with his mouth wide open.

He shook his head and giggled once more.

"Now that hit home."

Daryl threw one of the blankets at him and Connor ducked down. He was laughing all the way through.

"You know that Dale's death and the prisoner, that's two separate things, right? You wanna take Daryl as your wing man, be my guest" Shane said and shook his head.

Lori looked at him in surprise. Rick just stared him down. Connor got back up and bent over the truck in order to nudge Daryl.

"Looks like ye got a new boyfriend now" he said and Daryl growled.

"Shut up."

"So what about us? You want me ta get our stuff? We moving in as well?"

Daryl shrugged.

"Guess so."

He pointed a finger at him and growled.

"But yah get yer stupid ass away from me. There's enough rooms in there."

Connor laughed.

"Aye, you can share a room with yer new boyfriend Rick."

"Shut up!" Daryl growled and turned around to get his bike.

* * *

><p>No matter how many times Daryl told Connor to go away and get his stuff someplace else the Irishman wouldn't listen and put his stuff right next to his in the corner of the living room. After yelling at each other for a couple of minutes and Daryl throwing Connor's stuff all the way across the living room the Irishman ended up winning their fight. Not because Daryl was weaker than him, but because he wouldn't put a hand on Connor. Not after almost choking him, hurting his leg and knocking him out with a plank. He gave in after a couple of minutes and the Irishman celebrated his victory by letting everyone know and teasing Daryl until the latter really considered forgetting about his resolutions. Their argument was interrupted by Rick who asked them to secure the shed.<p>

* * *

><p>They were nailing planks onto the shed for over an hour now and Daryl was quite surprised because Connor hadn't said much yet.<br>He looked at his friend from time to time until he sighed.

"What's the matter with yah prick now?"

Connor smirked.

"What are you talking about, I'm just busy."

Daryl put another plank on the window and snorted.

"Since when can yah shut yer hole more than a couple of minutes without startin yer moping crap?"

"Since I'm done moping."

Daryl sniffed and frowned.

"Really?"

"Really."

They both adjusted one of the planks and grabbed a few nails.

"How come yah did _that _this morning?" Daryl asked casually and Connor grabbed the hammer.

"Cos Rick's speech made me think about all that shit."

"And?"

Connor stopped hammering then and sighed. He sat down on the roof and grabbed a smoke. Daryl sat down next to him after a moment and grabbed one as well.  
>For a while they just enjoyed the view until Connor spoke.<p>

"Well all the things he said...just reminded me of what I used ta be. How Murphy wanted me ta be. What he made me promise. He's been dead fer months now.  
>I just...Felt it in me guts, y'know. That it's time...First I was thinking about leaving, but now? All this shit here. This farm, this group, these friendships...<br>That's the closest we can get ta peace now. And once we got rid of that little fucker here.." he said and patted the roof to show that he meant Randall.  
>"I think living on now really isn't so bad any more. "<p>

Daryl sighed and nodded.

"Good."

They didn't speak for a while because they didn't want to destroy the moment.

"What about ye?" Connor asked once he had finished his smoke. Daryl shrugged.

"Yer pretty much right. I don't need much. Never did. Got everything I need. Nothing much's changed for me anyway."

His friend sighed and nodded.

"Aye."

"I'm glad yer done moping and tryin t'get yerself killed. And it's good t'hear that yer staying with us" Daryl murmured and Connor looked at him in surprise.

Suddenly the hunter got up and grabbed the hammer.

"Come on now, yah prick. We need t'finish this. Haven't got time for this stupid chick flick stuff. Stop bein such a pussy."

Connor just sat there for a moment and started grinning. He saw how Daryl grabbed a whole bunch of planks and put some nails in his mouth to resume their work. He knew that his friend could hardly ever say something nice but whenever he did, he meant it. He assumed that Daryl never really had the chance to say things like that before because of his brother and father, but now that he was all on his own it looked like he was starting to explore things like that. He was far from being good at this but it was a start. And Connor was glad and proud of himself that he was playing a big part there. That he obviously helped Daryl change for the better.

"Get yer lazy ass up here and start workin, prick! Ain't gonna do it all by myself!" Daryl yelled and Connor snickered.

He threw his cigarette away and got up to help him.

* * *

><p>Once they were done securing the shed they went back to the farmhouse to help the Greene family with their windows.<br>Daryl was securing the windows alone because Connor was needed somewhere else. Rick came out of the farmhouse after a while.  
>He had a map in his hand and when he saw Daryl he nodded.<p>

"Hey Daryl, come over here for a minute, let's talk this through."

The hunter nodded and put the hammer away to join Rick. The policeman lay the map on the railing of the porch.

"I think we should take him out to Senoia. Hour there, hour back, give or take. We may lose the light, but we'll be halfway home by then."

They both looked up at the sky and Daryl nodded.

"This little pain in the ass will be a distant memory. Good riddance" he said and sat down on the railing.

"Carol's putting together some provisions for him, enough to last a few days" Rick went on and looked up when they heard a car.

Shane was driving down the road. Rick put his hands on his hips and sighed.

"That thing you did last night-" He didn't finish the sentence. He paused and Daryl nodded.

"Ain't no reason you should do all the heavy lifting" he just said and Rick nodded.

Daryl knew that he wouldn't get much of a thank you from him right now but he didn't need it anyway. He and Rick had come to terms a long time ago.  
>Simply because Daryl accepted him as a leader. Respected him even. And because Rick had never really said anything against him either.<br>Shane stepped out of the car and approached them.

"So you good with all this?" Rick asked and pointed at the map.

Daryl shrugged.

"I don't see you and I trading haymakers on the side of the road. Nobody'd win that fight."

He took the map to have another look but when he saw that Shane was getting close he threw the map at Rick.  
>There was no way he was staying to hear them bitching over Lori all over again.<p>

"I'm gonna take a piss" he said and left them to their never-ending fight over Lori and leadership abilities.


	34. Missing

Man I can't believe I'm already writing about that night where _everything_'s about to go down. Oh my. Please let this night last forever because I don't want this fic to end! Really loving this chapter for all the Connaryl interaction. The walker action. Oh and the gas can. I changed a few canon things. Mainly replacing Glenn with Connor because really, we need the boys all on their own in the woods. It's the first time we're having them out like that. With walkers waiting for them. *grrr*

**setting:** episode 12 "_Better Angels_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation <strong>

Chapter 34 - Missing

* * *

><p>Daryl got the blue truck ready by the end of the afternoon. Everyone was done securing the farmhouse so there wasn't much else to do. Connor had also returned from wherever he'd gone for the past couple of hours and handed Daryl the provisions Carol had prepared for Randall. When the hunter saw his friend he shook his head and snorted.<p>

"Where the hell were yah?"

Connor snorted as well.

"Why? Did ye miss me? I was helping the ladies."

He grabbed some of Daryl's arrows which where lying next to the car and placed them on the loading area of the truck.

"Pff, ain't no ladies around here. Nothing but stupid cows' more like it."

"Just because ye obviously never got close to any chicks it don't mean they're all stupid because af that. Take Maggie fer example, she took care af my leg that one night.  
>When you didn't know what ta do."<p>

Daryl growled.

"I knew what t'do. She just came in before I could do any of my stuff."

Connor snickered and helped him with the gas cans.

"Aren't you adorable when yer jealous."

Daryl growled and pointed an arrow at him.

"I ain't jealous! Keep yer stupid trap shut!"

"When ye keep runnin away and pull that face whenever 'm talking t'someone else..."

"I said shut it!"

Connor started laughing.

"Don't worry Darlyna, yer still the real thing. I'll love ye til the end af time.."

Daryl threw one of the empty gas cans at him and hit Connor's head. The Irishman groaned and rubbed his aching forehead.

"Ow, fuck you! Are you fuckin nuts?"

Daryl grinned mischievously.

"I told yah t' shut up."

"Only got so many arrows" they heard someone say and turned around in surprise.

They saw T-Dog coming for them. Connor still growled and complained because of the gas can attack.

"Fucker" he murmured and looked what T-Dog and Daryl were doing.

T-Dog had a gun in his hand and gave it to Daryl. The hunter took it and looked at it.

"Is that Dale's gun?" he asked and T-Dog nodded. Connor stopped cursing then and sighed.

"Yeah" T-Dog answered and they didn't speak for a while.

_That's a conversation killer._

"Thanks but I already got one from that stupid leprechaun" Daryl said and gave it back to T-Dog.

"Oh fuck ye, give it back then if ye don' want it" Connor answered but his friend ignored him.

T-Dog closed the tail board of the truck and shook his head.

"No, I'm sure Dale wanted yah to have it. You should take it. You're gonna need it out there."

Daryl took it with a sigh and put it away.

"Yeah guess yer right. Wish I knew where the hell mine is" he murmured and Connor snorted.

"Yeah looks like ye lost it, dumbass."

"Fuck you, I didn't. Idiot."

"I didn't take it either."

Daryl snorted but couldn't say anything else because Rick came over to join them.

"Ready?" he asked and Daryl turned around.

He nodded and grabbed his crossbow.

"Yeah" he muttered and T-Dog nodded as well.

"I'll get the package."

"Thanks" Rick said.

He looked at Connor and frowned.

"You planning on coming with us?"

The Irishman shrugged and folded his arms.

"Can I?"

Rick shook his head.

"I don't think that this is a good idea. With your leg.."

Connor sighed.

"It's always that fuckin leg..."

"Yeah but the town's different. There's walkers everywhere. We might need to run. Fast.."

Connor shrugged.

"Whatever. You go an have fun then. But take care af my girlfriend out there. She might start throwing gas cans at tem walkers."

"Gonna throw a full one at yah next time!" Daryl spat.

"Guys!" they heard T-Dog shouting and turned around in surprise. He came running for them. "Guys! Randall's gone!"

* * *

><p>They started running for the shed and when Daryl opened it they found it empty. Andrea, who'd been on watch joined them to search it for clues.<br>All they could find were bloody handcuffs and empty blankets. Within minutes half the group was with them.

"What's wrong?" Maggie asked and T-Dog stopped them so Daryl could see any remaining tracks and clues.

"Randall's missing" he informed them.

"Missing? How?"

They all started asking questions until they were one big chattering crowd.

"Now everyone calm down and let Daryl figure it out" Connor tried to soothe them and turned around to check on his friend.

"Anything?"

"Workin on it" Daryl murmured and searched the ground.

"What's goin' on?" Glenn asked and Rick sighed.

"It's hard to say. The cuffs are still hooked. He must've slipped 'em."

"Is that possible?" Carol asked and Andrea exited the shed as well.

"It is if you've got nothing to lose" she said and Connor nodded.

"Aye. I tried that once. And Murph. All you've gotta do is break yer hand enough to fit through. Hurts like crazy but...  
>If yer really that desperate and try ta escape it'll work."<p>

He grabbed his wrist absently and stroke the faint scar.

"The door was secured from the outside" Herschel said and Rick frowned.

"Well how could he get out then, it's impossible!" Glenn said and Andrea shrugged.

"He could've made his way out through the top window."

Connor shook his head.

"Nah, me and Murph secured it this morning. With planks and nails. Impossible ta get out. Just look, everything's still there."

"Well then how did he do it?" Carol asked and when Rick was just about to say something he was interrupted by Shane who stepped out of the woods.

His face was all bloody and he kept shouting for Rick. They all looked up in surprise and Lori joined them.

"What happened?" she shouted and Shane walked over to them.

"He's armed! He's got my gun!"

"Are you okay?" Carl asked and Shane nodded.

"I'm fine. Little bastard just snuck up on me. He clocked me in the face!"

Rick turned around and nodded.

"Alright, Herschel! T-Dog! Get everybody back in the house! Connor, Daryl, come with us."

Daryl nodded and loaded his crossbow.

Connor grabbed his gun and checked the magazine.

"T, I'm gonna need that gun" Shane said and pointed at T-Dog's gun.

"Just let him go. That was the plan, wasn't it, to just let him go?" Carol asked and Rick shook his head.

"The plan was to cut him loose far away from here, but not on our front step with a gun."

"Don't go out there. You all know what can happen!" Carol shouted but Rick ignored her.

"Get everybody in the house" he said to T-Dog who nodded.

"Lock all the doors and stay put!" Rick yelled and the group did as they were told.

Rick, Shane, Connor and Daryl headed for the woods.  
>Although Connor had quite some trouble keeping up with the other three men he tried his hardest and held his gun tight.<p>

"Ye ready fer this shit?" he muttered and Daryl nodded.

"Been waiting for shit like this t'happen."

* * *

><p>"I saw him head up through the trees that way before I blacked out" Shane said once they were deep inside the woods. He pointed at some place between the trees.<p>

"I'm not sure how long" he went on and Rick walked further ahead.

"He couldn't have gotten far. He's hobbled, exhausted."

Daryl snickered.

"Reminds yah of someone?"

Connor growled and tried to hit him.

"Shut it."

"Really, yer stupid, go back to the farm. Yah not gonna last a minute out here like that."

"I said shut it. Rick asked me ta come."

"Ain't gonna babysit yah."

"Don't fuckin need ye ta."

Rick suddenly turned around and looked at Daryl.

"Can you track him?"

Daryl looked down and then shook his head.

"I don't see nothing."

"Hey, look, there ain't no use in tracking him, okay? He went that way. We need to pair up. We spread out, we just chase him down. That's it" Shane said.

Daryl turned around with a frown.

"Kid weighs a buck-25 soaking wet. You trying to tell us he got the jump on you?"

"I say a rock pretty much evens those odds, wouldn't you?"

This made Connor suspicious as well.

"Where did the kid get a fuckin rock inside that shed?" he asked but Rick wouldn't let him say anything else.

"Alright, knock it off. You and Daryl start heading up the right flank. Me and Shane'll take the left. Remember, Randall's not the only threat out there.  
>Keep an eye out for each other."<p>

* * *

><p>It was getting dark. Way too fast.<br>After an hour of searching Daryl and Connor found themselves roaming through the pitch black woods, somewhat trying to search for clues.

"Don't ye think it's a bit weird?" Connor asked after a while and Daryl sighed.

"What?"

"This whole story? Te kid freeing himself and then getting the jump on that pitbull? I mean breaking yer hands ta get through the cuffs is tough shit.  
>It hurts like crazy. I doubt he'd be able ta grab a stone that's big enough to knock Shane out after that. Not to mention that there weren't any stones inside the shed."<p>

"I know it's bullshit. But that doesn't change that the kid's still missing. Guess we just need t'find him to get answers. His body. More likely."

"You think he killed te kid?"

"Well he sure did some crap. And it didn't exactly look like they were Bffs."

"Aye just...why bother kiddin with us then? I mean why send us out ta go looking fer him?" Daryl growled and turned around.

"Look it ain't no use if yah keep prattlin about. I can't fuckin concentrate. It's too dark. Yah still got the light from truck?"

"Aye."

Connor searched his pea coat and found the flashlight. He handed it Daryl who grabbed it with a grunt. He started walking again.

"Oh Christ Come on."

The Irishman sighed and grabbed a smoke.

"All right, bitchy."

About 20 minutes later Daryl finally found something.

"There's two sets of tracks right here. Shane must've followed him a lot longer than he said."

Connor snorted.

"I told ye te whole thing's fucked up."

Daryl pointed the flashlight at a tree and frowned.

"Look, there's fresh blood on this tree."

He looked down and nudged Connor.

"There's more tracks. Looks like they're walking in tandem."

Connor frowned.  
>"You mean like te kid up front and Shane covering his back? Maybe with a pistol?" Daryl looked at him and snorted.<p>

"Yeah thanks for reminding me what "_walking in tandem_" means smartass. What are yah, got yer degree as Dr Obvious?"

Connor shoved him.

"Oh fuck ye and keep sniffing, snoopy."

He started walking and ran right into Daryl who looked at him and frowned. After a moment of glaring at each other the hunter turned around again to search the ground.  
>He found something soon after that.<p>

"Looks like there was a little dust up right here."

"What te fuck's that supposed ta mean. Redneck-English, English-Redneck please."

Daryl growled.

"I mean something went down."

"Looks like Mr SuperCop jumped on te kid. I fucking knew it."

"Had a little trouble" Daryl said and Connor knelt down.

He found the blindfold lying on the ground. He picked it up and flashed it Daryl. He snickered.

"Ye up fer some bondage sex in te woods, Darlyna?" he said with a big grin on his face and threw it at Daryl.

The hunter glared at him and hit his shoulder. Suddenly they heard branches breaking behind them and turned around in surprise.

"Oh shit."

They started running for the closest trees and hid behind them. Someone or something was walking around the forest. Very close to them. Judging by the pacing and sound it was a walker. Connor slowly turned his head to see what it was. It was indeed a walker just a couple of meters away from them. Suddenly Daryl whistled which made him look at him. The hunter threw the flashlight at him and he took it with a sigh. They heard the walker groaning and gasping. Daryl turned his head and checked on it. When the undead got closer he looked at Connor and signaled him to shine the flashlight at the walker in order to blind it so he could shoot it with his crossbow. Connor nodded and they waited for him to get closer.

When the Irishman turned around abruptly to do as he was told he was surprised to see Randall standing there. Except Randall was now a walker. He hadn't expected him to be so close so he gasped in surprise when Randall growled and grabbed him by his pea coat. Connor was thrown back against the tree and fell down to the ground. Because Randall kept moving and attacking the Irishman and because Connor was too close Daryl couldn't shoot him with his crossbow.

"Fuckin shoot te fucker already!" Connor yelled and tried to get back up.

Daryl pulled the trigger then and missed. Suddenly Randall came running for him and grabbed his crossbow.  
>The hunter tried to get hold of it but Randall, being a walker, was stronger than he thought. After a moment of fighting Daryl fell down as well.<p>

"Connor, where the fuck are yah!" he yelled as he tried to fight Randall.

The walker was growling and snarling and tried to get hold of the crossbow. Suddenly Connor came running and knocked Randall down.  
>He grabbed his knife and buried it in the kid's head. The Irishman fell back panting.<p>

"What in the name af fuckin Mary and Jesus fuckin Christ was that..." he asked and tried to sit up.

Daryl looked at him for a moment, relief washing all over him. He was glad he and most of all Connor were still in one piece.  
>The hunter got up after a moment and when he saw how the Irishman tried to get up he walked over to him and kicked his behind.<p>

"Be more careful next time, yah prick."

Connor fell back down and cursed.

"Fuck you, 't was yer stupid plan!"

He got up and they looked at Randall who lay dead on the ground. Both Connor and Daryl were still panting heavily until the latter nudged his friend.

"Nice job."

The Irishman grinned.

"Well I didn't miss."

Daryl kicked his shin. Connor growled and rubbed it. He looked at Daryl.

"You alright?"

"Just a stupid walker."

"No bites?"

Connor eyed him head to toe and Daryl growled.

"I said I'm fine."

The Irishman nodded and looked at Randall.

"What about yah, are yah alright?" Daryl asked after a moment and Connor nodded.

"Aye."

They both knelt down next to Randall's body and Connor grabbed his knife.  
>The hunter inspected the body for a while and placed a hand on Randall's cheek to move his head.<p>

"Got his neck broken" he muttered and Connor frowned.

He moved the head as well. Daryl grabbed the kid by the shoulder and turned him on his back. He moved his jacket and shirt up to check on his bare back.

"He's got no bites."

The Irishman looked at the body and shook his head.

"No fuckin way, he was a walker. Maybe you just didn't see any."

He moved Randall's jacket and Daryl shook his head.

"No I'm telling yah. He died from this."

He pointed at his neck and Connor frowned.

"Well aren't ye the new Sherlock Holmes af Walkerland."

They both looked at each other and the Irishman chewed on his lips.

"So are ye telling me that everyone becomes a walker now once they're dead?"

Daryl shrugged and looked at Randall once more.

"I dunno. Looks like it."

He got up and got his arrow that was still stuck in the tree. Connor sighed and held his head for a moment.

"Now if that isn't some seriously fucked up shit."

"Come on now, let's head back to camp. We should tell the others."

He offered Connor a hand to help him up.

"I don't fuckin like this, Daryl" the Irishman muttered and Daryl nodded.

"Me neither. We should get back now. Tell 'em. Shane must've done it. I mean I don't know bout any walkers just snapping yer neck without havin a couple of bites.  
>Stupid prick <em>must<em>'ve killed him."

"Well we knew anyway, didn't we?" Connor said as they headed back home.

"Yeah. I'm not sayin I'm gonna miss the little shit but 't wasn't right. I think that hyped up cop's losin it. We should tell 'em."

"Aye. And then we should.." Connor was interrupted when they heard a piercing shot echoing through the woods.

They stopped and looked at each other.

"Why would they use their fuckin guns in the middle af the night. They fuckin know we can't risk makin that kinda of noise."

Both men looked at each other for a moment and started running.


	35. Doomed

Wohay! The very last couple of chapters. 5 more and I'm done. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

**setting:** episode 13 "_Beside The Dying Fire_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 35 - Doomed

* * *

><p>When Daryl and Connor got back inside the farmhouse they frowned because there were only Lori, Andrea, Herschel and his family, Glenn and T-Dog sitting inside the living room. They all looked worried.<p>

"Rick and Shane ain't back?" Daryl asked and Lori shook her head.

"No" she answered and Daryl and Connor looked at each other.

"We heard a shot" the Irishman said and Lori shrugged.

"Maybe they found Randall" she suggested but Daryl shook his head.

"We found him."

"Is he back in the shed?" Andrea asked and Connor snorted.

"He's a walker" Daryl went on and Herschel got up from the couch.

"Did you find the walker that bit him?"

"No, 't was pretty fucked up, everything. He wasn't bit. He didn't end up as some dead prick's chew toy" Connor said and his friend nodded.

"His neck was broke."

"So he fought back" Andrea, who was standing in the corner and eyed them, said and Daryl snorted.

"Yeah of course.."

He turned around to look at the others.

"The thing is, Shane and Randall's tracks were right on top of each other. And Shane ain't no tracker, so he didn't come up behind him. They were together."

Connor snickered.

"Right, our snoopy here did one hell af a job. Felt like fuckin Sherlock Holmes an Doctor Watson. Like in the movies."

Daryl looked at him and rolled his eyes. Suddenly Lori got up and approached Daryl.

"Would you please get back out there, find Rick and Shane and find out what on earth is going on?"

When Daryl nodded and nudged her Connor raised an eyebrow. He hadn't expected him to say yes. Just a couple of days ago he'd told her to go herself.

_Looks like te car crash didn't do me any good but him, _he thought and smiled.

"You got it" Daryl said to Lori and headed for the door.

He nudged Connor to signalize that he should come with him.

"Thank you" Lori said and they left.

"Since when do you do something fer people when they ask ye?" Connor asked with a smirk on his face.

Daryl growled.

"Shut up."

"'m just saying. That's good, man."

"We're coming with you" they heard someone say and turned around.

Andrea and Glenn were standing right behind them. Daryl frowned.

"Why the heck would we need four people t'search for Rick and Shane?"

Andrea folded her arms.

"We can search a bigger area in less time."

Daryl and Connor looked at each other. The latter shrugged after a moment.

"Guess she's right."

The hunter just growled and stepped outside. When they saw the barn they all froze. There they were, hundreds of walkers coming from the woods. They were all heading for the farmhouse. They were just by the barn and kept moaning and staggering towards them. They couldn't really tell how many there were but it looked like an army of the undead, preparing to tear them down. The fields were only lit by moonlight which gave the scenario an eerie atmosphere. "Holy shit" Connor whispered and Herschel turned around.

"Patricia, kill the lights" he ordered and Andrea grabbed the door handle.

"I'll get the guns."

"Maybe they're just passing, like the herd on the highway. Should we just go inside?" Glenn said and Connor snorted angrily.

"Aye, cos walkers ain't interested in tasty fresh meat when it's right in front of them."

"Not unless there's a tunnel downstairs I don't know about. A herd that size would rip the house down" Daryl said at the same time and Connor nodded.

"Aye. Nat only the house."

Suddenly Lori came outside. She was out of breath and looked troubled.

"Carl's gone."

They turned around and looked at her.

"What?" Daryl asked and she nodded.

She was panicking.

"He..he was upstairs, I can't find him anymore."

"Maybe he's hiding" Glenn suggested and Connor glared at him.

"If she said she can't find him she probably looked everywhere he could hide, smartass."

"He's supposed to be upstairs. I'm not leaving without my boy" Lori stammered and Connor grabbed her by her shoulders.

"Af course we ain't leaving yer boy behind, are you nuts? We'll go back inside and search once more. Pair af fresh eyes can't do any harm.  
>I'm gonna make sure we find yer boy."<p>

Carol, who'd just come outside, nodded.

"He's right. We're gonna find him. We'll look for him. Together."

Connor turned around to look at Daryl who just frowned. The Irishman smirked and nudged his shoulder.

"Be back in a minute. Then we'll have some fun with the walkers."

Daryl snorted.

"Admit it, you're just scared outta yer pants. The kid's just an excuse for yah t'run and hide in a closet."

Connor grinned.

"Yer the one grabbing yer fuckin crossbow with yer knuckles going white."

The Irishman turned his head to look how close the walkers were.

"Fuck" he murmured and turned around to get inside the house.

"Eh Connor" Daryl said then and the Irishman turned his head to look at him.

"Watch yer whiny ass."

Connor grinned and nodded.

"Aye. You, too."

* * *

><p>When Lori, Carol and Connor entered the house Rick's wife started yelling her child's name again. Patricia and Beth were still standing by the windows.<br>When they heard them they turned around and looked at the small group. Beth approached Connor with a frown.

"What's going on?"

"Lori's kid's gone. She can't find 'im."

"Want us to help?"

He looked at her and nodded.

"Aye, the more people look fer him the faster we find him. We're gonna need the time."

He looked behind the sofas and under the tables.

"Connor?"

"Aye?" he said but didn't look up.

"How many?" the girl asked, but he didn't answer and kept searching.

"How many walkers are out there?" she repeated and he finally looked at her with a sigh.

"Hundreds. We're gonna have ta leave. I think. But still, we haven't got time fer this fucking chitchat right now. We gotta find te kid."

She took a deep breath and looked at Patricia.

"Okay, we want to help."

He nodded.

"Okay. You take the back of the house, the kitchen, look behind bushes and counters, anywhere where he could hide."

Beth and Patricia nodded and left. Lori came running in a second later.

"I can't find him, I can't find him. He's _nowhere_!" she said and knelt down to look under the tables.

Connor grabbed her by her waist and lifted her up to stand. He placed both his hands on her shoulders again and looked her in the eye.

"Now you listen ta me. It ain't no use if you keep panicking and fuckin scream the neighborhood down. You've gotta concentrate and stop shouting. I doubt it'll bring him back. All yer doin is attracting those lame brains to our house. Now you've gotta take a deep breath and concentrate. All yer fuckin panic isn't doing anyone any good. It just stresses you an yer unborn kid, okay? I told you that I'm going ta find yer kid. Just trust me on this."

She nodded and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Carol's checking the attic, Beth and Patricia are searching the rooms on this floor, I'm going upstairs...but no one's found him yet!"

He nodded.

"Okay. Patricia and Beth are checking the back af te house, I'm gonna check the cellar. Maybe he's hiding down there were all the food an water is.  
>It's a good place ta hide. I'm sure we're gonna find 'im."<p>

* * *

><p>Andrea came back with the guns just a couple minutes after Lori, Connor and Carol had left. Everyone grabbed a gun and got ready.<br>Maggie handed Glenn a shotgun which made him frown.

"Maggie.." he said but she interrupted him

"You grow up country, you pick up a thing or two" she said and Daryl snorted.

He'd spent some time counting the walkers. He couldn't believe that they were really stupid enough to believe that they could take that herd on.

"I got the number. It's no use" he said and Herschel looked up from his gun.

"You can go if you want" he responded and Daryl frowned.

"You gonna take 'em all on?" he asked in disbelief and Herschel nodded.

"We have guns. We have cars."

"Kill as many as we can, and we'll use the cars to lead the rest of them off the farm" Andrea went on and Daryl looked down at her.

When he saw that she wasn't kidding he turned his head to look at Herschel.

"Are you serious?"

The old man loaded his gun and grabbed all the ammo he could.

"This is my farm. I'll die here" he said and Daryl raised an eyebrow.

No matter how stupid and suicidal their plan was, he sure had some guts.

"All right. It's as good a night as any" Daryl murmured and jumped off the porch. Truth was that he really didn't want to die because of some stupid farm but then again, they could die any day now. And he preferred going down with a big bang instead of getting eaten by some geek in the woods one day. At least he could take a great number of those bastards with him. They got inside their cars in pairs once their guns were ready. Daryl placed his crossbow on the back of his motorbike and checked his guns once more. After a moment he decided to take the one Connor had given him and started the engine of his bike. Part of him wondered where the Irishman was and if he was alright but then he forced himself to stop worrying. He needed to concentrate now. And if Connor had managed to survive on his own for months, survived a suicide attempt and a car crash, he was sure that there was no reason to worry.

They drove towards the barn where the walkers kept coming closer. At some point the building started to burn and he was sure that Rick and Shane were back. There was no one else who could have started the fire and he was pretty sure that walkers were too stupid to use matches and lighters. They started driving up and down the fence and shot the walkers from their vehicles. In the meantime Jimmy, the farmer's boy, drove the RV to block the way that led from the barn to the farmhouse and made sure that no walker could slip through the gates. No matter how many times they drove up and down the fence, the walkers wouldn't stop coming. There were too many of them.

* * *

><p>When Connor came up the stairs from the cellar he heard Lori shouting and running again.<p>

"I can't find him anywhere" she shouted, completely out of breath.

Connor joined them in the hallway and shook his head.

"Didn't find him in the cellar either."

"So maybe he snuck outside" Carol said and Connor wiped the sweat off his forehead.

"Aye, looks like it. Going ta check on the other girls outside and ask them, maybe they've found him."

"What do I do?" Lori screamed all of a sudden and Connor stopped to turn around in surprise.

"He was here. He must've run off, maybe looking for Rick or went after Randall himself" Carol suggested and tried to calm Lori down.

"Maybe he set the barn on fire" Carol went on.

Connor took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay, so that's it. You go outside and wait fer me by te door. I think Herschel's still outside and sounds like he's still shooting the fuckers.  
>You grab yer guns and wait til I get back. I'm gonna check the back of the house and get Beth and Patricia, and when we're done I'm gonna check the barn myself."<p>

Once the women were outside Connor took his gun and checked the magazine. He took a deep breath and entered the kitchen to get to the back door.

"All right, everything's fuckin all right. Just a couple af hundred dead and flesh eating pricks. You've done this shit before, man" he murmured and opened the door.

"Beth!" he shouted and went down the stairs. He turned his head to look for her.

"Beth! Patricia! Were te fuck are ye, we need ta leave! The boy ain't here! Time ta go!" he went on but couldn't see them anywhere.

It was too dark outside. He could still hear the gunshots and moans everywhere. He reached the corner of the house and startled when he came across two walkers. He cursed and went backwards. The two undead started growling and reached out for Connor who sighed. "Sorry but I ain't on the menu today" the Irishman said and shot them in the head. He turned around to check if there were any walkers nearby. He couldn't see Beth and Patricia anywhere either.

"Beth! Patricia!" he yelled again and shook his head. "Jesus, where the fuck are they?" he murmured and kept walking.

He was heading for the next corner of the house. He wondered where Daryl was and if he was all right. But then again, he was Daryl Dixon with his stupid crossbow. Eating raw squirrel flesh and surviving gunshots and arrows. He reached the other end of the house and looked down to check his gun. He didn't have much ammo left and knew that there was no way they could ever take down the entire herd. He knew that they needed to leave soon.

When Connor walked around the corner and looked up again he was surprised by another walker. Connor yelped when the creature attacked him and made them both fall down. The Irishman tried to get hold of his gun and struggled to fight the walker off. He finally managed to place his gun on the creature's head when a loud gunshot close to the house startled him. He lost grip of the walker because of that and screamed in pain when it bit his left forearm. Connor pulled the trigger at the same time and shot the walker dead. He was panting heavily and swallowed hard.

_Too late. Too fuckin late._

He managed to get the corpse off him and sat up, still panting and groaning because of the fight and incredible pain in his arm.  
>The walker hadn't managed to rip the flesh out, but he could still see the bite on his bloody arm.<p>

"No..no" he murmured and placed a hand on the wound, somewhat hoping it would disappear beneath it.

But he could feel it. _Pulsating, hurting, bleeding._

"No, oh god no. _Please_._"_

The pain and the bleeding wouldn't stop, and he knew he was doomed.


	36. Faith

Pretty long chapter but I really didn't want to cut it in half. Forever crying.

**setting:** episode 13 "_Beside The Dying Fire_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 36 - Faith

* * *

><p>There were too many of them. And they were getting closer. Too close. Daryl decided to give it up. It was pointless. Wasting their ammo on something so stupid. The farm was lost. And he knew it. They needed to get their things together and leave. He was just about to drive off when he remembered Rick and Shane. No matter how much he hated their stupid plans, they still didn't deserve to die like this. Neither because of walkers nor because of the fire. When he saw the RV he had an idea. He knew that he couldn't just drive in there and look for them because he was on his motorbike. It wasn't safe like that, but the RV was big and solid enough to make it through. He drove towards it and Jimmy, who was sitting inside, looked at him.<p>

"Hey you, must've been Rick or Shane setting that fire. Maybe they're trying to get out back! Why don't you circle round? Go!" he shouted and Jimmy nodded.

"Got it!"

Daryl made sure that the kid made his way and before he drove off he turned around to check on the others. He saw Herschel's blue truck and Shane's Hyundai still driving up and down the property. Glenn and Andrea were shooting the walkers, Maggie and T-Dog were behind the wheel. He could see Herschel and the women by the farmhouse. _Where the hell are yah, prick, _he thought but couldn't find Connor. He heard more walkers coming for him and shot some of them in the head. It was getting too dangerous. They needed to get off the land. _Now. _He cursed himself for doing this but after a moment he got on his bike and drove off. He didn't drive far away, just a couple of meters down the road, away from the walkers. Hoping they'd make it out alive. Hoping that Connor _was _still alive.

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><p>He couldn't believe how much one tiny bite could hurt.<br>It felt like his head could explode any minute, like someone had poured pure acid all over his arm. Connor could literally _feel_the infection spreading but he needed to keep going. He had told the women to wait for him. He had promised he'd find Lori's boy. The Irishman stumbled back inside the house and held his arm under the water tap in the kitchen. The bite looked nasty but he tried to ignore it. He needed to focus. If only for just another couple of hours.

"You should put a bandage on that" he heard someone say and sighed.

He leaned against the sink.

"You coming ta get me now?"

His twin brother snickered behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Not quite yet, Con."

"Guess you were right all te time, brother. Bout te whole thing. Dying when I don't expect it."

Connor swallowed hard.

"I really didn't see that coming, Murph" he whispered.

Murphy stroke his shoulder and nodded.

"Aye. 's always like that. No one's ever prepared fer it."

Connor turned around and looked at his brother.

"I'm fuckin scared Murphy. So fuckin scared."

Murphy chuckled.

"What, te redneck's right? Yer really scared af some stupid dead pricks? You can take them on. Yer Connor fuckin MacManus."

"I'm nat talking about the walkers. Or everything that's going on out there" Connor said and groaned when the pain in his arm got worse.

The headache was killing him. He bent over for a moment and gasped. Murphy stroke his back.

"'s that how it felt like fer ye?" the older twin asked and Murphy nodded.

"Aye" he said and Connor snickered.

"Guess yer right. Shouldn't hate myself fer putting a bullet to yer head then."

It felt like he could pass out any minute now. The room started spinning and he had trouble staying on his feet.

"It's all right Con. Everything's gonna be all right."

"I don't wanna die Murph. Not after all this."

His legs gave in but Murphy caught him.

"Not now Connor. Too soon. You gotta fuckin go out there, and you gotta end it. There's still shit that needs ta happen. Yer job's nat done yet."

"Aye" Connor murmured and tried to get hold of himself.

He turned around and grabbed a glass of water to pour it over his head.

"You know I fuckin love ye. Just a bit more an yer free, brother" Murphy said behind him and Connor nodded once more.

"You go out there. You can do this. Yer fuckin strong. You won't go down. Ye're like.."

Connor snickered and finished the sentence for his brother.

"Duke fuckin Wayne."

He took a deep breath and grabbed a towel to wrap it around his arm. He pulled the sleeve of his pea coat back down to hide the injury and nodded.

"Okay, let's do this shit" Connor murmured and turned around.

Murphy was gone.

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><p>There was chaos outside. The women had vanished and there were walkers everywhere. Herschel stood a couple of meters away from the house and kept shooting. When Connor saw him he approached the old man. Now that he was bit and feverish, his leg hurt even more as well. He could hardly walk anymore, which made it even harder for him to keep going. Herschel turned around and pointed the gun at him.<p>

"Get away from my house, you soulless creatures!" he yelled and Connor tried to signalize that he wasn't one of them.

Herschel, out of his mind, confused and irritated because of the chaos all around them didn't see that it was Connor and pulled the trigger.

"What te fuck are ye.."

The Irishman couldn't speak on because a bullet hit his shoulder and knocked him down. Connor yelped in pain and placed a hand on his shoulder.  
>He wasn't sure what was going on for a moment because of the shock until Herschel's face swam into view.<p>

"Connor? Boy? I'm so sorry! I didn't see that it was you, it was dark and the way you walked..You looked like you were one of them."

Connor gasped and looked at the old man for a moment, only to squeeze his eyes shut in pain.

"You fuckin..need some glasses old man" he growled and Herschel tried to get his jacket off.

When he did so Connor suddenly grabbed his hands and shook his head. He didn't want him to see the bite wound.

"Fuckin leave it.. You need ta find the girls..they fuckin ran off. We need ta get away fram here."

He tried to sit up and gasped when everything started spinning again.  
>He was in so much pain because of the bite and his leg that the gunshot wound didn't really matter right now.<p>

"I'm not leaving my farm."

"Open yer fuckin eyes! The farm's lost! We got overrun, we're going crazy, you can't even tell who's on yer side!" Connor shouted and tried to get up.

The walkers kept coming closer now that they smelt his blood. Herschel tried to help him up but Connor shrugged him off. Suddenly he saw another walker right behind Herschel. "Watch yer back! Walker!" he screamed but before Herschel could turn around they heard a gunshot and the walker fell to the ground. Connor had finally managed to stand up and looked at the person behind them. Standing there, with a gun in his hand and his son next to him, was Rick Grimes.

"Where's Lori, did you see Lori?" he asked and looked at Herschel who shook his head.

"I don't know what happened, Rick. They just keep coming. It's like a plague, they're everywhere!" Herschel said and Connor nodded, with his hand still holding his injured shoulder.

"We were lookin fer yer boy inside the house but when we couldn't find him I told them ta go outside. They were sapposed ta wait fer me cos I wanted ta get Beth and Patricia. When I came back they were fuckin gone..Then he shot me in the shoulder.. We need ta leave, Rick. It's fuckin chaos here."

"Did you see where she was going?"

Connor shook his head.

"No but I guess she took off with the others."

Rick nodded.

"We have to go. Find mom and the others" he said and looked at Carl.

When he saw another walker coming he shot him in the head.

"It's my farm!" Herschel protested and Rick grabbed him.

Connor grabbed Carl by his shoulder.

"You stay with me, little fella."

"Not anymore!" Rick yelled and tried to get Herschel, who was panicking, away from the walkers.

"Come on!" Rick spat and Connor tightened his grip.

He dragged Carl with him as they headed for one of the last remaining cars. Herschel kept shouting and screaming at the walkers and Rick and Connor shot some of them dead on their way to their car. The Irishman could hardly stay on his feet anymore because of the exhaustion and his injuries, but he knew that he had one final task, and that was to make sure that the little kid would be with his mother again. Connor placed Carl on the front seat and then got inside the back of the car. Herschel and Rick followed them a second later. They drove off at full speed and bumped into a couple of walkers before finally reaching the road.

"Hey did ye see Daryl on yer way here?" Connor murmured after a while and Rick shook his head.

"No" he said quietly and looked at his son.

He placed a hand on his shoulder and then concentrated on the road again. Connor turned his head to look at Herschel who was sitting right next to him on the backseat. The old man just stared out of the window. At his farm. His land. They saw the barn on fire, with flames growing and swallowing everything that was in their way. It looked kind of beautiful and grotesque with all the walkers in front of them. After a couple of minutes the roof gave in and crashed down. The barn was falling to pieces. Just like their idea of heaven and peace on that farm. Everything was gone. Everything was lost. He felt sorry for the old man. He knew what it's like to lose your home, something that really mattered to you. He placed a hand on Herschel's shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"I'm sorry fer yer loss" he said quietly and Herschel sniffed.

"That farm was my life."

"I know."

Herschel turned around and looked at Connor.

"I'm sorry I shot you."

Connor smirked tiredly and shrugged. He hissed when it hurt.

"'s all right. Just a scratch. Really. I'm fine. You tried ta protect what's yers. Everyone would do that. Everyone _does_that."

Herschel just nodded and looked out of the window again. As Connor watched the flames he thought about Daryl. He wondered where he felt it in his guts that he was alright but part of him wondered whether he'd see him again. _Just once more_. Because the problem wasn't that he was afraid that his friend was dead. He was afraid that he'd be dead by the time Daryl found them again. Because he was _dying_. With every second they drove on, into the darkness. Into nothingness. He just wanted to see his friend one more time. Because he wanted to thank him. Because he wanted to say _goodbye._

_Please god. Just gimme some more time. I know I wasn't that good these days and I know I sinned when I tried to take my life._  
><em>It was stupid. Pointless. Nat me. I know that now. So please don't punish me fer it <em>_**now. **__Nat after all this time._

He closed his eyes and started praying.

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><p>Daryl parked a couple about a mile down the road to the house and watched the barn going down in flames. He couldn't help but smile a bit. Not only because he knew that a great number of walkers went down with it but also because the place they'd found Sophia in, the place that'd been her prison, was finally going down. Just like everything else. He thought it was beautiful. It had been years since he'd last seen something as strange and beautiful as that. Part of him had hated the farm. Too much had happened there. Too many deaths. Too many questions. Too many things had changed. And as he watched the flames he thought about Connor. He wondered where he was. How he was. He just knew that his friend was still alive, but he couldn't really tell if they'd see each other again. Part of him considered just leaving for good. He had always considered the possibility of just leaving the group. Maybe he would find Merle again. He grabbed the handlebar of his bike to play around with the accelerator, but when he did so he knew what he wanted. He didn't want Merle. He didn't want this brother. He wanted the <em>other<em>brother. Maybe their leaving was some sort of new start for them now. Maybe he could finally get rid off his stupid attitude and open himself up to the others. Most importantly Connor.

_Because, really. What's so wrong about havin someone that cares about yah. It's all yah can get nowadays.  
>Pretty much everything that makes yah something more than those dead pricks.<em>

His thoughts were interrupted by a piercing shriek that came from somewhere down the road. He turned around in surprise and then started his engine to drive back.  
>He saw Carol running from a small group of walkers. She was exhausted and kept screaming.<p>

_Had they really left her behind? _

He shook his head because this made him angry.

"Come on, I ain't got all day!" he yelled and Carol sat down on his bike right behind him.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and shouted "Let's go!"

He turned around and drove off as fast as he could. The group kept following them, but they were faster. He could hear her panting against his back for quite sometime after they'd left the farm. Daryl was glad he'd found her just then. It was like a sign. He knew he was supposed to stay with the group. Now that even Carol had made it. He knew that they were going to find the others. Everything was going to be alright and he knew it.

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><p>They drove on for what seemed like hours. Connor's condition got worse with every hour. Herschel began to worry after a while and tried to take a look at his shoulder.<br>The Irishman shook his head stubbornly and tried to move even further away.

"I'm alright, okay. Just a fuckin graze. I'm just tired" Connor lied.

Of course he was tired, but not so much that it could make him look like shit. Because he looked like shit. The infection was raging through his body. He had the worst headache in his life and he could hardly move his left arm anymore. He snorted because of the irony. His left arm. The one with the cross. The one with _Veritas_.

_The truth hurts _Murphy had said when they got their tattoos.

How right he was.

The fever made him feel dizzy. Sometimes he confused little Carl on the front seat with little Murphy, just because their hair kind of looked alike. He saw him everywhere.  
>When he saw a pen lying there by the radio, between Carl and Rick, he had an idea.<p>

"Eh Carl. Can you gimme that pen over there?"

The little boy turned around to look at him. He nodded and grabbed it to give it to the Irishman.

"What do you need a pen for?" the boy asked and Connor put it in his pocket.

"Gonna need et later. Doesn't matter. Just give it to me, please."

"Need a paper?" Carl asked but Connor shook his head.

He winced when it hurt.

"Nah's all right."

He saw how Herschel and Rick just frowned but ignored them. He prayed to god that they would find Daryl in time.

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><p>They reached the highway in early morning, just after sunrise. The sunlight hurt Connor's eyes but he was feeling a tiny bit better once they got out of the car and stopped driving. They stopped just in front of an old white car with bottles of water and a blanket on its hood. There was "<em>Sophia stay here<em>" written on it and Connor sighed. He sat down on the hood of their car and watched how Rick and Carl walked away.

"Where's mom?" Carl asked angrily and Rick stopped walking.

"You said she'd be here! We..we gotta go back for her" the little boy said and Rick shook his head.

"Carl..."

"No! Why are we running? What are we doing?" the little boy screamed which made Connor's head ache even more.

He buried his face in his hands for a moment and gasped.

"It's...it is mom. We need to get her and not be safe a mile away!"

Rick just stared at his son for a moment. When he kept shouting the policeman placed a hand on his shoulder and hushed him.

"You need to be quiet, all right? Please."

Carl looked at his father and nodded after a moment. Connor nodded as well and looked back up.

"Aye, yer screaming the whole highway down. I'm sure yer ma's all right" he muttered.

"Please. It's _mom_." Carl begged.

Rick knelt down in front of him and tried to talk to him but the kid ran away. Connor just looked at Rick for a moment and when Herschel started talking to him the Irishman let out a sigh and went after Carl. He sat down next to the kid and looked at him. Carl just stared down and pouted.

"Yer just like yer ma." Connor said after a while and Carl looked up.

Connor lit a smoke and let out a relieved sigh because it did him good.

"What do you mean?" the kid asked quietly and Connor snickered.

"When she found out that you were gone she started screaming down the neighborhood as well. But in a brave kinda way. She wasn't scared af the possible danger.  
>She did everything she could ta get ye back. Just like you did a second ago."<p>

Carl looked at him for a while.

"You were with her?"

"Aye. Tried ta look after her. Yer ma's a tough one, that is. I'm sure she's all right. She'll find us. Don't be so hard on yer Da."

"You're a man of god, have some faith!" they heard Rick shout and turned around in surprise.

The policeman stared at Herschel who looked down. Connor snorted.

_You can have all the faith you want but you can't understand god's plan fer any af us. Believer or nat, _he thought and grabbed his injured arm.

"Does it hurt?" Carl asked and Connor looked at him in surprise.

"What?"

"You're hurt. Is it bad?"

The Irishman snickered and ruffled the boy's hair.

"I'm Irish. I was born ta live with it."

"Christ promised the resurrection of the dead. I just thought he had something a little different in mind" he heard Herschel say and froze.

He was surprised how much those words hurt. Because the old man was _right._

"It's all right Con" he heard Murphy say and turned around in surprise.

Carl wasn't sitting next to him anymore. It was Murphy instead. Just about Carl's age. He remembered his face all too clearly.  
>He had always mocked Murphy because he was a little late with everything. He had always looked like a baby, childish, innocent. <em>Snotface.<em>

"All you've gotta do is take me hand, squeeze yer eyes shut and ask god ta take the pain away" little Murphy said and Connor snickered with tears in his eyes.

He remembered those words. Their Ma had always said that when they were little. When they had returned home from all their crazy games and when they had got hurt. At some point they stopped running for their mother and ran for each other instead. Whenever Murphy had managed to fall off a tree and hurt his knee, he had been there and taken his hand. Whenever he had managed to crash their bike and hurt his chin Murphy had been there and taken his.

_It's all right Con. I'm here._

"It's all right Con. I'm here."

Both little Murphy next to him and grown Murphy in his head said at the same time.

"Aye."

The little boy placed his hand on his and squeezed it. There was no "Aequitas" written on his tiny fingers yet, but he knew that someday there would be. Connor squeezed back and nodded.

"Aye" he murmured again and looked at Rick.

When he turned his head he saw Carl sitting next to him again. Murphy was nowhere in sight.


	37. Infected

Oh my. Why am I doing this. It's like I'm cutting my heart out with a blunt bread knife.

**setting:** episode 13 "_Beside The Dying Fire_"

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><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 37 - Infected

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><p>They were still waiting for the others to come back. Rick still wouldn't leave with Carl, no matter how many times Herschel told him to leave. Connor felt really sick now. It wasn't even the bite itself that was worst. It was the fever that was killing him. He felt like he was burning up, like his bones were made out of glass. He didn't know how much longer he could take it. Rick and Herschel's endless discussion got interrupted when they heard another walker. They all looked up in surprise and hid behind their car. Connor leaned against it for a moment and tried to muffle his groans and gasps because he didn't want to attract it to them. The walker just passed them but didn't seem to notice them. They watched him leave and let out a relieved sigh. Herschel wouldn't let it go though.<p>

"I don't know how much longer we can stay here" he whispered and Rick looked at him.

"I'm not leaving without mom" Carl muttered and looked at his father.

"So we're just gonna walk away? Not knowing if my wife, your girls are still out there? How do we live with that?" Rick whispered back.

"I ain't going anywhere" Connor muttered and watched the walker.

"You've only got one concern now, just one. Keeping _him _alive" Herschel said to Rick and looked at Carl.

"He's leaving. He didn't see us" Connor said and put his gun away because he couldn't hold it any longer.

It was getting too heavy. He could hardly keep his eyes open any more. Rick and Herschel were too busy arguing to see how he was.  
>Only Carl looked at the Irishman. At least he looked worried. Connor smiled at him and ruffled his hair.<p>

"Nature may be throwing us a curveball, but that law is still true" Herschel said and the expression on Rick's face changed.

He looked like he was really considering it now. He knelt down in front of Carl and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Carl. It's not safe here. I'm sorry. We'll..."

The little boy started sobbing. When Rick tried to explain it to him, Carl just turned around and buried his face in Connor's pea coat.

"Please tell them. We can't leave. Please."

The Irishman looked at the boy in surprise and faced Rick.

He was surprised that Carl was asking _him _to do something.

"I.. look little fella..I.." he stammered and looked at Rick again.

He felt awkward because of the whole situation. Rick placed a hand on Carl's back and tried to make him turn him around again.

"Carl, you need to understand, please..We'll..."

They all turned their head when they heard the engine of a vehicle. It was coming from somewhere down the road. For a moment they just waited until they saw what it was. _Who_it was. "Thank god" Connor said and couldn't help but smile. They saw Daryl and Carol driving down the motorway on Daryl's bike. Maggie and Glenn followed him in Shane's Hyundai. A second later they saw T-Dog, Lori and Beth in Herschel's blue truck. Rick, Carl and Herschel ran for the place where they parked their cars. Connor wasn't as fast as them. When he finally reached them they were all busy hugging and welcoming each other back. Daryl had his back turned on him and Connor smiled when he saw the wings on his back. He knew his prayers had been heard.

"Where'd you find everyone?" Rick asked Daryl.

"Well, those guy's tail lights zigzagging all over the road.. figured he had t'be Asian driving like that" he said and Connor could tell he was smiling.

The Irishman was almost there behind him.

"Good one" Glenn said with a smirk on his face.

When he saw Connor he nodded.

"Where's the rest of us?" Daryl asked and Rick looked at him.

"We're the only ones who made it so far."

"Shane?" Lori asked and got up.

Rick shook his head.

"Andrea?" Glenn asked and Carol answered.

"She saved me, then I lost her."

Connor was finally standing right behind Daryl. For a moment he considered scaring the crap out of him by grabbing his shoulders, but then he decided to let it go.  
>He wanted him to see him first.<p>

"We saw her go down" T-Dog said.

"Patricia?" Herschel asked and his daughter looked at him.

"They got her, too. Took her right in front of me. I was...I was holding onto her, daddy. She just..."

She started crying and Herschel and her sister tried to comfort her.

"What about Jimmy, did you see Jimmy?" she asked and Rick looked at her with a sigh.

"He was in the RV. It got overrun."

For a while it was quiet except for Beth's sobs.

Then Daryl spoke.

"What about Connor?"

The Irishman smiled when he heard that. Glenn grinned and pointed at him.

"How about you turn around?" Daryl turned around and looked at Connor in surprise.

For a moment he couldn't hide his surprise and joy but once he could he growled and nudged the Irishman.

"Didn't bother tellin me, yah stupid idiot? How long have yah been standing behind me, yah creep?"

Connor tried not to wince when Daryl hit his arm. With the infection and all the injuries it felt like a simple little blow like that could break his bones. He grinned at him nevertheless. When Daryl saw Connor his heart missed a beat. Because he'd been scared for a second. Just for a second he'd thought that Connor was gone, but there he was, standing right in front of him, with bloody face and so pale it almost looked creepy. And when he saw how Connor smiled and looked at him, he knew something was different. That Connor was different. It made him frown.

"Looks like yer still in once piece. Maybe yer not as whiny as I thought" Daryl said and offered him a hand to welcome his friend back with a casual handshake.

Connor took his hand and pulled him into a hug with a soft giggle.

Daryl growled and tried to shake him off.

"How many times have I told yah t'get yer stupid hands off me? Could yah be any more gay?"

Connor let go of him and smirked.

"Just glad ta see you made it, man" he said and Daryl frowned when he saw his shoulder.

"Course I made it. What the hell happened to yah?"

"Herschel shot me. He mistook me fer a walker."

Daryl snorted.

"Can't blame him. You look like shit. Will yah ever learn t'watch yer ass when I'm not around? Good lord. Pathetic how yah still need a babysitter at yer age."

Connor sighed and pulled a face. It made Daryl even more suspicious. He could have sworn that it had looked like his friend was in pain. Real pain.

"Can we please stop all that fuckin mocking and insulting each other fer once? Please? Just fer today?"

This made Daryl frown.

"What the hell is wrong with yah?"

The Irishman just smirked and leaned against the car.

"Just a bit tired, that's all. The gunshot wound, all that fucking chaos...kinda wasted me."

Daryl snorted.

"Yer such a girl."

Daryl was so clueless. Connor couldn't really tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. It didn't really matter in the end. Sooner or later his friend would figure it out. He knew Daryl was smarter than everybody thought. He just wanted to keep pretending for a little longer. Pretending that he was _alright._ That he _wasn't_ dying. That they had enough _time_ to enjoy their friendship. That he had enough time to help Daryl change for the better and become that remarkable human being that he could be once he got rid of his inner demons. But he knew it wasn't going to happen. His time was running out. _Their _time was running out.

"Did you see Andrea? Really see her?" Carol asked after a moment and they both looked up.

"Well no, but there were walkers everywhere" Lori said and Daryl moved.

"I'm gonna go back" he said and Rick turned around.

"No" he said and Connor placed a hand on Daryl's shoulder to pull him back.

"No fuckin way."

"We can't just leave her" Daryl said and frowned.

"We don't even know if she's there."

Connor wouldn't let go of Daryl which made the latter turn his head and look at him. He stared at Connor's bloody hand, the one with the Veritas tattoo. He was just about to say something again when he saw how his hand was shaking. He realized that the Irishman wasn't only holding him back, he was also holding on to him. Somehow the whole scenario scared the crap out of him.

"She isn't there. She isn't. She's somewhere else or she's dead. There's no way to find her" Rick said.

Daryl turned around again because he couldn't believe that Rick Grimes would say something like that. It was like he was turning into the new Shane.

"So we're not even gonna look for her?" Glenn asked and Rick shook his head.

"We gotta keep moving." Daryl snorted and turned around with his motorbike.

"Where te fuck are ye going?" Connor asked and Daryl moved his bike back on track.

"We can't just leave her there. Someone's gotta get going if yah haven't got the guts."

He bent over his bike to adjust something when Connor saw the walker from an hour ago coming from behind a truck right next to Daryl.

"Watch yer back!" he shouted and pulled his gun.

He was there in no time. He was quite surprised that he could still run, but before Daryl even managed to grab his crossbow or gun Connor was there and shot the walker in the head. They both panted heavily because of the shock and stared at each other. And as Connor looked at the walker and the gun in his hand he remembered. _Yer job's nat done yet, Con. You've still got a purpose. Some shit you've gotta do. _He knew he had just saved Daryl's life. If he had given up back inside that kitchen yesterday, his friend would have died today. "Thanks" the hunter murmured and looked at the dead walker to his feet. He kicked it and turned around to face the others. Rick pointed at them.

"See? There's walkers crawling all over here! It's not safe! The bigger the road, the more walkers. We're leaving _now_."

* * *

><p>And here they were, sitting inside their cars again. Driving down some endless road. He saw Daryl and Carol driving in front of them. Connor just stared out of the window and looked at the trees and houses they drove past. After an hour or two he closed his eyes from time to time. Just to try it for a bit. What it felt like. <em>Dying<em>. The fever and pain got worse and worse. He could feel every bump, every tiny stone they crossed. It felt like his bones were breaking with every move. He leaned his head against the window pane and let out a relieved sigh when it cooled his burning forehead. He groaned when someone placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him.

"Connor?"

He moved his head tiredly to see who was talking. Lori was sitting next to him with a worried look on her face.

"What's the matter? Is it the gunshot wound?"

"'m all right" he croaked and closed his eyes again.

Lori placed a hand on his forehead and gasped.

"You're burning up."

" Said I'm fuckin all right, okay? Jesus" he murmured again but Lori turned around to look at her husband.

"Rick, I think Connor's not feeling well. Something's wrong."

T-Dog turned around and looked at him. Rick eyed him in the rear-view mirror and sighed.

"This isn't our only problem."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"We've been riding red for the past hour." Rick said and Connor snickered tiredly.

"Aye, me too."

"Better make sure we don't get forgot" T-Dog said and Rick nodded.

He honked and Daryl slowed down in front of them. They all got out of the car. It took Connor quite some time to get out but he tried to hurry because he saw T-Dog and Lori coming for him. He didn't want their help. He didn't want them to know. Rick ran for Daryl who still sat on his bike.

"You out?" he asked and Rick nodded.

"Running on fumes."

Connor staggered after them and sat down on the hood of their car.

"We can't stay here" Maggie said and Glenn looked at her.

"We can't all fit in one car."

"We'll have to make a run for some gas in the morning" Rick said and Carol frowned.

"Spend the night here?"

"I'm freezing" Carl said and Connor looked up.

"You can have my coat. I'm melting" he said and got rid off his jacket.

He was glad he was wearing a sweater so people wouldn't see the wound. He folded his arms just to make sure. Carl put his coat on with a smile on his face.

"We'll build a fire, yeah?" Lori said and Daryl nodded.

"Connor and I will go out looking for firewood. Stay close."

Connor looked up and paled at the thought.

_I can't do this. I can't fuckin take it anymore. I just wanna sleep._

Daryl frowned when he saw the look on his face.

"Only got so many arrows. How you doing on ammo?" Daryl said and looked Rick.

"Not enough" the policeman just said and Daryl turned to look at Connor.

"You?"

The Irishman tried to concentrate but couldn't really do so.

"I ..I dunno. Not much."

"We can't just sit here with our asses hanging out" Maggie said and Herschel growled.

"Watch your mouth. Everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick."

Daryl approached Connor and sat down next to him. He stared at his friend for a while and frowned. Connor tried not to look at him and pretended to reload his gun.  
>It was impossible to do so because his arm hurt and his hands shook violently.<p>

"I'm askin yah once more. What's wrong with yah?"

"I'm fuckin fine, okay?" Connor spat and looked at his friend.

They both just stared at each other until Rick spoke.

"All right, we'll set up a perimeter. In the morning we'll find gas and some supplies. We'll keep pushing on."

"Glenn and I can make a run now, try and scrounge up some gas" Maggie said but Rick shook his head.

"No, we stay together. God forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car."

"Rick, we're stranded now" Glenn said and the policeman nodded.

"I know it looks bad, we've all been through hell and worse but at least we found each other."

Connor looked at Daryl then. Rick didn't know it, but that sentence meant more to him than to any of them. Because it was true. Because it summed them up. Connor had been through hell after losing his brother and getting bit. Daryl had been through hell with his family and losing Merle. But they'd found each other. Not only today. He took a deep breath and tried to fight tears. _Oh Christ, yer nat one of that lot. You won't cry like a fuckin baby now. _He looked at his friend and swallowed. _Jesus fuckin Christ, Daryl. I don't wanna die._

The hunter turned his head and looked at his friend with a frown.

"I wasn't sure..I really wasn't but we did. We're together. We keep it that way" Rick went on and Connor snickered sadly.

_If only that were true._

"We'll find shelter somewhere. There's gotta be a place" the policeman said and Glenn approached him.

"Rick, look around. Okay? There's walkers everywhere. They're migrating or something."

"There's gotta be a place not just where we hole up, but that we fortify. Hunker down. Pull ourselves together. Build a life for each other. I know it's out there. We just have to find it "he spat and they all looked at him.

Connor grabbed a smoke and tried to lit it shakily. It took him longer than usual. He saw how Daryl looked at him again but the hunter wouldn't say a word.

"Even if we do find a place and we think it's safe, we can never be sure. For how long? Look what happened with the farm. We fooled ourselves into thinking that that was safe" Maggie responded and her father looked at her.

"We won't make that mistake again."

"We'll make camp tonight. Over there, get on the road at the break of day" Rick said and pointed at an old lithic watergate by a small lake just off the road.

"Does this feel right to you?" Carol asked Daryl who turned around and looked at her.

"What if walkers come through or another group like Randall's?" Beth asked Rick who didn't answer.

Suddenly Daryl spoke when he remembered something.

"You know we found Randall, right? He'd turned but he wasn't bit."

Connor grabbed his arm when he heard this word and sighed shakily. He wondered when he'd turn.  
>He was sure about one thing though: He wouldn't make it through this night.<p>

Rick stared at Daryl in surprise and the others kept asking him questions.

"What the hell happened?" Lori asked and Connor sighed.

"Shane killed Randall. Just like he always wanted ta."

Lori looked at Rick with a frown.

"And then the herd got him?"

It was quiet for a while and Rick just stared down until he finally answered.

"We're all infected."

"What?" Daryl asked in disbelief and Connor swallowed.

He hated how they kept talking about that topic. He didn't want to think about it nonstop for the last couple of hours of his life.

"At the CDC Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it."

They all just stared at him in disbelief until Carol came closer.

"And you never said anything?"

"Would it have made a difference?" Rick said and shrugged.

"You knew this whole time?" Glenn asked and Rick snapped.

"How could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that mo..."

"That is not your call. Okay, when I found out about the walkers in the barn, I told, for the good of everyone" Glenn said and Rick shook his head.

"Well, I thought it best that people didn't know. Now get our things and guns together. Connor, Daryl, you get some firewood."

Daryl nodded and nudged Connor.

"Come on, let's go." he murmured and headed for the woods.

Carl gave Connor his pea coat back once he wore his father's jacket.

The Irishman took a deep breath and followed Daryl after a moment, stumbling and groaning with every step.


	38. Veritas

Ugh only two chapters left after that ;_;

**setting:** episode 13 "_Beside The Dying Fire_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 38 - Veritas

* * *

><p>They were deep in the woods by now. Daryl turned around from time to time to check on Connor. Mostly because he could hear how his groans and moans got louder with every minute. They'd been collecting firewood for only ten minutes when the hunter had enough and stopped walking.<p>

"What is wrong with yah?" he spat and Connor looked at him in surprise.

He wiped the sweat off his forehead and shrugged.

"I'm just really tired man. And the gunshot wound hurts" he murmured.

His voice was lacking strength already.

"Pull yourself together. We need t' find enough wood before it's getting dark."

He was pissed at Connor because he wouldn't tell him what was wrong. It always drove him crazy to see the Irishman like that. Hurt. In pain. Since the day they'd first met. Daryl shook his head angrily and walked on only to stop when he heard Connor retch. He turned around in surprise and saw the Irishman head down, with his hands on his knees. Suddenly he retched again and started throwing up blood. Daryl threw the wood away and rushed to help him.

"Jesus, just tell me, what is wrong with you? Let me help yah!" he shouted but Connor just coughed and threw up even more blood.

Daryl was horrified when he saw all the blood.

The Irishman staggered and almost fell over, so he grabbed him by his shoulders to hold him steady.

"Connor? Just..come on man, you're scaring the crap outta me" Daryl said and Connor wiped his mouth after a moment.

He gasped and looked up. It shocked his friend even more because his face and mouth were bloody and he was so very pale all of a sudden.

"I couldn't find 'em" Connor murmured and Daryl frowned.

He still held Connor tight by his shoulders.

"Who?"

"Beth and Patricia. Behind the farmhouse when we were looking fer Carl."

He retched again and took a deep breath. He took a couple of deep breaths and squeezed his eyes shut in pure agony.

"What's the point in all this? Stop changing the topic and tell me what's wrong!" Daryl shouted and Connor growled.

"I ain't changing the topic."

"Stop talking crap then and tell me."

Connor shook his head and ended up throwing up blood again. He groaned and held his belly in pain.

"I'm too fuckin scared man" he croaked and Daryl frowned.

"Of what?"

"The truth" Connor answered and looked at the tattoo on his finger.

The arm that was causing him to throw up his guts now.

"Just fuckin tell me man. I'm just as scared as yah."

The Irishman swallowed.

"Can I show you something?"

"You don't need t'ask, silly."

Connor took a deep breath and grabbed the sleeve of his pea coat to lift it up. He then removed the towel he'd wrapped around the bite and showed Daryl his arm.  
>The hunter just stared at the wound. He was petrified.<p>

_No, that ain't happening._

He could see the marks, the bloody infected flesh, the blackened veins all around the wound. Connor sniffed.

"When I went back to the house a walker attacked me. We fell down, he right on top af me. I managed ta grab my gun but a gunshot startled me an I lost grip af him."

He pulled the sleeve back down and shook his head.

"I was too slow. I shot it dead but it was too fuckin late."

Connor looked up slowly and waited for his friend to say something, but Daryl just stood there. The hunter just stared at his arm in disbelief.

After a moment he pushed Connor away and turned around. The Irishman stumbled, but managed to get hold of himself. He turned around to look at Daryl with a frown. The hunter kept walking up and down for a moment and glared at Connor from time to time.

"I just need a second to process this" he growled and Connor put his hands in his pockets.

"Look, I know it's shit but.."

Daryl darted forward and interrupted him. He started shouting at him.

"_Why_?! Why the fuck now?!"

He shoved Connor again and got even more furious.

"Why **you**?!" he yelled and turned around again.

He grabbed his hair and shook his head.

"It's ok...all yer screaming isn't gonna make it any better" Connor murmured and Daryl turned around again.

He looked so hurt, so furious, so mad. He was mad at those stupid women the Irishman had went looking for. Mad at that stupid walker who'd bit his best friend.  
>Mad at Connor for being so incredibly, incredibly stupid. Mad at the world. For taking t<em>hat<em>from him.

He approached Connor once more and shoved him again. Part of him wanted to beat his face bloody for that.

He was _so angry._

"Don't you tell me to calm down! What do you fuckin know!"

"I told you I was scared af the truth" Connor just said quietly.

Daryl snorted.

"Well, there you have it, stupid. What did you think it would be like?"

"I fuckin know what it's like! What's going ta happen! I'm gonna start chewing on me own guts in a couple af hours, I'll be drownin in my own fuckin blood! I'll suffocate and burn up at the same time! Sooner or later the fever and pain's gonna kill me! My whole fuckin body's gettin poisoned with this shit right now! Have you got any idea how fuckin _much_ it really hurts? So don't you tell me anything about knowing what it's like! The real truth here is that we can't do _anything _about it! So if someone's got a reason ta start yelling, it's gotta be me, don't you think?!" Connor yelled at and and gasped for air once he'd finished.

Daryl just stared at him for a moment. When he saw blood running down Connor's chin he snapped again.

"Yer like a brother to me! What kind of cruel, fucked up egoistic bastard are yah t'do something like that to people?"

He kicked the dirt and started walking up and down again.

"Cos really, Merle and my stupid father ain't nothing compared t'yah sick shit. I mean, was it fun, stumbling right into my life and fuckin me up for weeks, makin me believe I'm worth a damn? Yeah right, you just come, fuck everyone up, make them like yah, care about yah, only that you can be some selfish fucker and opt out the moment it gets a little fuckin chaotic?"

He shoved Connor again.

"I told yah to watch yer stupid ass! All you had to do was keep your promise and do what your stupid brother and I asked yah to!" Daryl shouted and grabbed the Irishman's arm to look at the bite once more.

Connor winced and tried to get him off but Daryl wouldn't let go.

"Now look at yah."

They both just looked at each other for a while until Connor swallowed and Daryl shook his head.  
>He let go of Connor. The Irishman held his wounded arm tight and took a deep breath.<p>

"I'm sorry.'s all I can say. I'm so fucking sorry, but I'm gonna die. And you need ta live with it."

Daryl snorted and turned around to walk off.

"Would you please stop it now? I haven't got much time left Daryl. And I'd rather spent it not fuckin fighting with you."

His friend turned around and glared at him.

"And now yer askin me t'act like it's alright."

"Take it as my dying wish?"

Daryl approached him and stared him down.

"You keep your mouth shut. You've done enough already."

Daryl walked past him and growled.

"We need to find firewood. This conversation is over."

* * *

><p>No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't be mad at Connor forever. Because it was getting worse and worse. He ended up carrying all the firewood on his own and the Irishman kept staggering after him, throwing up blood every once in a while. He knew it was cruel to let him keep walking. He knew he was torturing Connor like that but he was scared of returning to camp. Because then everything would fall into place. He knew Connor would lie down and wouldn't get up anymore. He knew his friend was going to <em>die <em>there. After 15 minutes of walking he couldn't do it anymore. Connor was panting and groaning in pain behind him and it felt like someone was stabbing him with every breath he took. He knew Connor would follow him until his knees gave in, so it was on him to stop it. He stopped walking after a moment and took a deep breath. Daryl knew that he had to look past his anger. For the sake of his friend. He turned around to look at Connor who held on to a tree and tried to catch breath.

"So this is it" he said quietly and snorted.

"Yer really gonna die."

Connor looked up and nodded after a moment.

"Aye."

Daryl chewed on his lower lip and shook his head gently.  
>He felt a big lump in his throat and walked back to grab Connor's arm.<p>

"Let's get yah back to the camp."

Connor groaned when they started walking again.

"It's alright. Just a little bit more and yah can lie down and rest" Daryl murmured but Connor shook his head.

"I don' want to."

Daryl nodded.

"I know. But you've got to."


	39. Aequitas

Ok, so we've reached _that_ chapter. Just letting you know: I had to stop writing,_ twice_, because I couldn't even see what I was writing .  
>I CRIED LIKE A BABY OK. I regret nothing. No, I regret <em>everything<em>. Because this chapter is so. fucking _.cruel._

**setting:** episode 13 "_Beside The Dying Fire_"

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 39 - Aequitas

* * *

><p>It was dark outside when they finally returned to camp. He saw a campfire, so Glenn and T-Dog had managed to get some firewood as well.<br>When the group saw Connor and Daryl they all got up in surprise. Connor was unconscious. Daryl had carried him the last couple of meters.

"What happened?" Rick asked and Daryl took a deep breath.

"Passed out on our way back. Carol, would you give me a couple of blankets and lie them down by that wall over there?"

Carol nodded and got up to do so. Daryl carried his friend over to the stone wall and waited for the blankets.  
>Once everything was prepared he lay Connor down and looked at his friend for a moment. The group gathered around the unconscious man.<p>

"Herschel, you should take a look at his shoulder now" Lori said and Daryl shook his head.

"It ain't his shoulder. He got bit yesterday" Daryl said and just looked at his friend.

"What?" they all asked in shock and looked at Daryl and Connor.

The hunter just nodded.

"He was too scared of telling us."

It was quiet for a while until Carl started crying.

"Is he dead?" Glenn asked and Daryl shook his head.

He just stared at Connor's face.

"Just unconscious. I doubt that he'll wake up again though."

He was surprised how much it _hurt_ to see Connor like that_._ He was surprised how _shocked_ he was. Daryl sat down next to his friend and put the blanket around his shoulders. He could still hear him breathing. _Just wake up and start laughing at me. Or tell some of yer stupid Irish jokes. Just, fucking do __**something. **_When he looked up he saw Rick standing there next to him.

"You know what needs to be done" he said quietly and Daryl glared at him.

"If yah plan on shooting him in the head _now_, you'll have to shoot me first."

The both looked at each other for a while and Rick shook his head.

"I just wanted to let you know. Not yet. You're right. But still. The moment he turns.."

"If you've got nothin else t'say might as well just leave us the fuck alone" Daryl growled an Rick looked at him.

He nodded after a while.

"Look, I'm sorry Daryl.."

"Just go! Everyone. Leave us alone!" Daryl yelled and looked at Connor again, somewhat hoping his friend would wake up one final time.

* * *

><p>Connor woke up a couple of hours later and started throwing up again. He was bathed in sweat and started shivering. He searched their surroundings in horror only to see Daryl right beside him. The hunter had quite a hard time keeping it together himself. It wasn't the first time he saw someone turn and die because of this mad disease, but seeing Connor like that.. it was too much to handle. His friend would start screaming every once in a while, whenever the pain got worse. Daryl tried to keep him steady and stop him from shaking whenever the cramps returned, but there wasn't that much to do. There was no way to stop it, and it was only getting worse every time the cramps hit. The Irishman calmed down after a moment and asked for water, only to spit it out coughing and throwing up all over again. He focused after a while and looked at Daryl.<p>

"Are you going to be ok?" he asked and Daryl just snorted.

He took a deep breath and looked away. Some members of the group were already sleeping.

Rick just kept staring at them. Staring and waiting.

"They want me t' kill yah" Daryl said quietly and turned his head to look at his friend.

"Put yah out of yer misery and all that crap. Like a fuckin dog."

Connor took a deep breath and sighed shakily.

"Well they've got a point there. Misery and all that."

Daryl snorted.

"Yah can't ask me t'do this."

"Nat the first time you kill a walker, Daryl" Connor murmured and Daryl glared at him.

"You ain't a walker."

He sighed and moved his fingers through his hair.

"Rick might be alright with killing his best friend. I ain't."

Connor smiled tiredly but ended up coughing again.

"'s there anything else I can do for yah?" Daryl asked after a while.

He was tired. Of everything. Seeing Connor like that. Feeling that much pain. Watching his best friend die. Watching everything fall apart.

"Actually yes" Connor said and nodded towards his pea coat.

"There's a pen in that pocket. And the picture of me and Murphy" he mumbled and closed his eyes again.

Daryl frowned and got his pea coat.

"What do yah need a fuckin pen for now? Gonna write yer last will now?"

Connor snickered and groaned in pain because it hurt.

"Just gimme te pen and te picture" Connor murmured.

He felt dizzy and sick because the pain was getting worse and worse.

Daryl handed him the things he had asked for. Connor looked at the photograph and smiled.

"St. Paddy's 1997. Two years before we became the saints. Happiest time af my life."

Daryl took a deep breath and just looked Connor who started coughing. He looked up after a moment and smiled at Daryl.

"You know, when Murphy died I thought I'd never ever be happy again."

Daryl snorted.

"Yeah. Seen it and heard it more than once."

"But ye know what? I was wrong."

His friend frowned.

"Have yah lost it now?"

Connor snickered and shook his head.

"Remember the day before yesterday? On the rooftop?"

Daryl nodded.

"What about it?"

"That was just like St. Patty's 1997."

"I don't remember any beer and Irish crap going on there."

The Irishman smirked.

"Ain't talking about the beer or the party. I'm talking about how I felt."

Daryl just looked at him for a while.

"Happy?"

Connor smiled and nodded.

"Aye."

The moment was destroyed when he had yet another fit. He suddenly squeezed his eyes shut started screaming again. A moment later there was blood coming out of his mouth once more. He gasped and coughed and Daryl tried to hold him steady and got rid of the blood.

"Give me yer right hand" Connor croaked and Daryl frowned.

"What for?"

"Just do it! Christ, fuckin hurry. Ain't gonna last much longer." Connor shouted and Daryl gave him his hand.

The Irishman grabbed it and started writing on his hand. As soon as Daryl saw the first letter he knew what he was going to write.  
>He tried not to look at his hand and studied Connor's face instead.<br>The Irishman looked so tired. So hurt. So broken.

"Stop it" Daryl demanded and Connor shook his head.

He kept writing with shaky hands. The hunter got worried when he heard how his friend's breathing changed. Sped up. Got heavier.

"I think you should stop wasting yer energy like that. Yah need to rest, Connor. Really..just.. just stop now. Come on, man" he said.

Connor let out a relieved sigh when he finished the last letter. The Irishman let go of his friend's hand and smiled.

"Okay. My gun. In the bag."

Daryl shook his head.

"No."

"Aye. Take it. Doesn't matter which one."

After a moment of just staring at his friend Daryl gave in and opened Connor's bag to get one of the guns. He stared at the weapon.  
>The Irishman suddenly grabbed his hands so they held the gun together.<p>

"Listen, that's important. You've...you've gotta take that gun._ That_ gun...Don't ye fuckin dare taking an other gun. _That_gun. 't's very important."

Daryl just stared at him and shook his head.

"I said you ain't dyin as long as I'm around. Won't do this."

"Af course..you will..." Connor murmured and closed his eyes tiredly.

He couldn't keep them open any longer.

This made Daryl snap.

"Yah fuckin promised you'd stay alive!" he spat and heard how Rick came over.

"Did" Connor answered and closed his eyes once more.

_He was just too tired. So scared. He just wanted to sleep._

Daryl slapped him to wake him up.

"You survive, yah understand?"

"Daryl.." he heard Rick say but ignored him.

Connor opened his eyes because of the slap and smiled tiredly.

"Thanks.."

Daryl snorted angrily.

"Yer thanking me for a slap? Listen now,yah stupid leprechaun, you ain't dying, you hear me?"

"Thanks fer savin me" Connor croaked and smiled.

It felt like a stab to Daryl's heart. But he couldn't say anything because Connor started coughing again. Only that he wouldn't stop this time. It got worse and worse with every minute until he started shaking. He still clung to Daryl's hand the entire time until he suddenly stopped moving. Daryl could feel how he lost his grip and then Connor's head fell to the side.

"Connor?" he asked after a moment and stared at his friend's face.

His eyes were still open and stared up at the night sky.

Open. Unfocused. _Dead._

Rick placed a hand on Daryl's shoulder and sighed.

"I'm sorry" he heard him say.

But Daryl just stared at Connor's bloody face. He grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him angrily.

"Wake up yah prick" he demanded.

When Connor wouldn't answer he shook him even more.  
>"Wake the fuck up, Connor" he spat and considered slapping him again.<p>

Connor's head shook with every move because there was no life force holding it in place now. It was just an empty shell.

And his eyes were _still _open. Unfocused. _Dead._

"I said wake the fuck up!" Daryl yelled and Rick tried to move him away from Connor's body.

"It's too late Daryl."

And then he saw the letters on his index finger. He just stared at his hand which lay there on Connor's chest.  
>The letters were wavy and hard to read but Daryl knew what they said. What they meant. And he knew what Connor's dying wish was.<p>

_Aequitas._

_**Justice. Equality.**_

_Christ._

He needed to sit down. For a second he forgot how to breath. He just stared at the Irishman's face. Connor MacManus. His only and best friend in the world.

Dead.

Bit. By some flesh eating monster. Dead. Because he hadn't been there to help him and cover his ass. Dead, because he'd just driven off. In the end it had always been his fault whenever Connor had been hurt. And now he was dead. Because of him. He looked at the gun in his hand. He knew that the gun had belonged to his brother. _Murphy. _Daryl knew that Connor had shot his brother with his own gun. And now he wanted him to shoot him with Murphy's gun.  
>Justice. Equality. <em>Aequitas.<em>

So this was the promise the MacManus twins had made. And Connor wanted him to end it. To finish it. He stared at the gun and then looked at Connor. He couldn't bear seeing those dead eyes any longer so he placed a hand on his face and closed his eyes. He then pointed the gun at his head and placed a finger on the trigger. He had killed countless walkers, but no he couldn't do it. Couldn't pull the trigger. He'd hurt, beaten, and insulted that man so many times and now he just couldn't physically do it. Couldn't hurt Connor like _that_.

"You want me to do it?" he heard someone say and looked up.

Rick was still standing beside him. He'd forgotten all about him. And the others. He heard Carl and Lori crying. Daryl shook his head.

"Just..please leave us alone for a bit" he said quietly.

He was surprised how broken he sounded. He was surprised how much it _hurt. _Rick nodded and patted Daryl's shoulder.

The policeman left so it were just Connor and Daryl again.

"Yah going t'wake up now?" he asked and waited.

Part of him wanted it to be some sort of sick joke. He wanted Connor to open his eyes and start laughing at him.  
>Calling him names for believing some shit like this. After a moment he took Connor's hand and squeezed it.<br>But the Irishman wouldn't squeeze back.  
>His hand was cold and stiff.<p>

"Where the _fuck _were yah all the time" Daryl murmured and shook his head angrily.

"With all yer saint shit. All them years I felt like shit because of my family. All them years I never had anyone. No buddies, no one but Merle.  
>Where the fuck where yah."<p>

But Connor didn't answer.

_Because Connor was dead._

"Why didn't we meet earlier, yah stupid prick. Why the hell didn't I get more time t'get to know yah."

He got angry when Connor wouldn't answer.

"Yah were the brother I've always wanted t'have, now smarten up and wake the fuck up now!" he yelled.

He was so angry. So furious. So utterly utterly _heartbroken._

Daryl buried his face in his hands and shook his head with an angry sigh.

After a moment he looked up again. Somewhat hoping that Connor had opened his eyes by now.

But nothing happened.

_Because Connor was dead._

* * *

><p>Daryl sat next to Connor's body for hours.<p>

He wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't move, he wouldn't cry, he wouldn't do anything but stare at his friend's face.

Some members of the group came over to talk to him. Say goodbye to Connor. Tell him how sorry they were.

Tried to talk him into ending it by shooting his friend dead.

It made Daryl snap once more. He got up and started yelling at them. Told them to leave them be.

* * *

><p>After 3 hours, 47 minutes and 22 seconds Connor's hands started twitching and moving. His chest began to rise and fall a moment later. Daryl wasn't ready for this. He didn't want to see Connor like that. Zero tolerance for walkers. That's what he had said once. But how could he? He couldn't call him a walker or geek, because this was <em>Connor.<em>

The Irishman opened his eyes by sunrise. Only that the blue in his eyes was gone. They were gray and bloody. _Dead_eyes.

"Hey Connor" Daryl said quietly.

Now that he saw how his friend was waking up he realized that he'd been waiting for _that. _He had just wanted to see his friend moving. Breathing. Just _once more. _Except it wasn't Connor anymore. Daryl took the gun and pointed it at his friend's head. He could read the letters the Irishman had written on his hand. _Aequitas. _The last word Connor had written in his life.

"I'm sorry I don't know yer prayer" Daryl said and the thing that had used to be Connor, that wore _his_ clothes and had _his _face, snarled and growled.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save yah" Daryl went on.

When Connor reached out for him and placed a hand on his chest, right where his heart was, Daryl pulled the trigger.  
>Connor was thrown back and fell to the ground.<p>

"I hope you've got yer justice now " Daryl whispered and stared at the lifeless body.

When he looked down on Connor he saw that he was still holding the picture of him and his brother in the bar.  
>There were bloodstains all over it because of the gunshot wound. He saw how the blood was running down the picture, slowly staining Connor and Murphy's grinning faces.<p>

"I hope you're with yer Murphy now."

And as he spoke he tasted salt on his lips.


	40. Damnation

**Friday, 23rd March 2012:** Susan's sitting in her messy room, typing the very last words of her story. She's a sobbing mess, there's kleenex, and chocolate everywhere.  
>She writes the very last word of her story and stares at her computer screen. <em>So this is it. It's over.<em>

LOOOL. So here it is. The very last chapter. Thank you for all your reviews, lovely comments and most of all: reading. Really. This is the very first story I've managed  
>to actually finish. This is also the first story I've ever shown to anyone else. I thought people would laugh at me because it's so incredibly long and sometimes<br>out of character, but what the hell, you were ever so nice to me!

If you liked this story and don't hate me because of the ending then you can also go and read to prequel to that, called _Retribution_ and that's basically Connor's back story  
>to Salvation, how Murphy died, what happened in Boston, how he ended up in Georgia. AND there will also be a sequel called <em>Damnation<em> that will be following Salvy  
>and that's Connor in season 3 of the Walking Dead (I kinda ignore my ending here and made up a new one that's also pretty cool)<p>

- I would loooooove you to death if you could post a small review if you like. Doesn't matter if you're just a guest or a ff user, if you want to yell at me for writing such a shitty story and complain your head off (you better not! haha, just kidding), or if you just want to say a couple of nice words...just let me know what you thought of this fic! I live for reviews & feedback!

Anyhoo, Thank you so much y'all. And I'm sorry for breaking your heart.

* * *

><p><strong>Salvation<strong>

Chapter 40 - Damnation

* * *

><p>Daryl insisted on a decent burial.<br>He dug the hole himself and yelled at everyone who tried to help or talk to him. He carried Connor's body inside the grave and wiped the sweat off his forehead. For a long while he just stared at this friend. There he was, lying in some dirty hole. By some lake in the middle of nowhere. The place was quite beautiful and peaceful but it didn't really matter. Because Daryl felt like he was dead inside. Numb.

It took him a while to grab the sticks he'd remodeled into some sort of shovel. He lifted it up but froze again. It was so hard to cover Connor with soil. He didn't want him to go. The others wanted to move on because it was dangerous. They didn't want to rush him but they asked him to finish it nevertheless. Because they didn't have time for proper grieving. Daryl took a deep breath and started digging again. After a couple of minutes Connor's body disappeared underneath a heap of earth. Daryl kept staring at his hand the whole time. The letters were fading because of the sweat. He wiped it off and tried not to smudge the word.

_Aequitas_.

The only thing he had left of _him_. His last word.

The irony. It meant justice. Was this justice? Because it didn't feel like it. It was the opposite. It _wasn't_ fair_._

When the hunter finished digging he put the shovel away and knelt down next to the grave to place the two rosaries and the picture on top of it. For a while he just stared at their smiling faces. For the first time in his life he started praying. Praying for Connor and that he was wherever he wanted to be. He prayed that Connor and Murphy MacManus were together again. Then he started praying for himself. Because he was all on his own again. Alone in this godless world. He knew that he hadn't just buried his best friend, but also a big part of himself. His heart. His last bit of humanity. Because Connor had taken it with him.

Daryl took the picture back and put it in his pocket. He needed something to hold on to. Just _something._

Because he knew the truth now. The Irishman had told him that he'd been scared of the truth and now he knew why.

What it meant for _him._

The truth was that Connor's death was his _damnation._

Back in the old days, before the dead started walking, most people had been scared of death. But here it was, the ugly truth. The world as it was now.  
>Cruel and painful. They just had to keep going. Hoping for the best. Looking for shelter. There wasn't much left.<p>

_This is why it's called survival._

They just had to keep fighting until the very end. The end that was even more painful and cruel. He'd seen it himself today.

What a fool he'd been. To actually believe that it could last.

To actually believe everything would get better. Because that's what he'd thought when he'd first met Connor. When they'd become _friends._

He got up and walked back to the group.

Connor's death had made him understand.

_There is no hope. No joy. No happiness._

_Life _meant damnation. Only _death _meant salvation.

_**The end.**_


End file.
